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Okay, really piss-poor claims to fame here, please.

Started by Deadman97, November 02, 2004, 09:48:57 PM

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Captain Crunch


Sheriff John Indolent

My workmate claims he saw Boy George at the weekend picking up litter on Old Street voluntarily, whilst his friend irritatedly shooed him on to wherever they were going and a cab driver shouted shit, unimaginative heckles all based around chasing the titles of Culture Club songs to have something to do with picking up rubbish, including the breathtakingly feeble "Do You Really Want To Pick Up Rubbish?"

chumfatty

I went to see Pearl Jam in Dublin last month, the day after whilst walking through Temple Bar area I saw Thom Yorke (Radiohead and Beck were playing that night). Wasn't quite sure it was him at first and started following him for a bit, then when I saw people 'double-taking' him (not in a sexual way) I was convinced.

Anyway, Im not into the Autograph hunting thing, but I was inches from the man whilst we waited to cross the road, a car stopped in front of me and I had walk around it cross the road, so I walked around then walked straight up to him and he stared right at me with this look of 'oh shit I've been rumbled', I sauntered straight past and took my girlie by the hand and carried on. Still I was quite chuffed to have seen him though.

Brutus Beefcake

How could you not be sure it was him?  Surely the wonky eye is a bit of a give away?

niat

The bloke who's buying my house is the son of one of the Grumbleweeds.

swarfmonkey

My dad beat Peter Stringfellow up years before he was famous.

MonkeyDrummer

Quote from: "swarfmonkey"My dad beat Peter Stringfellow up years before he was famous.

Your Dad's famous? Who is he?

swarfmonkey

My completely unfamous dad beat Peter Stringfellow up years before he (Peter cunting Stringfellow, not my dad) was famous.



Is that better?

butnut

My nephew (3 next month) is at a pre-nursey thing with two of Frankie Dettori's children. They have a nanny each, plus a third one who speaks only Italian to them, so they grow up to be bilingual.

Gazeuse

I've just found out that Robbie Williams' next single is a cover of a song by the feller who used to be bassist in my very first band...He was 9 and the rest of us were 14. I wish I could say that I taught him everything I knew, but I didn't know anything then. We used to play the local lonley hearts club/Age concern/schools...All very glamorous stuff!!!

I know what the general thoughts on the board are on Mr. Williams, but I hope for my little pal's sake that it does well and he makes a fucking mint out of this and kickstarts his own career. He chose a less rustic path than my own and has had a few troubles so far, so it's great that he's got this song placed with such a big star!!!

Lewis Taylor...That's his name.

clareQuilty

Jane Longhurst (the murdered teacher whose mother started that whole violent porn crusade) used to teach music at my secondary school. She couldn't control any of the classes she had and suffered a mini-breakdown.
In a rather crap Butterfly Effect way we're all responsible for her death.

Quote from: "clareQuilty"In a rather crap Butterfly Effect way we're all responsible for her death.

Don't forget the clampdown on violent porn.  And the "violent porn - illegal!" thread

I sat on a plane down to London from Manchester with chubby lank-haired comic John Mahoney, not seen much of him in absolutely ages. Can't even remember if he's any good but he wrote a bit for TV Burp so can't be too bad.

actwithoutwords

Forgot about this one. Ashleigh Jackson, sister of TV's Joshua (Pacey in Dawson's Creek) ended up in my flat at 3 in the morning playing Super Mario Kart on my SNES. Unfortunately, I had decided to head to my girlfriend's place that night. Joshua would have been there also had he not copped off with a girl I knew and headed back to his hotel.
Clarificatory edit: My place, not my girlfriend's. I'd draw the line at that, I don't care how popular he was amongst T4 watchers.

Purple Tentacle

Blimey! A woman who enjoys SNES Mario Kart? Nice!

I was once at a party with the (gorgeous) daughter of a high-ranking Anglican Bishop, and she caught me letting her win at SNES Mario Kart, and got really angry at me. In fact, remembering it now has brought back severe pangs of regret and lost opportunity. Thanks a lot.

Gazeuse

Goodness!!!

Not only have I never seen Dawson's Creek or know who Ashley Jackson or Joshua thingy is, I don't know what a SNES Mario Kart is either.

I'm just off to shave my ears.

Purple Tentacle

Performing a "Snes Mario Kart" on a bishop's daughter is illegal in most European countries I believe.

fanny splendid

My cousin was the 'face' (and various other parts of the body) of Dirt Bike magazine for the year 2005...

Muel 2

Quote from: "chumfatty"I went to see Pearl Jam in Dublin last month, the day after whilst walking through Temple Bar area I saw Thom Yorke (Radiohead and Beck were playing that night). Wasn't quite sure it was him at first and started following him for a bit, then when I saw people 'double-taking' him (not in a sexual way) I was convinced.

Anyway, Im not into the Autograph hunting thing, but I was inches from the man whilst we waited to cross the road, a car stopped in front of me and I had walk around it cross the road, so I walked around then walked straight up to him and he stared right at me with this look of 'oh shit I've been rumbled', I sauntered straight past and took my girlie by the hand and carried on. Still I was quite chuffed to have seen him though.

When I was a child my family would go to a nice little camp site in Cornwall most years.  Right on the beach there was a cottage and a pub, I remember wanting one day to live in  that cottage.  Anyway about 9 years ago I went back there with some friends and we were in the pub and Thom Yorke walked in.  Turns out he had bought that cottage. So I hit him. I didn't hit him. Someone did put a Radiohead song on the Jukebox so he went outside till the song was finished.

