Author Topic: Local "Characters"/Nutboxes  (Read 3948 times)

Re: Local "Characters"/Nutboxes
« Reply #30 on: June 24, 2017, 09:36:38 AM »
I dare say I've mentioned them before, but here's my St.Helens selection:

Johnnie Wellies  : been around for absolutely years,  Charles Manson lookalike always with woolen hat on head, and Wellington boots on feet ( " Wellies" is not actually his surname, I'm almost  certain of that ). Mood can vary from cheerful and  chirpy to deranged and abusive. I remember him from way back in the early 90s shouting abuse at me and my girlfriend. Also used to say quite insane and libellous things about the actress Shelley
Winters to the good folk of St. Helens. It's a good job Shelley Winters' lawyers never used to be strolling around the town centre, I can tell you. Nowadays is greyer of beard and missing one arm, but still around.

Bespectacled Perpetually Unemployed Person : been unemployed for well over 20 years. Wardrobe has barely varied in all that time, always well turned out, smart shoes and that.  When I was last in my lovely home town, I saw him on a couple of occasions, once greeting some Real Ale types in a " hail fellow, well met" kind of way in a pub I was in, and once walking down the street with his mum. He's actually a perfectly normal person, just been unemployed for a while.

Clinically Insane Len : Paddy Considered Lookalike. Absolute headcase,  apparently spends an inordinate amount of time ranting on some comedy forum or other. Sometimes can be seen in the company of a mini- Ron Jeremy lookalike (MASSIVE WINKING EMOTICON NEEDED).


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Re: Local "Characters"/Nutboxes
« Reply #31 on: June 24, 2017, 09:41:26 AM »
Also  when  I was a student  living  in Hull we often bumped into  a beggar we all called  ( You got pound ? guy) Who got his   name because the only words he would ever utter to  anybody was “ You got pound?” he wouldn’t even wait for you to  answer he would just carry on walking. We saw him every day for about a year and then he suddenly disappeared. I like to  imagine that someone finally gave him a pound and he just vanished in front of their eyes.   

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Re: Local "Characters"/Nutboxes
« Reply #32 on: June 24, 2017, 09:42:43 AM »
Bespectacled Perpetually Unemployed Person : been unemployed for well over 20 years. Wardrobe has barely varied in all that time, always well turned out, smart shoes and that.  When I was last in my lovely home town, I saw him on a couple of occasions, once greeting some Real Ale types in a " hail fellow, well met" kind of way in a pub I was in, and once walking down the street with his mum. He's actually a perfectly normal person, just been unemployed for a while.

I mean come on, which one of us is it?

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Re: Local "Characters"/Nutboxes
« Reply #33 on: June 24, 2017, 10:48:36 AM »
Tony 'Beep Beep' a mentally-ill man who looked like Tom from Father Ted. He used to wander up and down Kensington and Prescot Road in Liverpool, sticking his thumb up at passing cars and shouting his catchphrase to get them to beep their horns. He worked in a scrapyard in Fairfield for a while, then at the car auction place inTuebrook. Not sbre if he's still with us but I've not seen him round for years. Neil Fitzmaurice put a reference to him in one of That Peter Kay Thing episodes.

Re: Local "Characters"/Nutboxes
« Reply #34 on: June 24, 2017, 11:05:44 AM »
Old guy used to stand at a junction on a dual carriageway on my route to school and for years after I left school. He was always dressed in a dark suit, white shirt and bright pink cravat, his shoulder length straggly grey hair topped with a wide brimmed floppy hat.

He'd just stand there for hours waving at the oncoming cars. He became something of a local celebrity and lots of drivers would toot the car horn and wave back.

The popular speculation was that he was a male version of Miss Havisham, jilted at the altar and standing at that junction waving at every car thinking that his bride might be a passenger in one of them.

Harmless lovely old eccentric.

Re: Local "Characters"/Nutboxes
« Reply #35 on: June 24, 2017, 01:32:51 PM »

Re: Local "Characters"/Nutboxes
« Reply #36 on: June 24, 2017, 02:05:19 PM »
I dare say I've mentioned them before, but here's my St.Helens selection:

Johnnie Wellies  : been around for absolutely years,  Charles Manson lookalike always with woolen hat on head, and Wellington boots on feet ( " Wellies" is not actually his surname, I'm almost  certain of that ). Mood can vary from cheerful and  chirpy to deranged and abusive. I remember him from way back in the early 90s shouting abuse at me and my girlfriend. Also used to say quite insane and libellous things about the actress Shelley
Winters to the good folk of St. Helens. It's a good job Shelley Winters' lawyers never used to be strolling around the town centre, I can tell you. Nowadays is greyer of beard and missing one arm, but still around.

