Author Topic: Rubbish adverts and how rubbish they are  (Read 90433 times)

Rubbish adverts and how rubbish they are
« on: October 18, 2004, 09:20:33 PM »
I can’t help but feel that it’s only a matter of time until toilet paper is coated in shit-proof material in such a way that it advertises air freshener to me during use.

Having moved to London about 4 months ago, my exposure to adverts has increased considerably. I’m already getting slightly miffed about adverts for the 2012 Olympics and I imagine I’ll be sufficiently annoyed by the whole thing in 8 years time. Also, the adverts are shit. For the uninformed…



Now, I’m not completely sure who this advert is aimed at. If it’s aimed at people who think the London Olympics are a good idea, surely it should tell them how to back this bid, or should they just go around shouting “ENGERLAND” at people who are not doing so themselves? Or is it aimed at people like me, who would much rather see the Olympics held on TV, where I can chose (to a certain degree) to have it in my life or not by changing the channel? If that’s the case, surely they should be listing some lasting positive effects the Olympics will have on the city that might appeal to people like myself, who aren’t overly keen on the idea of cramming more people onto the DLR / Tube / City every morning.

Another advert which has been stabbing me in the eye is this one…



I know this advert is aimed at kids rather than adults, but what it says to me is “If you drive carelessly, you could be preventing the release of an RnB album”. I think that’s a dangerous message. I’m sure this advert is just as useless to kids, I always felt that adverts fell flat on their face when they tried to be ‘hip’ and / or ‘rad’.

Adverts have been sending out the wrong messages for years. Every morning, in the office, I crack open a can of diet coke in a feeble attempt to wake up. Every time I look towards the window, praying that a half naked builder / window cleaner won’t take it as some kind of cue to ascend to my floor. I’d have to explain to him that I just wanted a drink and didn’t mean anything by it, and that his assumption that I’m gay just because I work in HR was a little bit offensive to say the least, but I’d let him off this once.

Oh, and if someone could explain that sodding San Miguel advert with the Spanish lady I’d be very grateful.

Re: Rubbish adverts and how rubbish they are
« Reply #1 on: October 18, 2004, 10:08:07 PM »
Quote from: "Jaffa The Cake"


Oh, and if someone could explain that sodding San Miguel advert with the Spanish lady I’d be very grateful.


Only seen it once but I think she's supposed to be dead, and the guy's followed a ghost, don't know might be wrong.

Also I think you should move out of London it's making you far too uptight, don't sweat the small stuff.

Rubbish adverts and how rubbish they are
« Reply #2 on: October 19, 2004, 12:59:46 AM »
The Lil' Big one is hilarious. It has to be a joke!

Suttonpubcrawl

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Rubbish adverts and how rubbish they are
« Reply #3 on: October 19, 2004, 01:35:45 AM »
Quote from: "jannetty"
The Lil' Big one is hilarious. It has to be a joke!


It's up at Temple tube station and every time I walk past it I can't help but think "Why? Who thought that would be a good idea?" It's also just occurred to me that almost no one of the target age group for that poster is likely to be passing through Temple station, so why is it there?

The "Back the Bid!" advert is going on loads of buses, and it met with disapproval on the London Bus email discussion list.
Hmm, should I have said that?

Rubbish adverts and how rubbish they are
« Reply #4 on: October 19, 2004, 07:32:50 AM »
biffidus digestivum aids your natural digestive transfer


loosely translated


youghurty laxitive


cooool


i want some

terminallyrelaxed

  • да младенца!
Rubbish adverts and how rubbish they are
« Reply #5 on: October 19, 2004, 09:30:27 AM »
when I was living in London (back in the days of yore) I was constantly bemused by the sheer volume of car insurance ads on the tube.
Of course many people live out in very pleasant houses in the country which they are able to pay for by working in the city, and they consider it all worth it to drive for half an hour in the morning, then park at the train station and (eventually) get on the train for an hour or so to London, then get on the tube for ten minutes or half an hour, then get to work and do it all over again in reverse in the evening, the weird fools, but are there that many of them?

