"Darren Eggwe to Customer Services, Darren Eggwe to Customer Services..."

[poo]

Tesco 2030

[Bhazor]

"A tramp has pissed in the baby food aisle. A tramp has pissed in the baby food aisle. We need you to roll about in it. Budget cuts mates."

[Glebe]

I much prefer nollycore.

[Quincey]

The Bingtown Wasp Man buys three Tesco Value lasagna before cooking his poo and serving it to drunks at 2am

[poo]

Maybe Darren will work at sainsburysasda

[Norton Canes]

Check

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

"gloampit in the egg aisle"

"Darren required, must have Darren"

[Glebe]

"Clean up Aisle #3,120, Darren, clean up Aisle #3,120, Darren..."

"I'm never gonna have me lunch break at this fucking stage."

[seepage]

Darren finally finishes his shift at 01.55am. Decapitated by an unseen Amazon drone. Poor Darren. 

[Dr Syntax Head]

Darren Eggwe's Tesco workshirt smells like old ham

[Glebe]

"Darren, come to Head Office, your ASBO has arrived, Darren, come to Head Office, your ASBO has arrived..."

[seepage]

Darren's just been TUPEed to SSS (Shelf Stuffer Services) plc. Now Darren's going to have to work much harder, aren't you Darren, you little slacker?

[Captain Z]

Trago Mills Merthyr Tydfil 2018

[Bazooka]

"Darren Eggwe to the warehouse, Darren Eggwe to the warehouse for routine anus pillaging.

[petril]

"Darren, that's another pickle delivery ended up in fucking Somerset..."

[Howj Begg]

"Darren, that's another pickle delivery ended up in fucking Somerset..."

Very obviously part of the West country pickle-smuggling ring headed by Zbiderman Eggwe.

[Glebe]

What happened with this? What was it like?

£2.99, Trago Mills.

[petril]

alternatively:

Pubes Daz struggles to negotiate a longer route round the store to avoid being spotted and receiving bants at work for the fourth time this weekend

[Glebe]

I saw a curlew going into Darren's branch last Tuesday. It came out with a bag of screws and a potted geranium.

[Huxleys Babkins]

Darren Eggwe cunts a palletteload of Shipham's paste up the bread aisle and blames it on Jenny.

"Stinks like her and all."

[thraxx]

Darren Eggwe makes a comeback after nearly a year, yet T'Chaka Peen is cast aside like a piece of rubbish.

[Glebe]

I wanna hear Eggwe singing in the toilets on a fag break.

[seepage]

SSS has adopted an agile methodology for their new bread aisle regime, and now Darren is having to do terrible things in service of the almighty 'CrumMaster'