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LEGEND GARY

Started by Shoulders?-Stomach!, February 09, 2016, 11:19:54 PM

Previous topic - Next topic

Glebe

"Fucking masterpiece, Daz! Better than The Godfather!"

"Sounds great Gary must go see John Wick 3 meself."

Sebastian Cobb

Quote from: Glebe on May 14, 2019, 02:52:52 PM
"Daz? Come to the Dog & Hammer immediately! Bring butter!"

"What you up to, Gary?"

"I done trapped me hand in the fruity! I managed to call you with the other!"

"Alright then. Wait a minute... will Flora margarine do?"

"Fuck's sake mate. Fuck's sake."

Wonderful

Shoulders?-Stomach!

Legend Gary doesn't drink any of that Dutch shite. Absolutely not. Take that shit away and get me a proper lager. It's a long, long, long, long weekend ahead in Amsterdam.

St_Eddie

"Fakkin' Amsterdam, mate.  This time tomorrow, we'll be living it large in the land of the bifta.  Wankered off our tits and beating up the fairies wearing gay clogs.  You 'aving that, Daz?"

"Too bloody right, mate."

"I said are you 'aving that, mate?"

"Fuck, yeah!"

"You fakkin' 'aving that though, mate?"

"I'm not only having it, I'm bloody loving it, mate."

"I said, I said, are you 'aving that, mate?"

"You know it, Ledge."

"ARE YOU FAKKIN' 'AVING IT, MATE?"

"FUCK YEAH!"

"Say it like you mean it.  ARE YOU FUKKIN' 'AVING IT, MATE?"

"FUCK YEAH, I'M FUCKING HAVING IT!  NO-ONE'S HAVING IT LIKE I AM."

"I can't hear you, mate.  ARE. YOU. 'AVING. IT?"

"YES. MATE."

"You betta fakkin' be sure if you're gonna keep up with the Ledge in Amsterdam.  So, YOU FAKKIN' 'AVING IT, MATE?

"Yep."

"You fakkin' sure, mate?  You ain't gonna bottle it?  ARE YOU GONNA FAKKIN' 'AVE IT?

"Hmm hmm."

"FAKKIN' 'AVE IT, WILL YOU, MATE?"

"Yes."

"FAKKIN' SURE YOU'LL BE 'AVING IT, DAZ?"

"..."

"Daz, Daz..."

"..."

"ARE YOU GONNA FUKKIN' 'AV..."

"Shut the fuck up, Gary."


Paul Calf

Amsterdam, Day 1: Gary has to be escorted back to his hotel room gibbering and green-faced after two pints of Heineken and three puffs on a small spliff made of third-rate dirt weed.

"'AVIN' IT GARY?"

"fffff-fffuck off...fffuck..."

St_Eddie

Amsterdam, Day 2: "Yeah, thing about last night, right.  The thing about last night, Daz.  The thing you've gotta appreciate, right, is that I wolfed down some ultra strong magic mushrooms and a few tabs of acid when you weren't looking.  That stuff will put the fear of God into Satan himself."

"Okay, Ledge.  If you say so."

"You're damn right I fucking say so.  Now, let's forget about all these silly little details of who ingested what drugs last night.  Today's a new day and today I feel like Don, so let's go and burn down a windmill."

"Heh, I guess that would make me Sancho Panza to your Don Quixote, hey, Gary?"

"What the fuck are you waffling on about, you great big poofter.  The Don.  Don Corleone.  Have you never watched The Godfather?  Fuck me, Daz.  You're so fucking uncultured.

king_tubby

Amsterdam, Day 3: 'FUCK OFF DAZ IT WAS A WOMAN IT FUCKING WAS AND IF YOU TELL ANYONE I SUCKED HER COCK I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL FUCKING END YOU'

'It's not me you have to convince, Gary, it's @glinner'

Glebe

"Here Daz, I've got the drunken munchies... hey look, a KFC!"

"That's just an advertisement for KFC on the side of a bus, Ledge."

"Ah fuck you Daz! Three piece meal with a coke please, mister bus driver! Child fare."

Glebe

A&E,MIDNIGHT.

NURSE: Ooh, I think your nose is broken, mate. Not to worry, Dr. Chakraborty will be here in a minute.

LEDGE: Send him back.

St_Eddie

"Send him all the way back across the fakkin' pond to bongo bongo land, or they'll be two fakkin' broken noses in this hospital tonight."

Glebe

Quote from: St_Eddie on May 27, 2019, 08:12:26 AM"Send him all the way back across the fakkin' pond to bongo bongo land, or they'll be two fakkin' broken noses in this hospital tonight."

NURSE: Er, we better get Doctor Joon-ho instead.

LEDGE: Aw fack me.




Shoulders?-Stomach!

Sorry guys but in my opinion Legend Gary would demand 'a proper doctor with a raghead' if he was in hospital and a white man approached.