Bespectacled Perpetually Unemployed Person : been unemployed for well over 20 years. Wardrobe has barely varied in all that time, always well turned out, smart shoes and that.  When I was last in my lovely home town, I saw him on a couple of occasions, once greeting some Real Ale types in a " hail fellow, well met" kind of way in a pub I was in, and once walking down the street with his mum. He's actually a perfectly normal person, just been unemployed for a while.

Clinically Insane Len : Paddy Considine Lookalike. Absolute headcase,  apparently spends an inordinate amount of time ranting on some comedy forum or other. Sometimes can be seen in the company of a mini- Ron Jeremy lookalike (MASSIVE WINKING EMOTICON NEEDED).

Re: Local "Characters"/Nutboxes
« Reply #37 on: June 24, 2017, 02:06:18 PM »
I only meant to modify "Paddy Considered" . Soz.

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Re: Local "Characters"/Nutboxes
« Reply #38 on: June 24, 2017, 02:36:36 PM »
I have a feeling I may be a local character.  Probably due to my habit of wearing t-shirts in sub-zero temperatures and rolling around town in the pouring rain with a massive grin on my face.

Re: Local "Characters"/Nutboxes
« Reply #39 on: June 24, 2017, 02:50:36 PM »
We have loads down here in Brighton but my favourite is James the slow moving punk, a very tall and thin bloke in his late 40s who wears outlandish outfits like pink velour suits with PVC platform boots and a Mickey Mouse hat and just walks incredibly slowly. Apparently he's a nice bloke if you get chatting to him.

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Re: Local "Characters"/Nutboxes
« Reply #40 on: June 24, 2017, 03:11:15 PM »
Only saw him the once, many years ago:  a man striding in the direction of Balham station at around 4pm in the summer, wearing a smart suit and holding an attaché case.  Everything perfectly ordinary about this professional-looking fellow except for the fact that his cock was out and he was doing hands-free pissing.  Somehow the piss was jetting directly forwards, not deviating to the left or right, and not going on his clothes at all.  It was clearly a man who'd done this many many times.

In the British Library toilets once there was a professorial gentleman (an older Simon Schama, I'd describe him as) pissing in one of the sinks, even though the urinals were right behind him, and nobody else was there. 

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Re: Local "Characters"/Nutboxes
« Reply #41 on: June 24, 2017, 03:22:04 PM »
Cambridge - Disco Kenny

World's gone mad, mate.

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Re: Local "Characters"/Nutboxes
« Reply #42 on: June 24, 2017, 03:23:39 PM »
Just a half.

Re: Local "Characters"/Nutboxes
« Reply #43 on: June 24, 2017, 04:41:52 PM »
There used to be an old fella in the High Street who harangued everyone about how many people died in Stalingrad during WWII. I mean, it's interesting and important, but I don't know what the shoppers he was shouting at day in day out were meant to do with that knowledge.

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Re: Local "Characters"/Nutboxes
« Reply #44 on: June 24, 2017, 05:46:14 PM »
There's a young guy round here who has a fascination for police motorcycles so made a tribute version out of his pushbike. He wears a full face biker helmet, white overalls and white gloves. He has a flashing beacon atop a plastic tube and panniers made out of plastic boxes.

More an occasional sighting I've christened "Mr. Oblique". He's wino of some sort and walks really slowly - never varying his pace. He gets his name from his road-crossing technique - stepping off the pavement and slowly walking across the road at a shallow angle with no care for his own safety. Six lanes of traffic at a snail's pace is the best one I've seen from him.

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Re: Local "Characters"/Nutboxes
« Reply #45 on: June 24, 2017, 06:30:27 PM »
Port Glasgow had a few.

The Sex Case - Ticked every aingle box that describes a sex offender, right down to the trench coat and beady eyes. He was cajoled into dancing in the pub one night and thw whole sorry episode attained legendary status by those who witnessed it.

Joe Bananas - Feral drunk who would always be in town begging, would buy under 18s drink, which was handy. Got stabbed to death.

Percy Policeman - An autistic guy about 10 years older than us, would patrol the bus stops and was convinced he was some sort of security guard, would frequently use a a Mars Bar as a walkie talkie.

