What's the ultimate dickhead song?

[purlieu]

There's potential to make a very good song in the chords and melody of Angels.

[Monsieur Verdoux]

Throw those elements in the hands of early 70's Elton John and you'd have a corker.

[purlieu]

Quite possibly. And although missed potential is infuriating, there have been plenty of songs mentioned in this thread that wouldn't be any good no matter whose hands you put them in.

[Jerzy Bondov]

I just want to reiterate that it's Sex on Fire. If you're not sure, imagine it's the evening do at a wedding or a busy night in a student union club, and this song comes on, and in the chorus the DJ dips the volume so everyone can do the WOOOOOAAAHHHOOOOOOO

[colacentral]

Any song that gets chanted at rugby and football.

[Key]

Don't stop believing, it's a pure dickhead anthem.

I worked with a guy who fucking loooved that song. And he went on to murder his wife. So, I guess youre right.

Put me down as another for Shes So Lovely. Its not a song for dickheads per se. Just that we are all dickheads as a species for letting the song exist in the first place.

[Cuntbeaks]

Anything by The Black Eyed Peas,  although 'I got a feeling' or whatever the fuck its called surely takes the biscuit.

"Lets do it,  lets do it,  letsdoitdoitdoit'

Distilled shit for cunts.

[xxxx xxx x xxx]

Anyone mentioned Chelsea Dagger by the Pigeon Chiefs yet?

[Icehaven]

It used to be Red Alert by Basement Jaxx but everyone's forgotten it now, thank god, so now it's that Tonight's Gonna Be A Good Night one by the Cock Eyed Peas.

[Golden E. Pump]

Although I still stand by my 'Chelsea Dagger' nomination, you can take pretty much any 'indie' single from 2005-2010 and it fits the bill.

'Mr Brightside' by The Killers. That opening riff renders me totally misanthropic. My Dad even reckons it sounds like Queen Bitch by Bowie and loves it. Uttershit. And it was everywhere when I was at uni.

Anything released by the Kaiser Chiefs. All of their songs have a crap sing-along 'woooooaaaahhhh' bit. Terrible.

The Kooks sounded like Noel Fielding doing a shit Vic Reeves club singer impression.

I've just remembered 'Foundations' by Kate Nash as well. What a nauseating song. That voice. That shit music. Epitome of shit for cunts mate.

Any of those songs that get ironically thrashed out at a bar despite being terrible songs to dance to. Why is 'Place Your Hands' by Reef still played like it's a club classic? It's always been shit! Likewise for 'Summer of '69' by Bryan Adams and 'The One and Only' by Chesney Hawkes (who inexplicably follows me on Twitter).

Special mention to 'I Just Called to Say I Love You' by Stevie Wonder. Whilst I love Stevie, and this is in no way as bad of a song as the others I mention, it's the go-to Stevie track for dickheads. How such a brilliant legacy can end up being defined by such a throwaway pop piece of fluff is testament to the dickheadery of the British public when it comes to buying singles.

I'm now filled with so much rage I've just shat out my bile duct.

[poodlefaker]

But then I learnt what Gordon Ramsay chose. Sex Bomb by Tom Jones. Christ, that pips it, doesn't it?

It should be pointed out that Ramsay's other DID choices included Simply the Best, Careless Whisper, Everything I do (I do it for you) and something by Travis. Imagine being stuck on a desert island with that dickhead.

[Spoon of Ploff]

May I humbly suggest "Tubthumping"by Chumbawamba[nb]the lowest of low hanging fruit[/nb]. Maybe not it's original intent, but a dickhead song is what it became.

Please do 'get knocked down'
Please don't 'get up again'

[ersatz99]

Once those opening bars to Black Skinhead seemed to be used everywhere to promote dickhead stuff.

[Kane Jones]

It should be pointed out that Ramsay's other DID choices included Simply the Best, Careless Whisper, Everything I do (I do it for you) and something by Travis. Imagine being stuck on a desert island with that dickhead.

You'd eat pretty well I suppose.

[clingfilm portent]

My choice is Smoke On The Water. One of the most cocksure, douchbaggy 'riffs' ever conceived.

[zomgmouse]

Uptown Fuck Off

[Petey Pate]

My choice is Smoke On The Water. One of the most cocksure, douchbaggy 'riffs' ever conceived.

The band were actually embarrassed by the song because the riff was so simplistic and originally didn't want to release it.  They were persuaded to by the Montreaux Jazz Festival organiser who told them that it would be a big hit.

[imitationleather]

That Tonight's Gonna Be a Good Night song. Is that a Black Eyed Peas one?

