Rubbish adverts and how rubbish they are

[Monkeyfucker]

Stair lifts mwahahahaha. That reminds me of peter kay .

[Bogey]

Nah, I bet her house was Stannahed to fuck.
None of that second-rate Churchill's bollocks for that dead dame.

I'm sure she advertised Churchill's but I'm not sure.

Yes, she did, that's why I said the words that I said with my brain and hands and eyes.

[Bogey]

Also, why do disgusting ads always come on when I'm having my tea? Especially that one with the little kid on the shitter saying "Pooh, that really smells!". I almost start gagging when I see that, I can almost smell his business. Or that anti-smoking one, where all the fat is being squeezed out of the snouts.

Sneaky timing on the part of the advertisers - it pretty much guarantees that you'll notice the advert.  Ditto the ones that you hate.  It doesn't matter that you don't like them; what's important is that they make a mark.

Didn't Curry's freely admit that they knew everyone found their adverts infuriating, and they were deliberately designed that way?
Surely that gives us some sort of mandate to take the law (and barker's scissors) into our own hands.

[Monkeyfucker]

HEr voice grates on me.

Has anyone seen the cruelty to children ads? Theres this weird ventriliquist doll thing sits on this mans knee and the guy like , talks for it. Kinda freaky. It scares me. Just like Chucky does.

I love the ones that tell you youll get free stuff. If you send for an application pack, they also send you a parker pen. Bargain.

[Cerys]

There's a whole thread on those NSPCC ads here.

And Barker's voice sounds like someone dragging a cheese-grater over a layer of greasy laryngitic badgers.

[slim]

Has anyone seen the cruelty to children ads?

There was some discussion on it here a while ago. Hang on... here you are.

Wonder woman, eh? Well, hel-lo!


Sorry, a boyhood teatime fantasy just came flooding (watch it!) back.

Edit: Hat doffed to Cerys.

[Monkeyfucker]

Muwahahaha Thanks Slim.

Ill chedk that thread out now. Obviously Im not very well read.

[Jaffa The Cake]

The newspaper adverts for "3" are either really shit or they have some advanced joke that I'm not getting. They tend to involve to panda-things, one normally hurting the other... a speech bubble coming out of one of them saying "3 is really really good" or something to that effect.

"Dad, I really really need a wee" - Gets another annoying vote from me.

[Schlippy]

Washing machines live longer with Calgon.

[peet]

That may well be true, but are you aware that Mr Sheen shines umpteen things clean?

[domesticgoddess]

yeah, but mr muscle loves the jobs you hate

[Lt Plonker]

yeah, but mr muscle loves the jobs you hate

Only because he's probably as rich as fuck. £4.50 for that Foam Act-cleaner shit and you only get one dose. It better fucking last or I'll be sending some heavies round to Mr Muscle's house.

[Monkeyfucker]

What about those cadbury advrets with the "Happiness". I like the one where the women lies on the bed and the tiger comes out from under and plays the harp or something bizarre. Da da da dum dum. Its a weird concept for an ad though.

[non capisco]

What about those cadbury advrets with the "Happiness". I like the one where the women lies on the bed and the tiger comes out from under and plays the harp or something bizarre. Da da da dum dum. Its a weird concept for an ad though.

I dislike those, and I don't know why.

Has anyone mentioned Lenny Kravitz and Sarah Jessica Parker's 'Gap' advert yet? The dopey faces she's making. His customarily rubbish song which tries to rip off the 'ding ding ding ding' piano from 'I Wanna Be Your Dog' at the end. Blech. In fact, ALL 'Gap' adverts have the capacity to irritate me. Remember the one whith a load of people standing around singing 'I Just Can't Get Enough'. Yuk. And Madonna and Missy Elliot? Even Run DMC and Luscious Jackson were made to look like fools.

[mwude]

There was an advert on last night promoting The Exorcist, The Shining and another horror film on dvd for £5.99.  "That's good!" I thought, " I've been meaning to get both of those for a while.  Where is this offer available?"  And it didn't fucking say!  It's clearly some sort of anti-advert.  What the hell is the point in advertising something & not even saying where you can get the products from?

On a vaguely related note they will soon be able to fire shit adverts directly into your head using one of these.

[butnut]

On a vaguely related note they will soon be able to fire shit adverts directly into your head using one of these.

