LEGEND GARY

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Legend Gary reckons the couple who held up his pissup weekend to Prague needing special assistance at the airport "want bullets".

"If they died right now I'd laugh"

[Beagle 2]

Legend Gary shits himself in Topman. Starts a WhatsApp group: "just shat mesen in topman lol". Hours of texts later, he finally changes his trousers. 

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Legend Gary shits himself in Topman. Starts a WhatsApp group: "just shat mesen in topman lol". Hours of texts later, he finally changes his trousers.

Laughed

Though I think I have laughed at nearly all your LG contributions

[H-O-W-L]

Legend Gary reminisces about the GDR, fondly stroking the varnished wood of a Remington 700 with affixed scope as he squints out of a hotel-room window, awaiting the governor's car.

Legend!

[Paul Calf]

The only thing that pisses off LEGEND GARY more than the nerds on that Chris Morris forum going on about him all the time are the miserable cunts who police the thread trying to find something to disapprove of.

[Blue Jam]

Q. What's Legend Gary's favourite band?
A. Sister LEDGE

(nah, not really- disco's for poofs innit? Sister Sledge would all get it, mind)

[Glebe]

Legend Gary buys a kebab on the way home from the pub. That is, after all, what common, working class folk do, isn't it?

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Legend Gary is "known" to Prague city police.

[Bronzy]

Legend Gary thinks that Russian spy is a proper pussy, Legend Gary has double that amount of poison in his homemade Jagerbombs and has only been critically ill once and that was after having an extra spicy vindaloo in Swansea with the lads ayyyyy

[Bronzy]

Legend Gary didn't like that Shape of Water film, brought back painful memories of a time he was engaged in a romantic relationship with a haddock

Lady Bird was brill though, should have been called Fit Birds cause of all the fit young birds in it

[JoeyBananaduck]

Legend Gary freestyles a rap that, despite being inept in terms of rhythm, flow and lyricism, certainly puts your mum in her place.

[Blinder Data]

LG reads a joke book while on the bog and gets an idea. The next day he goes into that Beefeaters near the roundabout

"Stella, please!". He downs it. "Another please!".

The barmaid's fills the pint glass but is not getting it

"Guess what I've got?"

"Sorry?"

"You would drink too if you had what I got in my pocket!". LG points to his coat pocket and starts downing the second pint

The barmaid is bemused. Thick-necked bloke reading a paper at the bar looks over: "Mate are you carrying a weapon?"

"About a quid! I've got about a quid!"

Silence. Bloke stands up: "If you are carrying a weapon you need to put it on the bar before I break your arm."

LG's vision goes hazy. He snatches at a bag of crisps on the bar and makes a run for the exit, but it's a pull door. Smashes his front teeth in

Still the most barred punter in town yeahhh boiiiiiii hahaha

[dex]

Ledge has been training with Tyson Fury for his comeback:

http://www.skysports.com/boxing/news/12183/11278668/tyson-fury-issues-warning-to-anthony-joshua-and-heavyweight-rivals-ahead-of-expected-return

Has even been briefing Fury on what to say to the press. "Taking my protein shakes, getting to bed early and dreaming about smashing people's faces in."

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Legend Gary hasn't taken up the gloves for a bit of the auld pugilism for a few years but reckons he could win a pub fight against these cunts where "you can use glass"

One time right he made Prince Naseem "bleed out".

[asids]

Ledge has been training with Tyson Fury for his comeback:

http://www.skysports.com/boxing/news/12183/11278668/tyson-fury-issues-warning-to-anthony-joshua-and-heavyweight-rivals-ahead-of-expected-return

Has even been briefing Fury on what to say to the press. "Taking my protein shakes, getting to bed early and dreaming about smashing people's faces in."

Tyson and Ledge have actually been working together for a while on the PR side: http://www.gaytimes.co.uk/news/55565/tyson-fury-attacks-david-gay-twitter-outburst/

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Legend Gary watches a cunt kid kick his sister in the face

Ahahahahaha you little bastard
Did you see that

Did you fucking see that

He won't be me obviously but nice to see the next generation growing up, he thinks.

[dex]

Legend Gary puts a bottle of vinegar in a supermarket freezer. Pure bantz/

[Glebe]

Ledge does his bit for Time's Up by not calling Julie "a slag" tonight.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Legend Gary stubs his cig on a fresco.

Stuff to do, can't hang around here all day

[poo]

Legend Gary does the "LOADSAMONEY!" thing after using a cashpoint.

[itsfredtitmus]

Legend Gary does the "LOADSAMONEY!" thing after using a cashpoint.

i still do that

[Ferris]

i still do that

If I ever have more than about $100 in cash and I'm at home (fucking never, basically) I throw it in the air and dance underneath it.

[Gregory Torso]

Legend Gary takes his new bird for a parade around town.
He comes up to you and asks "Isn't she a lovely looking lass?"
It's a trick question.

[dex]

Ledge can't resist. Pubes Daz and his new bird are having a lovely lamb lunch at a window table of Spoons on the high street. Ledge drops his keks and shits on said window, leaving a disgusting trail for the couple to put up with.

Fucking respect innit?

[Glebe]

Ledge can't resist. Pubes Daz and his new bird are having a lovely lamb lunch at a window table of Spoons on the high street. Ledge drops his keks and shits on said window, leaving a disgusting trail for the couple to put up with.

Fucking respect innit?

"Er, I don't know that guy."

"What kind of person would do something like that?"

"Ah, that's Ledge for you!"

"Who?"

"Emmm..."

[dex]

Ledge somehow finds himself let in to a nightclub. Goes to the bogs and sprays aftershave and deodorant around profusely and shoves the attendant wanting a pound or two for the service. For good measure he lights a match and flicks it into the closed space. Disco Inferno!!!!

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Legend Gary dresses up as an ISIS and carries out a car bombing

1) told you I could so it £50 right now please
2) was bants obviously wasn't real ISIS - doesn't count (4 dead, 3 critical)
3) i'm off mate, see yer

[H-O-W-L]

Legend Gary sits on the bow of the PBR, tapping his toe to Deep Purple as the waves roll by. He'll be done with this tour soon, he thinks. Back to the pub for a cheeky couple and maybe a sly mac's on the way home. That is until some Charlie asshole starts loosing twelve-point-seven mil from the weeds. His eyes widen as Bampot Billy erupts in a shower of charnel. They've got a DShk mounted in a spiderhole on the riverbank, somewhere. He scrambles toward the dual Browning M2's in a ball mount at the front of the boat, only to find himself careening toward the deck before he can reach the seat.

His legs feel cold. The alloy around him soaks itself with his blood. He screams for help, for a medic, for mum. But even he can't hear it. His squadmates tumble left and right as his vision casts toward them. Some of them fall overboard, causing bright red blooms in the muddy riverwater. Some of them just fall like Jenga towers. Some scream for God's assistance. Bit gay, that, he thinks.  The dark starts creeping in. The cold consumes his chest. It's so hard to draw breath. He can't do anything but stare as the light begins to fade, creeping over his vision like crawling spiderwebs.

He'll never go home again. But something tells him he was never going to. Something tells him this had become his home. Here on the Mekong Delta.

Here, on a forbidden river in the belly of the Devil himself.

Here, lies Legend Gary.

True legend.

[Beagle 2]

Legend Gary laments the death of print media. Sure, 'What Weapon Dog?' still has an online presence, but the second Tuesday morning of the month just won't be the same.

[Brian Freeze]

Mekon Delta?

Fucking slaphead!  《SMACK!!!!!! 》