Infantilisation

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

This shit dance at the end credits of This Week. Props to Bobby Gillespie sat in stoic silence refusing to be part of it.

https://twitter.com/DaveGorman/status/1053071018795909121?s=19

https://youtu.be/05Dr2IR3P5E?t=2466

Here's the section in full. Abysmal and depressing 5 minutes of viewing with Portillo and Neill piling onto him then that dance at the end, nothing could look more out of touch and triumphalist than the political class rubbing it in his and the viewers faces.

[Cuellar]

What the fuck is going on.

Neill sounded pissed and bored, everyone looked tired and fed up and then they start fucking prancing about. What a shambles.

I hope we have a disastrous Brexit, go to war with America for some reason, and Trump bombs us back to the stone age. Bring it on.

[Ferris]

What the fuck is going on.

Neill sounded pissed and bored, everyone looked tired and fed up and then they start fucking prancing about. What a shambles.

I hope we have a disastrous Brexit, go to war with America for some reason, and Trump bombs us back to the stone age. Bring it on.

And Trigger Canada pulls a face.

[yesitsme]

I was thinking about that bollocks 'Lip Sync Challenge' that somehow made its way on to the TV screens - albeit on Channel 5.

That's what happens when you get a load of infants in a room going 'Like, OMG, that's like sOoooOooo funny and super good...'  Why wasn't an adult present to go 'Shite, that.'?

I don't know why I was thinking about it but I was.

Another one that riled me, the other day I was pointed in the direction of Everything's Coming Up Simpsons Podcast.  Where two grown women (who can't get enough of each other) jabber back'n'forth about why something is like so funny and like how its like just the so funniest thing and like how I have it like on my like ringtone.

One of them does a laugh at the end of each and every fucking sentence.  it's like a vocalization of LOL.  Bam bam bam bam it goes, she must do about ten of these a minute.

The girl claims she works in comedy and yet has no sense of what is and what is not funny so she just laughs at everything and at nothing.

It was odd because she was like talking about like how she like doesn't like like insincerity and like these two are like the most sincere people she like knows.

Fucking children.

[Rizla]

Kid's TV themes these days -  all glockenspiels and ukuleles and cutesy stage-school kids voices, fuck off with that, you hear enough of that pish in the ad breaks.

[Chollis]

Kids TV in general is just childish and pathetic, sick of it

[Neville Chamberlain]

Our employees have finished manufacturing your order which was then carefully examined by our Production Master for any signs of imperfection and who gave it his blessing. Afterwards our whole team put it on a pedestal and danced around it for a full day and a full night asking the gods of shipping for a quick and safe delivery.

Just send the fucking thing and shut the fuck up.

[Icehaven]

Our employees have finished manufacturing your order which was then carefully examined by our Production Master for any signs of imperfection and who gave it his blessing. Afterwards our whole team put it on a pedestal and danced around it for a full day and a full night asking the gods of shipping for a quick and safe delivery

Is that real? Sheesh. Nice deflection of responsibility if it doesn't turn up too, "We're like sooooo sorry to hear you haven't had your orderypoos, those naughty shipping gods must be displeased about something!! We'll do another dance and keep our fingers cwossed, maybe you should do the same."

[BlodwynPig]

The worst thing is that someone who must be aware of other companies doing this made the decision to plough right in with this unoriginal and horrible process.

[Clatty McCutcheon]

The Met Office has launched a Beta version of its website with twee little descriptions telling you what you might experience when facing such seldom-encountered weather as rain and a moderately fresh breeze.



They say things like 'an umbrella may be required later' and 'umbrellas may become difficult to use' - what next? 'Watch out for splishy-splashy puddles'?

For some reason they appear not to think that the UK public knows what to expect from the types of weather that have dominated our climate since the end of the last ice age.

[Sebastian Cobb]

You could say the same the morning after a Chana Massala.

[seepage]

I received an email from Amazon Marketplace saying the product I bought was very sad (with cartoon picture of the item with a sad face), because I hadn't reviewed it yet.

[Sebastian Cobb]

God I hate beggy emails like that. Makes me regret buying the item.

[madhair60]

I received an email from Amazon Marketplace saying the product I bought was very sad (with cartoon picture of the item with a sad face), because I hadn't reviewed it yet.

