Topic: Euphoria II: The Fertile Brain.

[Glebe]

Terry & June sit out in the back garden on a hot summer Saturday, getting drunk and listening to classic Toyah, Nik Kershaw and Killing Joke.

A brief bout of nausea ends when you cough up a £100 quid that you'd lost.

A depression clouds lifts when you spy a wayward sparrow do the splits on a postbox.

A jaunty barbeque is interrupted by a drunk clown, who entertains all and is showered with gifts and money for his troubles!

[Spoon of Ploff]

A depression clouds lifts when you spy a wayward sparrow do the splits on a postbox.

Is this close enough Glebe?

[Glebe]

Is this close enough Glebe?

It's too close for comfort Spoon mate.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

A worm receives a tax rebate for 3 pence

[Glebe]

A worm receives a tax rebate for 3 pence

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

A gender reassignment surgery goes well - he dies.

[BlodwynPig]

A Wotsits packet, discarded sometime in the early 90s adds a subtle and life-affirming colour to the bucolic surroundings in a sleepy Herefordshire meadow

[pancreas]

RIP

MAVIS THE COW, 2014-2017

SHE WAS DELICIOUS

[Glebe]

A planted bulb gives forth a beautiful spruce, generally glowing like mad and enlightening the populace.

[Twit 2]

Your tea's ready! It's sausage and mash - your favourite!

You pick a scab off your elbow and there's a new 2p coin waiting underneath.

You meet a 'Choose Your Own Adventure' author at a tennis court and he gives you a Twix.

Richard Herring rings 999 in a panic but the operator asks him emergency questions. My daughter's not breathing....ah Christ, a squash racquet strung with noodles I suppose...I can't feel a pulse....what? A tiny man running a bistro in my armpits? Yes, ok a private ambulance, no hurry.

The sun shines on all your enterprises!

[BlodwynPig]

Hot dog, jumping frog, I'm a turkey!

Yes, you are a turkey, grooving to Prefab Sprout in the summer dust

[Twit 2]

It is the final stage of your becoming.

Your Aunt offers to sit on your face to help you out of a bad patch.

An earwig offers you a pickle, unsolicited.

Gary Lineker removes all the moles from your garden, body and children's books.

A pancake in the shape of Richard Herring is used to mop a rapist's brow.

Glad tidings await a binman.

A baby vomits rare coins onto its bib.

Glenn Hoddle wins a half-sized dolphin.

Bath Council issue free handjobs to the elderly.

An AIDS Haiku:

AIDS AIDS AIDS AIDS AIDS
AIDS AIDS AIDS AIDS AIDS AIDS AIDS
AIDS AIDS AIDS AIDS AIDS

Wins best aids haiku at the aids haiku awards.

[Glebe]

A small, stuffed owl comes to life and starts flinging itself around Hampshire, much to everyone's delight!

Norris from Corrie shows a surprizing amount of depth and heart by cracking open a packet of his 'special' custard creams and making you a brew!

Ronnie James Dio is alive - and rocking out on an island in the Pacific, 24/7.

Ryanair offer special Wonka bars to passengers, whomsoever gets the golden ticket is offered a comfortable seat and a reduced rate on sandwiches!

[Lemming]

A man falls down the stairs and shatters his right arm in three places. The endorphin rush provides him with the first real calm he's felt in 23 years

A wanking accident results in a man utterly destroying his cock and permanently killing his sex drive. He's glad to finally be free of it

A woman begins to ascend to enlightenment, before deciding mid-ascension that she "can't be fucked with it" and it's "bollocks anyway mate"

A fox fucks a rabbit. Both creatures marvel at the improbability of the cross-species relation

A man wearing a t-shirt that reads "I'M NOT A GAMER BECAUSE I HAVE NO LIFE - I'M A GAMER BECAUSE I CHOOSE TO HAVE MANY" is pushed to the ground by an angry mob and stamped on until dead. His final moments are pure, blissful catharsis, as he finally gets what he knows he deserves

An Amazon.com delivery drone only slightly mauls an infant in a navigational malfunction. Everyone agrees it "could have been a lot worse"

[Nice Relaxing Poo]

A boy is born who will do nothing but magic poos for the rest of his life.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

An AIDS Haiku:

AIDS AIDS AIDS AIDS AIDS
AIDS AIDS AIDS AIDS AIDS AIDS AIDS
AIDS AIDS AIDS AIDS AIDS

Wins best aids haiku at the aids haiku awards

Cackled.

[Glebe]

A breakdancing squirrel keeps people entertained in a shopping precinct for awhile.

You lose your wallet but it turns up in a lovely free pie sample.

A man scores a hole-in-one and, thus satisfied, walks off the golf course in his big Elton John boots.

Ghooster Fhlooster makes haste to the salon.

[Glebe]

A ripe lemon zests up an otherwise not great-smelling pantry.

Zeinab Badawi owns Johnny Depp on HARDtalk.

Some shuffling buffalo make their way to shelter, just as the storm is coming!

You find a ski trip quite exhilarating.

[Sebastian Cobb]

A bottle of Rioja, a bag of weed and a copy of


Maybe a curry and all.

[Bazooka]

Simon's ultra real fleshlight made of mutton cut offs arrives in the post at the start of his two week holiday off from work.

[spamwangler]

a widower eventually learns the ability to nag himself

[Glebe]

An old '80s casio comes alive and starts tweedling your favourite hits, while floating in a kind of nostalgic fantasy spaceworld.

[Glebe]

A colourful balloon bops down into the garden, with a wonderful kitten floating inside - don't worry, he's wearing an oxygen tank!

[Nice Relaxing Poo]

A pervert saves a prostitute's life and she rewards him by letting him lie under a glass coffee table while she shits on it for free.

[Glebe]

A mouse and a shrew conspire to fix you a lovely breakfast, with cereals, sossies and a nice pot of tea, all topped off with a grapefruit. Smashing!

[Glebe]

Thomas the Tank Engine rolls into the station bang on time, and singing 'It's a Good Day' at the top his hypothetical lungs!

The faint image of Little My from The Moomins briefly floats around your living room like a ghostly screensaver, in what proves to be a strangely enervating incident.

[Twit 2]

You have a nice weekend - get some sleep, go for walks, go out for a meal, get some work done, smoke some grass in the sun, read a good book, see a friend.

[Steven]

You have a nice weekend - get some sleep, go for walks, go out for a meal, get some work done, smoke some grass in the sun, read a good book, see a friend.

But we're alright.

[Rocket Surgery]

A miserable, stupid bastard decides that it might be preferable to imbibe alcohol in an actual pub with all people in it at this hour of a Saturday evening..

Upon arrival, a heavily intoxicated middle-aged man is slurring tunelessly around the ossified remnants of 'Shaking All Over' by Johnny Kidd & The Pirates, and forgetting most of the words.

"Well," our dumb-assed hero muses "this is a hell of a fuck cheaper than actually going to see the Fall!"

He stays for 4 pints.

[Sebastian Cobb]

A man on his first joint and fourth glass of wine sticks on Mingus Mingus Mingus Mingus Mingus; he knows Monday will ache, but he doesn't give a fuck. For now.