Bizarre Internet Dating #3 - The New Batch

[Icehaven]

And the thing is there's probably as many people like Billericay Dicky up there doing online dating as there are shy types, they're just adding to their chances. You could have been doin' it on weeknights as well if they'd had Tinder in the 80s, or at least got a late hookup arranged for when you struck out with the girls from the pub.

[Camp Tramp]

Just started dipping my toe back into online dating.

Met a lady of Bumble tonight, within ten minutes it was obviously going nowhere, it is never a good sign when there is a pause and I have to think of another question.

To be fair we were both a bit rusty.

[Chairman Bodog]

Bit gay.

Actually that was directed at Repeater on page 1. I think.

[bgmnts]

I've been rejected literally hundreds, possibly thousands, of times during my tenures of online dating in quite a short space of time.

Of course being unattractive etc you're fucked anyway but still online dating just isn't for me and it has wrecked any self esteem I could have potentially had. However 90% of my sexual encounters have come as a result of online dating, I can't complain much.

[Chairman Bodog]

I'm sure you're gorgeous, boy. Keep it real and don't chase. Things fall in place.

[bgmnts]

Ok ive been flirting with a gorgeous 38 year old the past few days and shes just told me shes in a sexless marriage so shes looking for someone to have sex with.


Now..... id absolutely hate it if it was me being cheated on but is it ok to sleep with someone you know is in a relationship? Or is the onus on them to be faithful?

[Danger Man]

Now..... id absolutely hate it if it was me being cheated on but is it ok to sleep with someone you know is in a relationship? Or is the onus on them to be faithful?

You're asking the wrong questions.

How likely is it the bloke will find out? If (when) he finds out, will he kill me?

If it's 'none' and 'no' then fill your boots.

[bgmnts]

You're asking the wrong questions.

How likely is it the bloke will find out? If (when) he finds out, will he kill me?

If it's 'none' and 'no' then fill your boots.

Didnt even cross my mind to be honest.

[Dex Sawash]

Is it ok to have sex with a stolen fleshlight?

[St_Eddie]

Now..... id absolutely hate it if it was me being cheated on but is it ok to sleep with someone you know is in a relationship? Or is the onus on them to be faithful?

Only you and your own moral compass can answer that question, in relation to yourself.

Personally speaking, I absolutely would not be morally okay with sleeping with a woman who's already in a relationship and have in fact, rejected advances from women, for that very reason.  I feel bad for these women's partners and feel strongly that if they're unhappy in their relationship and want to play the field, then they should have the common decency to split up with their partner first.  I'm not going to potentially make an emotional wreck of some poor fella, simply because he's got a morally dubious girlfriend/wife and I want to dip my wick.

I certainly don't think that the often heard excuse of 'well, I don't know the person's partner, so what do I care?!' is any kind of valid excuse.  You could easily apply that to lots of things; such as stealing a stranger's car.  It's still a scummy thing to do, as your potentially causing grief and heartbreak to a stranger, which in some ways is even worse than doing the same thing to someone who you do know.

The other popular excuse is 'well, they're gonna cheat on their partner anyway, so what difference does it make if I'm the one they cheat with?!'  Again, that's an incredibly inconsiderate way of thinking.  If you hook up with a person who's cheating on their partner and you are cognisant of this fact, then in my view, you're essentially condoning their cheating behaviour and therefore, have little right to complain should you ever be cheated on yourself.  What's more, why would you even want to sleep with a cheater?  Personally, I quickly lose respect for someone who does such things.  I certainly don't have any burning desire to get intimate with such callous and selfish people.

Having said that, like I said; only you can decide for yourself but if it makes you feel like you're doing something wrong, then maybe it's an idea to reflect on why that is and resist the temptation to be self-centered in your quest to get laid.

Is it ok to have sex with a stolen fleshlight?

Depends on whether you steal the fleshlight first-hand from a sex shop, or second-hand from under a friend's bed.  The former is wrong because that's like stealing a torch from Tesco and you don't want to start a 20 page topic on your fleshlight theft on this forum because life's too fucking short but the latter is fine because, as we all know, it's good to share with your friends (both fleshlights and subsequent STDs).

[MojoJojo]

Edit glitch.

[Small Man Big Horse]

Only you and your own moral compass can answer that question, in relation to yourself...

I partially agree with what you say there but also disagree. I mean you could very well be right that she's being all a bit harsh and cruel, but perhaps the reason the marriage is sexless is because he's having an affair with someone, or he is a homosexual trapped in a loveless marriage, like what used to happen in the nineteen seventies. So before writing off the whole thing I'd ask a few more questions, and yes, ask for a photograph of the man to see if he looks like the violent type.