Some of the grimmest porn I have ever seen was filmed in a club full of drunk women dancing and laughing while that song played and there was a naked guy and they were taking it in turns to suck his cock. Everything about it was so unerotic and foul it was a real struggle to manage to knock one out. Did in the end, but my word.

[Dr Syntax Head]

It's Happy by Pharrell. Which is complete fucking drivel for people who don't like music.

Same goes for that dodgy rapey song that was around, you know the one, had a rapey guy and pharell surrounded by victoria secrets models in the video, got people all raged up. You know the one

Edit. IT was blurred lines. Which has reminded me Get Lucky by a once good band fits as well.

Dickhead music on more than one level

[Dr Syntax Head]

That Tonight's Gonna Be a Good Night song. Is that a Black Eyed Peas one?

Some of the grimmest porn I have ever seen was filmed in a club full of drunk women dancing and laughing while that song played and there was a naked guy and they were taking it in turns to suck his cock. Everything about it was so unerotic and foul it was a real struggle to manage to knock one out. Did in the end, but my word.

Stick to the high production LA stuff mate. Quality control like

[Dr Syntax Head]

Buck Rogers. Feeder. You don't hear it much outside of generic rock clubs anymore but it is one of 'those' songs
I liked it at the time only because I liked Feeder. I grew up.

[imitationleather]

I was aged about 13 when that came out. I was at a posh school in Essex and all the rebellious grungers thought shit like Feeder and all the associated wank was the height of cool and rebellion. Whereas I was listening to Aphex Twin, Daft Punk and Boards of Canada and despite that being quite mainstream stuff it was totally off their radar so I never got accepted into their group. Not that I particularly wanted to hang out with a load of people listening to Feeder and Lostprophets (haha!) anyway.

Judging by the completely OTT hype their recent releases have produced, I bet Aphex Twin, Daft Punk and Boards of Canada are my old school classmates' favourite musical acts now.

[Dr Syntax Head]

I was aged about 13 when that came out. I was at a posh school in Essex and all the rebellious grungers thought shit like Feeder and all the associated wank was the height of cool and rebellion. Whereas I was listening to Aphex Twin, Daft Punk and Boards of Canada and despite that being quite mainstream stuff it was totally off their radar so I never got accepted into their group. Not that I particularly wanted to hang out with a load of people listening to Feeder and Lostprophets (haha!) anyway.

Judging by the completely OTT hype their recent releases have produced, I bet Aphex Twin, Daft Punk and Boards of Canada are my old school classmates' favourite musical acts now.

You could be very right. I always had pretty good taste in music, I liked the actual seattle bands but had little time for the post grunge nonsense. Bush and Feeder were the last bands of that ilk I liked probably because of the musicianship rather than the songwriting. Anyway my point was I was expanding my electronic music taste around then, Boards of canada being a great starting point (i'd been listening to Aphex since didgeridoo as he was from down my way and played clubs down there back in the day).

I'm quite lazy when it comes to seeking out new music but when the shit gets bad (NME Indie late 90.s nu metal, post grunge) it's important to search. The internet has made it easier.

Back to dickhead songs. A lot of country music is truly dickhead music. You can picture them in your head right now can't you? Guns and bourbon and proud america. Made by and listened to by dickheads

[Jockice]

Buck Rogers. Feeder. You don't hear it much outside of generic rock clubs anymore but it is one of 'those' songs
I liked it at the time only because I liked Feeder. I grew up.

Try listening to Absolute Radio. They play it practically every day.

[Dr Syntax Head]

Try listening to Absolute Radio. They play it practically every day.

I'll bear that in mind in case I ever need to subject someone to torture

[Ambient Sheep]

I've come across quite a few people who thought ["mega" was the N-word], and I never, ever heard it myself.

Indeed, I've never heard this until right now!  That's kinda horrifying.

[Noodle Lizard]

That "Everybody Dance Now" song.  It has never accompanied anything good happening.

[Noodle Lizard]

That Tonight's Gonna Be a Good Night song. Is that a Black Eyed Peas one?

I started as a freshman in university the autumn that came out (or at least when it became ubiquitous).  Just imagine that.  Sitting in someone's room, watching them get ready for an inevitably underwhelming night out, that song on repeat.  It's as bleak as it gets.

[Noodle Lizard]

And I don't know if girls can be classified as "dickheads", but if they can then the answer is obvious.  It's this:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6NXnxTNIWkc

[phantom_power]

POP FACT: Let's Get It Started by Black Eyed Peas was originally called Let's Get Retarded and was about getting so wasted it turned you into a spazz. When they went all populist they changed the words and title to be less offensive