Infantilisation

[touchingcloth]

My mobile contract is with Three[nb]Thr33?[/nb], and here are the text messages they have sent me lately in attempts to entice me to spend more money:

Hallelu-yeah it's Xmas! Celebrate with hot offers from us & our friends to make your shopping as easy as mince pie

We want you to have the Best. Xmas. Ever. so we're giving away a huge sack of prezzies including hundreds of Jacksons.

Need more data each month? Whether you love Snapchatting or streaming, we have a plan to meet your needs.

Win a Jackson! Maybe take him on your next holiday, after all, furry purple friends need holidays too.

Time to banish the January Blues with our lucky dip of brilliant prizes from hot chocs to £2000 worth of holiday vouchers.

Hate it when your phone says there's not enough storage to take a pic or download a song? Time for a Spring Clean.

Need more data for Snapchatting your mates or streaming Eastenders? You can buy a Data Add-on to meet your needs here

It's the holi-yays! Want to stream tunes from the beach or Snapchat your hot dog legs to your mates? Feel At Home lets you use your mobile data allowance in selected countries while you're away from home.

I genuinely don't know what half of that means. A sack of Jacksons? Is that ton of twenty dollar bills? Marlon and Jermaine in a bag? Has Nathan Barley taken left the media and taken on a PR job with a mobile phone company?

In addition to that guff, here are some examples of the kind of "suggested posts" I am faced with each time I login to Facebook:









Suggested? By who? And why? Do they think I'm a child? An actual child? Why are they treating me like a child?

Who treats you like a child?

[Quincey]

A Jackson is the purple creature who is in their adverts.

Hi there. My name is Jackson. I'm 24 years old. And I'm 3 foot 5 inches small!

I want to make stuff that sucks better...make them right, you know? Not just for little guys like me, but for everyone out there. And to inspire others to do the same, to change things around. Nothing gets my goat more than seeing people putting up with stuff that sucks. Take a stand! If I can do it...look at me, I'm just a regular guy...then we all can.
Occupation.
Coffee shop barista by day. Discotheque busboy by night.

Another company which pretends its prime mission isn't to make money for its shareholders. They don't think you are a child, they think that treating you like a child is the best way of getting money out of you. Perhaps market research has shown that most people are incentivised to spend more by "holi-yays". Probably the kind of people who "identify with brands" and talk about having a "brand experience".

[Blumf]

LED Sign up in Asda last December: "Only XX sleeps till Christmas"

sigh......

[Howj Begg]

[touchingcloth]

Is that thing supposed to look like an old person who's been beaten up for their pension?

[Uncle TechTip]

That's quite good though, introducing kids to Roman numerals on the 4th? (Apologies to Replies From View)

[MoonDust]

I was going to mention exactly this.

I hope that when the day comes they target these childish ad campaigns to people who are actually receiving their pensions and breaking their hips on ice, then Victor Meldrews of world will unite and companies will start treating adults like adults again.

[buttgammon]

And I thought Vodafone were cunts for sending me dozens of texts asking to do surveys and selling my number to all and sundry. I got a call from a Seychelles number at 2.30 am one night last week and when I looked the number up, a load of other Vodafone customers said they'd had the same. The thing is, I have a British phone (with Vodafone) and an Irish phone (with Meteor) and mainly tether the British one to the Irish one, so there would be no point in changing my British network anyway as I only really use it for data when I'm in the UK.

I hate all this cuddly marketing shit. I don't want you to be zany or chummy or act like you know me. You're a business and I'm a customer, just be politely formal. Also, if a mate of mine used the term holi-yays or hallelu-yeah, they wouldn't be a mate for much longer.

[touchingcloth]

I was walking through the park the other day and overheard one middle-aged woman having a conversation with another in which one of them said that they were off on their "holi-jollies" soon, which was enough to make me attempt to sic my placid and entirely non-violent dog on the pair of them.