[St_Eddie]

I partially agree with what you say there but also disagree. I mean you could very well be right that she's being all a bit harsh and cruel, but perhaps the reason the marriage is sexless is because he's having an affair with someone, or he is a homosexual trapped in a loveless marriage, like what used to happen in the nineteen seventies. So before writing off the whole thing I'd ask a few more questions, and yes, ask for a photograph of the man to see if he looks like the violent type.

I've both seen the impact on my family at a young age and personally experienced the emotional turmoil at an older age, that cheating causes to people, which is why I've always refused to take part in it or condone it in anyway myself but I take on board your point.

I guess that there could be valid reasons for wanting to sleep with other people, when you're in already in a relationship.  Although it has to be said that "my partner is cheating too!" is not a valid reason to do likewise; two wrongs don't make a right - I've been cheated on multiple times by a sociopathic ex-girlfriend and not once was my mindset to be as bigger scumbag as her, by cheating myself.  I just wish that I'd broken the relationship off sooner and stopped the cycle of physical and psychological abuse that I suffered at her hands.

Providing that there are valid reasons (such as "my partner is unable to have sex with me"), then my only question in such circumstances would be, "does your partner know that you would like to sleep with me and are they happy for this to happen?"  A positive on both fronts is of vital importance, as far as I'm concerned.

Quite frankly, I'm just happy to be single and sexless these days.  It's all too much hassle.

[Janie Jones]

Ok ive been flirting with a gorgeous 38 year old the past few days and shes just told me shes in a sexless marriage so shes looking for someone to have sex with.


Now..... id absolutely hate it if it was me being cheated on but is it ok to sleep with someone you know is in a relationship? Or is the onus on them to be faithful?

I've known a few people in your situation, some of whom have even been cheated in previous relationships so they know how desperately horrible it feels to be the 'cuck'. To save you time, I've compiled a list of the things you'll say to yourself and her to justify what you're doing:

I'd rather have you on these terms than not at all

It's just about you and me and our moments together, it's not about anyone else

Something this powerful that makes us feel so good can't be wrong

It's just sex, it's making her happy and it probably therefore helps her in other aspects of her life and her sexless marriage [Please note she is almost certainly lying about the marriage being sexless]

Hope this helps.

[bgmnts]

Yeah you two are probably right.

Fucks sake.

[Janie Jones]

Whatever. Life's too short blah blah, fill your boots

[St_Eddie]

I've known a few people in your situation, some of whom have even been cheated in previous relationships so they know how desperately horrible it feels to be the 'cuck'. To save you time, I've compiled a list of the things you'll say to yourself and her to justify what you're doing:

I'd rather have you on these terms than not at all

It's just about you and me and our moments together, it's not about anyone else

Something this powerful that makes us feel so good can't be wrong

Isn't it telling that the above could quite easily apply to Myra Hindley and Ian Brady's relationship?  The world is full of selfish sociopaths.

Yeah you two are probably right.

Fucks sake.

If you don't like the honest truth, then don't ask people for the honest truth.  Them's the breaks.  Did you just want us to say "yeah, do a morally reprehensible act.  Fill your spunky boots"?  Sorry but that would be going against every fibre of my being.

I'm sure that you'll find love soon enough, under morally sound circumstances and all.  God's speed, Sir.

[zomgmouse]

Myra Hindleyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
and
Ian Bradyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy


Very friendlyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

[slempike]

I have a FWB relationship with someone who is in a sexless marriage, but the crucial part for me was that their extra-curricular activities were not hidden from the other person in the marriage. It's a difficult conversation/negotiation to have, I'd imagine, but if someone isn't willing to put in that work and face the risks, and just wants to have sex because they feel like they should be able to regardless of what their partner thinks about it, then I am not interested in being with them. I also find being the "other" person even when it's above board a bit psychologically difficult from time to time, and I can imagine if that's also an issue for you then being the "other" when it's not would be very hard.

[Kelvin]

I once had a threesome with a woman while her husband masturbated in an armchair and served us port. She asked us to use special sex names and everything. I was Oliver.

[Rich Uncle Skeleton]

and served us port.

Lovely. You should make that a condition for all future threesomes.

[Better Midlands]

her husband masturbated in an armchair and served us port.

Cockburns?

