CA Car Drivers exam (San Andreas fans pls read)

[VegaLA]

NEW CA DMV DRIVER'S EXAM  (SOON TO BE IN FLORIDA)


       For those of you who are not "fortunate" enough to live in Southern
       California, here is a copy of the California Driver's Exam, and for
       those of you who do, study real hard. This is a new exam. Since
       driving conditions (and culture) are unique in Los Angeles, you may not
       have realized that the California Department of Motor Vehicles has now
       issued a special application and driver's test solely for the Los
       Angeles Metropolitan Area.

       THE NEW 2004 STATE OF CALIFORNIA DRIVER'S LICENSE APPLICATION
       2004 STATE OF CALIFORNIA DRIVER'S LICENSE APPLICATION
       Name: ___________________ Stage Name: __________________
       Agent: ___________________ Attorney: ____________________
       Therapist's Name: _________________

       Sex: [ ] Male [ ] Female* [ ] Formerly Male [ ] Formerly Female [ ] Both

       *If female, indicate breast implant size: _______
       Will the size of your implants hinder your ability to safely operate a
       motor vehicle in
       any way? [ ] Yes [ ] No

       Please list brand of cell phone: ________.
       If you don't own a cell phone, please explain why you don't:
       _______________________________________________
       (Use extra pages, if necessary)

       Please check hair color:
       Females: [ ] Blonde [ ] Platinum Blonde
       Teenagers: [ ] Red [ ] Orange [ ] Green [ ] Purple [ ] Blue [ ] Skinhead
       [ ] Other ___________

       Please check activities you perform while driving:
       (Check all that apply)
       [ ] Eating
       [ ] Drinking Starbucks coffee
       [ ] Applying make-up
       [ ] Shaving (male or female)
       [X] Talking on the phone (already checked for your convenience)
       [ ] Lifting weights
       [ ] Slapping kids in the back-seat
       [ ] Applying cellulite treatment to thighs
       [ ] Tanning
       [ ] Snorting cocaine
       [ ] Watching TV
       [ ] Reading Variety
       [ ] Surfing the net via laptop
       [ ] Discharging firearms / reloading

       Please indicate how many times, while driving, you expect to:
       [ ] a) Shoot at other drivers ___ [ ] b) Be shot at ___

       If you are the victim of a carjacking, you should immediately:
       [ ] a) Call the police to report the crime.
       [ ] b) Call Channel 9 News to report the crime, then watch your car on
       the news in a high-speed chase.
       [ ] c) Call your attorney and discuss lawsuit against cellular phone
       company for your 911 call not going through.
       [ ] d) Call your therapist.

       In the event of an earthquake, you should:
       [ ] a) Stop your car.
       [ ] b) Keep driving and hope for the best.
       [ ] c) Immediately use your cell phone to call all loved ones.
       [ ] d) Pull out your video camera and obtain footage for Channel 9.

       In the instance of rain, you should:
       [ ] a) Never drive over 5 MPH.
       [ ] b) Drive twice as fast as usual.
       [ ] c) You're not sure what "rain" is.

       Please indicate your current number of thera py sessions per week: ____

       Are you presently taking any of the following medications?
       [ ] a) Prozac
       [ ] b) Zovirax
       [ ] c) Lithium
       [ ] d) Zanax
       [ ] e) Valium
       [ ] f) Zoloft
       [ ] g) All of the above
       [ ] h) None of the above*
       * If none, please explain: __________________.

       Length of daily commute:
       [ ] a) Less than 1 hour*
       [ ] b) 1 hour
       [ ] c) 2 hours
       [ ] d) 3 hours
       [ ] e) 4 hours or more
       * If less than 1 hour, please explain: ____________________.

       When stopped by police, you should:
       [ ] a) Pull over and have your driver's license and insurance form
       ready.
       [ ] b) Try to outrun them by driving the wrong way on the 405 freeway.
       [ ] c) Have your video camera ready and provoke them to attack, thus
       ensuring yourself a hefty lawsuit profit.

       When you see a woman driver with her arm extended out the window, it
       means:
       [ ] a) Her turn-signals are broken.
       [ ] b) She is g iving an indication she intends to change lanes.
       [ ] c) She is drying her nails.

       Which part of your car will wear out first?
       [ ] a) The wiper blades
       [ ] b) The seat belts
       [ ] c) The horn

       Automatic door locks are good for:
       [ ] a) Security
       [ ] b) Convenience
       [ ] c) Messing with the heads of people trying to get in.

       The "bright" setting on your headlights is for:
       [ ] a) Dark, poorly lit roads
       [ ] b) Flashing to get the car ahead to move out of the way
       [ ] c) Revenge

       If you are over the age of 75, you do not have to complete this test,
       you are entitled to drive even if you cannot see, hear, move or breathe.