Author Topic: LEGEND GARY  (Read 106194 times)

St_Eddie

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Re: LEGEND GARY
« Reply #2520 on: February 08, 2019, 06:45:03 AM »
"Oi, daz!"

"Yeah?"

"Fucking paki, mate!"

"You're being kinda tedious, Gary."

"Fuck off!"

"I just can't do this any more, mate."

"You what?!"

"Just be quiet, Gary.  Please."

"Pakis, mate.  Plural, like."

"Fine.  Whatever.  I don't care anymore."

"You're no fun no more, Daz."

"Go away, Gary."

"What the actual fuck?!"

"Goodbye, Gary."

Shoulders?-Stomach!

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Re: LEGEND GARY
« Reply #2521 on: February 08, 2019, 04:53:35 PM »
Acne Steve (Actually from Hackney but also coincidentally a sufferer of the skin condition acne) is thrown out of the gang for, according to Legend Gary, "Rule Infringement"

What the fucks that mean

Do I make the rules

But

Do I make the rules

Well apparently yes!

Rule infringement mate. You're out

Ff...

Getchersenahhhhhhhhtaahhhhh

Paul Calf

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Re: LEGEND GARY
« Reply #2522 on: February 08, 2019, 07:13:51 PM »
"Wazzaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaap."

Gary's crown slips almost imperceptibly.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

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Re: LEGEND GARY
« Reply #2523 on: February 09, 2019, 08:17:52 AM »
Daz you have gone Manstrual

What?

Yeah proper Mantal

Not sure what you mean...

Yeah check yourself into MANCAP

Still not with you on this...

Gone full Josef Mangele

That's enough


Berthas Fat Leg

  • Someone’s sitting there, mate
Re: LEGEND GARY
« Reply #2524 on: February 09, 2019, 06:55:27 PM »
Legend Gary reckons car insurance is for bumders.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

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Re: LEGEND GARY
« Reply #2525 on: February 09, 2019, 07:12:47 PM »
It's 2035, 62 year old Legend Gary insists tertiary stage cirrhosis is "epic"

The nurses sigh: Epic? What is he, like 300?

king_tubby

  • It's Always Sunn O))) in Philadelphia
Re: LEGEND GARY
« Reply #2526 on: February 09, 2019, 07:28:09 PM »
Legend Gary literally pisses on Pubes Daz's head and tells him it's raining.

petrilTanaka

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Re: LEGEND GARY
« Reply #2527 on: February 09, 2019, 07:31:56 PM »
Legend Gary welcomes Mickey Hash back after several years away. Mickey Hash has lived 400 miles away. Married, three kids, decent house, runs a small business. All legit. Legend Gary is up for a LEGENDARY Weekend Bender(ko 7.45pm, Wednesday.) So is Mickey Hash. One last time. Look at this place, it's a shit hole. Look at this guy, he's a shit hole. The rest don't seem that bad, except the one that keeps doing bird and the one that got life, just stuck in the orbit of this prick.

See the place one last time, see everything. Comparison for how far you've come Michael, then fuck off back to your nice, real life.

The ruck will most likely happen on Thursday over Gary perceiving That Attitude. Three hours later it'll be the usual outside The Crown. Tension until about half six on Friday when the pished cycle goes back to Gary aiming at everyone else. He's a tragic wreck, let him have his victory, it doesn't matter anywhere else.

ToneLa

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Re: LEGEND GARY
« Reply #2528 on: February 10, 2019, 10:52:11 AM »
Legend Gary posits the possibility that you only take umbrage at the homophobic epithet 'arse bandit' because you are a filthy soyboy snowflake Millenial, and, furthermore, are an arse bandit

Shoulders?-Stomach!

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Re: LEGEND GARY
« Reply #2529 on: February 10, 2019, 12:24:44 PM »
Legend Gary favourites "Clever MAN DESTROY Gina Miller" and fantasizes about being Clever MAN.

5 minutes later he gets bored and wonders if you can fuck the Remain out of people.

Legend Gary then down votes the video and adds the comment "When Gary destroys them they stay destroyed"

Lost Oliver

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Re: LEGEND GARY
« Reply #2530 on: February 10, 2019, 02:34:33 PM »
Legend Gary calls his a mum a stupid prick because she hasn't washed his socks. Storms out the flat into his car, thumps the car window and drives off in a mood.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

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Re: LEGEND GARY
« Reply #2531 on: February 10, 2019, 04:05:21 PM »
Quite uncharacteristic because if anyone even implies he does no absolutely love his ol mum he givez em a terwaaaaatt

ToneLa

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Re: LEGEND GARY
« Reply #2532 on: February 10, 2019, 04:28:26 PM »
Gary pulls up at a red light with his window down, fuming. His old mate Epic Eddie is walking past.

"Alright Ledge? You look a bit pissed off mate"

Gary turns and looks, as the lights go amber. "Me fuckin mum is a right fuckin bitch and no mistake."

