Eurovision 2016

[Mr Eggs]

Oh hello.

[Crabwalk]

Solid enough stuff from Melinda Messingersson

[Mr Eggs]

This is what we want. Nonsense.

[Morrison Lard]

This is what we want. Nonsense.

Absolutely.

Daft as fuck this, and I love it.

[Morrison Lard]

oh my god, who's this rapping lunatic!?

WINNAR

[Mr Eggs]

FUCKING HELL!

[Crabwalk]

Fucking great stuff!

No chance of getting through.

[Mr Eggs]

And the singing lass is wearing one of Divine's cast-off dresses.

[Crabwalk]

Scott Mills gleans no enjoyment from the event whatsoever and doesn't even try to be entertaining. Why does he get this gig every year?

[Morrison Lard]

That Bosnia one was incredible. I almost stood up and applauded at the end.

From now on, I'm only ever going to visit countries if their Eurovision entries are crackers.

Cat Deeley doing Malta proud here.

[Morrison Lard]

Scott Mills gleans no enjoyment from the event whatsoever and doesn't even try to be entertaining. Why does he get this gig every year?

It's a fucking travesty.

Me, you and Eggs should get the job.

[Morrison Lard]

I wonder if the "proper" Oscillations people will swing by anytime.

I bet we're like the Corbyn thread to them.

Soz boyz. Normally we're Picture Boxers, but owing to an administrative error we're in here this year!

[Crabwalk]

I'd genuinely love NoSleep to commentate.

[Mr Eggs]

Scott Mills gleans no enjoyment from the event whatsoever and doesn't even try to be entertaining. Why does he get this gig every year?

I reckon Paul Scholes could do a job.

[Crabwalk]

The Neville brothers are experienced in Europe now. Phil could provide the banter and Gary the analysis.

[Mr Eggs]

Bastards.  Brexit.

[Morrison Lard]

As expected Bosnia and San Marino bow out, they gave a good account of themselves though.
Playing for pride there, Clive.

See you Thursday night, gang!

[Crabwalk]

Same every year. The interesting ones fall at the semis. I can't watch live on Saturday so I'm not as bothered this year.

[23 Daves]

A really dull semi-final, I thought - of course, it was lovely of George Galloway to agree to represent San Marino in that way, but perhaps inevitable that he did about as well with the Eurovision phone voters as he managed during the London Mayoral elections. Still, we always knew Uncle George had a way with the glitzy ladeez.

But, more than ever - and I do KNOW that this is Eurovision and people adopt cynical tactics all the time - those songs seemed phoned in. Big, hollering choruses. Lots of howling and early noughties club beats. Buzzing synths. Like most of the winners in the last decade.

Though there does seem to be a new rule-of-thumb that every year, there will be a country-tinged act in the finals, so well done Netherlands for being this year's effort. Shades of Del Amitri about their effort, I thought, even if all they really did was repeat the chorus a lot then throw in a bit of silence for good measure.

To my ears, Cyprus and Austria (a truly old-school Eurovision ditty) were the most acceptable, but I wouldn't listen to either out of choice.

I'm wondering if the big four might actually do unexpectedly well this year. That or Russia will walk it, despite not being that astounding an entry.

[bomb_dog]

Did a 'pick 10 you reckon'll go through' with myself, and I got 8 right.

After last years interact-with-the-backgrounds, three lots did this tonight. Surely Russia can't win with this admittedly clever gimmick?

[23 Daves]

Russia are the bookies' favourites, and (unlike me) the bookies have the time to scour Internet forums and polls and get a firm impression of who Europe is most favouring. In the last ten years, their predictions have been pretty much on-the-nail, which has made the contest a little less exciting and unpredictable. It's only when you get weird last-minute surges of support for certain entries (such as Lordi) that the apple-cart gets upset.

This is the downside of the Internet. So far as the Eurovision Song Contest is concerned, you can often see who the winner is going to be, because people are voting in online polls already. Admittedly these are the Eurovision faithful, though, and it's harder to predict how casual viewers on the night may respond. That's why it's always good to have a country or MOR pop tune somewhere in the mix, just so the Radio Two listeners have someone they feel inspired to make a call for.

Russia also work their arses off to win, usually touring their entry around the continent to ensure they have maximum airplay and visibility before the contest. Putin has stated that he thinks winning Eurovision is "important", and you can bet your bottom dollar he applies pressure to everyone involved. He's probably one of the only leaders of a major nation who feels the contest is vital to his country's image in the world. I'd say he's off his box, but that's just my opinion. Hey, I'm going right out on a limb here...

[Morrison Lard]

See you Thursday night, gang!

Comes round quick don't it.

40mins til kick-off!

[Crabwalk]

Papa papa - bendi bendi

Papa papa - bendi bendi

Papa papa - bendi bendi

Thank you very much.

[Mr Eggs]

That big-beaked lad on The Sky at Night is getting me reet in the Eurovision mood.

[Morrison Lard]

I can't watch live on Saturday so I'm not as bothered this year.

For frig's sake, Crabwalk.

Once a year is all we ask, that's all :(

[Crabwalk]

Who am I kidding. Of course I'm bothered.

But it's the missus' birthday, which falls on the day after she makes her final submission on a 2 year part-time course, which she's done while working full-time and being a mum to a boy under 5.

So the least I can do is take her to Nandos.

I'll be recording the show though and hope to watch it on Sunday. Won't be the same without you guys of course, sniff.

[Morrison Lard]

Now this is satire

Edit : Yes. We can vote tonight!

[Mr Eggs]

Dull. Fuck off Latvia.

NEXT.

[Crabwalk]

Ed Sheeran's doing George Michael on Stars in Their Eyes.

[Morrison Lard]

Dreadful and soulless.

Hope he don't spill beer down his dad's jacket later.