LEGEND GARY

[St_Eddie]

Legend Gary snorts a thick fuckin line of beak in the pub bogs. A fuckin slug! His eyes water, as it sinks down his throat, burning his nose, as he gets amped up. His system feels on fire... Woah... The sheer energy begins to course through his veins, he shakes, boots the bog door open wide and screams 'Hoowaaaah!' like Al Pacino and spanners the handdryer so hard he dents it with his ring.

He's so fuckin cranked up, so high... Doing lemo in the pub is one of life's simple pleasures. Walks, no, SAUNTERS back, rippling with euphoria, the Bolivian marching powder washing through him. Pity the cunt who tries a wind up on him right now! He's a fuckin king! He's gonna ride some slag to literal death! He's gonna kick some cunt's cunt in! HE WILL BROOK NO FUCKING QUARREL!

Then he rejoins his grandparents at the table, and tells the cunts he wants a fucking vindaloo and another pint too Nan. This waitress looks like she's gagging for a tube steak!

Would have been funnier if you'd left the last sentence off there.  The implication being that the Ledge was demanding a vindaloo and another pint, whilst around at his Grandparents for Sunday lunch.  Aside from that, good stuff!

8/10

[ToneLa]

Oh that would have been good! Could have added the phrase 'stuff your poxy roast, Nan'. Thanks, I will continue to observe Legend Garys in the wild and write up my notes in this thread.

[jenna appleseed]

The 'waitress' was actually his mum with a gravy boat.

[ToneLa]

His grandad was in a coffin in the front room, and Legend Gary was only there to say goodbye.

Fuckin sausage rolls. Come on Nan, vindaloo or bust! Becks too this one is fucking DEAD (Gary slams the bottle down so hard it cracks).

... He's such a Ledge he even got barred. Grandad would be proud. Probably

[Kryton]

LEGEND GARY discovers this thread!

[ToneLa]

LEGEND GARY discovers this thread!

That explains the PM saying I'm dead for spying on him

And the rest of yous.

[dex]

Ledge puts his moniker into Google and it promptly crashes.

[ToneLa]

Legend Gary changes his WhatsApp display picture to his erect cock.

What? He adds loads of birds off Tinder, just saves time. Explains why Daz fucking messages so much too! Got in touch today just to say 'plz stop sending me pix at 4am mate'. Daz just can't let go, the prick

[Huxleys Babkins]

Legend Gary spends six weeks learning how to use Photoshop, solely so he can provide Pubes Daz with the "evidence" that he once got "noshed off by that fit one off Sky Sports".

[dex]

Legend Gary spends six weeks learning how to use Photoshop

Absolutely ruined the community college course for the six other adults in that time.

[ToneLa]

A thirsty Gary observes the female bringing his pint over closely, and starts to laugh as it quivers, tumbles, and then crashes to the floor.

"WAHEEEEEEEEY!! "

Legend Gary chortles, stands up and dances a jig. He points at the clumsy female and starts calling her a fuck up. 'Fucked that one up, didn't you, fuck up? Haha! Aaaaaay! Dropped me fuckin pint though dickhead, sort it out. Get me another, you butterfingered fuck up!"

He hoots and honks with sheer mirth. It's so fucking funny when a mong drops a glass!

Suddenly he feels his arm gripped. 'Could you please show a bit of respect for your gran, Garold? The hearse will be here soon, she's been through so much, and please take your feet off the coffin. There's already a ring stain from the other Stellas..'

Legend Gary tells his mum to fuck right off. She sighs, takes it. The slag, just taking anything from Legend Gar! As do they all. He sups his fresh pint - EVENTUALLY - glad he's set the world to rights.

Grandad would be proud, the Nazi old clart. All this fuss over a simple pint. Women, eh?

[Huxleys Babkins]

Dear Mr. Gary,

Thank you for the sample of your autobiography, "Legendary Cunt". Whilst we agree that the title works on many levels, we don't believe it, nor the accompanying sample pack of obscene illustrations, to be suitable for our range.

Sincerely,

Jonathan Gruntham,

Scholastic UK

[dex]

Dear Mr. Gary,

Thank you for the sample of your autobiography, "Legendary Cunt". Whilst we agree that the title works on many levels, we don't believe it, nor the accompanying sample pack of obscene illustrations, to be suitable for our range.

Sincerely,

Jonathan Gruntham,

Scholastic UK

Good work. I chortled at this one.

[flotemysost]

Earlier today I had to check some Kafka reissues on Amazon, and there were some editions from another publisher under the title 'The LEGENDS Series' - naturally, my thoughts strayed to this thread.

LEGEND Gregor

Only gone and turned into a fucking BUG hasn't he the daft twat

Got to hand it to him - LEGENDARY way to skive off work

[Huxleys Babkins]

https://m.imgur.com/r/WTF/gVHuKFk

[Glebe]

https://m.imgur.com/r/WTF/gVHuKFk

"Harder, Gaz! Harder! Oh fuck!"

MENTAL RON (the third guy): That's what you said last night, Ledge! *runs away*

[ToneLa]

Legend Gary's aware it could be a struggle, this London pub crawl; that's a lot of pubs to visit, but he's absolutely sure he can handle all 32 lines

[petril]

but he's absolutely sure he can handle all 32 lines

and one's he's got them in him, he'll be raring to crack every single licenced premises he can find, open or not.

[king_tubby]

Legend Gary pisses on a badger.

'Fucking stripey faced cunt'

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Just a fat shit skunk really when you think about it

Let's feed that man an elastic band Daz

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Legend Gary's aware it could be a struggle, this London pub crawl; that's a lot of pubs to visit, but he's absolutely sure he can handle all 32 lines

Tube? Shit Mate

Using my God given legs god gave me from my ol mum

but it's 16.7 miles Gary

Oh alright then tube

[ToneLa]

Legend Gary googles Can You Snort Wine

[Glebe]

"Oi Ledge, fancy going transgender?"

"Indeed, Gaz, it's a whole new era for Ledge!"

[ToneLa]

I just don't know what went wrong between me, then, graduating a reasonable 2:2 in business studies from Stafford and me, now, allowing my spasmoid stupid face to merely type out the sheer supremacy of the man who busted my fucking face and with a foot up my stupid wife with a stupid face help call the police I'm being, and yes I am being forced to say this under duress, Legend Garied

[flotemysost]

Legend Gary gets a blowie off Momo

[Paul Calf]

Legend Gary meets David Gedge in a Gregg's halfway through a MASSIVE Leeds pub crawl and bursts his fucking nose for him.

[king_tubby]

The entire mid 80s to mid 90s Leeds indie music scene hoists Legend Gary above their shoulders and parades him around LS6.

When they put him down he decks them too. Fucking students.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Legend Gary goes blackface to Notting Hill carnival. "The lads know it's banter"

His corpse is described as "smithereens" 35 minutes later, by a Caffe Nero barista with a visible bogey.

[Prison Biscuits]

Legend Gary throws a Chinese man at a baby.

"Oh no, Gary, no, it's meant to be cheese!" groans Daz, checking his Twitter feed.

[Glebe]

"Here Ledge, I've got some washing powder pods, let's do this!"

"Fuck's sake Daz, you're normally ahead of the game but that's so last year."