Captain Crunch

  • Twister, Dustbuster, Hospital Bed
Rubbish adverts and how rubbish they are
« Reply #6 on: October 19, 2004, 10:59:59 AM »
I used to love the 'Domestic Violence - Don't Ignore It' posters.  I saw about six different ones, wedding, barbecue, dinner party and some others where everyone is having a really OTT great time while some bloke is giving his wife a dry slap in the corner.  Hilarious.  And again, what are they advertising?  What do they want me to do, gatecrash barbecues and keep an eye out in case there's some cross-gender violence which might go unoticed?

Rubbish adverts and how rubbish they are
« Reply #7 on: October 19, 2004, 11:08:27 AM »
Sort of on-topic:
I was at the cinema the other day for the first time in a while (big dark rooms that smell of popcorn and have one extremely shiny wall not being my cup of beverage of choice).  Before the feature started there was the usual array of commercial messages and pleas to witness yet more films, then some portentous music began and strange orange shapes began whirling about the screen.  After a few moments of delicious mystery the shapes coalesced into the magnificently drab message "No Smoking."  No-one else laughed.  Is this normal?

Rubbish adverts and how rubbish they are
« Reply #8 on: October 19, 2004, 11:25:51 AM »
I find some of these cheap daytime adverts very worriesome. I've already pointed out some of the flaws (As have others) in the Michael Winner opus, but I've been increasingly excersised about the one which starts like this...

Pitifully shouted, "Aaaaaaaaaaaaargh!!!"

Shot resolves to a scotsman holding his head in his hands who says...

Blah Blah Blah when I want it to??? (Sorry, I just CANNOT remember much of what he says).

Now, the thing that annoys me is that his 'Aaaaaaaaaargh' at the beginning is just rubbish. It's not the sound of a man in despair, but the sound of a very poor actor trying to sound like a man in despair. Then he whines his lines after.

I'm not buying any of that stuff...Whatever it is.

Rubbish adverts and how rubbish they are
« Reply #9 on: October 20, 2004, 09:32:52 AM »
I know its not terry's. I know it yours.

How do I know, well, theres two of us in this room, and fuck it, your the lard arse, its bound to be yours.

I would never sell any "product" as being better than dealing with the foibles of the opposite sex. Even if said product chemically stimulated the "right" endorphins.

Furthermore, I certainly wouldn't push a product to the same group of people whose dealings with the opposite sex is likely to bring no small amount of rejection as a result of being grossly overweight.

Good job, keep stuffing your fat face and rolling aorund in all that cash.

I sincerely hope you get yours.


</rant>

Rubbish adverts and how rubbish they are
« Reply #10 on: October 20, 2004, 10:12:21 AM »
From Viz:

"I remember my childhood fondly, how after I cut off the heads off all my mum's garden roses and threw flour all over the bedroom, she patted me on the head and took me out for a Happy Meal."

Rubbish adverts and how rubbish they are
« Reply #11 on: October 20, 2004, 10:21:13 AM »
stupid golden arches - their advert used to be great.  Or perhaps it was just that I used to be 4, who knows?

still. their latest endeavour with a bunch of annoying little "cherubs"
- "they've changed the chicken nuggets you know...who has.....why?"
-"oooohhhh - CHANGE IS GOOD"

just try saying that when you find your daddy 'hugging' someone who isn't mummy

Krang

  • HeLLo iM GRANK! OoPpS LOLZ I MENT KRANG!
Rubbish adverts and how rubbish they are
« Reply #12 on: October 20, 2004, 11:00:35 AM »



Suttonpubcrawl

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Rubbish adverts and how rubbish they are
« Reply #13 on: October 20, 2004, 11:04:05 AM »
Quote from: "Captain Crunch"
I used to love the 'Domestic Violence - Don't Ignore It' posters.  I saw about six different ones, wedding, barbecue, dinner party and some others where everyone is having a really OTT great time while some bloke is giving his wife a dry slap in the corner.  Hilarious.  And again, what are they advertising?  What do they want me to do, gatecrash barbecues and keep an eye out in case there's some cross-gender violence which might go unoticed?