Auld Seth - Typical career alcoholic, always with Joe Bananas, had a wife and kids apparently. He ended up getting on the train with a load of folk who were going to see The Shaman at the Barrowlands, they all chipped in and bought him a ticket to get in. Not sure what became of him.

Mandy Miller - Aggressive homosexual who would ask for money and get annoyed if you never had any. Was thrown out of the 20th floor window of a tower block.

The Imported Baby - Asian alcoholic guy, looked like James Wattan the snooker player,  just appeared one day and slotted in with the other feral drunks. No idea what the 'baby' part of the moniker meant.

Jeanie Moose - Tiny old woman who would walk the streets in a constant state of terror, pre emptingnany imagined attacks by shouting at you not to interfere with her as she went about her business. A quick 'Jeanie Moose' would send her scuttling at top speed.




Re: Local "Characters"/Nutboxes
« Reply #46 on: June 24, 2017, 06:38:50 PM »
Auld Seth - Typical career alcoholic, always with Joe Bananas, had a wife and kids apparently. He ended up getting on the train with a load of folk who were going to see The Shaman at the Barrowlands, they all chipped in and bought him a ticket to get in. Not sure what became of him.


Ha. You've just reminded me of something... One of my pals is a bit of a gobshite/social hand-grenade. Anyhow we went to a pub in town and got the order in, while the barman was pouring the pints he said "here 'min, are you the cunt that played the keyboard in the shamen, but drapped it afore they was famous?'. The single silent, resigned nod from the barman was one of the best things I've ever seen.

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Re: Local "Characters"/Nutboxes
« Reply #47 on: June 24, 2017, 06:47:21 PM »
Doctor Fun on the approach to Anfield.

Waaeeyyy look it's Doctor Fun we used to say

Oh and Purple Aki

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Re: Local "Characters"/Nutboxes
« Reply #48 on: June 24, 2017, 06:49:13 PM »
The mouse eared man from Wilmslow. One of his ears was a dead mouse. Used to see him skipping near the artificial pond at dusk.

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Re: Local "Characters"/Nutboxes
« Reply #49 on: June 24, 2017, 06:51:39 PM »
The sad loner - regularly see him in the mirror. The jury is out on whether he is a convicted sex offender or not.

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Re: Local "Characters"/Nutboxes
« Reply #50 on: June 24, 2017, 07:24:24 PM »
Can we include children who are likely to grow up into local characters/nutboxes?

It's just that I've remembered this story from a fête a couple of weeks ago, thought some of you might find it amusing, and I couldn't see an obvious thread to place it in (and it probably doesn't warrant a new thread).

We can?  Oh good, here we go then.

So although the 'hook-a-duck' is the primary attraction in the kid's tent marquees that I seem to be running a lot of, we also had a 'splat-the-rat' game.
 
Wow, some of the ones on Google Image Search look impressive.  Ours was basically this cheap version:



I am assuming you, dear reader, are familiar with these, and the idea of the game.

Well, if you're three years old and haven't seen this thing before, you might not be, so your mother has to explain it to you.

Here's how that went:

Quote
OK, the nice man is going to drop the rat down the pipe, and when it comes out of the bottom you have to hit it, and if you do then you win a prize.

Good, we're all on the same page.  50p for three rats, by the way.

So this little girl steps up with the big stick that she can barely carry.

I give the 1-2-3 warning.

I drop the rat down the pipe.

The rat drops to the floor; the little girl has missed.

Only she hasn't missed, has she? 

She was following instructions.

She has waited, as instructed, for the rat to come out of the bottom of the pipe, and then she has to hit it to win a prize.

There follows the most SAVAGE repeated beating of a cloth rat with a stick that you have ever seen anyone give.

Nearly everyone - myself included - was fucking pissing themselves laughing, but she KEPT ON GOING.  WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK, it was like the rat was Rodney King and she was LAPD.

It took three of her four family members to prise her off, and I had to retrieve the stick from her grasping hands.

Eventually, she was persuaded that she had actually won, and could claim a prize.  She looked so pleased.  She was offered the expensive prizes, the middling prizes, but turned out to be happy with a 10p bag of Haribo that I'd bought from Poundland, despite her mother's attempt to get her something decent.

If she's like that now, what will she be like in 20 years?  A character/nutbox probably.

Sorry if this isn't within the exact parameters of the thread, but I thought it was a story worth telling and I did my best to Segway[nb]This post has been sponsored by Segue Manufacturing[/nb] it.

Aw, I miss the [nb] functionality.

