Topic: Oft-forgotten gems from the Alan Partridge canon

[Twed]

"Listeners, I have someone on the line who fears he may be a gay.
He's married so I shall only be using his Christian name.
I'm talking to Domingo in Little Oakley.
No? He's gone.
Pity."

This is such a gift to me, as my grandmother lives in Little Oakley[1]. It's such a tiny place to be referenced, and Domingo really would stand out like a sore thumb.

1.	I grew up in Great Oakley

[Huxleys Babkins]

"There's dozens of Cromwells! They're in the phone book for Christ's sake! I've got a friend called Cromwell! He's called Cresswell actually. I need to call him back."

"Sometimes that meant being ruthless, a trait I demonstrated when grabbing the first interview with javelinner Steve Backley after a quite lovely throw at Crystal Palace. Seeing ITV’s Jim Rosenthal jostling for position, I sidled up behind him, muttered ‘Hello Jim’ and, as he turned to respond, he fell/was pushed off the media rostrum. He landed on a stack of hurdles, suffering cuts and bruises as well as some seriously duffed-up pride. Well, Gary Newbon went spastic. The two of them were the Tweedle Dum and Tweedle Doo of ITV Sport –great friends on and off camera –and our feud was real and long-standing. Newbon tore his jacket off, then his shirt, pounding at his belly and tits and shouting ‘Come on then! Come on!’ It was incredibly unseemly and I know Gary was kept away from athletics events for a good while after that.

I secured the interview and asked Backley some searching questions about his training regime, skin-tight sportswear and marital status. The piece went out that night. You could see Newbon in the background, facing away from camera but slumped on a folding chair (by then in tears), but needless to say I had the last laugh."

[Ptolemy Ptarmigan]

"Listeners, I have someone on the line who fears he may be a gay.
He's married so I shall only be using his Christian name.
I'm talking to Domingo in Little Oakley.
No? He's gone.
Pity."

This is such a gift to me, as my grandmother lives in Little Oakley[1]. It's such a tiny place to be referenced, and Domingo really would stand out like a sore thumb.

1.	I grew up in Great Oakley

It's the "Marvellous little tapas bar there" at the end that really caps the joke.

[Absorb the anus burn]

Christmas KMKYWAP is still the most quotable Partridge... It's still my favourite.

"Jews Are Good...... Is it a Rover?....... Ramadam-a-dingdong.... Can we get a drink for the Christian..... Give it a good stuffing. Oooh, pardon.... Hmmm that's a nice action.... That's a quality action....... I'm still a virgin. Well done..... In five months I will be giving birth to a little baby heron. Not literally, that would be revolting.... Put my face out!.... Do the mince pies taste a bit minty?... What's onanism?......... God is a gas - not Calor gas or anything like that....? Was Dr. Hook a real doctor?"

[notjosh]

Just been watching some Partridge clips on youtube and noticed on the episode of KMKYWAP when Alan reels off his list of nicknames for Lawrence Knowles and asks Lawrence if he would like to comment, the line "I have the same solicitor as Dave Lee Travis" has been removed.

Maybe it wasn't in the original broadcast. I seem to remember that the DVD features extended versions of all the episodes.

[Here Comes Mongo]

I haven't seen too much Partridge stuff so I'm not sure if this is forgotten as such, but recently I've been chuckling about "Let's say for an instant that I am a gaym'n" from this sketch: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h9RrlXSMkt0

[Lemming]

(suddenly being woken up while leaning against the bar)
"I'M CONFUSED"

[holyzombiejesus]

Maybe it wasn't in the original broadcast. I seem to remember that the DVD features extended versions of all the episodes.

It definitely was. There was a running joke about DLT. "The Hairy Cornflake shed a tear!"

[ArtParrott]

Alpha Papa was on TV again over xmas and since then whenever I see eggs in my house I can't not hear...

"Today we're asking, why do people keep their eggs in the fridge?

Once again, why do people insist on keeping their eggs in the fridge?"

(I keep eggs in the fridge btw)

[CaptainInvincible]

 That was My Watch! Ive just lost my, bloomin Gold Watch! Ha! Oh well - keep it in, shows its real.

[HappyTree]

How do you ride a horse?

