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Local "Characters"/Nutboxes

Started by SteveDave, June 23, 2017, 04:51:17 PM

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The Lurker

Quote from: im barry bethel on June 23, 2017, 05:54:35 PM
Type Brenda Guildford bearded into a search

I lived in Guildford not too long back. I don't remember seeing a bearded lady though, is she still alive?

The Lurker

Lawrence - Hartlepool local transvestite. It was believed it was his late mother's clothes that he was wearing. It was also rumoured he was the lovechild of Robert Maxwell. He could often be seen in the town centre playing a little toy guitar.

He used to claim his cousin was Michael Ballack. He could be seen walking around town wearing random football tops - from Chelsea to Colchester. I once saw him outside the football ground before our game against Swansea (back when Swansea were a Fourth Division side) wearing their kit while waving an England flag shouting "come on Swansea, come on Swansea," much to the confusion of the travelling Welsh contingent - none of us batted an eyelid though.

He was once arrested on suspicion of murder when a dead body was found at the bottom of his flat. He wasn't convicted though. He died a few years back and the town lost a legend.

Pingers

In Sheffield we had ACAB until he died a year or so ago. He had ACAB tattooed in big letters right across his forehead and if you didn't know him you might we'll cross the road from him but he was a good sort, couldn't do enough for refugees and asylum seekers. There's a good story about someone at a party saying to him "But ACAB, not all coppers are bastards are they?" but obviously be wasn't in a position to concur. When I first met him I introduced myself and he said "Hi, I'm ACAB". "No shit", I thought.

Sin Agog

Doddery, acid-fried Harry Dean Stanton looking dude dressed like a bondage robot who'd skitter into every shop over about a square mile, twitch like fried bacon in front of the counter for exactly thirty seconds, then skitter onto the shop next door without a word uttered.

Sin Agog

Quote from: Nice Relaxing Poo on June 24, 2017, 02:50:36 PM
We have loads down here in Brighton but my favourite is James the slow moving punk, a very tall and thin bloke in his late 40s who wears outlandish outfits like pink velour suits with PVC platform boots and a Mickey Mouse hat and just walks incredibly slowly. Apparently he's a nice bloke if you get chatting to him.

You know what, this is possibly the exact same guy I'm thinking of.  Any discrepancies in my description will be because I stopped working in the Lanes about ten years ago.

MuteBanana

Quote from: another Mr. Lizard on June 25, 2017, 09:13:22 PM
Derby legend, "Walking Backwards Man":

http://derbyphotoscouk.blogspot.co.uk/2015/02/the-famous-derby-man-that-walks.html

Isn't he playing that game Richard Herring talked about on his DVD. I forget the rules but played it myself for a bit.

Pingers

A few Oxford ones.

The Wise Man of Cowley Road, who used to sit out on the pavement on a sofa and would have placards up with various and changing proclamations. My favourite was "Wise Man Moves House". It was good to be kept up to date with developments.

There was also the seasonal tap dancing busker Lord Mustards, and solid gold local legend John Joyce . (Well worth clicking on that link). I knew John a bit towards the end of his life, he was a lot more subdued by then. He would go out early on weekend mornings and scoop up change from where the burger vans had been, and would marvel at how much money people dropped when they were pissed.

alan nagsworth

There's an oldish guy who always hangs out around my area, often in the same spot which is sat on the low wall outside someone's house, but also sometimes wandering about the nearby streets. He's always smoking tabs or smashing through cans of soft drinks (mostly Pepsi). He always looks completely despondent, staring down at the floor, so we've given him the nickname "sad boy".

I can never tell if he's homeless or not because he's often wearing different clothes, but I know for a fact that he fucking loves Pepsi. The driveway of the house he sits outside is a bit bedraggled anyway but there's usually a Pepsi can graveyard outside it if he's been there. Oh and he's only got one arm so I haven't a fucking clue how he rolls those fags, but my god, he gets by.

Me and my housemate passed him on the way to the pub last night and instinctively stopped talking as we passed in a knowing way. Afterwards, he asked me, "Do you reckon the sad boy notices a dip in our conversations whenever we walk past him?" and now I feel very self conscious. Maybe one day I'll ask him what his story is.

St_Eddie

#98
Quote from: alan nagsworth on December 08, 2018, 07:09:50 PM
...Oh and he's only got one arm so I haven't a fucking clue how he rolls those fags, but my god, he gets by.

Prince Randian managed to roll and light his own cigerettes, so I doubt it would be too much of an issue for your "Sad Boy" fella.

studpuppet

The local prossie in Potters Bar was called Big Glynis. She used to walk to the bridge over the A1(M) and wave at the truckers while flashing her bits at them.

George White

I once met a bloke, an elderly Irishman with long hair, in a tweed suit who was on a train, trying to ask people to look up the lyrics to an English Country Garden so he could write a parody.


