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Personality test

Started by Rats, February 17, 2004, 12:18:59 PM

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Rats

Try to answer all of the following questions truthfully. The test is anonymous and honesty will give you a better understanding of how much of an introspective lonely cunt with no mates you are.

1. You have been invited to Jabba the Hutt's brothers' bar mitzvah on the same day that you were scheduled to watch Sir Ian Mckellen setting his bike off rolling down Steepton Park hill in the hope that it will retain it's balance and remain upright for the duration of the decent, resulting in significantly higher thrills all round when the bike finally comes crashing to a halt against an obstacle such as an tree or an man.

Do you

A: Risk falling out with the Hutts, hoping they won't realise your absence as you selfishly indulge yourself in riderless bike joy
B: Go round Jabba's place, ask him about his day, and upon him returning the pleasantry, recount your day, substituting "I" for the phrase "me n Hitler". For example, "Me n Hitler went down the shops" or "Me n Hitler went body popping on the promenade, impressing the slits", hoping that he'll get the message.
C: Ring up Ian on the day of the bar mitzvah and tell him you've seen loads of awards in the forest and they're really good uns like baftas n that and you wouldn't mind if he spent the whole day rummaging about after them with his dirty big hands.

2. It is your wedding day and you realise that due to your confusion between 2 similar television advertising campaigns, you have proposed to the wrong woman, an eternity of free bread being no consolation for cocking Tracey Warbuton. However, your target spouse, the daughter of the chairman of carling breweries happens to be one of the bridesmaids.

Do you

A: Confuse the congregation by suggesting that the chuckle brothers are Siamese twins, and the fact that they sometimes appear far apart on the telly is down to a clever use of mirrors. Insist that you booked them for your son's birthday party and this grotesque three armed monster with two betashed heads turned up and you have since successfully sued for damages due to trauma. Tell them, whenever your son hears the theme tune come on the TV "chuckle chuckle vision, ch-chuckle vision" he whines in a steady unwavering pitch and slowly, rhythmically smashes his head against the wall. Then, while everyone is floating in the sea of confusion, having had Barry and Paul, the twin pillars of their flimsy reality crumble before their eyes, and the carpet of safe familiarity which is the brothers, both brothers together as a whole, the partnership, whipped out from under their feet which are their brains, and then their reality roof coming crashing down around them and the sea of confusion which they're now floating in, it came spilling in through the cracks see, it was like, the walls of their reality were like a dam you see, keeping the sea of confusion out. Then and only then will you exchange bride for bridesmaid and hope that nobody notices.
B: Don't blame it on the sunshine, don't blame it on the moonlight, don't blame it on the good times, blame it on the yeast.
C: "accidentally" glass your wife with a champagne flute and hope that she bleeds to death before the vows are read, then announce "Isn't it customary on these occasions that the groom should marry the brewery, I mean the bridesmaid, and not THAT one (point)"

3. After mowing down 36 animal rights protestors due to a misunderstanding over the use of the word "rally", you attempt to make it up to your new found friends by shooting three orphans into the face of a career abortionist. You're efforts seem to be paying off but the plastic carrier bag full of giblets pick n mix you brought along is arousing suspicion as blood begins to drip onto the tarmac.

Do you

A: Pass it off as a bag of heavy soup
B: Swing the bag around your head, allowing streams of congealed blood to arc out into the crowd whilst shouting "meaty meaty meaty"
C: Tell them you had a dodgy veggie burger the night before and strained yourself on the toilet. You've managed to salvage a bag full of rotten innards from the bowl and you're going to hospital after the rally to have them shoved back up yourself.

4. Your big break as a transvestite chef finally comes when you land a week's trial run on "ready, steady, make my dinner". Disaster strikes only five minutes in when the contestant's ingredients are emptied out onto the bench. Cut backs in the make-up department mean that only enough powder can be afforded to de-shine the front portion of Ainsley's head, and the reflection from the side of his dome is bouncing off the shiny label on one of the packets, rendering it unreadable. Shame over the self inflicted cigarette burns on your right hand prevent you from tilting the packet and you are forced to make your decision of what to cook based on only 4 of the 5 ingredients.

Do you

A: Make a deep fried involuntary spasm on a farce of onions, sandwiched between two halves of grilled suspect on a blanket of dishonesty.
B: Poach the piss out of the salmon, fling it lovingly into the arms of a toasted occasion and flame grill yourself on a bed of euphoric rice.
C: Gently arrest the mushrooms, bereaving them inside a cramp of bread before abusing their children.

Make your own questions and post them here or else

smoker

c c b c

what a coincidence, just been sent this:

This test only has one question, but it's a very important one. Please don't answer it without giving it some serious thought. By giving an honest answer you will be able to test where you stand morally. The test features an unlikely, completely fictional situation, where you will have to make a decision one way or the other. Remember that your answer needs to be honest, yet spontaneous. Please scroll down slowly and consider EACH LINE - this is important for the test to work accurately.
THE SITUATION:
You're in Florida...In Miami, to be exact... There is great chaos going on around you, caused by a hurricane and severe floods. There are huge masses of water all over you. You are a CNN photographer and you are in the middle of this great disaster. The situation is nearly hopeless. You're trying to shoot very impressive photos. There are houses and people floating around you, disappearing into the water. Nature is showing all its destroying power and is ripping everything away with it.

Suddenly you see a man in the water, he is fighting for his life, trying not to be taken away by the masses of water and mud. You move closer. Somehow the man looks familiar. Suddenly you know who it is - it's George W. Bush!

At the same time you notice that the raging waters are about to take him away, forever. You have two options. You can save him or you can take the best photo of your life. So you can save the life of George W. Bush, or you can shoot a Pulitzer prize winning photo, a unique photo displaying the death of one of the world's most powerful men.

THE QUESTION:
And here's the question (please give an honest answer):

Would you select colour film, or rather go with the simplicity of classic black and white?

Hairy Chin

All A's

And colour film - you can always photoshop it into black and white.

Purple Tentacle

{Harry Hill}


Apparently you can tell a lot about a person by what they're like.

FOWARD THIS 2 TEN OF YOU'RE FREINDS AND U WILL GET GOOD LUK!!

IF YOU DONT U WILL DIE BY DROWNIG AND BARE NO CHILDREN!

Smackhead Kangaroo

Apparently I have no personality