Author Topic: That's all I got  (Read 23027 times)

pancreas

  • The islets of Langerhans are the very best islets
Re: That's all I got
« Reply #60 on: January 16, 2017, 05:08:15 PM »
But don't you see? This is quite good now. And all because of me. Me. Because I insist that standards are maintained with utmost rigour. It is clear that I should be a leader of men, for as we have just seen, I am able to inspire and browbeat people to their full potential. Properly equipped, I believe I could conceive unlimited inducements and punishments of ever increasing inventiveness and cruelty. You shall be my first recruit, Spoon of Ploff. If you survive your training, I shall promote you to Lieutenant. Thenceforth, we shall fly at the world on wings of fury and it will bow down before us.

Let us begin. I hereby issue you with your first command:

Kill Glebe.

Spoon of Ploff

  • visitors are welcome to Sheerness
Re: That's all I got
« Reply #61 on: January 16, 2017, 05:42:20 PM »
But don't you see? This is quite good now. And all because of me. Me. Because I insist that standards are maintained with utmost rigour. It is clear that I should be a leader of men, for as we have just seen, I am able to inspire and browbeat people to their full potential. Properly equipped, I believe I could conceive unlimited inducements and punishments of ever increasing inventiveness and cruelty. You shall be my first recruit, Spoon of Ploff. If you survive your training, I shall promote you to Lieutenant. Thenceforth, we shall fly at the world on wings of fury and it will bow down before us.

Let us begin. I hereby issue you with your first command:

Kill Glebe.



Sgt. Duckie

  • Wrapping her teeth around a fried egg sandwich.
Re: That's all I got
« Reply #62 on: January 16, 2017, 05:54:44 PM »
'sake.

I suppose this is what I get for asking BlodwynPig to show his working out in the 'Who Murdered Lolly Shoe?' thread.

Lolly Shoe really was all I had.

spamwangler

  • fay bentos
Re: That's all I got
« Reply #63 on: January 18, 2017, 04:18:29 PM »
Greggsnado

now all you have is that and this:


Norton Canes

  • The leper heart will see you for what you are
Re: That's all I got
« Reply #64 on: January 18, 2017, 05:09:44 PM »
Some sort of cross between a shoe and a sponge.

spamwangler

  • fay bentos
Re: That's all I got
« Reply #65 on: January 18, 2017, 05:27:00 PM »
Some sort of cross between a shoe and a sponge.

sean connery doing the adverts

Spoon of Ploff

  • visitors are welcome to Sheerness
Re: That's all I got
« Reply #66 on: January 18, 2017, 05:41:30 PM »
A plate of chips reminisce about the 1950's... one of them has a Yorkshire accent. There are no flashback sequences. 10 episodes, each an hour long.

Re: That's all I got
« Reply #67 on: January 18, 2017, 07:14:49 PM »
now all you have is that and this:



Too good. I'm now pitching another project in desperate need of a poster: Pornado.

pancreas

  • The islets of Langerhans are the very best islets
Re: That's all I got
« Reply #68 on: August 04, 2017, 04:26:31 PM »
All taps are replaced with penises. In order to get anything out of them, e.g. water for a bath, they have to be milked or stimulated in some other way. For example, to get beer out of the taps in pubs there is an anus-shaped hole and you have to stick your finger in and waggle it about. This slows everything in the world down to an intolerable degree, but everyone gets extremely good at masturbation.

pancreas

  • The islets of Langerhans are the very best islets
Re: That's all I got
« Reply #69 on: December 29, 2017, 10:18:21 PM »
Mission Impossible style situation in which two men are descending on ropes towards a floor they cannot disturb because it is riddled with sensors. Bloke A says that he is sorry and he shouldn't have had that extra pint at lunchtime but he really needs a piss. He can't just do it on the floor because of the sensors so Bloke B has to drink a whole bladderful of piss straight from Bloke A's penis.

spamwangler

  • fay bentos
Re: That's all I got
« Reply #70 on: December 30, 2017, 09:46:25 AM »
Mission Impossible style situation in which two men are descending on ropes towards a floor they cannot disturb because it is riddled with sensors. Bloke A says that he is sorry and he shouldn't have had that extra pint at lunchtime but he really needs a piss. He can't just do it on the floor because of the sensors so Bloke B has to drink a whole bladderful of piss straight from Bloke A's penis.

Kevin James smashes it again

FerriswheelBueller

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Re: That's all I got
« Reply #71 on: January 17, 2018, 05:01:07 AM »
A joke where the punchline is

“...Ed Milliband, Dave Milliband, or the Steve Miller Band!”

FerriswheelBueller

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Re: That's all I got
« Reply #72 on: January 19, 2018, 09:58:33 PM »
Appending “...and the philosopher’s stone” to celebrity names, then imagining what that would be like.

