That's all I got

[Dannyhood91]

Quitting your job as a successful drug dealer because you can't remember how to open the bags.

[mrpupkin]

The lay-by mansion

[Ferris]

Starting a thread to determine who would be the best and worst Beatle to get a permanent seat on the UN Security Council.

(Ringo and John, respectively)

[pancreas]

A man in a supermarket is forced to leave his basket of bargain reductions because a fire-alarm goes off. By the time he gets back someone has had off with all of them, so he collapses in grief, also partly because his marriage is on the rocks. A Swedish porn director finds him and turns him into a gay porn star and he becomes somewhat satisfied with his life.

[Lordofthefiles]

A man in a supermarket is forced to leave his basket of bargain reductions because a fire-alarm goes off. By the time he gets back someone has had off with all of them, so he collapses in grief, also partly because his marriage is on the rocks. A Swedish porn director finds him and turns him into a gay porn star and he becomes somewhat satisfied with his life.

"Up The Asda" - This Fall on BBC Four

[Norton Canes]

Guyphoid

[Lordofthefiles]

Gatwick:Terminal (2018)

An absolute pack of lies and outright bullshit propaganda bring Gatwick airport to a complete standstill for fuck knows what reason.
The country is plunged into desolation as wannabe upper-middle class families fail to make their connecting flights to see the Coca-Cola truck pass through Aspen.

Only one man can hold the whole charade together... Martin Brunt - with his hotline to MI6 agent Robert Murat and his unique ability to be in the absolute heart of any fishy goings on that either aid a government narrative or clean up a mess caused by a member of the ruling elite.

[pancreas]

A cynical daughter euthanises her ailing mother for the inheritance and her mother's ghost follows her around only able to speak to her from toilets she is sitting on, from which vantage point she also wreaks her revenge by giving her daughter IBS. The daughter must now choose a path between supernaturally induced IBS or shitting in public places.

[Norton Canes]

Judy Cromer

[Ferris]

The Village Green Reservation Society.

I hope you've done the requisition forms correctly.

[Pingers]

Kit for shunts

[Lordofthefiles]

"Opium for the Masses"

Kris Akabusi and Lily Savage present a travelling roadshow where each week a small backward town or city is chosen to be metaphorically, and literally, wiped off the cultural map.
Anyone found wearing glasses or in possession of books is rounded up outside the townhall and shot up with a semi-lethal, instant-addiction forming, blast of finest grade afghan heroin.

Week one: The teachers, librarians and bespectacled public transport patrons of Burnley are hog-tied and brought to the feet of The Mayor as the ceremony begins.

[Ferris]

Craig David-themed amusement park.

[pancreas]

Murder on the Bounty. Russian roulette with novichok flavoured chocolate bars.

[Spoon of Ploff]

Karl's magic pen. The ink ran out in 1987 but he pretends it's still working, and he can read every invisible word.

[petril]

a pools agent keeps pretending that business will pick up again. it's cycling, a new generation will fall in love with perming 8 from 10. a cert. it's his promise to himself every August.

[Norton Canes]

Chub with nub

[Old Gold Tooth]

Spelling Bee.

A massive bee politely listens to a judge give a word, then spells it with twenty "Z"s.

[Chollis]

The Girl with the Dagenham Tattoo

[Pingers]

LOLed

[Spoon of Ploff]

The Shillington museum for amusingly bent paper clips.

[Pingers]

Buster Bloodvessel changes his name by deed poll to Subconjunctival Haemorrhage

[pancreas]

Set up a teacup museum. People come in but then they discover it's actually a Ted Bundy museum.

[Spoon of Ploff]

A thread where people are only allowed to post things if they've been deprived of sleep for 36 hours, and the bloke next door has been streaming episodes of The Big Bang Theory nonstop.

... Also. They're not allowed to take it back later after they're well rested and regretful.

[Gregory Torso]

praying man tits.

[Ferris]

A theatrical re-imagining of Craig David's Seven Days.

[Pingers]

Set up a teacup museum. People come in but then they discover it's actually a Ted Bundy museum.

You might need to murder the visitors, or they'll spill the beans on TripAdvisor. Still, what do they expect if they're visiting a Ted Bundy museum. They should have known.

[pancreas]

It'd become a thing in itself. Endless irritated posts on tripadvisor about how it's really a Ted Bundy museum in disguise. People would be like: 'have you heard about that teacup museum'? 'Yeah, you mean the Ted Bundy one.' 'Yeah.'

[Gregory Torso]

Last Brexit To Ooklyn

[Ferris]

Last Brexit To Ooklyn

Laughed (in public).