Fifteen to One

[DangledTeeth]

Musical Composition


































Laura: They're all here to play Fifteen to One. Introduced by William G. Stewart





William G. Stewart: Hello. Welcome to another captivating new episode of Fifteen to One, but it won't be new once it's repeated on the Challenge channel, or when you've watched it on a video tape covered in those Scotch or BASF labels - ah... the nineties. Oh er, here is the finals board





WGS: Last year's grand final winner, Punitive Bountyturd, has secured himself a high ranking at position 2. Those two names, Shackledown Cockfizz and Unerring Coprophagy, are both previous winners; but Unerring's score is the target to surpass. Let's make a start: two questions in the first round, one correct answer to survive. We'll start with Turgid from Beacons in West Sussex - What is your forename?

Turgid: Turgid.

Incorrect Answer Buzzer: BAAHBP!

WGS: No, the Second Earl of Bablock Hythe was hung, then he died after a noose ruptured his throat. Question number 2: How many decibels does scurvy have?

Etc...

WGS: Three have made it to the final, which isn't unusual by any measure seeing as that's what's supposed to happen. Join us after the break to lend these three finalists your support.



End of Part Theme

Adverts

End of Part Ended Theme


WGS: Welcome back to this Fifteen to One final. Three contestants are here to answer it out in order to secure themselves a place on the finals board. 131 is the score to beat. After three correct answers each of you will be able to answer a question or nominate. Or you can do a Daphne Fowler and smoothly answer each one correctly, speaking with a very faint speech impediment. Question one: What number comes after nine?

Not Kevin Ashman: Ten.

Buzzer: BAAHBP!

WGS: No. It's one and nought. Fingers on buzzers... what reaction would you have if you combined magnesium with potassium?

NKA: The soluble bicarbonate will integrate with the nucleus and implode.

WGS: No. I would have accepted 'horrified' or 'fucking startled'. Fingers on buzzers... if you had 8 men with a combined weight of 620kg, how many people would have to be subtracted so that the weight of the group would be on par with the weight of a 480kg piece of timber?

NKA: Two people.

WGS: No. A couple.

NKA is silhouetted out of the quiz and walks off

WGS: Bingers on fuzzers... when was the Battle of Trafalgar?

Curdled Futurism: 1805.

WGS: No. Numerous years ago. FOB... In Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet, What killed Juliet?

CF: A dagger.

WGS: No. A stab wound. What is this?



CF: Morse code.

WGS: No. A minimal illustration of an unimpressed Himalayan jumping spider's countenance.

Curdled Futurism is eliminated

WGS: Two contestants are out. Turgid Shoeslippers, you have three lives left with a score of 3 and 34 questions left, let's see if you can gain a place on the finals board - the target is 131. Here's the first question: What is rarefraction?

TS: Reduction in the density of something, especially air or a gas

WGS: Correct. What was the birth name of the Polish 'Art Deco' painter called Tamara de Lempicka?

TS: Maria Gorska.

WGS: Correct. Bayes' theorem is synonymous with which subject?

TS: Mathematics.

WGS Correct.

Fast forward

WGS: What a performance! 34 questions, no passes, and three lives intact. That gives you an inexplicable total of 9192. Congratulations, we'll see you in the grand final.







WGS: Join ars again for the Fifteen to Wawn. Hello, good evening and welcome.






WGS wanders over to the winner as the credits roll, he pops open a couple of beer bottles; they appear to do sweary gestures as they chat about the contestants

[Glebe]

Opening theme.

WILLIAM G. STEWART: Hi, I'm William G. Stewart.

BERYL FROM SUSSEX: Hogart's 'Gin Lane'?

NO.

WILLIAM: No that's wrong, the correct answer would have been divided by 126. Goodbye.

Ending theme.