Epic Eddie thinks about this. Probably best not to ask. Keep it vague and supportive. The lights go red, and the cars behind Legend Gary's Honda start to honk. "Sorry she pissed you off, mate."

"WHA DIDJOO FUCKIN SAY BOUT ME MAM??" Gary throws the door open, leaps out and starts battering the fuckin gobby cunt, as the line behind honks and hollers and despairs, the ambulance throwing its sirens on. Good thing too, this cunt'll need it.

petrilTanaka

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Re: LEGEND GARY
« Reply #2533 on: February 10, 2019, 06:45:27 PM »
everything that happens this month at work is, according to the word of Our Lord And Saviour Legend Gary, right in the middle of the fucking road. Gary has just discovered Harry & Paul's The Van Driver's Lament. happened one idle Sunday night, at home. He of course geographically misrepresents this.

Kryton

  • Keep it neutral. Keep it safe. That's my motto.
Re: LEGEND GARY
« Reply #2534 on: February 10, 2019, 08:14:42 PM »
LEGEND GARY does a family DNA test and gets zero results.

Kryton

  • Keep it neutral. Keep it safe. That's my motto.
Re: LEGEND GARY
« Reply #2535 on: February 10, 2019, 08:20:22 PM »
LEGEND GARY tells his mates in the carpark SWAN AND HARRY that he basically taught his driving instructor how to drive. Piece of piss mate, just clutch control. I said it's just clutch control. Basically if you can control the clutch then you're in control. It's all about controlling the clutch. Bang on. Just fucking stay in control. But if you can't control the fucking clutch then you can fuck off, I said you can fuck off. I don't appreciate people who can't stay in control, clutch or not. Control the clutch, control the roads.
Sunroof , mirrors, clutch control. Lights, mirrors, clutch control. Indicator, steering wheel, clutch patrol. Am i making sense? Just control the clutch and you're fucking off mate, like a fucking car. Turbo off like a fucking nutter.

Then it's just your theory test and Bob's your auntie's living lover. Clutch control.

LG has an aneurysm and crashes a parked car.

king_tubby

  • It's Always Sunn O))) in Philadelphia
Re: LEGEND GARY
« Reply #2536 on: February 10, 2019, 08:26:21 PM »
Legend Gary re-tweets a Tommy Robinson tweet calling all Muslims nonces.

Legend Gary has 15 followers.

12 of these followers are actual nonces.

ToneLa

  • Kill your masters
Re: LEGEND GARY
« Reply #2537 on: February 11, 2019, 04:59:35 PM »
"Fuckin shite this, I'm not doing it, can't make me. Load of shit anyway", Gary says, storming out of the AIDS walkathon

Shoulders?-Stomach!

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Re: LEGEND GARY
« Reply #2538 on: February 11, 2019, 08:38:28 PM »
LEGEND GARY tells his mates in the carpark SWAN AND HARRY that he basically taught his driving instructor how to drive. Piece of piss mate, just clutch control. I said it's just clutch control. Basically if you can control the clutch then you're in control. It's all about controlling the clutch. Bang on. Just fucking stay in control. But if you can't control the fucking clutch then you can fuck off, I said you can fuck off. I don't appreciate people who can't stay in control, clutch or not. Control the clutch, control the roads.
Sunroof , mirrors, clutch control. Lights, mirrors, clutch control. Indicator, steering wheel, clutch patrol. Am i making sense? Just control the clutch and you're fucking off mate, like a fucking car. Turbo off like a fucking nutter.

Then it's just your theory test and Bob's your auntie's living lover. Clutch control.

LG has an aneurysm and crashes a parked car.

This is amazing. Bravo.

ToneLa

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Re: LEGEND GARY
« Reply #2539 on: February 16, 2019, 04:58:37 PM »
Legend Gary asks at the bar for a Legend Gary discount

Gets it.

seepage

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Re: LEGEND GARY
« Reply #2540 on: February 16, 2019, 05:07:18 PM »
LG hacks the LG splash screen to 'Life is Gary'.

ToneLa

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Re: LEGEND GARY
« Reply #2541 on: February 16, 2019, 05:14:20 PM »
Legend Gary's gaff on Apple Maps is fully tagged and searchable as Legend Gary's Gaff on Apple Maps

Hours are 3PM til 5AM

Re: LEGEND GARY
« Reply #2542 on: February 16, 2019, 06:04:27 PM »
Legend Garry, grinning, runs behind the bar to check the levels of the barrels. He comes back and loudly says "51% of you had the Carling and 49% of you had the Carlsberg Export so....so......".

Failing to land a suitable punchline, or even recall the correct Brexit percentages, he sips his snakebite and thinks of a mate that told him to get therapy.