[PlasticTom]

I shared that thought with TV comedian Alan Carr and told him he could have it for free. He laughed. The guy's a breath of fresh air. Some people unkindly say the deaths of Inman, Harty and Grayson have put talented entertainers like Carr back into some kind of closet. I hope not. I've long lobbied the BBC for the reintroduction of a primetime TV homosexual.
And yet some people have accused me of intolerance or homophobia, a word that didn't exist before 1980 - if you'd have used that term before then, people would have thought you were referring to some kind of science fiction disease. Uh-huh. Not me. Although, call me old-fashioned, but in my day public toilets were for pissing and shitting.
It seems that now it's not a criminal offence, it's fine for TV homosexuals to be 'active'. Is that a good thing? I'll remain above the fray. That's for you, the reader, to decide.
Although, if pushed, I'd say that if the 'activity' remains in a private dwelling or hotel, is genuinely consensual and the age disparity is under a decade, let them broadcast."


Footnote 150, p154 - IP:WNTTAA


"Genuinely consensual"

[non capisco]

I've always loved Coogan's ad lib "No manners, but what a critic" after the horse shits on the set in the background of KMKYWAP.

I don't know if it's exactly oft-forgotten but his new comedy character 'Camp David' is something I find impossible to watch just the once. "Wooooohhhhhhh, hello, Alan!" The fact it's obviously his voice.

As someone else has already nominated the enduring pathos of Joe Beazley and Cheeky Monkey is for me the high watermark of all Alan Partridge things. I found it both hysterical and faintly sad on its first broadcast in 1994 and I'm still a bit obsessed with it to this day, a plaintive still image of Joe Beazley has been my work screensaver for a long while now. John Thomson is just perfect. There are so many tiny details to savour in his brief performance.

His entrance when the puppet's limitations are immediately apparent and he has to pretend the monkey is intent on pulling him across the stage away from the mic. "What do you get if you cross Fred Flintstone....no, not what if you cross...." The bleak brilliance of Cheeky Monkey going bezerk with its head to the sky during the fluffed first "Yabba Dabba Dooooooo!" "The other week....pack it in, you!" "They've got the biggest rollercoaster in the world, it's massive...(flounders) Int'it? (makes monkey vigorously nod)"  Probably the best bit, when Cheeky Monkey's hands become separated and he quietly mutters "Oh, god", then fails to reattach them and just stands there with one of the hands lamely pressed against his chest. The cutaway to a nervous looking Alan. "It's his fault, ladies and gentlemen, he's made me forget!" Fuck man, it's so brilliant and I might have to watch it again now.

"Hold onto your sides, they might just split!"

[Glebe]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m4T_4uLQ7e0#t=49s

The audience laughs at "The guy obviously had talent," missing the "that's the tragedy" bit. This displeases me.

[purlieu]

Between radio, TV, film and book, there are so many absolutely brilliant Partridge moments, but none make me laugh so much as his straining during the 'Thank You for the Music' section of the ABBA medley. I have no idea if it's being a musician that makes it appeal to me so much, but it just sums up his striving to be more than he actually is better than anything else; plus it's such an inherently hilarious sound. Maybe not the most obscure, but the one that gets me more than any other.

[Noodle Lizard]

I've always loved Coogan's ad lib "No manners, but what a critic" after the horse shits on the set in the background of KMKYWAP.

Surely that was Patrick Marber.

[non capisco]

Surely that was Patrick Marber.

Yeah. Mistype!

[Bacon]

As someone else has already nominated the enduring pathos of Joe Beazley and Cheeky Monkey is for me the high watermark of all Alan Partridge things. I found it both hysterical and faintly sad on its first broadcast in 1994 and I'm still a bit obsessed with it to this day, a plaintive still image of Joe Beazley has been my work screensaver for a long while now. John Thomson is just perfect. There are so many tiny details to savour in his brief performance.

His entrance when the puppet's limitations are immediately apparent and he has to pretend the monkey is intent on pulling him across the stage away from the mic. "What do you get if you cross Fred Flintstone....no, not what if you cross...." The bleak brilliance of Cheeky Monkey going bezerk with its head to the sky during the fluffed first "Yabba Dabba Dooooooo!" "The other week....pack it in, you!" "They've got the biggest rollercoaster in the world, it's massive...(flounders) Int'it? (makes monkey vigorously nod)"  Probably the best bit, when Cheeky Monkey's hands become separated and he quietly mutters "Oh, god", then fails to reattach them and just stands there with one of the hands lamely pressed against his chest. The cutaway to a nervous looking Alan. "It's his fault, ladies and gentlemen, he's made me forget!" Fuck man, it's so brilliant and I might have to watch it again now.

"Hold onto your sides, they might just split!"