[St_Eddie]

I once had a threesome with a woman while her husband masturbated in an armchair and served us port. She asked us to use special sex names and everything. I was Oliver.

Isn't it curious as to what would normally be base and seedy, is suddenly transformed into being classy and sophisticated by a simple glass of port?  Before I was imagining semen stained sheets, peeling wallpaper and the tinny sound of Radio 1 blasting from an MP3 player but then you mentioned port and I envisioned plush chairs, ornate pipes and the sounds of Beethoven emanating from an antique gramophone.

[billyandthecloneasaurus]

So I went on a tinder date with this American girl on Friday.  I was exhausted from a week of working and doing too much in the evenings, and had to get a train to meet her.  I turned up nervous, tired and generally didn't particularly want to be there.  Was about 7pm when we met, and my last train was 10.  We spent about an hour and a half chatting, but from my perspective she seemed fairly distracted and it wasn't exactly grins and laughter and a generally raucous time.  I said after drink one that she didn't need to stay for another and I could get an earlier train, and she absolutely jumped on the suggestion.

We walked towards the train station, and quite suddenly she said "okay this is me" and immediately walked off down the street with me saying like "ha, er, see ya then."

I went away obviously pretty bummed out about what I assumed was a total bust of a date.  She was actually really pretty and interesting, and I absolutely felt like she was miles out of my league, but I still messaged saying essentially that i really enjoyed meeting her, and apologised for being too knackered to be very interesting.  She replied reassuring me that she was also really tired and that she honestly did have a good time, and in the spirit of #YOLO asked if she would be up for meeting up again when we were both a bit more energetic.

To my absolute shock she's keen!  I said I was free thursday and friday and she's replied "I'm free thursday :)". 

Now, this is probably partly my own ridiculous insecurities and neuroses but I still feel like she's possibly just being polite.  Is it American dating etiquette to go for a 2nd date more readily if the first one was a bit rubbish?  Or perhaps the flatness of the date i perceived was just mutual nervousness rather than her thinking urgh how have i ended up on a date with this weird uggo.  Who knows.

[Icehaven]

So I went on a tinder date with this American girl on Friday.  I was exhausted from a week of working and doing too much in the evenings, and had to get a train to meet her.  I turned up nervous, tired and generally didn't particularly want to be there.  Was about 7pm when we met, and my last train was 10.  We spent about an hour and a half chatting, but from my perspective she seemed fairly distracted and it wasn't exactly grins and laughter and a generally raucous time.  I said after drink one that she didn't need to stay for another and I could get an earlier train, and she absolutely jumped on the suggestion.

We walked towards the train station, and quite suddenly she said "okay this is me" and immediately walked off down the street with me saying like "ha, er, see ya then."

I went away obviously pretty bummed out about what I assumed was a total bust of a date.  She was actually really pretty and interesting, and I absolutely felt like she was miles out of my league, but I still messaged saying essentially that i really enjoyed meeting her, and apologised for being too knackered to be very interesting.  She replied reassuring me that she was also really tired and that she honestly did have a good time, and in the spirit of #YOLO asked if she would be up for meeting up again when we were both a bit more energetic.

To my absolute shock she's keen!  I said I was free thursday and friday and she's replied "I'm free thursday :)". 

Now, this is probably partly my own ridiculous insecurities and neuroses but I still feel like she's possibly just being polite.  Is it American dating etiquette to go for a 2nd date more readily if the first one was a bit rubbish?  Or perhaps the flatness of the date i perceived was just mutual nervousness rather than her thinking urgh how have i ended up on a date with this weird uggo.  Who knows.

I don't know but I watched a terrible American film with Tom Hardy in just because I wanted to watch Tom Hardy, and he went on an internet date with Reece Witherspoon which lasted about 5 minutes and seemed to literally be "yep you look like your photo, OK let's meet up again soon bye." although that was just a film so who knows.

[St_Eddie]

@billyandthecloneasaurus - Down an energy drink and/or do a massive line of coke, prior to your next date.  That's my sage like advice.

[billyandthecloneasaurus]

i'll microdose eccies

[Dr Syntax Head]

The smiley face means she's sincere

[bgmnts]

Had a girl on tinder ask me for money until wednesday.  No joke.


Literally hello, hello. How are you? Good you? Yeah. Can i borrow some money hun.

Whilst the level of suicide inducing failure in this dating malarkey has brought me to the lowest self esteem a human being can have, i must admit that was genuinely fucking funny!

[Dex Sawash]

Generally the american 2nd date involves a moving van. You should make some space in a drawer.