Topman or somewhere starts making these boxer shorts which are inexplicably irresistible. No-one knows if it is the cut or the pattern or some other random thing, but when people see them they are driven mad with desire. Topman finds they have to get them made by a factory of blind workers in Bangladesh in order even to get them away from their manufacturers, since if they can see what they've stitched together, they would rather die than part with their creation. When the staff in the shops put them on the mannequins they start frotting the mannequins, irrespective of sex, and have to be given a faceful of chloroform to get them away. Some people do manage to buy them and get them out of the shop, although they involuntarily orgasm in their pants several times in the process, and they often get their PIN wrong many times while this happens. They put them on at home but spend so much time admiring themselves in the mirror they can't actually get out of the house. For the few that do manage to get onto the street in them, they find that if there's even a small amount of fabric poking out of the jeans they end up being chased down the road by crowds of sex-deranged fiends who tear at their jeans until they get at the underwear. There are bundles of people on all the streets in fully-clothed orgies pawing at some poor person's crotch who made the mistake of going out wearing them. Eventually, no-one is turning up for work or bothering to eat because they're engaged in some act of lust relating to the shorts and armies of blind people are formed to try to police the people, but they all just get kicked in the groin, so they have to start gunning people down, but because they can't see they gun down each other quite a bit too. Theresa May has to go on air to declare a national emergency but when they show the boxer shorts as a warning that you should avoid them, she starts masturbating and they have to shut down the broadcast.
That's all I got.
