Of Mice and Martians

[Martian Martian]

Don't get me wrong, I love the little critters. But when they piss and shit all over the place, nibble holes in fabric and scratch behind skirting boards at all hours of the night - they have to be exterminated.

This is a long-running problem in our house. We've tried humane traps (I caught 2 mice, and then had to decide how to dispose of them. Mouse no. 1 was taken into my work and released in the basement. Mouse no.2 was put in a bucket and left in the garden for the crows. Of course, as soon as I put the bucket on the ground, it jumped out and ran away - I'm thick as shit, me).

We've also tried death traps - baited with all sorts of lovely things. The mice found the bait irresistable, but managed to remove it without springing the trap.

We've tried poison. Yeah, poison my arse. The mice just grow bigger and smarter. And hungrier.

We've tried sonic devices that scare mice away. Yeah right! I walked into the kitchen last night and there were two of them grooving away at the plugboard where this device is located,  like they were at some rodent music festival.

So, advice needed.  Serious or otherwise. Preferrably 'otherwise'.

[king mob]

Cats, plain & simple.

[smoker]

yep get a cat from the shelters, try and get one that was either raised on a farm or it's parents were, they're the best mousers

[jutl]

Cats, plain & simple.

...although physically attractive and intelligent cats do just as well.

[smoker]

Cats, plain & simple.

...although physically attractive and intelligent cats do just as well.

nah they get bored really quickly and try to find work in showbiz instead.

[Martian Martian]

Cats. Forgot to mention that I'm seriously allergic to moggies, and I suspect my eldest would be too, given his asthma.

Anyway, that's a proper suggestion. How about something fanciful?

[smoker]

shave the cat - no more allergy, and a more streamlined mouse machine

[Citizen Erased]

Cats. Forgot to mention that I'm seriously allergic to moggies, and I suspect my eldest would be too, given his asthma.

Anyway, that's a proper suggestion. How about something fanciful?

Allergic to Cats? Wear this robust yet fashionable anti-allergy device in the house at all times and say goodbye to runny noses and itchy eyes..... ;)




Yes, my vision dazzles even me sometimes..........


(EDIT: New pic to illustrate aforementioned vision to Smoker)

[smoker]

it's dazzling me n'all, i can only see an x

[Martian Martian]

shave the cat - no more allergy, and a more streamlined mouse machine

Logical, but a bald cat wouldn't last five minutes in my neighbourhood. The locals would probably take it as a sign of displeasure from the gods, and embark on a buckfast-fuelled slaughterfest.

How about a catflap that covers the cat's body in clingfilm when it enters the house, and removes it when it leaves?

[smoker]

why don't you suspend yourself from the ceiling at night, wearing infra-red goggles, and when the meesiees come out you waste them with an air gun?

[Citizen Erased]

How about a catflap that covers the cat's body in clingfilm when it enters the house, and removes it when it leaves?

Perhaps something less drastic (and asphyxiating) would be to have the shaved cat's fur turned into an attractive Cat Suit with full-length zip for easy access to litter tray activities.... This would prevent both allergies and buckfast-fuelled slaughterfest......

I think my work here is done now....

[tony peanuts]

Catch one, stick it's head on a cocktail stick, and parade it about the house as a warning to all other murine aggressors.

[Martian Martian]

Cool. Thanks one and all for the time and effort. I was actually sitting here, nodding my head and thinking 'cat suit... yeah, that's a brilliant idea...'

Murine. Good word. Who says the internet is a waste of time?

[Morrisfan82]

You can catch the little blighters AND give the kids hours of fun with:



© 2004 The Recycled Mong Consortium

[Hairy Chin]

If you're allercic to cats, how about getting a snake and leave it to slither freely around your house, behind the skirting boards and whereever it fancies?

[butnut]

If you're allercic to cats, how about getting a snake and leave it to slither freely around your house, behind the skirting boards and whereever it fancies?

Yeah, but you wouldn't want this bastard in your house:

[smoker]

think how many mice you could fit inside it though

or burglars

[king mob]

what about getting a ferret?

[smoker]

what about getting a ferret?

cuh you've not changed much since you've been gone. weren't you exiled for your ferret-related views in the first place? mucky pup.

[king mob]

nothing wrong with ferrets son.

[smoker]

nothing wrong with ferrets son.

agreed, at the appropriate time and place.

[king mob]

tell that to the ferret

[smoker]

tell that to the ferret

sounds good, but legally you haven't got a leg to stand on mobster.

[king mob]

Only under human law, not under the law of the Ferret.

[Funky Gibbon]

You need something they would never expect. A threat from within.

You need...

THE MOUSINATOR!