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Euphoria II: The Fertile Brain.

Started by Glebe, June 24, 2017, 09:51:50 AM

Previous topic - Next topic
A dozen robins chirp Guile's theme as you stroll to work. You puff out yer chest, yyaaaaasssss.

Gregory Torso

Getting a nice drunk buzz on in the morning and maintaining it throughout the day.

Gregory Torso

A really fat bloke in a tight as fuck star wars Chewbacca t-shirt and the Chewbacca is so stretched and faded it looks like nothing it could be a map of a desert with two wonky eyes and he, the man, he is eating wheat crunchies with sour cream dip and as you walk past he looks at you and goes "fuck you"

he is enjoying the absolute shit out of his Sunday.

Pingers

Ian, a flint-minded, piss-moraled homophobe, has to take a job as a Fudge Packer at Thornton's on pain of having his Universal Credit sanctioned.

Fishfinger

A sudden rash of FGM causes racial tension in Hartlepool. But all that's happened is Trev, Si and Kelly have all rolled Female Gnome Magic-users, and the issue is resolved amicably over generous helpings of flat coke and tangy Doritos.

Fishfinger

"This way to the hospital, this way to the morgue," intones a soul-less, sinister voice. But fortunately, no - your car isn't haunted! The TomTom's having a bit of a glitch, a reboot sorts it, and it continues directing you efficiently to your great day out at Chelmsford World of Nematodes.

Fishfinger

Your end of term reports all read, "Lamentable." But on the plus side, you've learned a new word!

Ferris

You finally crack home made bagels. God they are good.

Ferris

You can send the student loans company an email that essentially says "fuck off", and you've acquired foreign citizenship, live 3,000 miles away, and no longer own a UK bank account so they have to play by your rules if they want another penny off you.

Ferris


Pingers

A red squirrel buries an acorn on Terry Nutkins' grave. Forgotten, it grows over the years into a fine oak tree, its graceful branches providing a haven for the little red fellas, protected among its boughs from their grey cousins by Terry's kindly magic.

Fishfinger

Severe food poisoning enables you to taste that delightful Frankie & Benny's dinner all over again.

Glebe

Buster Merryfield is still alive and surprizes you by turning up at your house to give a private performance of excerpts from Fools & Horses. "Sharks, dan talk to me abaht sharks..."

pancreas

A man develops an itch at the back of his his rectum. Vainly, he scratches his anus so much that it tears away from his skin, but then finds he can pull out his intestines far enough that he can scratch the back of the rectum.

Another man develops an itch at the back of his rectum. He finds the only way to scratch it is to be fucked up the bum. Fortunately he is gay and loves being fucked up the bum.

A third man develops an itch at the back of his rectum. He must live his life in torture, never being able scratch it, but fortunately, this man is Ian Duncan Smith.

Glebe

A porg goes into a newsagents in Purley and purchases 20 Rothmans and a Curly Wurly.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

A sharpener of graphite pencils is recovered from a gully.

YES

Pingers

Quote from: pancreas on December 07, 2018, 02:59:23 PM
A man develops an itch at the back of his his rectum. Vainly, he scratches his anus so much that it tears away from his skin, but then finds he can pull out his intestines far enough that he can scratch the back of the rectum.

Another man develops an itch at the back of his rectum. He finds the only way to scratch it is to be fucked up the bum. Fortunately he is gay and loves being fucked up the bum.

A third man develops an itch at the back of his rectum. He must live his life in torture, never being able scratch it, but fortunately, this man is Ian Duncan Smith.

I'm happy.

Glebe

Dionne Warwick fucks a load of fresh doughnuts into a waiting crowd of hungry nutters in the Greater Manchester area.

pancreas

The upside of Jim's Alzheimer's is that he has forgotten all about his terminal bowel cancer.

Fishfinger

The child skeletons found beneath the tarmac of your call centre's industrial estate are nothing to do with you. On with the job! "Do you have a reference number?"

grassbath

Towelling hot soapy water from your hands as you turn from a completed pile of washing up, you hit a thrilling and clarion tenor high C.

Ferris

A really good lamb jalfrezi, with your choice of keema or peshwari naan.

Ferris

Everything turns out for the best.

Ferris

You think of a funny idea: adding googly eyes to postboxes.

You are delighted to discover that google images has a few great examples and you were right to find the concept amusing.

Fishfinger

One awakens well-rested to a pleasant frost on the lawn. The bailiffs aren't due for another hour. Time enough to enjoy a coffee.

Ferris

You notice your infant son has tiny versions of your hands.


Fishfinger

A closed door means you can finally be yourself. For a minute.

Fishfinger

An ocean laps gently against your sandy toes.

Fishfinger

Unseen, unheard, undetected, a comet arcs through the endless void.