The applications are numerous, if not apparent: Thousands of soda machines in Tokyo will soon bombard passersby with the enticing sound of a Coke being poured, and several U.S. supermarkets will promote products to shoppers as they walk down corresponding aisles. Eventually HyperSonic Sound might enable a nightclub to play disco on one side of the dance floor and salsa on the other. Ambulances equipped with hypersonic sirens could clear the streets without waking the neighbors. Norris' company, American Technology, sells the devices for $600.

Fuck. When this happens you can sign me up for the revolutionary army.

[Claude the Racecar Driving Rockstar Super Sleuth]

I saw that bloke and his invention on Tomorrow's World ages ago. These hyper speakers must be powerful shit if they can undo the curse of Tomorrow's World and actually become a real world product. The idea sounds a bit dodgy though. I all that ultra sound could do a Scanners on some poor bugger's head. Still it could be fun to use it to whisper the word cunt at two blokes standing 100 feet away and see them start fighting.

[Morrisfan82]

I find any celebrity endorsements painfully embarrassing to watch.

I know what you mean.  Except for Thora Hird touting stair-lifts.  At least it was likely that she used the product, instead of just being paid to sing its praises.

I love you Cerys.

[gazzyk1ns]

The newspaper adverts for "3" are either really shit or they have some advanced joke that I'm not getting. They tend to involve to panda-things, one normally hurting the other... a speech bubble coming out of one of them saying "3 is really really good" or something to that effect.

Their TV ads have been annoying the piss out of me lately. I assume most people have seen the giant jellyfish one by now, but have you seen the one with the Japanese schoolgirl and the singing cherry? They're unbearable, just trying to be uber-cool and "alternative".

[falafel]

The newspaper adverts for "3" are either really shit or they have some advanced joke that I'm not getting. They tend to involve to panda-things, one normally hurting the other... a speech bubble coming out of one of them saying "3 is really really good" or something to that effect.

Their TV ads have been annoying the piss out of me lately. I assume most people have seen the giant jellyfish one by now, but have you seen the one with the Japanese schoolgirl and the singing cherry? They're unbearable, just trying to be uber-cool and "alternative".

I like them. I think they're just quite funny and silly.

[domesticgoddess]

OK, all of these are mildly irritating.  But there is only one truly annoying advert.  One that makes you want to gouge out your own eyes and poke hot metal rods into your ears to avoid hearing it.

"If you're crafty and you know it hobbicraft...."

And have you noticed how they have to show a range of accents, just to show that hobbicrafting is for everyone?  This makes the stupid song all the more irritating:
"If you're CRAR-FTY and you know it hobbiCRAR-FT
If you're CRAF-TY and you know it hobbiCRAF-T"

It ends up as a bizarre mixture between the two - CRA-AAR-FTY

And aren't they clever at the end, making the car boots slam in time to the tune?  It really adds that touch of class.

[Tokyo Sexwhale]

OK, all of these are mildly irritating.  But there is only one truly annoying advert.  One that makes you want to gouge out your own eyes and poke hot metal rods into your ears to avoid hearing it.

"If you're crafty and you know it hobbicraft...."

And have you noticed how they have to show a range of accents, just to show that hobbicrafting is for everyone?  This makes the stupid song all the more irritating:
"If you're CRAR-FTY and you know it hobbiCRAR-FT
If you're CRAF-TY and you know it hobbiCRAF-T"

It ends up as a bizarre mixture between the two - CRA-AAR-FTY

And aren't they clever at the end, making the car boots slam in time to the tune?  It really adds that touch of class.

I've not seen that ad.  They must show it when I'm at work.

[neveragain]

Nah, I bet her house was Stannahed to fuck.
None of that second-rate Churchill's bollocks for that dead dame.

I'm sure she advertised Churchill's but I'm not sure.

Yes, she did, that's why I said the words that I said with my brain and hands and eyes.

Oh right, I misread right your thing that you wrote while I was misreading it improperly so that's why'd I would have gotted it read wrongedly. Though I did get the original Songs of Praise reference.

[Gazeuse]

I've just noticed something about that "Mummy and daddy take care of me...But who takes care of mummy and daddy???" advert.

Just as the camera pulls away from the little girl's face , she begins to smirk smugly...Just a slight twitch, but it's there...

