LEGEND GARY

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Legend Gary is admitted into STOKE DEFENDERS OF THE NIGHT Paedo-Hunter Group after reassuring them that Gary only gets freaky when there's grass on the pitch. After seeing some shitty pictures of her on a cracked phone screen, the rest of the group concede she is pretty fit tbh.

[Glebe]

"Come and see,  Daz - 'Matches' O' Farrell has burnt down the shed!"

"Oh fuck, Ledge - the dog was in there!"

"HAHAHAHAHA!!!!"

[Glebe]

"It's alright, Ledge, Towzer the dog is alright!"

"Fuck's sake, Daz, you love animals more than people... what if it'd been me in that shed?"

"Wouldn't laughed, Ledge. Wouldn't laughed."

"Good man, Daz. Correct answer, no mercy."

[Hey, Punk!]

'Daz, mate, I'm an ephebophile. There's a big fucking difference.'

[madhair60]

Legend Gary unironically compares the meerkat.

[drummersaredeaf]

[Ferris]

I thought it was well known that typing "[any name] the hedgehog" into google images gave you a fucking shitload of low-quality children's fan art. Pop your name in there and marvel.

[St_Eddie]

I thought it was well known that typing "[any name] the hedgehog" into google images gave you a fucking shitload of low-quality children's fan art. Pop your name in there and marvel.

"...so you see, Daz.  There's no way that I drew that picture last night and uploaded it to DeviantArt under the name 'GaryTheLegend69'.  It must be a different Gary.  As for the crayons in the corner of me flat there.  Well they could be anyone's, innit."

[Glebe]

"Wouldn't laughed, Ledge. Wouldn't laughed."

That should be would've laughed, Ledge. Would've laughed.", ffs.

Anyway... Gary shoplifts at Aldi and tips a wink to the security guard, 'Dodgy' Malcolm.

[Glebe]

"Here Daz, what does 'forsk' mean?"

[drummersaredeaf]

I thought it was well known that typing "[any name] the hedgehog" into google images gave you a fucking shitload of low-quality children's fan art. Pop your name in there and marvel.

Should have known better. Though I am at a disadvantage in the knowledge stakes here with my given name being Knuckles.

[Glebe]

Daz comes into the flat and discovers Gary standing in front of a Union Jack flag, saluting with one hand and holding his phone on a selfie stick with the other.

"Watcha doin', Gary?"

"I'm recording a special message for Our Brave Boys fighting the talibans in the Falklands."

"Right that's it the last straw you mental bastard."

[Glebe]

"I'm sorry, sir but this is the cheapest we have this particular model for. Maybe I can interest you in a cheaper laptop?"

"I WANT THIS ONE!" screams Gary, slamming his can of Stella down on the laptop.

"Sir, we don't allow alcohol in here, nor aggressive behaviour - I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to leave!"

"Get fucked, y'fucking twat!" growls Gary, smashing the laptop up.

"That's enough, mate! SECURITY-"

"Oh no y'don't y'fucker-"

LATER:

"Can you describe in detail what happened, er Daz, is it?"

"Yes, officer... er, Gary was just politely asking to look at a cheaper laptop, when the shop assistant started getting shirty."

"This is the shop assistant that's having a laptop removed from his anus, right?"

[Glebe]

Gary smashes a parrot against a garage.

[dex]

Daz is blasting out Toploader's dancing in the moonlight on his Huawei phone. Needless to say Ledge punches it to oblivion until all the microchips and diodes are pulverised. The Chinese spy monitoring the unusual activity remotely is shocked. Karaoke banger in his district.

[Glebe]

"Fancy a game of footie with the lads, Daz?"

"Nah Gary, bit tired to be honest."

"LADS! DAZ IS BEING A WEEK POOF! KILL HIM!"

[Glebe]

"For the horde!"

"You playin' that Worlds of Warcrafts nerd shite, Daz?"

"Yes Gary I love it I simply love it."

"C'mere, Daz, y'fooking geek fuckin kill yah."

[Glebe]

"Do you see a Godard influence in Agnes Varda's work, Daz?"

[Paul Calf]

Daz is blasting out Toploader's dancing in the moonlight on his Huawei phone. Needless to say Ledge punches it to oblivion until all the microchips and diodes are pulverised. The Chinese spy monitoring the unusual activity remotely is shocked. Karaoke banger in his district.

I'm with Gary on this one, I'm afraid.

[dex]

I'm with Gary on this one, I'm afraid.

No shame in that. Everyone is a little on the Ledge spectrum somewhere...

[Paul Calf]

Toploader brings out the Gaz in me.

[Glebe]

"Open the windows, Daz!"

"But Gary, the neighbours are already going berserk... the entire street will be out for our blood!"

"TURN THAT SHIT UP! 'It's nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice...'"

[Glebe]

"Here Daz, I just got Boycie's autograph!"

"No way! You bump into John Challis, then?"

"Who? Any road, punched the fucker in the face, couldn't resist. Still a comedy favorite, though!"

[flotemysost]

'It was a fuckin... minge binge in there, Daz, I'm telling ya. A yeast feast. A punani army.'

'Glad your first volunteering shift at the retirement home for servicemen's widows went well, Ledge.'

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Legend Gary calls a white haired member of the British Legion harmlessly out asking for donations a 'fucking Beefeater' and does that whole dancing with some lager held aloft right into his face.

Loves Heroes though, Britain's Best. Best Army in the world bar none. Fucking nut anyone who says otherwise.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Intersex? Yes, Legend Gary is well intersex

[Glebe]

"Daz? Come to the Dog & Hammer immediately! Bring butter!"

"What you up to, Gary?"

"I done trapped me hand in the fruity! I managed to call you with the other!"

"Alright then. Wait a minute... will Flora margarine do?"

"Fuck's sake mate. Fuck's sake."

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Legend Gary and his fellow stamgasty gather around the stammtisch and discuss the issues of the day over a few mugs of ale. Current topic, how well equipped Legend Gary is to step into Jeremy Kyle's shoes.

After all, he is a size 9 as well, aha hahaha! Not bad actually

[Glebe]

"DIE, RAGHEAD SCUM!"

"Gary, it's only a game!"

"You know I like to play rough, Daz... and these guns don't have real lazers on 'em! Fucking nanny state!"

[Glebe]

"I dunno Daz, with all this Brexit going on I'm thinking of voting for the EDL."

"Go back to sleep, Gary."

"I only just got up!"

"I know. I know."