Tip jar

If you like CaB and wish to support it, you can use PayPal or KoFi. Thank you, and I hope you continue to enjoy the site - Neil.

Buy Me a Coffee at ko-fi.com

Support CaB

Recent

Welcome to Cook'd and Bomb'd. Please login or sign up.

March 29, 2024, 01:58:39 PM

Login with username, password and session length

Okay, really piss-poor claims to fame here, please.

Started by Deadman97, November 02, 2004, 09:48:57 PM

Previous topic - Next topic

petula dusty

Dohhhhh! I'm always too late. I'm going to post anyway and be the last in the thread - as usual.

I worked at Bognor Butlins in the late 80's and once served Mike 'Wallop' Reid a pint of bitter. He later asked another barmaid to sit on his face. I was miffed cos he didn't ask me.

Also at Butlins I met the Wurzels backstage cos I wanted to tell them I'd seen them at a gig when I was 5 and thought they were great.  I got a signed photo and I think they were flirting with me so I made a hasty exit.

I also kissed Steve Coogan once and I've just remembered that the Wurzels were in an episode of Coogan's Run.  Twilight Zone!

Maybe I could relate all three encounters as one in which I once sat on Mike Reid's face whilst the Wurzels poured cider all over me and Steve Coogan played air drums to the theme tune from the Saint on my buttocks.

I was also a contestant on the legendary Malcolm Boyden lunchbox show on Radio WM where my prize for answering most questions in a minute were tickets to see Howard Jones at Ronnie Scotts in Birmingham. I didn't get to meet him though.

It wasn't the theme to the Saint was it? Oh well, I'll get away with it. noone will read that far down. Mutley-type snigger.

Purple Tentacle

I work in the same building as Damon Albarn, and I once said "Cheers" when he held a door for me.

Suttonpubcrawl

Oooh, after reading more of this thread I've just remembered three other brushes with fame:

I've sent two emails to Jyoti Mishra and received two emails back. "Who is Jyoti Mishra?" you might ask. He's White Town.

My girlfriend's aunt (by marriage) was one of the main characters in The Evil Dead and I've met her.

I've met the man who supposedly taught the Impresario who was Impressed by the Spice Girls (what was his name, Simon Fuller?) everything he knew.


Z/Sb

I've met Tiswas/The Scaffold's John Gorman. He was getting out of a taxi to go into the corner shop ("Kays", Cape Hill, Smethwick - no longer exists) which I was just leaving. I was 7 at the time and I think I'd just bought an orange jublee, fizz bombs and some Metal Mickey sweets. I may have been holding a balloon as well - it was the last day of infant school. So that's probably why I remember it so well - surreal though it is.

And I met ATV's Mike Prince back in 1993 as I was getting off a train to go to the Computer Entertainment Show in London. I couldn't believe it! I got his autograph on the back of my train ticket.

When "Prisoner Cell Block H" ended it's original run on Central Television in the early 90s, some of the cast came over to Birmingham (where its' biggest fans were - me included). Problem was, I went up to see them the day after they had came so I missed them. It poured down with rain and I was just on my way to Nostalgia & Comics, Smallbrook Queensway, Birmingham, when I bumped into none other than a hero of mine and someone I often impersonated, Bob Warman from Central News! That more than made up for missing the Cell Block H cast.

And finally, I regularly spoke to Jeremy Beadle, Cesar the Geezer and James Whale on Talk Radio (and have the tape recordings to prove it). I also got to talk to Arthur Smith when he guested on Cesar's show. But the best one was when I spoke to Cesar's guest. Sorry but I can't remember her bloody name all of a sudden but she's Irish, supposedly a singer (and maybe comedy/actress) and was a regular guest on Blankety Blank and the James Whale Radio Show.
I told her that I saw her in some pantomine or stage show and that she sang some song "beautifully", I said "Do you remember?" She said "Yes" and I  was just making it all up out of my head just to prove how much someone famous, no matter how Z-grade they are, will humour a member of the public to be nice.
Now what was her name? Anyone? Anyone?

Edit: It was Rose Marie.