I think you might be talking about the same ones, but I loved the ones which had what were basically puns about domestic violence. They'd have a man at a business meeting pointing at graphs and targets on a flipchart and below it would be the caption "BIG HITTER! (Also hits his WIFE!)". Then there was one with a laydeez man in a pub seducing a woman with the caption "HEARTBREAKER. Also breaks BONES!".

Rubbish adverts and how rubbish they are
« Reply #14 on: October 20, 2004, 11:06:34 AM »
Quote from: "Suttonpubcrawl"

I think you might be talking about the same ones, but I loved the ones which had what were basically puns about domestic violence. They'd have a man at a business meeting pointing at graphs and targets on a flipchart and below it would be the caption "BIG HITTER! (Also hits his WIFE!)". Then there was one with a laydeez man in a pub seducing a woman with the caption "HEARTBREAKER. Also breaks BONES!".


Fucking hell, are you serious?  Evidence of these ones, please!  I'd love to see those puns.  "Every morning he drove to work in his Reliant Robin.  But he also drove his wife...to INSANITY."

Rubbish adverts and how rubbish they are
« Reply #15 on: October 20, 2004, 11:23:13 AM »
A bit of a casanova......also a mental and physical abuse master

Captain Crunch

  • Twister, Dustbuster, Hospital Bed
Rubbish adverts and how rubbish they are
« Reply #16 on: October 20, 2004, 01:50:01 PM »
I don't think I've seen those.  There was a local poster campaign a couple of years ago with really horrific mid-beating pictures.  The captions were things like 'She walked into a door' and 'She fell down the stairs'.

terminallyrelaxed

  • да младенца!
Rubbish adverts and how rubbish they are
« Reply #17 on: October 20, 2004, 02:07:39 PM »

Rubbish adverts and how rubbish they are
« Reply #18 on: October 20, 2004, 02:08:43 PM »
Quote from: "Captain Crunch"
I don't think I've seen those.  There was a local poster campaign a couple of years ago with really horrific mid-beating pictures.  The captions were things like 'She walked into a door' and 'She fell down the stairs'.


Stewart Lee did a joke in his stand-up a few years back, describing a poster of a whimpering child, battered face, with a fist about to strike him, with the caption "He fell down the stairs"...... well if a child's clumsy, he must be punished.

Rubbish adverts and how rubbish they are
« Reply #19 on: October 20, 2004, 06:17:54 PM »
Meanwhile, in Bank DLR station, something is making me laugh...


Suttonpubcrawl

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Rubbish adverts and how rubbish they are
« Reply #20 on: October 20, 2004, 06:30:25 PM »
Here's a pic I got off a BBC article


Unfortunately it doesn't show the "ALSO HITS HIS WIFE" so you'll have to take my word for it, but it really was there.

Wait a second! Look what I just found:



On the subject of Lil' Big, thank God I'm not the only one who thinks he looks like Victor from Big Brother. I think he might actually be Victor from Big Brother.

Rubbish adverts and how rubbish they are
« Reply #21 on: October 20, 2004, 06:42:56 PM »
Surely I'm not the only one thinking these need posting in the ripe for a mong thread.

Krang

  • HeLLo iM GRANK! OoPpS LOLZ I MENT KRANG!
Rubbish adverts and how rubbish they are
« Reply #22 on: October 20, 2004, 07:03:46 PM »
Quote from: "Suttonpubcrawl"
the subject of Lil' Big, thank God I'm not the only one who thinks he looks like Victor from Big Brother. I think he might actually be Victor from Big Brother.


Scroll up :-)

Rubbish adverts and how rubbish they are
« Reply #23 on: October 20, 2004, 07:21:57 PM »
"Stewart Lee did a joke in his stand-up a few years back, describing a poster of a whimpering child, battered face, with a fist about to strike him, with the caption "He fell down the stairs"...... well if a child's clumsy, he must be punished."