Fuck

[Icehaven]

I received an email from Amazon Marketplace saying the product I bought was very sad (with cartoon picture of the item with a sad face), because I hadn't reviewed it yet.

Email them back and say you just asked the item if that's true, and the item said '' The 'fuck you on about? I'm fine, is someone pretending to be me online?" so the item is now contacting the police about possible identity theft.

[a duncandisorderly]

5 middle-aged men in a bungalow filmed being sucked off by various sized Hetty's simultaneously?

[seepage]

Email them back and say you just asked the item if that's true, and the item said '' The 'fuck you on about? I'm fine, is someone pretending to be me online?" so the item is now contacting the police about possible identity theft.

maybe that's what they want me to do, maybe it's a test, I'm worried now

[Neville Chamberlain]

I received an email from Amazon Marketplace saying the product I bought was very sad (with cartoon picture of the item with a sad face), because I hadn't reviewed it yet.

Write a review that'll give the product something to be really fucking sad about.

[ASFTSN]

Weather reports from George Osbourne's Evening Standard.

[mothman]

Email them back and say you just asked the item if that's true, and the item said '' The 'fuck you on about? I'm fine, is someone pretending to be me online?" so the item is now contacting the police about possible identity theft.

That's brilliant, I'm nicking that.

[BlodwynPig]

Email them back and say you just asked the item if that's true, and the item said '' The 'fuck you on about? I'm fine, is someone pretending to be me online?" so the item is now contacting the police about possible identity theft.

Glorious. I hope someone does that. Amazon: "But but but...Don't be infantile, the item is not sentient!"

[Gregory Torso]

I was in the supermarket, looking at all the shite food. Trudging aisle to aisle just bogged down by the tiresome repetitive nature of having to eat things. Then I saw this yoghurt, and I thought, that'll do, mate - it's not crisps, but that'll do. I picked it up and started looking at it and then I realised that the label was talking to me. "I'm devilishly delicious, but I won't harm your beach dad bod!" or something like that. I felt offended. Hugely. I'm the one calling the shots, yoghurt. I don't give a fuck if you poison me and dissolve my insides. I'll fucking decide if I eat you or not you cunt. And then, get this, it starts quoting a Neil Sedaka song at me. Fucking Neil Sedaka. First it's fucking giving me permission to buy it and eat it, and then it's making me think of a fucking Neil Sedaka song. My cardboard miserable numbness gave way to anger.

There's a can of Lynx Adonis screaming "use me to trick girls into thinking you sometimes run for the bus". And there's some toothpaste haughtily displaying a diagram of how shit it thinks my teeth look and saying "I'll take care of your gums". Oh will you mate, are you sure it's not ME, brushing MY fucking TEETH. I'll dip my finger in a puddle and brush that and still never see a dentist. I'll make a headdress out of leaves and feathers and fucking go in your house and start eating your tea and when I say "it is the end of everything the fucking end game collapse of shit society" and you ask me how I know that, I will say "a fucking yoghurt in the supermarket told me".

[saltysnacks]

I remember when most websites adopted entry level l33t speak for technical issues... about a decade late. 'Oh  Cecil Parkinson*  noes!' being a particular favourite.

*spaces needed to prevent correction to 'the'.

Edit: Cecil Parkinson, ay?

t                  e                 h

[Clownbaby]

Grown adults saying "meh" and "hooman" instead of "human"

[a duncandisorderly]

what greg said. fuck you, adverts.

[Tombola]

I was in the supermarket, looking at all the shite food. Trudging aisle to aisle just bogged down by the tiresome repetitive nature of having to eat things. Then I saw this yoghurt, and I thought, that'll do, mate - it's not crisps, but that'll do. I picked it up and started looking at it and then I realised that the label was talking to me. "I'm devilishly delicious, but I won't harm your beach dad bod!" or something like that. I felt offended. Hugely. I'm the one calling the shots, yoghurt. I don't give a fuck if you poison me and dissolve my insides. I'll fucking decide if I eat you or not you cunt. And then, get this, it starts quoting a Neil Sedaka song at me. Fucking Neil Sedaka. First it's fucking giving me permission to buy it and eat it, and then it's making me think of a fucking Neil Sedaka song. My cardboard miserable numbness gave way to anger.