Had an unfortunate encounter with a sixtysomething woman wearing a disco ball T-shirt and a huge gold-look embossed paper dollar sign on a chain. I asked her was she wearing it ironically. "No, because I like gangsters and stuff."
She gave out to me for being rude. But I couldn't help it. It was such an odd thing, especially as her friend was in typical Bet Lynch-look leopardskin coat.

St_Eddie

Quote from: studpuppet on December 08, 2018, 10:55:30 PM
The local prossie in Potters Bar was called Big Glynis. She used to walk to the bridge over the A1(M) and wave at the truckers while flashing her bits at them.

Carrying on with that sort of distracting behaviour is liable to lead to Big Glynis being able to accurately claim that her tits have directly led to the death of several men.

studpuppet

Quote from: St_Eddie on December 08, 2018, 11:01:14 PM
Carrying on with that sort of distracting behaviour is liable to lead to Big Glynis being able to accurately claim that her tits have directly led to the death of several men.

Not tits - bits...

St_Eddie

#103
Quote from: studpuppet on December 08, 2018, 11:45:36 PM
Not tits - bits...

Which bits, if not tits?

Furry bits, covered with nits?

Rear bits, where she brews her shits?

Or other bits, such as armpits?

For which bits, if not tits?

Ian Drunken Smurf

I've given monikers to some of the ne'er-do-wells who roam around my very residential suburb of Vienna. My wife knows their nicknames now, usually because they lurk around and in some cases make ladies feel rather uneasy.

Larson - christened because he resembles a character from "The Far Side" wears large tinted aviator glasses and walks a ridiculously tiny dog. Heavily set with a dyed black mane worn in a ponytail and usually wearing a Davey Crockett hat and a plaid fleece jacket. Leers at ladies walking by - anyone from about 12+ gets a dirty comment.

The Fallen Guy: always wears a suit and tie, underneath a grubby mac. Wishes you a good day, if you see him in the morning and seems to bimble between supermarkets smoking and drinking the cheapest can of beer available. Suddenly flips into barking psychopath at about 1pm. Banned from the chemist as he used to enquire about the proof rating of the mouthwash and brush up against female customers. Always sits on a newspaper when on the bus and moans about dirtiness of the bus.

Lisa Jesusandmarychain

Quote from: Sin Agog on December 08, 2018, 06:12:15 PM
Doddery, acid-fried Harry Dean Stanton looking dude dressed like a bondage robot who'd skitter into every shop over about a square mile, twitch like fried bacon in front of the counter for exactly thirty seconds, then skitter onto the shop next door without a word uttered.

Kramer* tribute artist ?
(* Yer man from "Seinfeld", not Bongwater )

monolith

I was waiting for a bus in Salford once and a blind guy came along and asked me when the next bus was. I said ten minutes. He told me that this simply wasn't good enough and asked me to walk him to a bus stop that was ten minutes away to get one from there instead. I explained that this was a poorly thought out plan as by the time we got to the next bus stop we would have missed the bus at the stop we were at and would then have had to wait again at the next stop.

He spent the next ten minutes lambasting me. Other people then arrived at the bus stop and without context it looked like I had fucked over this poor blind guy as the only part of the conversation they heard was him asking me if I knew how hard it was being blind and admonishing me for not helping him.

Felt like an hour and then the bus was late (obviously) which gave him more ammunition to have a go at me. When we finally got on the bus he started on the bus driver instead. Was quite funny when it wasn't me being shouted at.

seepage

A local 'character' once cycled into and halfway through a restaurant I was at, before announcing: "I won't be any trouble, honest!"

wooly

Horace, "the best of luck" guy, was often seen in north London, who sadly passed away a few years ago.

I always used to spot him in Finchley High Road and a work colleague would usually spy him in Camden Sainsburys. Funnily enough, the two places mentioned at the start of this article:

http://archive.camdennewjournal.com/news/2012/oct/hundreds-funeral-service-horace-%E2%80%93-best-luck-man

He would walk around endlessly bellowing out "The Best of Luck" to all and sundry, and became a local legend, as the video in the above link of the turnout at his funeral demonstrates. Quite heart warming really.


Berthas Fat Leg

Dave the Rave, stands with his headphones on in public places, dancing and singing away to himself.

Thursday

Scooter Granny of Kingston Upon Thames

https://www.mirror.co.uk/usvsth3m/surrey-celebrity-scooting-gran-sandra-5365852

She does seem by most accounts to be a genuinely nice and intelligent person, so maybe this is the wrong thread.

Vodka Margarine

At the bus stop, a small Johnny Ball-alike man complete with the manic boggly eyes excitedly pointed at the big blue Co-Op sign behind us and in a mock conspiratorial tone whispered "Hey... do you know what that means?! It means "Cool Old Open Place!"

