Why don't Americans have proper names?

[fat_abbott]

I used to know someone in Canada called Gay Bois, which isn't funny when you realise she is of French heritage and Bois = Wood... Oh hang on.

[Keebleman]

Sporcle.com has dozens of quizzes based around baby names.  Most Popular Boys' Names Beginning With K in the US by Decade Since 1880, that sort of thing.  There is a fairly regular shifting in results over the years, names like Dorothy and Alfred fading away, or Harry sinking and rising again, but come the 21st century and everything goes ape.  Names that have never been seen before - Jaxon, Kaydon, Taylor (for girls) - suddenly fill the top ten no matter what the criteria.

[dissolute ocelot]

When I was a lad we used to holiday in France quite a lot (we have family and friends there), and it always confused me why French drivers were so bad at roundabouts, considering they were VERY early designers/adopters.  But then, as I got older, I realised they knew exactly how roundabouts worked, they just didn't give a fuck.

French roundabouts are famously confusing because some of them give priority to vehicles on the roundabout (the British system, except we drive on the other side of the road), and others give priority to vehicles joining the roundabout (priorité à droite). This means that you always have to look out for who has the right of way and is about to smash into the side of you. France also has the stupid 4-way stop junctions like in the US, which only really work if you suspect the other drivers may be armed.

[Bazooka]

Sporcle.com has dozens of quizzes based around baby names.  Most Popular Boys' Names Beginning With K in the US by Decade Since 1880, that sort of thing.  There is a fairly regular shifting in results over the years, names like Dorothy and Alfred fading away, or Harry sinking and rising again, but come the 21st century and everything goes ape.  Names that have never been seen before - Jaxon, Kaydon, Taylor (for girls) - suddenly fill the top ten no matter what the criteria.

Hearing my sister and my nephews talk about the kids in their class, these American names are springing up, they have friends called Braylon, Tucker, Landon, all at a Church of England school, absolute disgrace.

[flotemysost]

Ha! Bell End, the place, is only about 30 mins away from me and there's a road called Bell End a similar distance away in a different location. Unfortunately, driving to neither of these places requires me to drive down Hardon Road, which is only five minutes away. I really am blessed.

There's also a Bellenden Road in Peckham, which feels like a Hyacinth Bucket version of the above.

Re: stupid American names, I met a guy from Alabama last year called Strock. Not short for anything. That's yer lot.

It reminds me (unfairly) of swimming and sexual assault star Brock Turner, although to be fair at least Brock is an old English word for badger. Just Googled 'strock' and it seems to have a more modern etymology.

[Ferris]

I'm perplexed by the roundabout. Do Americans know how they even work?

It's not even a corner. A more apt name would be Wanker's Circle, or Wanker's Ring. Or Circle Wank.

There are two near me and they are fucking death traps. People either cautiously advance further and further until they've edged precisely into two lanes of oncoming traffic, or accelerate at point of entry full LEROY JENKINS style into opposing vehicles. Neither is very good.

[Bazooka]

There's also a Bellenden Road in Peckham, which feels like a Hyacinth Bucket version of the above.

Re: stupid American names, I met a guy from Alabama last year called Strock. Not short for anything. That's yer lot.

It reminds me (unfairly) of swimming and sexual assault star Brock Turner, although to be fair at least Brock is an old English word for badger. Just Googled 'strock' and it seems to have a more modern etymology.

STROCK: The Galactic Barbarian

[Elderly Sumo Prophecy]

French roundabouts are famously confusing because some of them give priority to vehicles on the roundabout (the British system, except we drive on the other side of the road), and others give priority to vehicles joining the roundabout (priorité à droite). This means that you always have to look out for who has the right of way and is about to smash into the side of you. France also has the stupid 4-way stop junctions like in the US, which only really work if you suspect the other drivers may be armed.

That seems so pointlessly obtuse. The only thing they'd have to do, as far as I can think of, to adapt a roundabout to the far more efficient "priority to people on the actual roundabout" system would be to take down the sign that says "priorite a droite". I can't think of any other road infrastructure you'd need to alter, everything would just work. You could even do it on the famous Arc de Triomphe one. Actually, the Arc de Triomphe one I'd probably just scrap the entire thing and start again.

