Author Topic: LEGEND GARY (Read 140137 times)

Glebe · « **Reply #2790 on:** July 08, 2019, 10:19:48 AM »

"The Chinese are planting drones in our minds, Daz. That's why I don't order from the Chinese no more."

"Cor, now that you mention it, I quite fancy a chicken in black bean sauce. Fancy anything yourself, Gary?"

"Wonton soup and a portion of egg fried rice for me, Daz. Here, you can use me new Huawei phone."

Fambo Number Mive · « **Reply #2791 on:** July 09, 2019, 02:58:18 AM »

Legend Gary uploads his selfie with Johnson to Facebook

poo · « **Reply #2792 on:** July 09, 2019, 09:13:49 AM »

Wrong one

Shoulders?-Stomach! · « **Reply #2793 on:** July 09, 2019, 09:34:21 AM »

'' Abort! Abort abort abort! ''

Gary is holding it together for the sake of the young lady.

Glebe · « **Reply #2794 on:** July 09, 2019, 10:31:25 AM »

"I ain't ever going to Sweden after watching that Midsummer Murders, Daz."

"There was a bit of shagging in it, though. That was good."

Shoulders?-Stomach! · « **Reply #2795 on:** July 09, 2019, 11:35:58 PM »

Legend Gary buys a dog and has it mate with the wife of an acquaintance

Shoulders?-Stomach! · « **Reply #2796 on:** July 09, 2019, 11:43:20 PM »

Legend Gary and a doctor work out how to perform a circumcision without cutting the penis.

Shoulders?-Stomach! · « **Reply #2797 on:** July 09, 2019, 11:48:10 PM »

Legend Gary has a "new job" in which he goes to a hospital's basement to "cure cancer".

Shoulders?-Stomach! · « **Reply #2798 on:** July 09, 2019, 11:51:09 PM »

Legend Gary wears an arse hat during his first meeting with God.

Shoulders?-Stomach! · « **Reply #2799 on:** July 09, 2019, 11:52:33 PM »

Legend Gary tries to be a horse surgeon so as to save the village from some "scary horse people"

dex · « **Reply #2800 on:** July 10, 2019, 12:11:19 PM »

Legend Gary loses a bet and has to fuck a dog as a forfeit. He is conflicted. For he doesn't know how to preserve his image and reputation. Does he just dip his wick? Or does he go full bore and complete the job? He is the Ledge, after all. Too much thinking to do in too little time as the Alsation is brought out of the kennel...

Shoulders?-Stomach! · « **Reply #2801 on:** July 10, 2019, 01:07:27 PM »

Legend Gary visits the kebab shop HOT STUFF in Leeds and orders 'straight out arse hell and regret, cheers boss'.

Fambo Number Mive · « **Reply #2802 on:** July 10, 2019, 01:38:03 PM »

Legend Gary tries to recant the "iconic" American Pie scene but forgets that in the original the pie was not baking hot.

"That was your tea, Gary" his mum tells him as they sit in A&E.

ZoyzaSorris · « **Reply #2803 on:** July 10, 2019, 02:48:56 PM »

Legend Gary writes a book, even though he can't read.
The Handgeezer's Tale.
It's a dystopian future where no one is allowed to be a fucking honking great legend.

Shoulders?-Stomach! · « **Reply #2804 on:** July 10, 2019, 03:10:13 PM »

Quote from: Fambo Number Mive on July 10, 2019, 01:38:03 PM

Legend Gary tries to recant the "iconic" American Pie scene but forgets that in the original the pie was not baking hot.

"That was your tea, Gary" his mum tells him as they sit in A&E.

Decent one

poo · « **Reply #2805 on:** July 10, 2019, 03:21:29 PM »

Legend Gary demonstrates his MMA moves on an escaped tortoise.

Glebe · « **Reply #2806 on:** July 10, 2019, 03:23:18 PM »

"What you reading, Gary?"

"It's a biography of Jonathan Miller from Beyond the Fringe, Daz. It is an insightful, witty and satisfying read."

"I thought you woz an illiterate thug, though, Gary."

"I am not merely one of those working-class oiks one has the misfortune of passing in the street on occasion, Daz. I am a subtle, nuanced character."