'You know they're proper then'

Fambo Number Mive

Quote from: Glebe on May 21, 2019, 02:36:13 AM
"Here Daz, I've got the drunken munchies... hey look, a KFC!"

"That's just an advertisement for KFC on the side of a bus, Ledge."

"Ah fuck you Daz! Three piece meal with a coke please, mister bus driver! Child fare."

Not the first time Gary has been fooled by something on the side of a bus.

dex

Quote from: Fambo Number Mive on May 27, 2019, 10:48:10 AM
Not the first time Gary has been fooled by something on the side of a bus.

Sat through the entirety of Mama Mia at Shaftsbury Avenue expecting a delicious pizza.

Glebe

Quote from: Fambo Number Mive on May 27, 2019, 10:48:10 AMNot the first time Gary has been fooled by something on the side of a bus.

I imagine he's spotted the ad for that The Missing Link animated film featuring the tagline 'The Legend'.

jenna appleseed

Quote from: Glebe on May 27, 2019, 03:38:09 PM
I imagine he's spotted the ad for that The Missing Link animated film featuring the tagline 'The Legend'.

Plans to sue them for stealing his catchphrase.

Glebe

Gary takes a shit on a copy of the TV Times. "Just leave that there for Daz, heh, top laffz!"

St_Eddie

Gary frames a poster of Scarface and hangs it on his wall.

"Fakkin' mint, Daz.  Tony Montana's the man I aspire to be.  That movie was made as an instructional video on how to live your life, innit."

Glebe

"Here Daz, did you reckon we should invite Mad Len over to the table? He's sitting on his tod at the bar, there."

"Yeah, good idea, Ledge! I'll go get hi-"

"NO, WAIT, DAZ. I may have spoken rashly. I have to consider whether or not I can have a black for a drinking buddy."

"Fuck's sake, Gary, I know you're not exactly politically correct but that's some pretty horrible racial prejudice right there!"

"Yeah, you're right, Daz. That's reason enough for him not to join us."

dex

Do won, cunt! Ledge scrawls onto a red gas bill and posts it back to the energy company.

Week later a 6 page clarification letter of his previous statement arrives through the door.

"I keep these cunts in work, Daz. That's the thing!"

Shoulders?-Stomach!

Legend Gary starts calling everyone PLANKTON

Glebe

"Here lads, look what Gary's sent us!" chirps Daz as he enters the pub, carrying a large piece of cardboard adorned with a blown-up photo of Ledge with a speech bubble coming out of his mouth saying, "Alright lads, hope to see you in a few months!"

"That's nice," notes Knives Phillip, "Didn't know Gary had gone away on a trip!"

"The conviction, Knives," mumbles Daz, "The conviction."

Glebe



"Can't fuckin believe this Daz, the actual garage where Del found his millionaire watch! Weird it's not actually in London and we had to travel all the way down to Bristol!"

"I think they had to start filming here when the show first became really popular, Ledge."

"Yeah whatever just hurry up and take the fuckin photo Daz might be some sheep shaggers about hur hur!"

Glebe

"Daz, I'm confused. Now they're all wearing different things and saying weird things and they're all the colours of the rainbow! And some of them are acting gay in public, without so much as a how do you please!"

"I dunno, Gary. Maybe we're getting old, eh?"

"Yeah, I guess it's just difficult adjusting to the behaviour of the new generation. Nevermind... get the plank, Daz, I fancy some violence."

Glebe

"Daz, there's a woman in a burka out there."

"It's the lady that's just moved in next door. She's very nice, actually."

"But... but Daz, we can't have them coming over 'ere converting our young to muslam. The next thing you know, they'll all be eating curry and planning bomb attacks!"

"That's a really weird, ignorant thing to say, Gary. Come on, mate, sit down... I'll pop the kettle on, we'll have another game of FIFA!"

"Is there Wagon Wheels in the press? Can I have some?"

"Yes, Gary... now come on, sit down, like a good boy!"

"Yes, Daz... thank you, Daz!"

Fambo Number Mive

Gary considers backing Gove after the coke revelation but after the tax cut news.decides to stick with Legend Johnson. Writes to Gove to ask if he fancies meeting a dedicated Tory member for a "pie and a snort, know what I mean Mike"

Glebe

"It's like Jim Davidson says Daz, these 'alternatives' to comedians all went to university. I tell you, ain't none of 'em ever been out to Afghanistan with Our Brave Boys!"

"Right, so their material would more reflect your life if they had, eh, Gary?"

"Don't get sarky, mate. All I'm saying is, I ain't never been to the Open University like them lot."

Glebe

"There you go Dad, Father's Day card!"

"Cheers, Gary, yah bastard! And remember, you really are a bastard!"

Fambo Number Mive

"You're getting very political on Twitter, Daz": https://twitter.com/daz0602/status/1138758664511246336

"Just don't think people with different political views to me should be in Parliament, Gary. Also, I'm a big fan of the Union Jack."

Fambo Number Mive

Gary makes some additions to his BEST OF BORIS Youtube video, now on 20,000 views.