He probably would have done it if we'd heard enough of the conversation to find out how many sleeps were left til said holi-jollies.

[sick as a pike]

"A new boiler. Surely the least enjoyable way to spend £1000."

I've found something possibly less enjoyable to spend that amount on; a positive input ventilation system to cure mould and damp in the house caused by condensation.

The relevance to the thread is that the unit I've been recommended, which has been professionally designed and engineered by adults, is called "Mr Venty."

[Quincey]

The Workplace Pension ad doesn't really work, surely the only people who shouldn't ignore him/her are employers who need to offer it to their staff, but in the ads he's just going up to random people and wondering why they ignore him/her. Why doesn't he turn up at corporate premises or something? Does he hope that the people he approach will be business owners or senior management? How is that an effective use of his/her time.

The ad cost £8.54m of public money. It would be better just to have the annoucment about the workplace pension without the shitty monster.

DWP spends £8.54m on advertising campaign at the same time as slashing benefits for disabled people, cutting £4.5bn a year from working tax credits and withdrawing housing benefit from all those under the age of 21

[Cuellar]

I've found something possibly less enjoyable to spend that amount on; a positive input ventilation system to cure mould and damp in the house caused by condensation.

The relevance to the thread is that the unit I've been recommended, which has been professionally designed and engineered by adults, is called "Mr Venty."

Keep us posted. Damp is a perennial issue in our house, and it means we can talk about adult things like housing and ventilation and ward off this tide of childhood regression.

[Quincey]

Mr Venty sounds like someone who can't wait to tell you about what they're annoyed about. I see Mr Venty has four little feet and a massive hole.

[touchingcloth]

Keep us posted. Damp is a perennial issue in our house, and it means we can talk about adult things like housing and ventilation and ward off this tide of childhood regression.

I hate to say it, but I think Pikey has been diddled. Mr Venty has done him right up. That's not the best way of dealing with condensation damp for most houses.

[Dex Sawash]

A good way of adding a miasma of bat quano and mouse poo out of the loft to your damp misery though.

[BlodwynPig]

And I thought Vodafone were cunts for sending me dozens of texts asking to do surveys and selling my number to all and sundry. I got a call from a Seychelles number at 2.30 am one night last week and when I looked the number up, a load of other Vodafone customers said they'd had the same. The thing is, I have a British phone (with Vodafone) and an Irish phone (with Meteor) and mainly tether the British one to the Irish one, so there would be no point in changing my British network anyway as I only really use it for data when I'm in the UK.

I hate all this cuddly marketing shit. I don't want you to be zany or chummy or act like you know me. You're a business and I'm a customer, just be politely formal. Also, if a mate of mine used the term holi-yays or hallelu-yeah, they wouldn't be a mate for much longer.

Yep, I got a Seychelles call around the same time and I'm on fucking O2 - there are no companies that you are free from this. It's either unscrupulous cunts or hipster cunts. Or both.

[BlodwynPig]

The Workplace Pension ad doesn't really work, surely the only people who shouldn't ignore him/her are employers who need to offer it to their staff, but in the ads he's just going up to random people and wondering why they ignore him/her. Why doesn't he turn up at corporate premises or something? Does he hope that the people he approach will be business owners or senior management? How is that an effective use of his/her time.

The ad cost £8.54m of public money. It would be better just to have the annoucment about the workplace pension without the shitty monster.

Is it Tim "sell out" Key doing the voice?

[BlodwynPig]

For anyone who didn't understand my posts

Gooooo-gaaaaa-goooo-gooooo gaah gaah !

[sick as a pike]

I hate to say it, but I think Pikey has been diddled. Mr Venty has done him right up. That's not the best way of dealing with condensation damp for most houses.