That's the funniest thing I've heard all day.[/quote]

Rubbish adverts and how rubbish they are
« Reply #24 on: October 20, 2004, 10:33:47 PM »
That "Lil' Big" ad...I think the point is being run over by a car is not a cool way to die, being shot in a drive-by shooting is. I was arrested for shoplifting when I was about 15 and thought to myself - " this is such an uncool thing to be arrested for. It's not even hard."

Captain Crunch

  • Twister, Dustbuster, Hospital Bed
Rubbish adverts and how rubbish they are
« Reply #25 on: October 21, 2004, 09:24:07 AM »
Cheers Suttonpubcrawl!  It does ring a bell after all.  There was that soppy couple one, arty black and white photo where they look all happy and postmodern.  The caption was something like 'He gave her flowers, chocolates... AND A BROKEN JAW!'  Ah, memories.

What is the gormless rugby player advertising?

Rubbish adverts and how rubbish they are
« Reply #26 on: October 21, 2004, 10:07:02 AM »
Don Amott - King of The Caravans.

Poorly acted Cancer Research ad... "I... I... I had a cancerous lump."

All of the Elephant.co.uk ads.

Anything with Michael Winner in it.

Confused.com (the 'Aaaaargh' ad mentioned early in the thread)

Any ad for premium rate sex lines.

Any ad for ringtones.

That current ad (don't know what it's for) featuring the pug ugly scouse bitch who confesses to being thick as a plank ("ask me dad!") and being 40 on the outside, but 18 on the inside. Whatever age she is, she's fucking ugly and annoying.

qki

Rubbish adverts and how rubbish they are
« Reply #27 on: October 21, 2004, 10:36:27 AM »
Ringtone ads astonish me - If you find yourself watching MTV or something (my, er, wife likes it, honest) every advert is for fucking ringtones. They all feature some crappy, amazingly badly-designed graphics, music that sounds a bit like a ringtone (but isn't) and someone with a strange, slightly breathless voice urgently extolling the virtues of having "call on me" as your ringtone (available as monophonic, polyphonic or "real music" tones).
You would think that, given the prevalence of ringtone purveyors, there would be pressure to stand out by producing eyecatching or otherwise memorable advertising; it would appear that people are so desperate to buy a stupid tinny version of their favourite chart "hit" that the companies don't need to make any effort to flog the fucking things.

Sorry, it just makes me angry.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

  • Are we human? Or are we toilet
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Rubbish adverts and how rubbish they are
« Reply #28 on: October 21, 2004, 10:36:52 AM »
Cancer Research. All the people in it who you've 'saved' from cancer looked like they'd be better off dead anyway. Maybe that says more about me.

Kandoo- As if anyone is going to actually by that, and I pity the poor bloke who had to actually animate a cartoon crocodile wiping its arse. For fuck's sayke.

I veto the Michael Winner...having-a-go-at..ness. His adverts are sublime, and it just disappoints me everytime an esure advert comes on, and he isn't on it.

Rubbish adverts and how rubbish they are
« Reply #29 on: October 21, 2004, 10:57:21 AM »
Quote from: "qki"
Ringtone ads astonish me - If you find yourself watching MTV or something (my, er, wife likes it, honest) every advert is for fucking ringtones. They all feature some crappy, amazingly badly-designed graphics, music that sounds a bit like a ringtone (but isn't) and someone with a strange, slightly breathless voice urgently extolling the virtues of having "call on me" as your ringtone (available as monophonic, polyphonic or "real music" tones).
You would think that, given the prevalence of ringtone purveyors, there would be pressure to stand out by producing eyecatching or otherwise memorable advertising; it would appear that people are so desperate to buy a stupid tinny version of their favourite chart "hit" that the companies don't need to make any effort to flog the fucking things.

Sorry, it just makes me angry.


Have you seen the one with those stupid fucking Hippo animations? I pity the fool who finds them even remotely funny. I'm not normally that judgemental, but those animations are pure shite.

Ads I dislike usually feature smarmy arses (that Strongbow one with the Blue Whale trivia) and *anything* that sells Autralian beer/ lager.

-