Yea Thompson is amazing here. I love the way he starts slapping cheeky monkey when he forgets the joke.

Also seems like Thompson nearly cracks up around the 1min41 mark

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D49d75blINA

Alan's laugh as he walks on stage at 18secs is brilliant.

'You've got a big problem'

[yesitsme]

The best bit of Cheeky Monkey is where Beesley (storming off stage) flings the puppet away in a temper, just twizzes him across the studio - fantastic. It's closely followed by '...oh look you've made him cry no laydengentlemen look - he's sad.  DON'T TOUCH IT!'

Coogan's quip when the horse takes a shit is that it was in the 'very same studio' as the Blue Peter elephant.

Going back to Cheeky Monkey, I've seen the thing that's based on (it has to be) but have never met anyone else who has.

It's a 3-2-1 skit where the bloke turns up with a really low rent Rod Hull 'emu' puppet and performs what can only be described as a 'load of shite' (even by 3-2-1 standards) for five minutes.

When he comes over to the podium even the guy's laughing at how bad it was, Rodgers tries to make some small talk 'Where did you get the puppet?' he asks 'Bought it on the way here' replies the act, obviously delighted to get his £300.00 or whatever ITV paid in those days.  The notion that mainstream, big time Saturday night entertainment could be made up in the car drive from home to the studio is surely a thing of lost beauty.

Do any other Metro readers remember seeing that?

[jobotic]

I've never seen it but your description of it made me laugh out loud, which I'm not in the habit of doing. "Bought it on the way here".

I often say "oh god" in a John Thompson way - I love that bit.

[yesitsme]

"I'm being bawdy, Lynn. Enjoy it"

See the laugh Lynn does there?  There's a Lynn-a-Like in here who does that laugh when she doesn't get the joke.

I wonder if it comes as standard?

[Cuellar]

"A sexy trio of models I called my Christmas Crackers, and Mick Hucknall, because he was - in his words - trying to bang one of them"
-I, Partridge

[Norton Canes]

(suddenly being woken up while leaning against the bar)
"I'M CONFUSED"

(suddenly being woken up by Lynn in his room)
"FIGHT YOU"

[non capisco]

'Never Say Alan Again' is probably my least favourite IAP episode but it does have his observation that Dr. Pepper "tastes like fizzy Benilyn."

[Uncle TechTip]

You're sacked! You're a sacked man, you've been sacked! Consider yourself sacked! You're subject to a sacking! I want you out of the studio! Knowing me, Alan Partridge, SACKING you, Glenn Ponder! A-ha!

[Cuellar]

It's good this, isn't it? Even though we're basically just listing bits from Partridge, forgotten or not.

[doppelkorn]

"Sheep and goat and onion busters? I don't think they're in the yellow pages."

also

"...had some bad scampi"

[Concerned But Powerless]

There's a line in I, Partridge which is always popping into my mind and I'm not really sure why but it's when he describes being caught with a microwave in his room in the travel tavern as a result of its "unusually loud ding" which is a "common failing of many of the newer Sanyo's."

So good. I can't remember for sure but I think he tries wrapping the duvet around the microwave to try and muffle the sound of the ding.

[BritishHobo]

I've always found it a sad thing that, until the film at least, IAP seemed to be the only Partridge thing people knew or referenced, because both KMKYWAP series are full of incredible moments. Everyone's fantastic in them, but I'm always especially saddened to think Marber gets no recognition for some incredible characters and some of the funniest moments in the canon (as well as, you know, being somewhat of a major contributor early on). Two moments that always pop into my head at random points over the years are Keith Hunt forgetting his son's birthday and floundering on the spot when Alan asks if he has anything he wants to say to his son - "See your dad on the telly last week?" - and that bit after Alan persuades the actress's husband to fix a printer, and he gives Alan a tip about where to store paperclips before pausing and contemptuously going 'I don't do that shit anymore.'

To go even more obscure, the Day Today special feature where Alan chats to Chris Morris about Diana and JFK is a worn favourite of mine. 'There's so much about the world you don't know, Chris. I mean, you're, you're very- you're quite good at your job, but there are so many... do you think the Prime Minister runs the world? Does he heck. What a laugh.' 'Who does run the world, Alan?' 'Trade unions.'

[Dirty Boy]

"three men burning in a tank going euuuurghh!"

"You should have a decent grasp of Latin if you're working in Currys".

"Through the chicane... through the chicane... amazing!"

also in OTH his endless obsession with groin strain "i've heard it's a bit like a banjo string snapping".