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Oft-forgotten gems from the Alan Partridge canon

Started by MoonDust, January 21, 2017, 08:57:22 AM

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Mango Chimes

Quote from: FerriswheelBueller on January 16, 2019, 02:49:43 PM
My accent is a horrible mish-mash of accents and dialects. I like to think it makes me sound like a global citizen, but tbh I probably just sound like a berk. Such is life.

Hey, half-empty/half-full: you might sound like a global berk.

A globerk.

St_Eddie

Quote from: kalowski on January 16, 2019, 06:43:47 AM
I remember being in NYC and asking for a tomato juice, about 5 times, to a very confused waitress. When I said tom-ay-to juice she understood straight away.

A similar thing happened when I went to New York with my family as a kid.  My Mum and Dad asked a New York resident for directions to Battery Park and it just went back and forth for a good minute or so; "where's Battery Park?", "where's Baaa wha?!".  Eventually it snapped and he said, in a heavy New York accent, "ooohhhhhh!  Baaaaattery Park!".

American's are weird like that but then again, I suppose that they're not as exposed to our accents as we are to theirs, what with our cultural adoption of their films and TV, which is a part of everyday life for us, but much more limited to our American cousins, when it comes to their consumption of British media.

kalowski

"I have got some big tits for you. Tits. Tits. Tits bits. Tit bits! I don't know what the fuss is about actually. They're just pointed sacks of fat on a woman's upper torso for goodness sakes. What's the big deal people. I mean we've all got our favourite...gland. Mine happens to be the...mammary"

Tikwid

Just remembered the amazing detail of how Alan's strangled "LYNN! LYNN!!!" in his Toblerone flashback changes effortlessly to a casual "...hello Lynn?" once he picks up the phone. (remembered it because I'm eating Toblerone now, although I haven't yet encountered weight gain/the urge to drive to Dundee in my bare feet)

St_Eddie

Quote from: kalowski on January 16, 2019, 08:35:27 PM
"I have got some big tits for you. Tits. Tits. Tits bits. Tit bits! I don't know what the fuss is about actually. They're just pointed sacks of fat on a woman's upper torso for goodness sakes. What's the big deal people. I mean we've all got our favourite...gland. Mine happens to be the...mammary"

"What is point in pointed sacks?"

"What is point in life?"

Utter Shit


græskar

Quote from: kalowski on January 16, 2019, 08:35:27 PM
"I have got some big tits for you. Tits. Tits. Tits bits. Tit bits! I don't know what the fuss is about actually. They're just pointed sacks of fat on a woman's upper torso for goodness sakes. What's the big deal people. I mean we've all got our favourite...gland. Mine happens to be the...mammary"
...aryTHE INDEPENDENNNNNT"

Mobius


markpaterson

Always get tickled by his preposterous hand overs to Dave Clifton. This gem from I'm Alan Partridge S02E04:

It's 1 A M, as the whole of Norfolk sleeps, something truly evil stirs.
His coffin lid opens with a shuddering creak... *creeeeak*
An owl hoots... *DANNY FRANCHETTI'S JAZZ BOX* (sorry that's the new digital system)...

kalowski

From that same episode, a perfect moment for our Brexit times:

"Do you want to go to prison? Do you? Do you want to go to prison?"
"You tell me prison is very cushy. It's like holiday camps."
"I was making a point about something else."


QDRPHNC

A pint of bitter and a plate of crackers, please!

checkoutgirl

(after having a big shit at the bravery awards)

"I should get a bravery award for that"

Ferris

Quote from: checkoutgirl on January 25, 2019, 07:58:13 PM
(after having a big shit at the bravery awards)

"I should get a bravery award for that"

"...she drove off"


The Lurker

"There have been more complaints from farmers about, well, what you said"
"How many?"
"50"
"Oh, your age"

Gulftastic

Quote from: QDRPHNC on January 25, 2019, 07:54:13 PM
A pint of bitter and a plate of crackers, please!

A pipe of Pringles will suffice...

kalowski


kalowski

Sack Lynn for being unloyal – disloyal, and for joining in fun in a way that excludes her employer. And sack her for being an absolute idiot, and inefficient. Then, can you call Bill Oddie and - That's something else.

Ferris

#979
Quote from: Gulftastic on January 29, 2019, 07:15:14 PM
A pipe of Pringles will suffice...

"A clump of cress"


Norton Canes

Quote from: kalowski on January 29, 2019, 07:36:46 PM
Sack Lynn for being unloyal – disloyal

I think that might actually be my favourite Partridge utterance of all time.

Cuellar

"When I get stressed, I drive 50 miles to an out of town Asda and do my shopping dressed as a sexy woman. As I walk round the aisles I can hear the other customers saying who the hell...is that sexy woman the time is eleven thirty"

Hard to convey just how funny I find the delivery of that final sentence and I probably got the time wrong.

kalowski

"It's Mid Morning Matters Thursday Book Club or..." (presses button) "Mid Morning Matter Thursday...Book Club"

St_Eddie

#984
Sad to hear that your man there, James, is feeling bad.  It wasn't his, or any of the actors, fault that the reunion show was a right of royal shitshow.  Not the actors fault.  Producers fault.  Bunch of clueless idiots.

EDIT: Wrong thread, obviously.  iPhone 7's being a cunt.  Want to copy & paste?  Don't buy a iPhone 7.

Chollis

Quote from: Norton Canes on January 30, 2019, 01:13:49 PM
I think that might actually be my favourite Partridge utterance of all time.

Was just thinking the same.

kalowski


gilbertharding

Quote from: St_Eddie on January 30, 2019, 02:16:37 PM
Sad to hear that your man there, James, is feeling bad.  It wasn't his, or any of the actors fault that the reunion show was a right of royal shitshow.  Not the actors fault.  Producers fault.  Bunch of clueless idiots.

Should have booked Bill Oddie.

kalowski

I have just been falling over with laughter at the "disguised voice" during the addiction action section.

Lisa Jesusandmarychain

Quote from: St_Eddie on January 30, 2019, 02:16:37 PM
Sad to hear that your man there, James, is feeling bad.  It wasn't his, or any of the actors fault that the reunion show was a right of royal shitshow.  Not the actors fault.  Producers fault.  Bunch of clueless idiots.

That sounds like a *completely* forgotten gem from the Alan Partridge canon.
(Don't worry, readers; I know that The Boy Eddie has posted this "Inbetweeners" related comment in the wrong thread, really! ; ) )