ZoyzaSorris · « **Reply #2807 on:** July 10, 2019, 07:48:20 PM »

At no point did I intend to insinuate Gary can't read, Glebe. Gary can read. That was just to give his Simon & Schuster elevator pitch a bit of edge after Baz said he risked coming across 'pale, male, and stale, and a fucking belm' to the modern diversity-conscious commissioning editor when they wargamed the meeting.

Glebe · « **Reply #2808 on:** July 10, 2019, 09:52:26 PM »

Quote from: ZoyzaSorris on July 10, 2019, 07:48:20 PM

At no point did I intend to insinuate Gary can't read, Glebe. Gary can read. That was just to give his Simon & Schuster elevator pitch a bit of edge after Baz said he risked coming across 'pale, male, and stale, and a fucking belm' to the modern diversity-conscious commissioning editor when they wargamed the meeting.

I'm not sure that I actually saw your post Zoyza! Or maybe I subliminally took it in.

Fambo Number Mive · « **Reply #2809 on:** July 11, 2019, 09:15:03 AM »

Legend Gary starts a Kickstarter to get all the characters from Gavin and Stacey tattooed on his back. It's taken down after an hour and Legend Gary writes to the local paper he never usually reads calling it "PC gone mad".

Fambo Number Mive · « **Reply #2810 on:** July 11, 2019, 02:26:38 PM »

Legend Gary rips off one of his aunt's fence panels to create a placard. Gets paint all over the rug as he writes "JAIYED FOR JURNALISM" on it.

He'll blame his uncle when his aunt gets back from the doctor's.

Shoulders?-Stomach! · « **Reply #2811 on:** July 11, 2019, 10:31:06 PM »

What so you get put in prison for telling the truth now!?

Legend Gary is at home watching the news but makes a mental note of that blinder for later use.

Glebe · « **Reply #2812 on:** July 12, 2019, 06:55:20 PM »

DAZ: Where's that music coming from? Gary, you in there?

LEDGE: How many times have I told you to knock, Daz?!?

petrilTanaka · « **Reply #2813 on:** July 13, 2019, 10:00:24 AM »

Quote from: Shoulders?-Stomach! on July 11, 2019, 10:31:06 PM

What so you get put in prison for telling the truth now!?

Legend Gary is at home watching the news but makes a mental note of that blinder for later use.

for use once every four minutes, at least. that's the remainder of summer, autumn and winter sorted for patter

king_tubby · « **Reply #2814 on:** July 13, 2019, 10:10:33 PM »

Legend Gary shits in a pint glass.

At a bar mitzvah.

Cold Meat Platter · « **Reply #2815 on:** July 14, 2019, 12:04:24 AM »

Legend Gary shits in a jiffy bag and sends it to Santa.

petrilTanaka · « **Reply #2816 on:** July 14, 2019, 12:29:40 PM »

Legend Gary shits in Semi-Chem. Gets beligerent when the staff don't share in his joy. And when various internet platforms aren't paying him at least five figures when they share the shit quality CCTV video.

He denies it was him, while simultaneously bragging about it. Gets beligerent at the fact that people will put the easiest two and two together they've ever had. Gary only put one two.

Shoulders?-Stomach! · « **Reply #2817 on:** July 14, 2019, 02:51:06 PM »

Quote from: king_tubby on July 13, 2019, 10:10:33 PM

Legend Gary shits in a pint glass.

At a bar mitzvah.

While loudly banging on about anticemeteryism in Labour

Shoulders?-Stomach! · « **Reply #2818 on:** July 14, 2019, 02:53:13 PM »

Legend Gary shits in a van
Legend Gary shits in an ice cream and Eats it
Legend Gary shits in a girl's clutch bag. Hold that for me love.
Legend Gary shits hard in a toilet.
Legend Gary's shits attract bears.
Legend Gary shits on the doorstep of his mates caravan
Legend Gary picks up his own shit and throws up
Legend Gary shits in an Asda freezer
Legend Gary doing a shit is his famous 'Downs impression'

phes · « **Reply #2819 on:** July 14, 2019, 03:00:29 PM »

Some students are playing keepy-uppy on the pavement. The football bounces into the road: Legend Gary hits the brakes on his Audi, gets out and slashes the ball, deflating it.

THERE COULD'VE BEEN KIDS IN MY CAR YOU FUCKING RETARD CUNTS. GROW UP YOU FUCKING RETARD CUNTS, he bellows.

News:

Author Topic: LEGEND GARY (Read 140137 times)