LEGEND GARY

[dex]

Legend Gary crashes the works van whilst looking at totty in the spring heat.

new page cunt.

[Fambo Number Mive]

Legend Gary goes to London for a football match.

Does a massive guff on the tube just as the doors close.

Goes to Shoreditch and spends £200 on a t-shirt.

Goes to Bow and makes crap cockney jokes to a stone-faced audience. "Do your cockney dances, go on!" "Why has no-one got their bells on?" After six hours he leaves for the match.

On the way home he berates all the men in the carriage for not standing up for a woman. "They're delicate creatures,aren't they!" he bellows as everyone avoids his gaze. Eventually a man does stand up, but the woman is about to get off. "EXCUSE ME! SEAT FOR YOU! Gary bellows just as she gets off.

Legend Gary is delayed at Euston.

[king_tubby]

After some frantic 3am googling, the next morning Legend Gary informs the magistrate that he cannot be tried under Admiralty Law, and that he should officially be referred to as Legend of the family Gary.

[king_tubby]

Daz couldn't believe it. Legend Gary had won again. No matter how hard Daz closed his eyes and thought of boobs, Legend Gary always won. How was he so quick?

"Eat the fucking biscuit, Daz. Eat the fucking biscuit."

[dex]

Legend Gary puts turds on a BBQ and grills them to deliberately stink the street out.

"Revenge on that bitch 2 doors down for grassing me up to TV Licencing. Smelly smoky turd washing she's got hanging out now!"

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

After some frantic 3am googling, the next morning Legend Gary informs the magistrate that he cannot be tried under Admiralty Law, and that he should officially be referred to as Legend of the family Gary.

Laughed

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Legend Gary warns a community support officer that the town centre "might get a bit mentard over the next few hours"

[dex]

Legend Gary punches out Owen Jones when he foolishly knocks at his door trying to #unseatthetories

[king_tubby]

He didn't even know who Owen Jones was, or what he was doing, just thought 'fucking student' and instinct kicked in.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Legend Gary once surfed The Right and had to tell the pro surfers he had a plane to catch back to England otherwise he would have hung around and showed them a few tricks.

[BlodwynPig]

Which town is LG from?

[Ferris]

Colchester, via Falkirk.

[Huxleys Babkins]

Legend Gary is barred from his local citizens' advice bureau after wasting twenty minutes trying to get legal advice regarding a girl he met at the pub who called him a "tedious little prick."

"I merely wanted to be referred to as the King of Bantz, Daz."

[Sebastian Cobb]

Daz: "what you doing there gaz, that's not english?"
Gary: "nah, it's Portuguese, made it up on google translate."
Daz: "but why? Portugese people aren't going to buy fake british pa-"
Gary: "plausible deniability innit. Post it in foreign first, then in bad english the feds'll reckon you're foreign."
Daz: "that sounds more like deception than pl-"
Gary:"Plausible deniability, Daz. Plausible deniability."


*Attourney Akepa flys off the windowsill in abject disgust*

[Glebe]

"Open wide, Daz, I've got the Tide Pod!"

"Nah Gary, that craze is over already."

"It's not about being with the latest fad, Daz, it's about you swallowing a detergent thing."

[Gregory Torso]

.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Legend Gary can't be doing with those posh 10% beers but also adheres to the absolute tenet of Getting Wankered

Huh.

Not consistent that is it.

Still, can't lose face. Just keep on saying it.

[Huxleys Babkins]

"He could live like fucking Robocop!" a drunk, high and belligerent Ledgend Gary screams at a waiting BBC News reporter outside Alder Hey hospital.

"And Prince Philip could be the Terminator" he opines before being led away by security.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Legend Gary spends an hour sat in the pool hall slagging the filth, the rozzers, pig scum.

Then complies totally with a random stop and search

"Thank you, alright now move along please"
"Yes Officer"

[Glebe]

"I don't like this new 'gay' craze, Daz. You can't tell if they're man or woman, some of 'em."

"Get with the times, sweetheart. Now I'd like you to meet my new gender-non-specific partner Reginald."

[Beagle 2]

Legend Gary mixes up his Nigel Farage on LBC and Talksport speed dials and has a confusing exchange with the ex-leader of UKIP about the rumoured promiscuity of Mike Dean's late mother.

[Huxleys Babkins]

"I just wanted to see the water turn purple" pleads Legend Gary as he's escorted away after accidentally pissing on a five year old girl off the diving board at the leisure centre.

[Huxleys Babkins]

A recruitment officer places Pubes Daz's application into the reject pile after discovering "MASSIVE BENDER" and "SHAGGED MY OWN DAD" listed among his qualifications.

"Cheers for typing my CV out for me, Gaz. Really need this job."

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Legend Gary razzes the bowls club with a quad bike on hire for an hour, but prangs it off the edge of the green first up and needs stitches. The bowls crew remain decidedly unrazzed.

"How did you get those LG?"

"Oh...that?... just..err...crimes"

[Glebe]

On the ferry over to Calais for the weekend, Ledge, Daz and the rest of the boys form a temporary hip-hop ensemble called The Booze Crew. "We're drinking lots of booze, going on a cruise, keep out of our way, hey hey hey!"

[king_tubby]

Legend Gary joins the Labour party and denies the Holocaust. He is elected councillor for Mexborough unopposed.

[Beagle 2]

Legend Gary deletes his browsing history and takes a long shower after a night on some Miaow Miaow he found on the floor of the gents in the Rose and Crown.

Second thoughts he'd better wipe up his whole laptop.

Do Google keep records of all the searches?

Would changing his name help?

Fucking hell.

[Sebastian Cobb]

Legend Gary deletes his browsing history and takes a long shower after a night on some Miaow Miaow he found on the floor of the gents in the Rose and Crown.

Second thoughts he'd better wipe up his whole laptop.

Do Google keep records of all the searches?

Would changing his name help?

Fucking hell.

This is basically a perfect novella.

[dex]

Legend Gary joins the Labour party and denies the Holocaust. He is elected councillor for Mexborough unopposed.

Ledge turns up to his first meeting dressed as Jimmy Saville. Strikes a match on the meeting table and lights up a cigar and starts doing the "now, then! Now, then!" catchphrases.

[Huxleys Babkins]

Legend Gary is informed that the phrase "an Englishman's home is his castle" doesn't constitute a valid supporting argument for his retrospective application for planning permission.

The so-called "Fuck Bunker" will have to be torn down.