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LEGEND GARY

Started by Shoulders?-Stomach!, February 09, 2016, 11:19:54 PM

Previous topic - Next topic

madhair60

A team of archaeologists have finally unearthed the sarcophagus of a long-lost Pharaoh, buried deep beneath the Sphinx. They crack it open to reveal a raucous, laughing Legend Gary, who announces "Fucking hell! That got out of hand!"

Fambo Number Mive

Legend Gary appears in the audience on Question Time and accuses anyone who doesn't agree with him of being "Triggered"

Neville Chamberlain

Legend Gary appears in the audience on Question Time and is heard shouting "Brexit isn't rocket science!"

Shoulders?-Stomach!

Legend Gary bags a front row seat and snapchats a Shami Chakrabarti upskirt

Glebe

Gary swears Trevor McDonald is in Black Panther. "It's him, I'd recognize him anywhere!"

dex

Legend Gary while's away bank holiday Friday bidding on ebay tat.

Lemming

Legend Gary scrawls "CUNT" on his torso in red permanent marker and prepares to lift his shirt just as the Question Time camera pans over to him in the audience. "Classic Ledge Move, the wankers at the BBC won't know what to do with me", he thinks.

The moment of glory is ruined when an angry bald man's head eclipses Gary as the former leans forward to yell at a cowering Owen Smith that "Brexit means Brexit and we need to get out NOW". The Ledge has been subdued by security by the time the camera cuts back.

Never one to accept a no-win scenario, Legend Gary redeems the night by "happy-slapping" Daz, causing an impromptu trip to A&E during which Gary "Instagrams" a photo of Daz's bleeding eyesocket with the caption "fukin mental night", receiving 16 likes

dex

"'Ere, Daz. Remember in Aya Nappa in that massive multi-storey club when I needed that piss really badly? I tried to get through the packed club and got to the floor above where the gents was. Got to the floor but it was a mile long line into the gents so I thought fuck it and pissed into me pint glass. Well, I say glass. It was plastic. Anyways I did the deed and I weren't gonna stand there with a pint of piss in me hand was I? So just like that Begbie I chucked the glass over me shoulder no fucks given."

Daz'z eyes narrow and a sigh comes out.

"It hit me square in the face, Ledge. I swallowed a load of it and was sick into my glass instantly."

"HA! Yeah that's right. Then what happened?"

"I chucked my glass down, just like you did."

"Hit that next bloke down the bottom! Cunt!!"

Guffaws all round.

Daz, with a horrible flashback is profusely sick. Ledge thinks fuck it and sticks his fingers down his throat and is sick too.

Glebe

"Look, Ledge, can't I invite him over, just for an hour?"

"Not in my street."

"We always have a laugh in work. He's a top bloke. And he's really good at FIFA!"

"Not in my street."

"Alright then. But I'm tired off our all-white circle of friends, Ledge. In this day and age."

"Not in my street."

Ferris

LEGEND NEVILLE

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2018/mar/31/blind-date-lisa-neville

Top gurning, but the baseball cap isn't fooling anyone mate.

QuoteWould you introduce her to your friends?
Drinking is the rock my friends and I orbit around and she doesn't drink, so no.

...

What do you think she made of you?
I hope she thought I was a sound dude.

Glebe

Ledge decides to start eating healthy, and so it's microwave pizzas from now on.

JoeyBananaduck

Quote from: madhair60 on March 29, 2018, 11:23:34 AM
A team of archaeologists have finally unearthed the sarcophagus of a long-lost Pharaoh, buried deep beneath the Sphinx. They crack it open to reveal a raucous, laughing Legend Gary, who announces "Fucking hell! That got out of hand!"

^karma

Ledge's fart somehow manages to be audible over a passing Women's Parade. "Now that's toxic masculinity!" he chortles, then gives a thumbs up and wink to camera.

dex

"Hey lads! I've got a blue passport already!"

"How's that Ledge? Lets have a look then!"

