Author Topic: That's all I got  (Read 82336 times)

Re: That's all I got
« Reply #420 on: November 21, 2018, 04:57:43 AM »
Some paper bags go into a bank to apply for a rustle grant.

A man with no arms who wants to take his shopping home goes into a bank to apply for a carry grant.

Some water that wants to swirl around a bit goes into a bank to apply for an eddy grant.

Hugh Grant goes into a bank to apply for a huge cunt.

Dex Sawash

  • Silver Member
  • ****
  • Upph√§ngningspunkterna
Re: That's all I got
« Reply #421 on: November 21, 2018, 03:07:35 PM »
^big laugh


Blew Man Group- a bit off the Vegas strip

Cuellar

  • Taxes, they'll be lower...son
Re: That's all I got
« Reply #422 on: November 21, 2018, 07:09:27 PM »
A teratoma wank

Lordofthefiles

  • A dog with two dicks or a dick with two dogs
Re: That's all I got
« Reply #423 on: November 25, 2018, 03:11:30 PM »
This Fall:


Danson, Selleck and Mahoney reunite for:

Three Men and a Fully Grown Woman With Tits and Everything

Spoon of Ploff

  • visitors are welcome to Sheerness
Re: That's all I got
« Reply #424 on: November 28, 2018, 09:53:40 AM »
"The impressive twitter feed of Michael Shallows the MP for Wheat Sheaf and Cold Harbour South."

Going to start a thread in H.S.Arts for this... any day now.


Re: That's all I got
« Reply #425 on: November 28, 2018, 10:05:31 AM »
David Janson: Great Right?

petrilTanaka

  • Are we counting shites?
Re: That's all I got
« Reply #426 on: November 28, 2018, 06:21:25 PM »
The Boy With Willie Thorne On His Side

Re: That's all I got
« Reply #427 on: November 28, 2018, 07:52:09 PM »
Jeffery Leffe-ry

A Jeffery that drinks too much Leffe(ry) and gets into hijinx.

Yes, I might be drinking Leffe.


Choudary Chouffe

A Choudary that drinks too much Chouffe and starts now banned proscribed organisations.


Orville Orval

A Orville that drinks too much Orval and thinks it can fly, IT CAN'T.

There's a theme.

Pingers

  • I can produce 3,500 water voles a year if required
Re: That's all I got
« Reply #428 on: November 28, 2018, 08:51:49 PM »
Year 1's homework this weekend is an acrostic poem: Disestablishmentarianism

Spoon of Ploff

  • visitors are welcome to Sheerness
Re: That's all I got
« Reply #429 on: November 29, 2018, 11:16:26 AM »
The Brexit Thread drinking game...

Cuellar

  • Taxes, they'll be lower...son
Re: That's all I got
« Reply #430 on: November 29, 2018, 11:24:35 AM »
The Boy With Willie Thorne On His Side

This could run and run.

Willie Thorne, standing on the sidelines, cheering The Boy on to score the winning goal.

Willie Thorne, sitting in the audience, watching The Boy perform a ballet routine.

Willie Thorne, strategically placed in a pub, near The Boy and his group of mates. The Boy suggests some outlandish theory, Willie Thorne 'overhears' and says, 'You know, I think that's right. Yeah, I read that'.

Then, tension.

The Boy has a big big pitch, really needs Willie Thorne to gee him up before going into the meeting. But what's this? Willie Thorne nowhere to be found. The Boy dashes out of the building, scans up and down the high street until, horror of horrors, he sees a Betfred. Oh god. Not now. The Boy enters. We focus on his face. It doesn't show horror, it doesn't show disgust, it doesn't show disappointment.  SHARP CUT TO BLACK LIKE THE SOPRANOS.

petrilTanaka

  • Are we counting shites?
Re: That's all I got
« Reply #431 on: November 29, 2018, 12:03:59 PM »
a Children's BBC "magical secret" style effort. Gary Lineker as the shadowy authority conspiracy guy, trying to get Willie back onto the gambling. The Boy isn't important, it's just that Willie Thorne's latched on to him as a substitute for the bookies. Willie needs to escape.

The Boy takes up snooker, and qualifies for a ranking event. But Willie is there for his day job with the BBC. And there's encouragement to bet everywhere. Can Willie Thorne fight off his demons, encourage The Boy AND remain fairly neutral?

by Pip & Jane Baker

Cuellar

  • Taxes, they'll be lower...son
Re: That's all I got
« Reply #432 on: November 29, 2018, 12:09:27 PM »
Willie Thorne coaching The Boy. He's got potential. He's got what it takes. And with Willie Thorne on his side, he can't lose.

That is, until 'Legend' Gary Lineker takes an interest. Willie Thorne is up to his bollocks in hock to Lineker. The solution is obvious, he tells Willie Thorne. The Boy has to lose. Lineker makes a packet, Willie Thorne's debt is cleared.

"And The Boy?" asks Willie Thorne.

