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Crystal Maze With Dicky-ade

Started by Twed, May 26, 2017, 06:10:12 PM

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Twed

People really hate Dicky, huh?

Replies From View

Quote from: Old Gold Tooth on June 20, 2017, 09:54:35 PM
He doesn't look like he's ever broken into a run in his life

Well put.

Cuntbeaks

Fucking celebrity special for the first episode, fuck my life. 

I also read that the pleb teams are to be made of cunts whi actually know each other. I felt that part of the charm of the originals was that they were all strangers and the dynamics that came from that.

Alex Brooker? What challenges can he safely take part in, shit ones,  the squid armed cunt.

Norton Canes

The cruelest thing is that for the first five seconds, the trailer actually delivers. Then one Louis Spence pirouette, and months of hopes and expectations are dashed.

TheWoodenSpoon

Quote from: Norton Canes on June 21, 2017, 02:01:16 PM
The cruelest thing is that for the first five seconds, the trailer actually delivers. Then one Louis Spence pirouette, and months of hopes and expectations are dashed.
Jesus Christ, you're not wrong at all. Fuck!

checkoutgirl

Quote from: Cuntbeaks on June 21, 2017, 12:19:27 AM
I felt that part of the charm of the originals was that they were all strangers and the dynamics that came from that.

Part of the charm of the original was that Richard O'Brien was in it, the contestants were largely ballast. The show was carried along by his quirky, upbeat and sardonic personality. If Ayoade isn't entertaining to watch then the whole thing will collapse. Which is fine. I mean, the classic Crystal Maze happened and now it's over. We'll just have to accept that.

Replies From View

Quote from: Norton Canes on June 21, 2017, 02:01:16 PM
The cruelest thing is that for the first five seconds, the trailer actually delivers. Then one Louis Spence pirouette, and months of hopes and expectations are dashed.

Why is that man constantly pirouetting?  WHY??  EXPLAIN THE FUNCTION OF IT.

Icehaven

Quote from: Cuntbeaks on June 21, 2017, 12:19:27 AM

I also read that the pleb teams are to be made of cunts whi actually know each other. I felt that part of the charm of the originals was that they were all strangers and the dynamics that came from that.


I'm sure the teams in the originals were all friends/workmates? I'm sure there were even husbands and wives on teams together sometimes too.

olliebean

If Louis Spence could actually dance worth a damn, would that make him more or less insufferable?

Ambient Sheep

Whoever thought that the best way to bring this show back was via a celebrity special, particularly these "celebrities", should find themselves a new job, pronto.  And I've not even seen the trailer yet.

Shit, by cunts.

olliebean

I had a quick look at who the "celebrities" are for episode 2, and it looks like episode 1 may be the highlight.

Cuntbeaks

Quote from: icehaven on June 21, 2017, 05:53:07 PM
I'm sure the teams in the originals were all friends/workmates? I'm sure there were even husbands and wives on teams together sometimes too.
Nah, strangers until the night before filming, apparently.

Norton Canes

BBC feature on the construction of the new sets



One of designer James Dillon's blueprints for the original show



No jokes, please





Sigh. So much effort has gone into this.

TheWoodenSpoon

Quote from: Norton Canes on June 22, 2017, 09:44:44 AM
Sigh. So much effort has gone into this.
And all for Spence to preen, ponce and pirouette around it endlessly.

jobotic

What if he swaggered around it, Liam Gallagher style?

Norton Canes

Quote from: olliebean on June 21, 2017, 10:52:57 PM
I had a quick look at who the "celebrities" are for episode 2, and it looks like episode 1 may be the highlight

I don't want to know.

Oh go on, then.

TheWoodenSpoon

Quote from: jobotic on June 22, 2017, 11:42:37 AM
What if he swaggered around it, Liam Gallagher style?
I'd love to see him try.

Replies From View

I don't even know who that pirouettist is.

Is that bad?  He seems like a cock at least.  Punchable.

phantom_power

Quote from: Replies From View on June 21, 2017, 05:32:41 PM
Why is that man constantly pirouetting?  WHY??  EXPLAIN THE FUNCTION OF IT.

Because that is all he has


AsparagusTrevor

Louis Spence has the cold, dead eyes of a shark. Really, look at his eyes, there's nothing going on there, just constant staring beyond reality into nothingness. Maybe that's why he feels the need to overcompensate with his infuriating personality.

tubularnametag

They've stuck it on 4oD ahead of the TV showing, not seen it yet, but apparently people expecting something that feels exactly like the old ones will be disappointed.

http://thanks4.channel4.com/video/the-crystal-maze-celebrity-special-premiere

olliebean

Quote from: Norton Canes on June 22, 2017, 11:56:05 AM
I don't want to know.

Oh go on, then.

Can't be arsed to look it up again but Joey Essex was the one that stood out as being especially unsuited for anything like this that requires the slightest bit of intelligence or common sense. Scarlett Moffatt was in there as well, and I think Joel Dommett. Can't remember the rest.

Beagle 2

The sets look really lush. I'm looking forward to it. I'm a bit confused about all the negative comments as if they were ruining some beloved franchise, casting a sassy duck as James Bond or something. Was the Crystal Maze ever anything more than a daft game show to pass a few aimless minutes, and does this look like anything different to that brief?


TheManOne

Quote from: Beagle 2 on June 22, 2017, 01:25:10 PM
Was the Crystal Maze ever anything more than a daft game show to pass a few aimless minutes

I'm guessing you know the history? Long story short - it was Channel 4's Fort Boyard - which they decided to re-develop instead of paying the costs of filming at the fort itself (Channel 5 later did the straight remake ten years later). It was intended to be their "Saturday shiny floor show" but fell short of execs expectations and ended up being dumped mid-week - but grew a cult following from there.
So yes - it was just that. Except ridiculously expensive.

JoeyBananaduck

Whoever's in charge of booking the celebrities clearly gave up halfway through, 'he'll be good, she'll be good, and ermmmmm....fuck it, stick a bunch of cunts in from reality shows. I'm off home".

Icehaven

Quote from: olliebean on June 22, 2017, 01:24:22 PM
Can't be arsed to look it up again but Joey Essex was the one that stood out as being especially unsuited for anything like this that requires the slightest bit of intelligence or common sense.

Which is exactly why he's been asked. Expect most of 'celebrities' will be known to be thick as bricks and/or extremely polished, all about the hair and make up etc. so we can watch the 'fun' as they stare blankly at logic puzzles or scream and panic as they fall in water or have to walk across a rolling log etc.

JoeyBananaduck

Everyone I've ever spoken to - and I talk to a lot of people who love gameshows - absolutely LOATHE celebrity editions of anything. Even casual fans. The point of a gameshow was for real people to win real prizes and the audience could relate because it could just as easily be them up there. Why do TV execs still miss this point and think we want to see Joey fucking Essex wanking his way through the Aztec zone or Louie Spence mincing his way through a mystery game?

What's even worse is yer Chase and yer Pointless going into primetime because this episode has celebs on. You plebs can fuck off to the teatime shift. This week Xander and Richard are welcoming Toyah Wilcox, Cannon and Ball and Dave Benson Phillips and they are fucking ROYALTY.

TheManOne

Quote from: phes on June 20, 2017, 09:01:12 PM
Why does Ayoade keep getting totally inappropriate jobs. First a travel show and now this, and who suggested Robot Wars???  He sucks the life out of everything he does.

Tosh. I want him to be my best friend. He's the coolest man I could possibly imagine.