Infantilisation

[touchingcloth]

From the Covid police thread:

Rozzers getting a hard-on about the lockdown and seem to have invented some arbitrary one-hour caveat to the exercise rule

How is "simples" still going? Get in plague pit.

[Phil_A]

One that's bugged me for ages is Poundland giving comedy voices to their self service tills.

Last summer they were all given Yoda voices, when there was no Star Wars film due out or anything so it was a gesture of pure wacky lol randomness.

It was obnoxious enough on an occasional visit, one can only imagine the misery of the staff having to stand there and listen to a polyphonic cacophony of "MMM! INSERT YOUR CARD YOU MUST!" eight hundred times a day.

[Petey Pate]

One that's bugged me for ages is Poundland giving comedy voices to their self service tills.

Last summer they were all given Yoda voices, when there was no Star Wars film due out or anything so it was a gesture of pure wacky lol randomness.

It was obnoxious enough on an occasional visit, one can only imagine the misery of the staff having to stand there and listen to a polyphonic cacophony of "MMM! INSERT YOUR CARD YOU MUST!" eight hundred times a day.

Blimey, I had assumed this was only done during the Christmas period, when they gave the self service tills Santa Claus voices. I couldn't bear being around it for the short time I was in there, working there must be unbearable.

[Icehaven]

They did it at Halloween too with a vampire voice. The only vaguely amusing thing about it is when you get two or more of them saying the same thing slightly out of sync with each other and it creates a sort of trippy echo effect.

[Sebastian Cobb]

All those machines should be mute by default. It's just a cacophony of noise with several in a row.

When I worked in the bookies they put a new game on the betting terminals that was egyptian themed and looped a short drum section from 'walk like an egyptian', going into the bassline and whistling bit when you hit a special feature.

Now imagine several of them all blairing out out of sync, like a shit dj unable to beatmatch.

[Better Midlands]

It was obnoxious enough on an occasional visit, one can only imagine the misery of the staff having to stand there and listen to a polyphonic cacophony of "MMM! INSERT YOUR CARD YOU MUST!" eight hundred times a day.

[The Bumlord]

Ffs.

[Dewt]

I hope your shipment of KLIM arrived, at least. I'm still waiting on my MELM to be delivered.

[Phoenix Lazarus]

Ffs.

That is just taking the mick.

[The Bumlord]

It's a nice keyboard they sent me but after having read that I had to set it on fire and throw it into the street :(

[Sebastian Cobb]

Never got any of that bollocks with the keychron I bought a few weeks ago.

[Fambo Number Mive]

That KLIM text reads to me as incredibly sarcastic. They probably didn't mean it that way though.

[Old Gold Tooth]

Oh that really is dogshit. There's been kicks to the bollocks less painful than reading that.

Also yeah, is it sarcastic? Presumably it's meant to be taking the piss out of other companies who do that type of thing?

[Dewt]

take them to court for making false claims and get a lifetime supply of free KLIM, MEXXLO and SELP as a settlement deal

[Sony Walkman Prophecies]

We always thought the future would be cold analytic statements, punctuated by dead static. A silicon hell constructed by Carnap. If we'd known it would be tickles under the arm and presupposing hair-ruffling, we could have started a bit earlier on machine intelligence.

Actually, I might do that as a poem for the Britain Britain Britain! crowd. "When machines knew their place, companies; cold and uncaring."

[Huxleys Babkins]

It's a nice keyboard they sent me but after having read that I had to set it on fire and throw it into the street :(

Hoo, look at you getting all pissy about that letter when you bought a keyboard that lights up like a fucking rainbow. They probably presumed you were 12 years old.

[The Bumlord]

I like lights!

Fuck you all.

[the]

Their logotype appears to be a stylised representation of your money going down the plughole

     

Why are you ordering keyboards from a Dutch airline anyway

[Gurke and Hare]

This appears to be ripped off/mocking the despatch email I got from an indie music distributor called CD Baby 15 years ago:

Your CDs have been gently taken from our CD Baby shelves with
sterilized contamination-free gloves and placed onto a satin pillow.

A team of 50 employees inspected your CDs and polished them to make
sure they were in the best possible condition before mailing.

Our packing specialist from Japan lit a candle and a hush fell over
the crowd as he put your CDs into the finest gold-lined box that
money can buy.

We all had a wonderful celebration afterwards and the whole party
marched down the street to the post office where the entire town of
Portland waved 'Bon Voyage!' to your package, on its way to you, in
our private CD Baby jet on this day, Wednesday, June 15th.

I hope you had a wonderful time shopping at CD Baby.  We sure did.
Your picture is on our wall as "Customer of the Year".  We're all
exhausted but can't wait for you to come back to CDBABY.COM!!

[The Bumlord]

How very odd.

Is this a 'thing'?

[Twit 2]

Bought a card cos family friend cancer dead gone. It wasn't a sympathy card, just a neutral one, but glad I checked the back and spotted this abomination before I sent it:



Yes, you cunt, they may well keep it for sentimental value.

[Dewt]

real uk paper

[shiftwork2]

Also props to the advice about letting ink dry before folding.

AAAH DIDDUN FINK OF DAT

[Ferris]

AAAH DIDDUN FINK OF DAT

This regularly enters my mind when someone tries to explain something obvious for no reason. Or if they have any orange juice.

EXCUSE BEEF.

[idunnosomename]

we fully expect you to promptly throw our worthless product in the bin

THANK YOU COME AGAIN

[Jim Bob]

AAAH DIDDUN FINK OF DAT

This regularly enters my mind when someone tries to explain something obvious for no reason.

If that quote is going to regularly enter your mind, then you may as well get it right; it's "OOHHYEA IHADDONTHAWODAT" (spelling may vary), not "AAAH DIDDUN FINK OF DAT".

[Twit 2]

He literally hadn't thought of that.

[Sebastian Cobb]

If that quote is going to regularly enter your mind, then you may as well get it right; it's "OOHHYEA IHADDONTHAWODAT" (spelling may vary), not "AAAH DIDDUN FINK OF DAT".

http://ohyeahihadntthoughtofthat.com/

[touchingcloth]

My proudest moment at work is having added custom gif icons to Slack, one to use in advance of asking a question of "ECKSKOOZ BEEF HAVE ANY BODY GOT ANY BOCKLE ORAN JOOZE?", another for reacting to people stating the obvious of "AH YEAH A HADNT FORT A DA".

http://ohyeahihadntthoughtofthat.com/

This will be getting some heavy use from me.

[Sebastian Cobb]

My proudest moment at work is having added custom gif icons to Slack, one to use in advance of asking a question of "ECKSKOOZ BEEF HAVE ANY BODY GOT ANY BOCKLE ORAN JOOZE?", another for reacting to people stating the obvious of "AH YEAH A HADNT FORT A DA".

This will be getting some heavy use from me.

Funny you should say that, we had a bot that was autoposting merge requests and comments into one of our chat channels but it was creating too much noise and inviting people to review things before people submitting them could go over them one last time, so we decided to add manual control to summon with a keyword in the comments. Turns out most special characters are taken in git sites, but we just said fuck it, used the underlying keyword for the and called it a feature.