"Well," chuckles Lineker. "Maybe it's time The Boy grew up. See you on Saturday, Dick"

"It's Willie actually"

"Shut up"

petrilTanaka

  • Are we counting shites?
Re: That's all I got
« Reply #433 on: November 29, 2018, 04:37:17 PM »
Willie Thorne, running like fuck. The Boy's dad, with the wrong idea. The dad's dark past is about to erupt and change things forever, if The Boy could only summon the courage to say to someone

a duncandisorderly

  • the rough and tumble of the internet
Re: That's all I got
« Reply #434 on: December 01, 2018, 05:12:52 PM »
harry potter, five years after leaving hogwarts, has developed a personality disorder & been banned from doing any spells with effects lasting longer than three seconds, on pain of death.
as he rides home on the bus from his dead-end job through miserable rainy november streets, he cheers himself up by conjuring the phones of annoying teenagers on the bus to 100 degrees centigrade & back, & when he sees more annoying teenagers being noisy in the streets, he conjures bucketfuls of cold water to land on them out of thin air.
none of this helps. none of this is going to get hermione back.

Chollis

  • Master of Codes
Re: That's all I got
« Reply #435 on: December 04, 2018, 10:26:42 AM »
A Confederacy of Nonces

pancreas

  • The islets of Langerhans are the very best islets
Re: That's all I got
« Reply #436 on: December 04, 2018, 03:06:15 PM »
Done already: NAMBLA.

Lordofthefiles

  • A dog with two dicks or a dick with two dogs
Re: That's all I got
« Reply #437 on: December 05, 2018, 12:01:15 AM »
"What's My Line?"

Minor celebrities snort thum-thick 10 inch stripes of unidentified powdered substances, then attempt a guess at what they might be before inevitably collapsing into coma, experiencing an existential freakout, finding god and/or vomiting and shiteing everywhere with volcanic ferocity.

the

Re: That's all I got
« Reply #438 on: December 05, 2018, 09:22:27 AM »
Kenny Rogers Spitroasters

Dannyhood91

  • I thought you said KING AAARTHUUUR!
Re: That's all I got
« Reply #439 on: December 05, 2018, 12:55:07 PM »
A bunch of uneducated pillocks throwing sprouts at a dinner lady.

Norton Canes

  • Watching the Wednesday wheel
Re: That's all I got
« Reply #440 on: December 05, 2018, 02:53:24 PM »
Someone with a mask loses their mask
The Twelve Days of Christmas but it's haunted
Food left in a car

Cuellar

  • Taxes, they'll be lower...son
Re: That's all I got
« Reply #441 on: December 05, 2018, 03:47:26 PM »
I had a great one for this thread but I've forgotten it.

It might have been 'Therapists, ear-prostitutes' but I don't think it was. It was better than that, and I can't for the life of me think what it was.

Lordofthefiles

  • A dog with two dicks or a dick with two dogs
Re: That's all I got
« Reply #442 on: December 06, 2018, 10:58:57 AM »
"Caught Short"

Dwarves are served up industrial strength laxative-laced meals before being set away on a race against time to get to a nearby destination (which houses a solid gold toilet complete with silk loo roll), all the while being pursued by fart sniffing hounds.

Will they win the prize of a nice comfortable evacuation, or will they be...

Caught Short

Cuellar

  • Taxes, they'll be lower...son
Re: That's all I got
« Reply #443 on: December 06, 2018, 11:02:24 AM »
Bally Kiss Angel

TV show in which ruddy faced officer-types yell at people to get them to kiss the actor who played Angel in Buffy.

Re: That's all I got
« Reply #444 on: December 06, 2018, 11:21:03 AM »
It is my Christmas wish that every single idea in this 15 page thread becomes a living, breathing HS Art topic.

FerriswheelBueller

  • Golden Todger or
  • Silver Member
  • ****
  • Take it easy, but take it.
    • I am antsy for baseball in the off-season.
Re: That's all I got
« Reply #445 on: December 06, 2018, 01:15:48 PM »
A Ways to get Ferris a million quid thread.

  • mug 10,000 people for 1,000 quid each
  • mug 1,000 people for 10,000 quid each
  • lobby Congress or eccentric billionaires on his behalf

Etc etc.

Points given for originality.

Re: That's all I got
« Reply #446 on: December 08, 2018, 12:28:35 AM »
So I said, 'Quantum Leap on this!'.

a duncandisorderly

  • the rough and tumble of the internet
Re: That's all I got
« Reply #447 on: December 08, 2018, 11:31:39 AM »
Bally Kiss Angel

TV show in which ruddy faced officer-types yell at people to get them to kiss the actor who played Angel in Buffy.

david "aurora" borealis, him off 'bones'. him.

Cuellar

  • Taxes, they'll be lower...son
Re: That's all I got
« Reply #448 on: December 08, 2018, 02:35:36 PM »
Horthy the Cat

Cuellar

  • Taxes, they'll be lower...son
Re: That's all I got
« Reply #449 on: December 08, 2018, 08:25:48 PM »
Benj Press