Ledge whips out his passport. Pages full of explicit hardcore pornography.

"Those Turkish border pigs in the summer are gonna have a field day over this lads!"

Shoulders?-Stomach!

Quote from: JoeyBananaduck on April 01, 2018, 05:21:14 AM
^karma

Ledge's fart somehow manages to be audible over a passing Women's Parade. "Now that's toxic masculinity!" he chortles, then gives a thumbs up and wink to camera.

I laughed

Glebe

Gary is asleep on the couch after a heavy FIFA '18 session. Before he goes home, Daz pushes a Creme Egg under Ledge's cushion; "Just a little treat to cheer him on waking!" It's a rare moment of kindness and love, but it melts and gets squashed and Ledge, as Daz discovers next day in the pub, thinks " the cat done it's business on the couch! I told him to let him out when you were off, Daz! C'mere!"

Glebe

Gary punches a bracken.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

Legend Gary says "tell them Legend Gary sends his regards" to himself while walking home.

Good one that, save that one for a rainy day.


3 days later

Hits a dog

TELL THEM LEGEND GARY SENDS H..hmm shit that doesn't work. Checks around to see if the old women on the bench are still watching.

Walks up

Flashes cock

TELL THEM LEGEND GARY SENDS HIS REGARDS

HAHAHAHAHAHA NAILED IT

dex

Legend Gary wins a quid on a stolen scratchcard.

Ferris

Legend Gary swears loudly, drunkenly, and repeatedly at a football match in front of your kids.

JoeyBananaduck

Oi, Legend Gary was in that Morefire Crew.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

Legend Gary's old nan gets him tickets to The Stone Roses for his birthday

THESE ARE FOR THE FAKE STONE ROSES NAN YOU USELESS FUCKED UP CUNT

JESUS

Fambo Number Mive

Legend Gary tries to get into the same stone monument he climbed into when he was six, ends up getting stuck inside and the monument is cut open at a cost of £50,000 to the public and £4,000 to the charity who owns the monument.

"Could have just used butter" Legend Gary giggles as he asks for a cup of tea.

Glebe

Daz is holding a garden party. During a brief lull in the festivities, Gary catches a bit of conversation from an adjacent garden;

"Dad, what's 'sex'?'

"It's how a man and a woman make a baby, son. Now run back inside and let me finish hanging the clothes out."

Quick as a flash, Ledge is straight through the garden fence. "DON'T FUCKING TELL HIM THAT, Y'SICKO! The correct response is, "I'll tell you when you're older,"... even though you inevitably won't... anyway, I won't have this kind of talk disturb our garden party... well, it's just me and Daz sitting on kitchen chairs drinking Stella, but still... I've said my piece!"

...

"Ledge, I'm not paying for that fence."

"Oh good, the police have arrived!"

dex

Legend Gary chucks a dead stoat into a wood chipper. Plays the Saw theme music on his mobile phone as he does so.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

Legend Gary thinks it's strange NOW 99 is being advertised again so long after the corresponding year.

dex

Quote from: Shoulders?-Stomach! on April 04, 2018, 03:47:59 PM
Legend Gary thinks it's strange NOW 99 is being advertised again so long after the corresponding year.

Still blasts the cassette today, much to his neighbour's misery.

hamfist

Was this someone from here ? The Gary is strong : https://twitter.com/peteprodge/status/981159938834685962?s=21