Glebe

I brushed past Bob Carolgees in a Safeways, once.

Okay, I didn't.

terminallyrelaxed

Quote from: "Gazeuse"Lewis Taylor...That's his name.

And surely one that was meant to be in lights.

Dark Sky

Quote from: "swarfmonkey"My completely unfamous dad beat Peter Stringfellow up years before he (Peter cunting Stringfellow, not my dad) was famous.

Wow, the guy two posts up from you had a dad who beat up Peter Stringfellow as well!  Incredible!

My mum revealed recently that she used to be friends with the parents of the woman who played the White Witch in the BBC TV adaptation of The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe.

John Self

Well I'm as good as friends with her, in a sense, as I've Been On Telly.

When I was eight, me and my family spent a fortnight in the Pontins holiday camp at Morecambe. It was a pretty depressing stay -a tedious blur of foul weather, grim food and being raped by Redcoats- but there was a definite lift in the whole camp's spirits  as we were told that a segment of Harty, a show featuring Russell "romantically linked with Grace Jones" Harty, was being filmed there. It was only a short clip, a five-minute report I think, and was to culminate in a scene wherein a group of kids dressed as cowboys chased a redcoat (who was dressed as a Red Indian) all the way round the camp, up to the swimming-pool, where a specially-selected child then had the honour of following him up the ladder to the diving-board and then pushing him in, to all the other kids' applause and laughter. (I'm with SOTCAA on this one: you just don't get that kind of comedy anymore.)

In order to work out which child got that honour, the camp held a talent contest. I entered, did a few magic tricks, and received second place (losing out to some six year old tap-dancing SLAG), which upset me so much I felt like bursting into tears there and then, onstage, as they announced it. So I did. Seemed to help though, as I was hastily awarded the consolation prize of being allowed to take up vanguard of the pack of kids (of whom there was about a hundred), and thus a greater likelihood of 'screen-time'. My sisters, too. You can imagine, at eight years old, how I excited I was- fame, at long last!

Anyway, the week or so leading up to the 'gig', all the children of the camp were instructed to set about whining and wheedling for their Mums to either make cowboy costumes, or buy the ones suddenly on sale at the camp supermarket. My Mum decided to save a bit of cash, and so spent two days making, for me and my sisters, Red Indian costumes. I'm not sure why, I suppose she just got the wrong end of the stick or something (I now accept that the original theory me and my sisters came up with  was perhaps overly hasty and uncharitable: she is not, nor has she ever been, a "fucking s*****c"). We had a few arguments with her about it, the usual stuff kids come out with, all to do with image and peer-pressure, you know the kind of thing: "but everyone else is wearing one", "but we'll look so stupid", and "but  they're after Indians, so if we're dressed as Indians, one of us might get pushed in, and we can't swim, so we'll drown, and we'll DIE, and it'll be all your fault, and it'll be on telly, so everyone will know, and they'll be well angry at you", the usual primary-school protests. But she didn't relent, and so we trudged along, on the day of the recording, in our feather head-dresses. It was exciting: all the cameras, people rushing round with clipboards, the huge crowd of children, of which me and my sisters were instructed to stand right at the back. Then a guy shouted "ACTION!" and the cameras rolled, and we all did our thing. It was done in one take, without a hitch, and neither me, nor any of my family fatally drowned that afternoon. It was one of the highlights of my childhood. I don't know if any of us actually made it onto the screen, nor if we did for how long, as we didn't have a video-recorder then (like most people in the early 80s), and the only person I knew who'd watched it, my Gran, said that yes, I had been, she could see me quite clearly, and I looked lovely, all dressed-up in my little cowboy costume.

Elements of claim: Russell Harty, Pontins, provincial seaside sadness, comedy racism, and of course a total lack of verifiability.

Evaluation of claim: Piss... piss really doesn't come any poorer, does it?


Though I may be wrong on that last element: I've seen that many posters here do wonderful work as TV archivists, a few in particular seem to have spent their entire lives cramming VHS tapes full of any old shite. Anyone here have this old shite? I can assure you that it would make me and my sisters very happy if you did, and I would give you, in return for footage, either or both of them for an hour (depending on picture quality, and how much screen-time we ended up getting).

fanny splendid

Technically, that Pontins isn't in Morecambe, it's in Middleton Sands. Middleton Sands is of course the nice name for Heysham Nuclear Powerstation!

John Self

Heh, of course: "Middleton Sands"! Christ that name rings a bell: like a funeral death-knell, the kind of sound that makes you shudder. Apparently the proximity to the Powerstation was one of the reasons the water there was so bad, and all poncy southerners such as myself were recommended to boil it first. I still spent about four days being plagued with diarrhoea though (which is of course what I meant by the droll euphemism 'being raped by redcoats').

fanny splendid

You'll be pleased to know that after plans for turning the Pontins site into a low security prison were dropped, it's now going to be a retirement village.

Glebe

I imagined I glimpsed Richard Briers in the window of a greengrocers years ago. Or was it Bernie Winters? Or was it some distant relative who imagined they saw either Briers or Winters?

John Self

Bernie Briers, perhaps? The august proprietor of "Bernie Briers' Barmy Bananas"?

Cerys

Quote from: "Glebe"I imagined I glimpsed Richard Briers in the window of a greengrocers years ago.

How much do you reckon he's worth in 5-a-day terms...?

I saw Richard Ayoade outside The Fire Station bar next to Waterloo a few days ago. He was with a woman.