(Cue Crown Court music)

...And I put it to you, Little Girl, that you murdered your father in order to claim insurance from the very company whose advertising you appear in."

Hs anyone got Columbo's 'phone number???

[BetaKarraTene]

I'm very annoyed with the iPod ad with the people with no faces dancing like crazy whilst holding their iPod.

Now as anyone who has ever owned (and broken) an iPod will tell you, it only takes the merest flick of an ant's phantom limb to cause massive damage to the thing, so I can only imagine that flinging it about whilst doing the mambo at 2 million bpm will probably liquidise the innards.

Oh, and those Walkers ads with Gary Lineker and Tara-Para Whatsherface. I'm frankly amazed that the set didn't buckle under the sheer smugness that was on display.

[untitled_london]

... 'cos there's this new insignia ... and its all over now.

[domesticgoddess]

"If you're crafty and you know it hobbicraft...."

I've not seen that ad.  They must show it when I'm at work.

I miss having a job.  I thought nothing could be worse than my old boss, but it appears that there is.

[terminallyrelaxed]

Was it this thread that we were talking about the domestic violence ads?

Well the Beeb have ashowcase of some new ones in their 'in piuctures' section:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/in_pictures/3976807.stm

[domesticgoddess]

Was it this thread that we were talking about the domestic violence ads?

Well the Beeb have ashowcase of some new ones in their 'in piuctures' section:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/in_pictures/3976807.stm

These are quite interesting.  They are designed to look like 'real' adverts for new makeup to cover bruising etc caused by being beaten. The idea behind them is to show how domestic violence is an apparently accepted part of everyday life.  Amnesty descibes the rationale behind the adverts as this:

Various studies and pieces of research conducted in the UK over the past decade have consistently shown that men and boys have high levels of acceptance and tolerance of violence against women. This means that violence against women has become part of our culture and part of our society – an everyday part of life.

It's definitely time that this issue receives a high profile campaign.  The statistics about domestic violence are shocking and disturbing:

Domestic violence accounts for a nearly quarter of all recorded violent crime in England and Wales.
Acts of violence against women recorded in the UK include honour killings, forced marriage, rape, sexual violence, trafficking, female genital mutilation, physical abuse and others.
One in four women will be a victim of domestic violence in their lifetime.
On average, two women per week are killed by a male partner or former partner. Nearly half of all female murder victims are killed by a partner or ex-partner.
The British Crime Survey estimates that approximately three-quarters of a million women (754,000) have been raped on at least one occasion since age 16.
One incident of domestic violence is reported to the police every minute.
Domestic violence has a higher rate of repeat victimisation than any other crime. (Home Office, July 2002)
Every minute police in the UK receive a domestic assistance call - yet only 35% of domestic violence incidents are reported to the police. (Stanko 2000 & Home Office 2002)
On average, a woman is assaulted 35 times before her first call to the police.

But I'm not sure these ads are the best way to go about doing it.  If you read Amnesty's site they don't seem to have a clear message.  The bits that are clear are extremely patronising:

Although men are the majority of perpetrators of violence against women, there are many more men out there that think violence against women is wrong. The problem is that they don't have anywhere to go to do something about it.  In the UK, when we hear about violence against women in the news, we rarely hear what normal, everyday men think about it. There is no real opportunity for men to speak out to say that they too think violence against women is wrong. This just reinforces the belief that violence against women is a women's issue, and prevents men from being part of the effort to end it.

But before men and boys can make a conscious decision to want to help end violence against women, they first need to understand that it really is a massive problem, and one that does affect their lives. That's what the Problem? What problem? campaign is about.

If (and it's a big if) the real problem is that men who are concerned about domestic violence don't know where to go to do something about it, how will these ads help?  Given that they have been designed to look like cosmetic ads, I doubt many men will even give them a second glance.

I think these ads achieve the mean feat of being extremely offensive to both men and women, and completely ineffective to boot.

[Emergency Lalla Ward Ten]

I saw a chocolate ad on the tube yesterday which referred to 'the dark, sinister moreishness of butterscotch'.  Cut to Stephen Fry grimacing.

I hate those faux-hippy ads for Ben & Jerry's ice cream. 'Jeez, we just kinda throw the nuts in, I guess'. Fuck off bollocks, you huge focus-group-driven multinational corporate giant. (See also that 'Hate something, change something' ad, which turns out to be for diesel.)