Urgent help required

[The Masked Unit]

Male sought in Chesterfield area to double over and splay anus. 3 days work, £7.98 per hour, light lunch provided.

[pancreas]

Have you tried emailing gerontophile3000@hotmail.com ?

[Quincey]

Male sought in Chesterfield area to double over and splay anus. 3 days work, £7.98 per hour, light lunch provided.

More than I'm paid now. Lunch included? Sign me up. Any type of anus preferred?

[Rocket Surgery]

Are we talking regular 8-hour shifts, or round the clock splaying?

[drummersaredeaf]

Any chance of a heavier lunch, or might that affect performance?

[poo]

Want my a-hole and balls snogged ASAP. Basically want someone to set up camp on my ringpice and no man's land for a whole weekend.

[thraxx]

Will you accept job share or disabled applicants? Got quite a few mates interested.
.

[The Masked Unit]

The position I'm in I'll accept anyone, although my client was quite specific in that it has to be a mousey haired 46 year old, ideally with experience in the construction sector. 

[Glebe]

I'll tickle your fancy for 56p. Okay, 44p - your a tough customer![nb]Hello, sailor![/nb]

[KennyMonster]

Male sought in Chesterfield area to double over and splay anus. 3 days work, £7.98 per hour, light lunch provided.

Sorry, no can do, I'm not very good at cryptic crosswords.

Perhaps male could also refer to 'mail' i.e. Postman Pat

The clue could perhaps refer to what he gets up to with Mrs Goggins after his shift has ended?

[The Masked Unit]

Panic over, Uncle Ian's said he'll do it. Thanks anyway.

[Glebe]

Panic over, Uncle Ian's said he'll do it.

Uncle Ian's what?

This is all getting more sinister and sleazy by the hour.