Tikwid

A few years ago I went to London on a pleasure trip, and while I was in Camden I took a panorama-type video of the view from the bridge over the lock. Checking the footage afterwards, I found out I'd caught a topless old gent in the shot:

Turns out he's a bit of a local character, known for busting his moves on the bridge whilst listening to music on his earphones (although I don't recall any dancing when I saw him). See for yourselves:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zrA_gBGZ_5k
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vWbfYueNNJU

MuteBanana

The real 'character' is the woman who wears her backpack on her front.

Edit - That video. Age is no excuse? What? For partial nudity and acting like a tit? Put your shirt on grandad and go down the bookies you wally.

Sin Agog

#114
edit for pofacedness

The Lurker

Quote from: Berthas Fat Leg on December 09, 2018, 01:29:35 PM
Dave the Rave, stands with his headphones on in public places, dancing and singing away to himself.

I remember seeing him in the uni library several times nodding away to himself with his massive headphones on and wearing a hoodie with Dave the Rave emblazoned on it. He didn't seem to be any bother. Thought I was seeing things the first time I saw him.

He was on Soccer AM, in his piss stained trackies, a while back with Frankie Fryer too.

holdover

Mandy is to be found around Edinburgh. You can hear her a mile off as she shouts "HIYA!" And "YOU GOING OUT TONIGHT?"  constantly.  Often found in branches of CEX where she will ask to see any copies of Still Game on dvd.

I read that she can be triggered if you mention that it looks like it's going to rain.

buttgammon

There's a more sinister one in Dublin: a certain Mr Clerkin. I used to see him on the bus all the time, and saw him again for the first time in ages yesterday. He carries a stack of handwritten notes on Hebrew and the Hebrew Bible with him, and usually a copy of the Bible too. Yesterday, he was furiously scribbling notes in the margins of a Catholic newspaper. Clerkin is also a longstanding political campaigner of great disrepute and increasing insanity. His letters to newspapers include the following gem from a 1996 edition of the Irish Times:

QuoteSir, - CIE is often unjustly criticised, but its trial of selling condoms is wrong.

In pubs condom machines so far form the basis of adult, but not of child prostitution. In railway stations it is different. Children attract no attention in stations. Some trains have almost exclusively children.

On machine advertising either favours promiscuity in most cases, or sometimes maximum promiscuity cartoons are used. Since condoms, prostitution in Dublin has increased more than 10 fold. The youngest child in prostitution we've come across in Dublin as yet was a girl of five.

A condom seller has problems. If the people out there are faithful on trips, whether abroad or to the pub, you lose money. That is why the last Soviet health minister refused to allow a condom, campaign.

Equally, the bar on sex with children loses you money. That is why Britain's top condom organisation's chief, C. Brook, called for paedophilia (child molesting) to be completely legalised in 1973. Holland has legalised over 50 per cent of paedophilia.

Condom houses are currently spending about £500 per month in Dublin alone on prostitution and related media which also advertise paedophilia material and show women in pro rape poses.

Value free sexuality causes most women to be polled as fearing public transport after dark. It favours drug abuse, as indeed on the DART as a pushers' location among school kids. Last November a teen got condoms from a machine, and then died front drug abuse at a former CIE depot. And before the condom campaign we had the EC's lowest sexual AIDS rate. - Yours, etc.,

In the run-up to the abortion referendum this year, he left bizarre posters on many bus stops in South Dublin, like this one


St_Eddie

Quote from: buttgammon on December 10, 2018, 10:50:54 AM
QuoteSome trains have almost exclusively children.

♫ Pardon me, boy ♫

♫ Is that the Peadanooga choo choo? ♫

Black Ship

The Barnet Warlock.

Short balding middle aged guy guy, wearing dark clothing and I kid you not, a cape, upside down cross. Usually seen drinking premium strength lager and pushing a pushchair full of garbage around.

Steve McGarret (sp?)

Local hardnut and "daddy" of the Dollis Valley Estate. DVE could be described as a sink estate if it hadn't dropped down the plughole a LONG time ago.

John Somerville:

Local sculptor. Did the Spike Milligan statue over in Finchley. Looks like a Rolling Stone.

Alex Tracy.

Local artist. Paints pop art on used sugar packets. Nice guy.

Ben Wilson (no relation)

The chewing gum artist. Not seen him round for a while.

The Olafsdottir sisters.

Icelandic. Alda had a hit in the 90's with "Real Good Time", now sings in a folk band. Sigrun hand crafts her Viking/Norse mythology inspired clothing line - SIGRUN. Both run a "Viking kitchen" that caters for Icelandic cuisine.

Discount Gary Newman


Yes. Literally that.