Re: Local "Characters"/Nutboxes
« Reply #51 on: June 25, 2017, 12:00:56 AM »
Mate of mine from Leyland drew my attention to a Preston fellah, known as Toxic Terry, so called because of his habit of drinking petrol, who's life was saved by Abba. Plenty of stuff about him on google.

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Re: Local "Characters"/Nutboxes
« Reply #52 on: June 25, 2017, 08:42:04 AM »
Aw, I miss the [nb] functionality.

How do you think Talulah,really! feels?

weekender

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Re: Local "Characters"/Nutboxes
« Reply #53 on: June 25, 2017, 09:11:12 AM »
How do you think Talulah,really! feels?

Probably a bit soft and squidgy.  Not sure why.

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Re: Local "Characters"/Nutboxes
« Reply #54 on: June 25, 2017, 09:31:39 AM »
In Glasgow there's loads, there's Mad Gav who dressed like a weirdo, lots of piercings and illuminous stuff, dances everywhere. There's Chicken, a physically and mentally disabled woman who chases kids... Eh there's 'weirdo' too who just looks weird.

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Re: Local "Characters"/Nutboxes
« Reply #55 on: June 25, 2017, 01:08:38 PM »
Fauxpollo Creed- runs, shadox boxes and yells at cars in a filthy old red white and blue track suit on major traffic corridor that is not pedestrianized.

Re: Local "Characters"/Nutboxes
« Reply #56 on: June 25, 2017, 03:52:25 PM »
We have loads down here in Brighton but my favourite is James the slow moving punk, a very tall and thin bloke in his late 40s who wears outlandish outfits like pink velour suits with PVC platform boots and a Mickey Mouse hat and just walks incredibly slowly. Apparently he's a nice bloke if you get chatting to him.

There is a strange fellow who lives down my road. He has long straw like white hair, wears a suit and always has a whip thin dog on a leash. He always carries an old transistor radio by the handle and seems to be listening to live sports.
It is also rumoured that the interior of his house is completely coated in tinfoil, to prevent signals influencing him.

Re: Local "Characters"/Nutboxes
« Reply #57 on: June 25, 2017, 08:41:52 PM »
Percy Policeman - An autistic guy about 10 years older than us, would patrol the bus stops and was convinced he was some sort of security guard, would frequently use a a Mars Bar as a walkie talkie.

Sounds like "Gordon the Businessman" where I grew up.

In Bray, where I live in Ireland, there's this bloke in his late fifties at least with the most obvious brown toupee and a brown leather jacket, thinks he's in the Roger Moore mould, but looks like a waxwork of Terry Wogan.
There's also a guy who goes around dressed as Elvis, hair, glasses, but has a thick Wicklow accent.
There's a lot of strange homeless sorts in Dublin. There's a whole syndicate of homeless ladies who carry empty buggies and get upset when you ask why they're empty. Either a tragedy has happened or they're just trying to claim it is. One, who looks well into her fifties., like an elderly female Micky Flanagan, pleaded to give me money for her "five babies with Down's syndrome."

Then, there's the Bray Lakers, the local disabled group, many of whom I know of, as their school was next door to my primary. There's Ciaran, a figure who claimed to have known me, calling me "Patrick" and claiming he was Peter Pan. I called him Ciaran, not realising that actually was his name, thinking he was someone else. He's in his twenties but looks fifteen years older, and initially thought he was a junkie.
Then, there's Harry, a relatively normal Rip Torn lookalike in flat cap who gives out bible cards, and goes on about the Word of the Lord.

One time, in the CEX in Dublin, there was a Frances de la Tour-like lady in her forties who asked to change in the corner. My mate Alan had no choice, so we let her do it in the videogames section, changing her skirts and tops. It was odd.

Today, I was on the DART, and a dad around forty and his two kids, about five and six in Dublin GAA jerseys were travelling to a match. The father held in his hands a military cap, and told his sons, "this is from the IRA, the old IRA",  and began to indoctrinate his sons in slightly inaccurate tellings of Republican history, and O'Donovan Rossa, and strong IRA stuff, and one of the sons was wearing the dad's old jersey from when he was a kid.

« Last Edit: June 25, 2017, 09:05:34 PM by George White »

Re: Local "Characters"/Nutboxes
« Reply #58 on: June 25, 2017, 09:01:45 PM »
I once went to the corner shopand there was a spinster with a poodle in a bright pink pram. I assumed she was a little mental but my mate reckoned the dog might have been a bit disabled, apparently some people use prams for that.

Re: Local "Characters"/Nutboxes
« Reply #59 on: June 25, 2017, 09:13:22 PM »