My step-grandfather was a machinist who cut the moulds for the pipes with the turned metal central bit and those cocktail sticks shaped like arrows that you don't really see any more.
I have Robbie Williams' phone number from eight years ago.
My girlfriend briefly looked after Caroline Quentin's dog.
I once sat in the same room as the Krankies.
I have a photograph of me with David Dickinson.

Gazeuse

Some of these are too good.

I once had a drink with Fred Gee (Ex-barman in the Rovers).

Quote from: "sick as a pike"I have a photograph of me with David Dickinson.

I think we should see that!!!

shit as fuck

- When I was about 16 I ended up at a half-arsed adult 'party' after retiring from the pub.  Ex-Depeche Mode keyboardist Alan Wilder was present along with his wife.  The wife, who I think had taken a liking to me and was incredibly pissed, insisted on lifting her top and showing me, very close up, her recently augmented breasts.  I refused the invitation to touch.

- A former formula 1 racing driver lives 'next door' (which around here means 'a few fields away') to me and regularly flies his helicopter from a pad on his garden.  When I was too young to understand the possible consequences I used to periodically take shots at him with an air-rifle as he flew over my house.

- 'Greatest British Broadcast Journalist Alive Today' (and father in law of Boris Johnson) Charles Wheeler is a friend of my family.  One easter while very, very young I attended a party at his house.  While looking for concealed chocolate eggs I broke several branches of a prized tree of some kind.  I never confessed.

TJ

I have a great many pathetic claims to fame. The most ridiculous of all is that I had a brief fling with a member of a briefly-famous girl band.

terminallyrelaxed

Quote from: "Gazeuse"Sinitta's Mum bought me a sandwich once.

I think this should be your signature!

Was it a bribe to leave her daughter alone? Or to take her out? Or was she just randomly distributing sandwiches to any jobbing musicians that were passing? We need to know!

terminallyrelaxed

Quote from: "Purple Tentacle"I work in the same building as Damon Albarn, and I once said "Cheers" when he held a door for me.

Fucking hell I know the music business is all commercialised now, but they have to go to an office every day now? Rock n Roll is truly dead.

Gazeuse

Quote from: "terminallyrelaxed"
Quote from: "Gazeuse"Sinitta's Mum bought me a sandwich once.

I think this should be your signature!

Was it a bribe to leave her daughter alone? Or to take her out? Or was she just randomly distributing sandwiches to any jobbing musicians that were passing? We need to know!

Number three is the closest.

Did you know that Sinnitta has a twin sister???

*whimper*

Mildly Diverting

Paul Ryder told me I was a 'funny fucker'. I took this as a compliment to my wit, whereas others present suggest that he was questioning my sexuality.

He's selling downloads of his new band from his website now, to 'stop the record companies taking their cut'.

*cough* Yes, Paul.

terminallyrelaxed

I sat on a train opposite one of the McGann brothers. Not Paul.

I saw Alexei Sayle looking lost at Highbury with an A-Z several times - how many times did he have to go wherever it was before he remembered the way?

I was on a plane in Club Class (I'd missed my flight and this was the next available seat) next to David Coleman - I think he was going to the european athletics chamionships.

terminallyrelaxed

Quote from: "Gazeuse"Did you know that Sinnitta has a twin sister???

*whimper*

Christ theres more than one of them? You're right, its a terrifying prospect.

terminallyrelaxed

Who the fuck was Paul Ryder anyway? I'm guessing the record companies are'nt exactly mourning their loss...

Mildly Diverting

Shaun's brother and bass player in the Mondays. The thread title does say piss poor claims to fame...

Quote from: "Gazeuse"
Quote from: "sick as a pike"I have a photograph of me with David Dickinson.
I think we should see that!!!
Your wish is my slightly reluctant command.

shit as fuck

Oh yeah, forgot, Ian Brown tripped over my shoe at Reading 2000 after a friend of mine pointed him out and I stopped to look.  He actually ended up on the ground, before I helped him up.  I think he would have reacted much worse had he not been under heavy sedation at the time.

Gazeuse

Quote from: "sick as a pike"
Quote from: "Gazeuse"
Quote from: "sick as a pike"I have a photograph of me with David Dickinson.
I think we should see that!!!
Your wish is my slightly reluctant command.
Whay-heyy!!!

You little bobby dazzler!!!

