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LEGEND GARY

Started by Shoulders?-Stomach!, February 09, 2016, 11:19:54 PM

Previous topic - Next topic

ToneLa

As the Ledge pours another borrowed tenner into the fruity, a now-skint Daz suggests Gary checks out gambleaware.co.uk

No need, Gary assures. He is well aware that he is gambling!


St_Eddie

"I've got a technique what ensures payment from the fruity, Daz."

"I don't think that's how it works, Gary.  It's based on luck."

"Nah, mate.  If you spin around five times whilst patting your head and shout 'CUNT' at the top of your lungs at 1:30 on a Sunday afternoon and then headbutt the machine, it always pays out!"

"Gary, mate.  This is the reason why you've been barred from nearly every pub in town."

"I know, mate.  The bastards don't like it when you win the jackpot."

Glebe

"How's the new job going, Ledge?"

"Didn't go. Spend the day in a field, six pack of Stella and a baggie of grass. Magic."

ToneLa

Quote from: Glebe on March 22, 2019, 08:07:50 PM
"How's the new job going, Ledge?"

"Didn't go. Spend the day in a field, six pack of Stella and a baggie of grass. Magic."

O shit I'm a legend..

ToneLa

#2614
It might surprise you lads but Legend Gary actually has an affinity for the Bible, the early books specifically.

After all, he loves to get so caned he's disabled!

"heard that one before mate" BAM Daz is banished, the filthy sodomite

"you've broken my fuckin nose!" Warned you I'd smite you Daz. Now fuck off and bash your bishop!

'that's not even a Bib-" BAM. Some sodomites require quite the banishing, but Legend Gary doth hath glorious vengeance to wreak upon the weak!! Old fucking Testament nigga.

Not giving you any lashes though Daz you'd probably like it.

St_Eddie

Legend Gary headbutts the edit glitch into oblivion.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

Legally though - I mean legally, speaking legal here... if you're a better driver than most then you can drink more, right?

No, Legend Gary.  Nevertheless, he spends the next six months doing so in an attempt to "change legal precedent" but only succeeds in hitting a horse and causing Karen to go into labour prematurely.

"You wanted that thing out of you didn't you? Fucking stop complaining then"

The first thing the baby hears is raised voices and adult tears.

king_tubby

Ha ha ha, look at all them twats marching, Daz. Fucking BREXIT la la la, BREXIT la la la. Second vote my arse

You didn't vote in the first one, Gary.

Voting is for poofs, Daz, as well you know.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

Legend Gary claims ownership of a car park because 'you never see anyone else using it do you'.

The council eventually bill him £500.00 for a clamping release fee and a skip to take away the sign saying "Now under ownership of Legend Gary"

This causes a degree of consternation in the Legend household.

"Sly fuckers did it when I was home rather than face me like a man - you just can't respect that"

Shoulders?-Stomach!

Legend Gary raises a glass to featuring for 8 straight years on PubWatch

"Not many cunts can say that! Another pint please barm...oh fuck"

Shoulders?-Stomach!

On his harmless way to pick up a loaf of white sliced, who should surround and accost Legend Gary physically but a hen troupe having it extra large. Not a bollock or arsecheek is left unfondled as they leave poor old Gal penniless and weeping on the cobbles, echoes of laughter cascading off the pitiless stones.

#me too

Glebe

"I'm a reasonable person, but they've got too many rights now, Daz."

"Eh?!"

dex

The Ledge regales some new colleagues with one of his tales https://www.facebook.com/onthetools/videos/2071495102915812/

St_Eddie



Shoulders?-Stomach!

Legend Gary harumphs about Ronnie Pickering getting a plaque and logs onto Youtube to find "Legend Gary! Legend Gary! I'm fucking Legend Gary!" on 13 views.

St_Eddie

Quote from: Shoulders?-Stomach! on March 26, 2019, 09:48:08 AM
Legend Gary harumphs about Ronnie Pickering getting a plaque and logs onto Youtube to find "Legend Gary! Legend Gary! I'm fucking Legend Gary!" on 13 views.

"13 views!  It's gone fucking viral, Daz!"

Glebe

"Look all I said woz that women are better off in the kitchen. I don't see why your new bird has such a bee in her bonnet about that, Daz."

"You've got to watch your P's and Q's with them nowadays, Ledge. They get a bit touchy if you don't like the Women's Lib and that."

"Bring back the old days, I say. My dad used to tell me about how they'd avoid sitting with the darkies during lunch breaks."

Shoulders?-Stomach!

Legend Gary takes 35 minutes to blink "Meant it" in morse code after ending up with locked in syndrome.

The carers walk out before he can finish "trolling you even now"

Shoulders?-Stomach!

Legend Gary's last meal on deathrow is "a gobful of labe"

Glebe

"Where you off to, Daz?"

"I have to collect my nephew from playschool, Ledge."

"Fuck's sake... they're wrapped in cotton wool, these days. When I was a small child, I was left to make me own way across treacherous main roads and that and when I got home me parents leathered shite out of me. Didn't do me any harm. Well, I did get hit by cars a few times. But I survived."

Paul Calf

"Comin' with, Gal?"

"Nah, court order doesn't expire for another 18 months. And it's GARY or LEGEND GARY you fuckin' cunt.

"Fuck Gary. That hurt like fuck."

"Say THANK YOU!"

'I wish I could remember the safe word,' thinks Daz.

Shoulders?-Stomach!


king_tubby

Gary, you said that balaclavas and niqabs and that are for cowards and bastards cos they hide the face, making non-verbal conversation impossible and causing distrust and dismay.

True, Daz, but if those PIP cunts recognise me on the telly they'll stop me benefits.


Glebe

GARY: By George, by Arthur, by King and Country! By Cheltenham, by Derbyshire, O yea! Come one! Come all! Come see my glorious kingdom!

DAZ: That's very poetic, Gary. Well done.

GARY: Cheers, Daz. Nationalism tends to bring out the passionate poet in me. Now, where's me flag? Mustn't be late, here's hoping it'll all kick off!

a duncandisorderly

Quote from: king_tubby on March 31, 2019, 07:09:20 PM




the soon to be even more reassuringly expensive stella's a nice touch, isn't it?

Glebe

"That's it, Daz. They've too many rights now. The white, straight male is now the minority!"

"So what are you going to do about it, Ledge?"

"I'm gonna email The Sun, after I finish this joint, like. Another game of FIFA '19, Daz? And pass us the Wagon Wheels."

St_Eddie

The day the laughter died.  The Ledge is still laughing.  He'll never stop laughing.  Laughs of pure hatred.

Glebe

Ledge comes into the flat draped in the St. George and covered in blood.

"What happened to you Gary?!"

"Never mind that, Daz. If the police call, I'm not in."

Glebe

"Don't mean to have a go or anything Gary, but sometimes you really sound like a Daily Mail reader!"

"Fuck's sake Daz I don't read them clever-clogs papers!"