There's a can of Lynx Adonis screaming "use me to trick girls into thinking you sometimes run for the bus". And there's some toothpaste haughtily displaying a diagram of how shit it thinks my teeth look and saying "I'll take care of your gums". Oh will you mate, are you sure it's not ME, brushing MY fucking TEETH. I'll dip my finger in a puddle and brush that and still never see a dentist. I'll make a headdress out of leaves and feathers and fucking go in your house and start eating your tea and when I say "it is the end of everything the fucking end game collapse of shit society" and you ask me how I know that, I will say "a fucking yoghurt in the supermarket told me".

This is an excellent post. Getting it engraved.

[garbed_attic]

I bet some of you will love this but it makes it just that little bit harder for me to want to fight for the continuation of our dismal species on this earth:
http://www.emuvr.net/about/

Do you remember waking up early Saturday morning, watching some cartoons and playing video games in your messy room?

Remember calling your best buddy over and sharing those moments, taking turns at that hard game or playing together?

Relive that unique ritual:
Search through all those games on the shelf, or inside that cardboard box below your bed
Grab your favorite game, open the case
Turn on your TV
Insert the cart into your console
Turn it on and grab your controller
HAPPINESS!
How about traveling back in time to those good old days?

Look closer and see the pixels! Shadow mask, dot mask, aperture grille and LCD emulation, currently.
Watch 80s~90s TV! (streaming)
Read tons of video game magazines!
(Dis)organize it your way: neatly stack your games in your shelf, or just throw them onto your bed.
Customize your room with posters on the walls using any image.

The more I think about this the more bleak it makes me feel.

[Sin Agog]

I bet some of you will love this but it makes it just that little bit harder for me to want to fight for the continuation of our dismal species on this earth:
http://www.emuvr.net/about/

The more I think about this the more bleak it makes me feel.

Sounds like someone needs some Member Berries. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=hHJhu15f-hg

[BlodwynPig]

I bet some of you will love this but it makes it just that little bit harder for me to want to fight for the continuation of our dismal species on this earth:
http://www.emuvr.net/about/

The more I think about this the more bleak it makes me feel.

Stealing and raping my melancholic nostalgia

[Colin Sanction]

CHRISTMAS IS CANCELLED

https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/celebrations-advent-calendar-sparks-fury-13671814

Celebrations advent calendar sparks fury and calls that 'Christmas is cancelled' over what's behind door number 1
Mars Incorporated has been accused of 'ruining Christmas' for placing a Bounty chocolate behind door number one

Chocolate lovers across the country have been left fuming after opening their Celebrations advent calendar this morning to find their first treat was a BOUNTY.

Mars Incorporated- the company which makes Celebrations - has come under fire from Twitter users for its advent calendar after the coconut chocolate was under the first door.

Christmas is now 'cancelled' according to some users who have never been so disappointed in their life.

Other users experienced emotions of heartbreak, anger and sadness.

Twitter user George Dredge said: "Run down the stairs to open my Celebrations advent calendar full of excitement and festive cheer. Hoping for a Malteasers teaser or Galaxy and it's a f**king Bounty."

The Bounty chocolate is often the last to be eaten

Caitlin said: "Opened my advent calendar and it was f**king Bounty. Never been so disappointed in my life."

Rebecca said: "No are you actually joking. I opened my Celebrations advent calendar and the first chocolate I got was a Bounty. What a s**t start to the month."

Nia
@niawilding
What kind of monster puts a bounty behind the first door in an advent calendar 😭😭😭😭 Christmas is cancelled  #celebrations

10:18 AM - Dec 1, 2018 · Caerphilly, Wales
67 people are talking about this

rachel
@rachelbarrett_x
who do celebrations think they are putting a bounty as the first chocolate in the advent calendar 🤢🤮

10:58 AM - Dec 1, 2018
One user was so annoyed he flushed the chocolate down the loo in protest.

JackThomson
@JackTho43621978
Whoever decided to put a bounty behind the first door of my advent calendar deserves the sack...

12:25 PM - Dec 1, 2018

El said: "Bought myself a Celebrations advent calendar and it had the audacity to put a Bounty behind the December 1st door."

Zoey said: "Christmas is ruined, opened my advent calendar and it's a f**king Bounty. WHO EVEN LIKES BOUNTY'S."