RFT

I appered on an episode of "move it" in 1990 being interviewed by Jenny Powell.

dan dirty ape

I was called out of the audience at the Sooty show and asked by Sooty (by proxy through his helper, a non-Corbett stand-in, of course) to make a noise like a pig into a microphone (nothing like Deliverance, thankfully) and squirted in the face with a water pistol for my troubles by the thankless mute.

I have vomited into Pete Doherty's sister's bath.

My friend's mum was in 80s Children's BBC serial 'The Box Of Delights', and some other things.

I used to work with the woman who played Gemma Dobson in 'Byker Grove', in its PJ and Duncan glory years. In the same department worked a man whose dad was the cinematographer of 'Jason and the Argonauts'.

I have seen Roy Castle from a distance in Torquay, but was more interested at the time by a bus driving past advertising 'Indiana Jones and the Temple Of Doom' on its side.

Brian Blessed once irritably told me to get out of his way, which made me sad for the rest of the day, knowing that he wasn't booming and jolly 24/7 all year round.

I met Trevor and Simon at the height of their Going Live fame at Centre Parcs.  They were nice  blokes.
Once I waved at Jimmy Saville through the window  of Dixons.  He waved back.
I saw Frank Skinner on the tube.  He was wearing an Hawaiin shirt and wasn't very tall.
That bloke from sit-com Nelson's Column ( He also appeared as the Dad who runs into the duck pond in My Wrongs) walking hastily down Oxford Street.
I said hi to Paul McCartney when he was shooting the video to 'Once Upon A Long Ago' in the mid-eighties.

Best one though;  When my sister was about 5, she broke her arm - the following week, John Noakes was in the area for some charity cricket match.  My sister ran up to him and smiled - John turned to her and said;
"Go away little girl and break your other arm."

What a charming man.

terminallyrelaxed

Stood next to Peter Bowles on the District Line once. He looked to be getting a bit frail but was very distinguished and looked like the whole tube thing was a bit beneath him but that these things are sent to try us...

Jemble Fred

Quote from: "Harold Lloyd's Safety Net"Best one though;  When my sister was about 5, she broke her arm - the following week, John Noakes was in the area for some charity cricket match.  My sister ran up to him and smiled - John turned to her and said;
"Go away little girl and break your other arm."

What a charming man.

What a great bloke! Such needless nastiness, I'd like to meet him now.

My brother once gave SNES tips to half of Aswad. They like their videogames, apparently.

I also once played one of Banquo's descendents in a production of Macbeth – Banquo was played by the boss who shags Milly in This Life. Haydn Gwynne was in it too, and the latest Dr Finlay, and the guy who stands next to the guy who says 'You made me miss' in American Werewolf In London.

InfiniteFury

Oh and how could I forget my most infamous brush with fame?

It was a bright Christmas Eve morning, a magical feel in the air & a lovely little fuzzy glow in the hearts of everyone looking forward to a relaxing two-day binge of chocolate, meat & whiskey.

At that time I lived in a pokey little cheap bedsit but it was (ridiculously) in the insanely expensive area of Barnes in SW London. My next door neighbour was the dashing and charming Nigel Havers - a man so aware of the dangers of his international fame that he required a twenty foot privet hedge round the perimeter of his house, what sounded like 12 alsatians and a portcullis driveway gate.

"Merry Christmas" I (a lowly urchin neighbour of his) said to him with a cheerful nod upon seeing him step out of his car and - as I walked past -, do you know what the great man said to me on that fine sunnny Christmas morning....

"Oh fuck off. Mind your own business"

Merry Christmas indeed Mr Havers, Merry Christmas. Don't choke on the creme de menthe.

wooly

I opened the door for Jon Tickle yesterday.

Now, THAT's piss poor...

Jemble Fred

Quote from: "Nigel Havers said, not""Oh fuck off. Mind your own business"

Beats 'Bah Humbug', I suppose. Perhaps he'd just heard that 'Don't Wait Up' had been axed.

Village Branson

Quote from: "wooly"I opened the door for Jon Tickle yesterday.

I've opened a door for Robin Ince.

Sorry, yours is worse. Almost sounds like I'm showing off in comparison.


(I am)

Noel Edmonds turned on the Christmas lights in my town a couple of years ago.  Fantastic.