LEGEND GARY

[Blue Jam]

Legend Gary is unfazed by the prospect of 'spoons no longer stocking any EU produce: "Who'd want one of those poncey Belgian beers anyway? Just give me a Stella."

[New Jack]

Legend Gary finally manages to change his WiFi name to PEDO DETECTER VAN

Daz comes round. 'Can I go on your WiFi, ledge?'

Gary gives Daz the OK, spells out the password ('GAZSHAGSBADSLAGS') walks into the hall and presses the smoke alarm's test button. It's fucking deafening!

'What the fuck is that??' shouts Daz.

"Looks like they've caught ya, Daz!!" Gary chortles.

'What?? Can't hear ya mate'

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Legend Gary boasts all the way through the flight about being Beach Body Ready, so on the first day in Tunisia he arrives wearing a flak jacket.

[Pingers]

Hey Gary, I just realised yesterday that if you leave the 'r' out of your name..

Fuck off Daz

No really though..

Shut the fuck up Daz you cunt

Chill out Gaz

Fuck off Daz you fucking scumcunt nonce cunt

Gaz..  Ow!! Fuck's sake Gary!

Cunt. Your round.

[Glebe]

"Look, Daz! There's another!"

"I know, Gary, I know. They're breeding like flies. I tell you, it's broken Britain. That one's wearing a funny foreign hat."

[New Jack]

There's a low rumbling up above. "That's a Boeing 747 coming from Paris", Gary says to Daz as they walk to the Dog and Duck for a morning session. So it is, flying pretty low and all!

"Oh aye? You getting into planespotting, Gary?"

"Yeah, been getting into it, living by Heathrow". Gary unleashes a huge laser pen from his pocket - he insists it's 12", naturally - and takes careful aim. "Have to do something to speed up Brexit. Fuckin frogs."

[New Jack]

Legend Gary insists to a homeless street vendor that it's no Big Issue that he doesn't want to buy a magazine, lol

AGAIN.

[New Jack]

Matey + City centre water fountain = LEGEND GARY

[Chollis]

Legend Gary sneaks into the Large Hadron Collider with his favourite England football and volleys it hard into a switchgear left open for maintenance. The facility is closed for a month.

[king_tubby]

Large HARD ON collider more like, smirks Legend Gary.

[New Jack]

Legend Gary wants a Deliveroo cause it's pissing it down, but the minimum order is £12.

Fuck it, he can and will smoke that many fags.

[Sebastian Cobb]

Legend Gary wants a Deliveroo cause it's pissing it down, but the minimum order is £12.

Fuck it, he can and will smoke that many fags.

That's probably about 20 regal these days.

[flotemysost]

Legend Gary scrolls down to HORNY TEEN GAGGING FOR IT and opens the video

A moment of surprise as his 19-year-old cousin Kelly fills the screen

Gary shrugs and unzips anyway

Spaff's thicker than water mate, know what I mean?

Them ISIS slags are always fucking their cousins

It's one rule for them and another rule for us, I'm telling you

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Large HARD ON collider more like, smirks Legend Gary.

Large Hardon International Space Station smirks Legend Gary

[New Jack]

Legend Gary reads the tragic tale of an assault in a bar in town - a father of two rendered comatose after an unknown assailant punched him.

Gary takes stock on this, mulling over the tale, and shakes his head slowly.

"One punch? What a fairy."

[king_tubby]

Hang on Gary, surely a large hard on collider would be a load of large hard ons colliding? And that'd be well gay?

Oh shut up, Daz. You always ruin it.

[Captain Z]

Matey + City centre water fountain = LEGEND GARY

Did you post that after reading this story or are you in Legend's Lads on tour 18 whatsapp group?

https://www.theguardian.com/world/2018/aug/21/english-speakers-skinny-dipped-in-fountain-rome

[New Jack]

Did you post that after reading this story or are you in Legend's Lads on tour 18 whatsapp group?

https://www.theguardian.com/world/2018/aug/21/english-speakers-skinny-dipped-in-fountain-rome

It was from my Reality Series - New Jack's University Daze, but those guys are utter fucking legends too!!

The two male tourists stripped to their underwear before getting into the fountain situated at the monumental Altare della Patria, or Altar of the Fatherland, which is also dedicated to all fallen soldiers, a part of the complex including the tomb of an unknown soldier killed in the first world war.

[Bum Flaps]

Ledgend Gary reckons that he would well deck Jean Claude Van Damm, cos he's a massive French ponce.
Not touching Norris tho!

[dex]

Ledgend Gary reckons that he would well deck Jean Claude Van Damm, cos he's a massive French ponce.
Not touching Norris tho!

<tag>Steven Seagal comes into frame and shakes his head</tag>

[Berthas Fat Leg]

Pubes Daz, doing his best 'he's not with me!' face, whilst Legend Gary moons a bunch of disableds from the works van.

[Pingers]

Gary's mum tells him that his Nan has got that dimensia. Gary concludes she caught it off them ISIS cunts who live next door to her.

[Glebe]

"I'll tell you something Daz, I may be a bit of an thug and that, but at least I ain't a darkie or a poof!"

"Here here, Ledge! It's the best of British spirit!"

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Legend Gary christens the freshly neutered Wotsits Tony, Vasectony.

"I preferred wotsits mate"

"Do you want to hang around with us or not?"

"Yes"

"Well fucking get used to it then you cunt"

Great Days

[Glebe]

"Can I have a sup of your Tizer, Gary?"

"Of course, Daz... just let me spit in it first."

[Paul Calf]

Legend Gary slips off the first page.

"Daz! Get 'ere and explain yourself you cunt! Now!"

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Gary has named his van after a lass like Vettel on the Formula 1 does - juicy Lucy, etc etc.

It's Myra Hindley.

"Myra loves it when I give her a rag"

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Scrubs up well does LG. Passable. Takes a snap and posts it on Fb

"Love a wedding"

Yeah. Butter wouldn't melt would it. Butter wouldn't melt, you fucking piece of shit.

[Glebe]

"I'm growing very concerned about the rise of the right, Ledge."

"Get out, Daz. Just get out."

[Phil_A]

Several thousand years from now, scholars study an ancient tome called GAREE LEGENDARIUM, hoping to gain from it an insight into the great lost civilisation of the 21st Century through the tales of an enigmatic trickster figure and his band of followers.

"This will explain so much about how our ancestors lived," breathes one scholar. His companions nod solemnly, scarcely able to believe they have been gifted this extraordinary insight into the past.