“Terry Nutkins and the philsopher’s stone”

“Alan Bennet and the philosopher’s stone”

“June Sarpong and the philosopher’s stone”

That sort of thing

Cuellar

  • Push off my wire
Re: That's all I got
« Reply #73 on: January 19, 2018, 10:28:38 PM »
The light of evening, Lissadell,
Great windows open to the south,
Two girls in silk kimonos, both
Beautiful, one Scott Quinnell.

and

The chill ascends from feet to knees,
The fever sings in mental wires.
If to be warmed, then I must freeze
And quake in frigid purgatorial fires
Of which the flame is roses, and the smoke is Richard Briers.

spamwangler

  • fay bentos
Re: That's all I got
« Reply #74 on: February 25, 2018, 11:08:00 PM »
babra strides and

pancreas

  • The islets of Langerhans are the very best islets
Re: That's all I got
« Reply #75 on: February 25, 2018, 11:23:16 PM »
babra strides and

Wow. That's barely anything at all. I mean, you couldn't really have less than that.

spamwangler

  • fay bentos
Re: That's all I got
« Reply #76 on: February 25, 2018, 11:30:52 PM »
Wow. That's barely anything at all. I mean, you couldn't really have less than that.

i feel like theres something there, like a voice on the wind.

some cunts are posting full ideas on here, bunch of jokers, anyone can have an idea, - anyone can have no ideas, but having something balanced so perfectly on the very periphery of your brain, on the threshold between idea and just staring out the window with your hand down your trousers, there is the thrill of the chase for me

Dex Sawash

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  • Upphängningspunkterna
Re: That's all I got
« Reply #77 on: February 25, 2018, 11:52:06 PM »


“...Ed Milliband, Dave Milliband, or the Steve Miller Band!”


spamwangler

  • fay bentos
Re: That's all I got
« Reply #78 on: February 26, 2018, 12:00:04 AM »
Cattle re-enactment society

Re: That's all I got
« Reply #79 on: February 26, 2018, 02:09:14 AM »
Steven Fry interviews serial killers.

Sort of like... eighties wogan set, pastel blues, sofa.

Henry Lee Lucas is led on in shackles by his handler. Steven is waiting on a podium.

Steven says "Henry! Entrust your buttocks to this cushiony perch, if you would!"

Henry looks at his guard and grunts "wuh?" the guard shrugs.

Steven says "Ladle your bum quarters over this arrangement of furniturestuffs, if the botty desires"

Guard says "I think he wants you to sit down"

Steven says "now, Hen, let's get into the fruitcake of your naughty little killingtons down in sweet virginia"

That's all I fucking got

Spoon of Ploff

  • visitors are welcome to Sheerness
Re: That's all I got
« Reply #80 on: February 26, 2018, 07:38:08 AM »
Where do crusts go?


Norton Canes

  • The leper heart will see you for what you are
Re: That's all I got
« Reply #81 on: February 26, 2018, 09:30:43 AM »
Is that all there is? Is that all there is?
If that's all there is my friends, then let's keep dancing
Let's break out the booze and have a ball,
If that's all there is

Re: That's all I got
« Reply #82 on: February 26, 2018, 04:23:27 PM »

spamwangler

  • fay bentos
Re: That's all I got
« Reply #83 on: February 27, 2018, 12:08:11 AM »
ALTERED YEAST


spamwangler

  • fay bentos
Re: That's all I got
« Reply #84 on: February 27, 2018, 12:09:17 AM »
Barbra"s dry sand

barb's rare stride stand

pancreas

  • The islets of Langerhans are the very best islets
Re: That's all I got
« Reply #85 on: February 27, 2018, 01:11:58 AM »
barb's rare stride stand

bar rabbi, er, stir rice and

Re: That's all I got
« Reply #86 on: February 27, 2018, 01:21:30 AM »
Bra burn Iceland

FerriswheelBueller

  • Golden Todger or
  • Silver Member
  • ****
  • Very tired. Sorry if my recent posts are shit.
    • I am antsy for baseball in the off-season.
Re: That's all I got
« Reply #87 on: February 27, 2018, 02:48:39 AM »
Barber? Ass tries hand!

FerriswheelBueller

  • Golden Todger or
  • Silver Member
  • ****
  • Very tired. Sorry if my recent posts are shit.
    • I am antsy for baseball in the off-season.
Re: That's all I got
« Reply #88 on: March 02, 2018, 04:48:33 PM »
A baker parody of Fatima Whitbread:

Whittima Flatbread

pancreas

  • The islets of Langerhans are the very best islets
Re: That's all I got
« Reply #89 on: March 02, 2018, 04:52:54 PM »
A baker parody of Fatima Whitbread:

Whittima Flatbread

Oh that's great. It doesn't even need a proper justification.