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March 28, 2024, 06:37:12 PM

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That's all I got

Started by clingfilm portent, November 14, 2016, 05:32:35 PM

Previous topic - Next topic

All you got?

All I got
2 (14.3%)
Nall I got
0 (0%)
(Timothy) Spall I got  
1 (7.1%)
(All Creatures Great and) Small I got
0 (0%)
(Johnny) Ball I got
2 (14.3%)
(Stones of) Gall I got
1 (7.1%)
(Reginald Perrin's Rise and) Fall I got
1 (7.1%)
Raoul Moat
2 (14.3%)
Fall-ah! I got-AH!
2 (14.3%)
the cool shoeshine
3 (21.4%)

Total Members Voted: 14

GMTV

Quantum Leap but it's Jean Warboys

petril

Quantum Leap but Sam Beckett only leaps into the bodies of monkeys in nappies

touchingcloth


petril

an emergency stomach pump produces 8 litres of Marc Almond rumours

kittens

a signed photo of a goblin

Dex Sawash


Dex Sawash


Shit of Theseus, he's flushed it but done another now. Is it the same shit?

Dex Sawash


AIDS Tiger is a rubbish tiger, bullied by the alpha tigers. Doesn't even like frosted flakes.
"Please don't call me AIDS Tiger and I just want those vaxxers to give me some scritches"

dr_christian_troy

Ashes lay scattered on ice
Shadows of life
Against pale, translucent memories of water.
Soulless cinders
Of a presence once present
Black dust
Of a heart once heartless
Will now remain as remains,
The Pain of Knowing anointed
By tears wiped in anger
Everything they did
What I did
Ends here
With a solitary farewell
Within this spectre'd forest
A chorus of spiders
Reside across the branches
Webbed observers
Inciting silent fear
As frogs hum in hope
For the ice to break so they can be free
Once more.
Instead, the ash carries across underbellies and undergrowth
Beyond my reach, our moments gone
Beyond my grief, our mutual pursuit
Beyond the precipice, our marred tryst
Beyond the truth: My Only Love dispelled amidst
This Swamp Of Ghosts.

- Jacynth Breasal (1927 - 197??)

The poem is untitled, but notes at the time indicate that her former lover Zlotoska requested that his ashes were to be scattered over Lake Baikal. Breasal instead travelled to the Okefenokee Swamp. Breasal had previously described her thoughts on their relationship as follows:

Arkady Zlotoska: my first love, my last evil. A vessel of devastation, a conduit of spectral ashes fallen from the darkest of clouds, eyes brightened only by shadows in the most pernicious corners of the earth and sea.

Following the destruction and subsequent exposé of the notorious Zlotoska Death Cult of the late 1960s, Bresal was forced to live anonymously, nomadic and in fear of being murdered by the remaining followers of Zlotoska. Following her disappearance entirely in the mid 1970s, scraps of writings tucked in secondhand books, under floorboards and in safety deposit boxes across numerous locations in which she had previously resided are still being discovered, as we gradually piece together the mysterious and devastating story of the journalist, author, activist and artist known as Jacynth Breasal.

Cuellar

A character called Morgan Failure

Ferris


PlanktonSideburns

Wanton leap - just smashing round dimensions, no bother

Wonton leap - something about little dumplings

One ton leap - and so on

NJ Uncut

My Beautiful Dark Twisted Emily

(a thread aboot my mad ex)

rasta-spouse

Person of Pintrest

Quantum Leap rip-off where a group of mid-atlantic-accented deadbeats use a god-like omniscient computer system to solve thoughtcrimes but are often put off by how difficult it is to get images to enlarge to a reasonable viewing size.

touchingcloth

The word "Moslem" but with all the different possible vowel permutations from Maslam to Muslum via things like Meslim and Mislam.

Ferris

New magazine called "Blanket Coverage" that reviews blankets.

"Flannel: is it coming back (or did it never leave)?"; "The Stitching Hour: Synthetic Fabrics and You" etc etc

Ferris

Peut-être the Blue Peter dog.

dallasman

TOP TEN NEW WORDS OF 2019

Celebigotry
Misunderstance
Swapmeat
Swatmeet
Misothering
Dadnaming
Moansplaining
Hubwhore
Fontshaming
Tabletitis

Ferris

Quote from: FerriswheelBueller on October 29, 2019, 12:07:03 PM
Peut-être the Blue Peter dog.

This is a pun on Petra, and I genuinely came up with it in a dream.

Not much cop in the cold light of day, is it? Never mind.

touchingcloth

Game of Thrones but it's exclusively in the anus.

Stoneage Dinosaurs

TV pitch: Colin from Daventry and Darren from Coventry spend a week in each other's shoes. At the end of the week they take the shoes off and put them in a pile, then the presenter takes a whiff and goes THAT FUCKING STINKS.

Working title: Total Waste Of Time

NJ Uncut

The poor alcoholic's lament.

No money on me = cashless sobriety

NJ Uncut

Yeah let's go for another but first, amigo o friend ol buddy, I need to hit the time machine

The wha?

Well, time = money

Oh shit, I've run outta time

Ferris

A joke about a shepherd-rumour.

Punchline: "yes, I herd" ("heard")

NJ Uncut

And I am the lord of the edge, said he

Cuellar


chveik

Let us now praise phimotic men

Ferris


NJ Uncut

Carl the Culturally-Appropriating CEO, takes a bow in the canteen for the raucously successful joke of one of his employees; witnesses an employee asking another out and turns up on the date as if he had secured it himself

A lass brings her baby in and Carl snatches it off her, explaining how proud he is, before parading the sprog aloft around the building

NJ Uncut

Tags: alright, guys, you've had your fun with the referring yourself to NHS mental health services