[Attila]

I still, vividly, remember my dad trying to negotiate the Arc de Triomphe in our little brown Talbot Sunrise.  A terrifying experience.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iAgX6qlJEMc

This was me, last Tuesday, stuck in that enormous roundabout just outside of Portsmouth (trying to go from the M27 to the A2030). I had to go around it a couple of times because the first time, I was in the incorrect lane, and then, like Clark, I just could NOT get over into the lane I needed to be in.

I swear all of the 'helpful' lane lines in that roundabout were laid down by someone drunkenly dumping their paint supply behind them as they randomly swivelled around it.

And yes, 'Hey Kids, Big Ben! Parliament!' came into play.

[Ornlu]

I'm sure people have seen this, and it's not real, but no-one had posted it:

[Shit Good Nose]

Ha, that's great.  Reminds me of Stew's Panini stickers in the FoF book.

[JesusAndYourBush]

There's a Japanese tv show called Jichael Mackson.

[El Unicornio, mang]

I'm sure people have seen this, and it's not real, but no-one had posted it:

Funny, although real life baseball player names are just as ridiculous

https://bleacherreport.com/articles/924869-25-funniest-names-in-baseball-history (it's American so Randy Johnson/Randy Wolf sadly aren't included)

[flotemysost]

I'm sure people have seen this, and it's not real, but no-one had posted it:

Absolutely lost it at Todd Bonzalez

[Captain Z]

There's a Japanese tv show called Jichael Mackson.

And a DJ/producer with the same name.
https://www.residentadvisor.net/dj/jichaelmackson

[petril]

And a DJ/producer with the same name.
https://www.residentadvisor.net/dj/jichaelmackson

see also: Com Truise

[Claude the Racecar Driving Rockstar Super Sleuth]

"Call now!"

Funny, although real life baseball player names are just as ridiculous.

In an odd coincidence, while searching for the photo above, I found this:

[paruses]

Absolutely lost it at Todd Bonzalez

Same. Why is that so funny?

[flotemysost]

"Todd" sounds to me like a classic blue-collar all-American name, while the surname could be Hispanic but that shift of the first letter just tips it over into ridiculous territory. Also sounds very much like he could be a contender in poo's "vs.".

[Inspector Norse]

There are one or two that just could be real names.  I googled and found a Scott Bourque.

[Inspector Norse]

Here's Todd!

[petril]

what, Todd, seriously?

[beanheadmcginty]

There's also a Bellenden Road in Peckham, which feels like a Hyacinth Bucket version of the above.

The best thing about Bellenden Road in Peckham is that there's a pub on it called the Prince Albert.

[Goldentony]

I'm sure people have seen this, and it's not real, but no-one had posted it:

it is real! it's from Fighting Baseball for the SNES, that's just a small few of the mad names, the others are covered here, helpfully -

Mad Names In A Google Doc

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Bean Beverage

[Mister Six]

Just found out that Oprah Winfrey's partner's name is Stedman Graham.

Oprah Winfrey and Stedman Graham. Like names generated by a bored Japanese AI.

[Dex Sawash]

BOSTON (CBS) – Boston Police say they've arrested the man who set a ballot box on fire over the weekend. Worldy Armand, 39, of Boston, was arraigned in municipal court Monday afternoon.     

[Ornlu]

it is real! it's from Fighting Baseball for the SNES, that's just a small few of the mad names, the others are covered here, helpfully -

Mad Names In A Google Doc

Oh no, yeah - I just meant they're not real existing people.

[George White]

Just found out that Oprah Winfrey's partner's name is Stedman Graham.

Oprah Winfrey and Stedman Graham. Like names generated by a bored Japanese AI.

It's Supernatural/Hubcap/candi's Dick Mays. https://www.imdb.com/name/nm0563065/?ref_=tt_ov_dr
Anyone remember It's Supernatural from obscure satellite TV?

[All Surrogate]

The Majestic 12 have some

Spoiler alert

redacted

[close]

names:

• Lloyd Berkner
• Detlev Bronk
• Vannevar Bush
• James Forrestal
• Gordon Gray
• Roscoe H. Hillenkoetter
• Jerome Clarke Hunsaker
• Donald H. Menzel
• Robert M. Montague
• Sidney Souers
• Nathan F. Twining
• Hoyt Vandenberg