Who Murdered Lolly Shoe?

[Sgt. Duckie]

Who murdered Lolly Shoe?

Found behind the village chips shop, suffocated with a potato sack, 27 year old Lolly Shoe was too good to die. But who actually did it? And why?

Henry Moore                Aristocratic owner of The Potato Grange chips shop
Dee dee la Moore          The controversial filippino wife of Henry
Jocelyn Desjarlais          Chainsmoking potato events co-ordinator
Elaine Duublerry             No nonsense chips shop worker
Elias Duublerry               Greedy circus proprietor
Hannah Fisher              Sexy traffic warden who had affairs with Lolly's lover
Beefy Fisher                    Acrobat who thrice asked Lolly for her hand
Mary-Mae Grace           Best friend of Lolly since 2, currently distraught
Giuseppe Salvatorie       Employed Lolly at 'Ravioli Time'
Arthur Gorash                 Potato Picker
Tippi Quiqley                  Lolly's illustrious nail surgeon
Sebastyan Dalrymple   Muckraping journalist at 'The Gloopston Echo'
Garland Doyle                 Lolly's nosey octogenarian neighbour
Shane Smitwire              Sociopathic escaped convict
Ruby Shoe                       The infallible mother to Lolly Shoe
Vernon Shoe Sr.             The inscrutable father to Lolly Shoe
Vernon 'Four Horses of the Apocalypse' Shoe Jr.  Lolly's estranged cousin
Debbie Flangrell              Caring vet to Lolly's doberman 'Biscuit'
Jonty Hogg                       Lolly's flamboyant dentist and sexual lover
Julian Hogg                      Lolly's erstwhile G.P.
Gil Hogg                             Gay potato analyst
Finlay French                   Lolly's unstoppable stalker
Iona French                      Lolly's bitterest enemy.
Bjork Dawlston                Farmhand who Lolly owed money
Bod Mackensie                Bumptious leader of the village gypsies
Johan Grist                       Lolly's stuttering chiropodist
Ravi Hohti                          Lolly's cocaine-addicted saxophone teacher
Iris McGonigle-Hohti     Library assistant
Dermot Cresswell           Abrasive landlord of The Potato Pump pub
Arthur Guppy                   Harmonica blowing village idiot.
P.I. Danny Haddock       Distinguished, careful and hunting Lolly's killer.

[Lemming]

She faked her death, she's alive in Argentinia.

My vote goes to Garland Doyle, though. He's innocent but he's a shit so I hope they give him the lethal injection anyway.

[Spoon of Ploff]

Beefy Fisher                    Acrobat who thrice asked Lolly for her hand

Is the corpse of Lolly Shoe missing a hand?

[Glebe]

Is the corpse of Lolly Shoe missing a hand?

Great detective work, Spoony! You're a 'Shoe-in' to win this![nb]#Shoe-in[/nb]

P.S. Never mind the hand, was she missing a shoe?

[BlodwynPig]

Biscuit did it

[Glebe]

Biscuit did it

Custard cream or bourbon? YOU decide!

[Spoon of Ploff]

Biscuit did it

You need to show your working out else you won't get any marks.

[Sgt. Duckie]

From the journal of P.I. Danny Haddock:

'The case had grown colder than a cold cone of chips.  Nobody was saying nutting. The  entire village of Gloopston had clammed up, like clams, singing in a clammy vacant refrigerator. I knew I was on my own. Except for Seb Dalrymple. who wanted to spit beans with me the next day. If I made it to the next day.

Later, as I sat in The Potato Pump pub drinking the local Cresswell Homebrew bitter, I could see the scum asses of Bod Mackensie, Arthur Gorash and Eillen Duublerry looking at me like I was the Mr. Unsavoury-About-Town. I felt uneasy all of a sudden. Sickly.
The only Lolly Shoe clues so far were airy fairy, so I took what I knew for sure: forensics had pulled a letter from under each of her pretty silver fingernails.
Ten letters to be precise:  D. I. E. P O. T.A. T. O.  B.
I figured the B stood for Bitch or Broad. But do they? I looked at my pint glass. It had a king Edward in the bottom of it.

Gingerly, on my last giddy feet,  I giddily got out of there. And then the humdinger of mobile calls came from forensics. They'd found a pretty pink toenails mystery too. Ten letters indecipherably under them:
I.F. S.E.E.   F.R.Y. H.E.
Before I could figure it out I dizzily keeled over. Like a clam, under a dirty hammer...'

[Spoon of Ploff]

Detectiving is hard... I'm out.[nb]I also suspect there's going to be an incident involving a wicker man in the near future, so definitely time to get out of dodge[/nb]

[doppelkorn]

The OP deserved more than one karma. PM me if I forget. I'm spaffed RN.

[doppelkorn]

Chainsmoking potato events co-ordinator