Quote
That Radio X chart...
1. Bantz
2. Going "waaaaaaaaaaay!" when a member of bar staff drops a glass
3. Stone Island
4. Roy Chubby Brown
5. A lime green mankini
6. Carling cider
7. Saying "Maccy Ds"
8. Keith Lemon
9. Saying "Cheeky Nandos"
10. Dapper Laughs
11. Using the word "legend"
12. Yates Wine Lodge
13. Babestation
14. Tim Lovejoy
15. Shouting "oi oi!"
16. Guy Ritchie films
17. An argument that blames "PC brigade and SJWs ennit"
18. Ricky Gervais's Derek
19. Grolsch
20. A League Of Their Own
21. Paddy McGuinness
22. Sky Sports day pass
23. Saying "I'm not racist but Tommy Robinson's got a point, ennee?"
24. Frankie Boyle
25. Saying "on it like a car bonnet"
26. That second guy on the talkSPORT phone-in but not that other guy, that fucking mug
27. The Sun
28. Madeleine McCann jokes
29. Saying "'Spoons"
30. 2-for-1 on Jagerbombs before 11pm
31. Saying "she'd get it"
32. Lottery scratchcards
33. Jack Jones TV
34. Help For Heroes hoody
35. Mourning the loss of Ceefax 302
36. Twenty Benson & Hedges
37. James Corden
38. Stag night Smurfs
39. Rustlers microwave burgers
40. May the 4th pun
41. John Bishop
42. Saying "how do you spot a vegan, don't worry they'll tell you" like this observation is in anyway original or even true
43. Late night KFC
44. Writing "don't mind if I do" on Facebook
45. WKD Blue
46. SportsDirect sale
47. "Backs to the walls lads, he's one of them, naaaah, it's alright my cousin is one of them and they're alright really"
48. Rolling tobacco
49. Tattoos of Chinese letters
50. Mock The Week
51. Obviously fake meme about a soldier refused service at a shop
52. Recording videos in portrait mode
53. Staffies
54. Games library consisting of at least 85% FIFA 'XX games
55. Brexit
56. Saying "a bit like your mum" 'cos it's edgy
57. PaddyPower adverts
58. Your weekend plan described as "getting wrecked"
59. Only Gay In The Village fancy dress costume
60. Walkabout
61. Grumbling about the license fee while you chuck over £50 each month to Sky
62. Lucy Pinder
63. The Fast & Furious movie franchise
64. Danny Dyer
65. Moaning about cyclists on the road
66. Daily Star
67 Jordan B Peterson
68. Soccer AM
69. Vinny Jones
70. Del Boy falling through the bar, did you see that, did you see it, that's a classic that
71. Bucket hat
72. Transfer deadline day
73. Shouting 'mental mental Chicken oriental"
74. Wetherspoons
75. Moaning about Eastern Europeans on your local '... Spotted' Facebook page
76. Blackpool
77. TFI Friday
78. Your Whatsapp group that rates female colleagues out of 10
79. Neknominations
80. Call Of Duty
81. In-car entertainment systems
82. "#MeToo  has gone too far actually"
83. Toyota Supra
84. Briefly putting on a bikini top on a night out 'cos you're really wacky
85. The Officer's Club
86. Jeremy Clarkson books
87. Athletic clothing when you don't do exercise/sport
88. About to hand a tenner to the barmaid but you snatch it back because that's hilarious
89. Sergio Tacchini
90. Using "soyboy" as a go-to insult
91. Moaning about disabled parking spaces
92. Citing that 1966 World Cup victory
93. Chuck Norris memes
94. Southend-on-Sea
95. Innuendo Bingo
96. Jack Wills
97. Signing a petition to get grid girls reinstated because it's essential to motorracing and definitely not your boner
98. Channel 4's Balls Of Steel
99. Using "MSM" in an online political argument
100. Ched Evans

Lemming

Legend Gary "kicked the fuck off". He wasn't having any of it. Wasn't in the mood, mate.

Daz listens spellbound as The Ledge continues to relay the story of how he "went proper apeshit" in DFS and told the "fat cunt" security guard to "fucking spin on it" after being asked to stop jumping on the beds, which Gary claims was "indoor parkour"

spamwangler

Legend Gary nicks a phonebox from outside his house, and at the bottom of his garden, couples it with an old Johnny Machine he had out of a pub years ago. Calls it his 'FuckTardis"

JoeyBananaduck

^briefly contemplates changing his name to Johnny Machine by deed poll.