St_Eddie

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Re: LEGEND GARY
« Reply #2543 on: February 16, 2019, 11:59:28 PM »
Legend Gary signs up to XBox Live as 'L3g3nd G4ry 69'.  He kills 27 teenage American teenagers in Call of Duty XIiVIiMV, with auto-aim enabled, before making sure to call each and everyone of them a "little burger relish sniffing Yankee Doodle cunt".  Social media was ignited with as much delight, as it was ire.  "Don't even want to know what I said to 'em fuckin' Pakis, mate", Gary reassures the arresting officers, as they place the cuffs upon him.

"The fuck they'd even ban me for?!", he demanded an answer to, as he was placed into custody.  "Formality", the officers responded.  "When did the SJW wankers take over Microsoft?!", Gary furiously asked, during questioning.  His words were duly noted and he served 2 hours of community service, for the appeasement of the Looney Left and was given a ruby emblem embedded trophy for his troubles.  The Daily Mail recognised him as a hero and a 'Legend' day was established nationwide, out of respect.  Legend Gary felt that he deserved more.
« Last Edit: February 17, 2019, 12:27:17 AM by St_Eddie »

Bum Flaps

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Re: LEGEND GARY
« Reply #2544 on: February 17, 2019, 12:29:20 AM »
LEGEND GARY tells his mates in the carpark SWAN AND HARRY that he basically taught his driving instructor how to drive. Piece of piss mate, just clutch control. I said it's just clutch control. Basically if you can control the clutch then you're in control. It's all about controlling the clutch. Bang on. Just fucking stay in control. But if you can't control the fucking clutch then you can fuck off, I said you can fuck off. I don't appreciate people who can't stay in control, clutch or not. Control the clutch, control the roads.
Sunroof , mirrors, clutch control. Lights, mirrors, clutch control. Indicator, steering wheel, clutch patrol. Am i making sense? Just control the clutch and you're fucking off mate, like a fucking car. Turbo off like a fucking nutter.

Then it's just your theory test and Bob's your auntie's living lover. Clutch control.

LG has an aneurysm and crashes a parked car.

Secretly, Legend Gary actually prefers driving an automatic

Kryton

  • Keep it neutral. Keep it safe. That's my motto.
Re: LEGEND GARY
« Reply #2545 on: February 18, 2019, 09:46:51 PM »
LEGEND GARY is delighted to find out his Therapist is his (dead) Dad's old mate Tony who used to knock about with Fat Bernard, Old mad Gav, Chalkie , Bill, no not that Bill, the other Bill with the limp, Joe Kipling's lad with the black hair (the one whose cousin got done for armed robbery) and Three finger Phil.

A better generation they agree.

Apart from Bill (the other Bill) getting done for noncing and a few years later Fat Bernard having a massive heart attack into a canal whilst fishing, and Chalkie getting throat cancer and driving his car the wrong way down the motorway to 'end it'. Joe Kipling's lad got locked up for that incident in the bookies and Three finger Phil losing his last three remaining fingers to a snapping turtle whilst 'abroad' with some dinner lady.

LEGEND GARY agrees it was indeed better generation but what happened to Old mad Gav, he asks.

Tony winks at him and points across the table to LEGEND GARY.

That's what happened.

ToneLa

  • Kill your masters
Re: LEGEND GARY
« Reply #2546 on: February 18, 2019, 10:45:37 PM »
Legend Gary gives it the big I Am

cos he is

ToneLa

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Re: LEGEND GARY
« Reply #2547 on: February 23, 2019, 02:33:34 PM »
Legend Gary does a Banksy on the sign at the hospital where loads of cunts will see it

A big knob shooting spunk with hairy big balls. Classic. You can't even see the word 'radiography' any more!!

Legend Gary swans off home, safe in the knowledge he used Daz's tag.

ToneLa

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Re: LEGEND GARY
« Reply #2548 on: February 23, 2019, 02:35:11 PM »
Legend Gary drinks two pints at the same time because he's not a fucking depraved dirty poof of the highest order.
« Last Edit: February 23, 2019, 02:53:22 PM by ToneLa »

ToneLa

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Re: LEGEND GARY
« Reply #2549 on: February 23, 2019, 02:38:00 PM »
Legend Gary snorts a thick fuckin line of beak in the pub bogs. A fuckin slug! His eyes water, as it sinks down his throat, burning his nose, as he gets amped up. His system feels on fire... Woah... The sheer energy begins to course through his veins, he shakes, spanners the handdryer so hard he dents it with his ring, and boots the bog door wide open, screaming 'Hoowaaaah!' like Al Pacino.

He's so fuckin cranked up, so high... Doing lemo in the pub is one of life's simple pleasures. Walks, no, SAUNTERS back, rippling with euphoria, the Bolivian marching powder washing through him. Pity the cunt who tries a wind up on him right now! He's a fuckin king! He's gonna ride some slag to literal death! He's gonna kick some cunt's cunt in! HE WILL BROOK NO FUCKING QUARREL

Then he rejoins his grandparents at the table, and tells the cunts he wants a fucking vindaloo and another pint too Nan. This waitress looks like she's gagging for a tube steak!
« Last Edit: February 23, 2019, 02:57:10 PM by ToneLa »