JESUS MAN, don't start the condensation debate.  Every forum I've visited, from Mumsnet to Pistonheads it goes something like this:

mary1958- Does anyone have experience of positive pressure ventilation systems to deal with condensation and damp?
peakyboobumps- I'd like to know this too.
Shropshirelass - Yeah, I'd read about these systems but first-hand experience would be interesting.
Honest John - Here's a thing you might of heard about, it's called A WINDOW. You can open it and air comes in and damp goes out. And it costs nothing. Simples!
mary1958- Thanks for that Honest John, but we've tried everything to get airflow through the house- opening windows, trickle vents. And obviously we don't dry washing in the house.
Honest John - And don't get me started on people who dry their washing in the house. Where do they think all that water goes? People need to stop complaining and learn to help themselves!
peakyboobumps- John, mary1958 said she doesn't dry washing in the house?
mary1958- They say the PPV systems push air constantly through the whole building meaning damp air is constantly forced out and the dew point (the temperature when condensation starts to form) is lowered.
Honest John - I'll tell you something else that sends air through a house- A WINDOW! ... You can thank me later!
etc

And that's exactly what I've decided touchingcloth was going to say.

[touchingcloth]

Dead right on the trickle vents and the windows, but I wasn't going to mention drying indoors (I did you the favour of assuming you're not a total fucking clot, just a slightly soggy one), and I was going to mention HEATING, THE ISSUES WITH CEMENt-BASED PLASTERS AND RENDERS and THE UNEXPECTED DOWNSIDES OF HAVING TOO MUCH DRAFT PROOFING AND INSULATION.

[BlodwynPig]

I found a tonne of black mould around some windows - wiped it off with some toilet roll - clean as a whistle

[touchingcloth]

PS, if I was your life partner, Pikey, then "Mr Venty" is a name I would sarcastically call you by every single time you ever got inappropriately annoyed by anything ever again, til death us do part.

[checkoutgirl]

[sick as a pike]

PS, if I was your life partner, Pikey, then "Mr Venty" is a name I would sarcastically call you by every single time you ever got inappropriately annoyed by anything ever again, til death us do part.

OH CHRIST, don't give her ideas.
Sorry, that's enough ALL-CAPS PRETEND ANGER NOW.

It's actually for a rental cottage where the tenants have tried their best to leave the trickle vents open and not dry washing inside etc but they do have a young daughter and do lots of washing and maybe don't always use the kitchen extractor fan when cooking etc. So this seemed an expensive but pragmatic way of sorting it out. Also as I am now an evil bastard landlord I can claim it back against the costs of the dreams of the youth.  [nb]Not entirely sure that makes any sense.[/nb]

[Ambient Sheep]

The Workplace Pension ad doesn't really work, surely the only people who shouldn't ignore him/her are employers who need to offer it to their staff, but in the ads he's just going up to random people and wondering why they ignore him/her.

Good, not just me then.

[BlodwynPig]

Good, not just me then.

I think this fictitious beast approaches self-employed people to remind them that they should get a pension.

Super-hyped for Boss Baby. will it have subtitles? *giggles*

[buttgammon]

Yep, I got a Seychelles call around the same time and I'm on fucking O2 - there are no companies that you are free from this. It's either unscrupulous cunts or hipster cunts. Or both.

If I actually answered, maybe the caller would have asked me what Phony McPhoneface I had. The worst of both worlds.

[thenoise]

I've found something possibly less enjoyable to spend that amount on; a positive input ventilation system to cure mould and damp in the house caused by condensation.

The relevance to the thread is that the unit I've been recommended, which has been professionally designed and engineered by adults, is called "Mr Venty."

Ms Venty works just as well but costs 23% less.

Spoiler alert

RIGHT GIRLS??

[close]

[momatt]

A Jackson is the purple creature who is in their adverts.

I hate that cunt.  I also hate that they assume you know his fucking cunt name.

[popcorn]

Recently Natwest refused to let you sign into online banking without you first acknowledging that they had won an award.



I mean fucking hell. It's like me refusing to talk to anyone who doesn't sign a piece of paper acknowledging that I am handsome first.