Your worst gig

[Jockice]

It's either the time I got stood up in the pouring rain outside a Cult gig at Sheffield University circa 1986 - a concert I'd only got tickets for because this particular woman had said she really wanted to see them. I'd spoken to her that afternoon and she said: "See you there'' - or Killing Joke at the same venue about a year later in which they played in a half-hearted manner for about 20 minutes and then left the stage without saying a word.

I wasn't really a fan of The Cult but went in eventually just to dry myself off and sat on my own in the bar all night. Not really their fault but god I was miserable. Killing Joke however had played what to this day is one of the best shows I've ever seen in my life at the Leadmill  a year or two earlier so I went with high hopes that were thwarted. Apparently a couple of the band had food poisoning, but it would have been nice if they'd told us.

[Head Gardener]

Bruce Springsteen - Wembley on the Booooooooorrrrrrrrnnnnnn In the USAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY Tour, it was just fuckin' awful

[kngen]

Ramones on the Adios Amigos tour at the Astoria. Was a freebie and was sat in the VIP section (which seemed ludicrous, but amusing, for a Ramones gig). Treated myself to a can of Red Stripe and watched them do their thing (which was great) after enduring the execrable Anti Nowhere League. Then started to feel a bit dodgy, then really fucking bad - like the flu had just hit me - and had to leave about 15 minutes in. Noticed people staring at me on the tube, which was a bit puzzling, until I got home and looked in the mirror. I was white as a sheet with dark red, bloodshot eyes, and my shirt was soaked with sweat, stuck to me like a wet rag.

I collapsed into bed, passed out then woke up at 3am or so, dashed to the bathroom and puked up pure blood. Collapsed again, and repeated that process a couple of more times. Then spent the rest of the day recuperating (while fielding angry calls from my work who thought I was taking the piss with my tales of mystery illnesses because they knew I'd gone to a gig the night before).

It wasn't till a few weeks later that I was talking to an Aussie friend, relating the above details, and he said: 'Maaaate, you never get a can at the Astoria! I've been down in the cellars where they keep all the pallets, and the bloke I was working with was throwing rat poison around like it was confetti at a wedding.'

So yeah, when people started getting teary-eyed about the Astoria being pulled down, I was always a bit 'Mmmm .... nyeaaaaah ... '

Either that or Stone Roses at Glasgow Green in 1989. No bevvy, no drugs and had to fight my way out of the front of the crowd where people were in danger of being crushed, and lost my footing, was carried 20 odd feet in a surge of people more than once and thought: 'Oh fuck this is it!'

Shite sound, Ian Brown couldn't sing to save his life and yet - between this and Spike Island - this apparently was 'the good one.' Mental.

[dex]

The Chili Peppers, London Docklands, By The Way era. Shite sound from the venue and new wishy washy bollox from the band. Granted they got older and can't do the same old all the time but yeah that was the worst!

[Jockice]

It's either the time I got stood up in the pouring rain outside a Cult gig at Sheffield University circa 1986 - a concert I'd only got tickets for because this particular woman had said she really wanted to see them. I'd spoken to her that afternoon and she said: "See you there''

I only ever saw her one more time in my life (I'd known her for about three years before) when I bumped into her in a pub about six months later. She said: "Sorry I didn't turn up that night." And that was it. No explanation, nothing. Not the only time I've been stood up in my life but for some reason still the one that stings the most.

[DrGreggles]

Cast at a very muddy Glastonbury.
Big crowd, most of whom were still there from Supergrass and were waiting for Beck.
Anyone, Cast kick off their set and, within a song or two, it's clear to the band that this wasn't their audience. And it was clear to the audience that the band were fucking shit.
So mud throwing began.
Cast singer: "At least I'm good at writing songs*, you lot are shit at throwing mud."
At which point a big splat of brown stuff (let's say it was mud) landed full on the zip area of the singer's white jeans.

Actually it was quite good fun!

*[citation needed]

[Nice Relaxing Poo]

Probably the 1st and only time I saw Oasis at the Whitley Bay Ice Rink in 1996. Just dull plodding tripe.

[Golden E. Pump]

Meat Loaf at Home Park in 2008 was pretty shoddy. His voice was shot and it was all rather tragic. Very lacking in timbre and his backing singers carried him through the set. Surprisingly he sounds a little revitalised on his more recent material but he just cannot belt it out like he used to be able to.

[Small Man Big Horse]

The Darkness at Wembley Arena - Thought it might be fun, was instantly proven wrong when we got there and the seats were so far back we could barely see a thing on stage. Sure they had video screens, but I don't pay my hard earned cash to watch those. Then the sound was absolutely appalling, it was like listening to a tinny radio in the 80s, and we fucked off with about a third to go, there was just no point being there and everyone around us looked suicidal.

[hermitical]

Kraftwerk at Brixton Academy, maybe 2004ish? I was violently ill but they were still painfully boring

Linton Kwesi Johnson, Salisbury I think. Drove for an hour and he decides he's going to be on stage for just over 15 minutes. And he was shite.

[manticore]

Most Fall gigs I went to in the '80s were very poor because the guitar sound was just a horrible thin squall. All you could really hear was the bass and drums. I can only assume it was deliberate because it happened at least four times. You could also bearly hear Smith's voice.

Haven't seen them since '89 or so so maybe they improved.

[Shit Good Nose]

I've mentioned all three of these numerous times on here over the years...

L7 at the Fleece and Firkin in Bristol.  They repeated their Reading festival used tampon trick.  Fortunately I was right at the back so missed getting splashed.  It wasn't my "scene" anyway, but they were abysmal.  They received a (locally) well publicised lifetime ban from ever playing in Bristol again after that stunt.  Not sure if it still applies, though.

Not so much the worst in terms of total shit, but two of the most disappointing gigs I've ever been to were Pink Floyd in Italy during the Division Bell tour, and the Roxy Music reunion tour in 2001.  Both were extremely workmanlike, to the extent that I may as well have stayed at home and listened to the albums.



On a slightly different note, not the worst or most disappointing, but the most I've ever felt out of place and the only time I've felt unsafe at a gig - Ice T at the Academy in Bristol.  And before you say "oh yeah?  Black people, was it?", the audience was a real mix (as most Bristol gig audiences are), but there were an awful lot of cunts of all ages and races who seriously bought into the whole gangster rapper thing (this was back in the days when he was still considered as such) and just filled the entire venue with very very bad vibes.  Course, there's me and the mate I went with - two very obvious audients who weren't packing uzis - sticking out like two sore thumbs, and the butts of many stares and invasions of personal space (what little of it is left during a gig at any rate).  Couldn't get out of there fast enough.

[BlodwynPig]

Pavement at the Riverside, Newcastle.

Dragged along as a favour to a friend who I'd taken to see Gong or someone.
Deadly dull and full of drunk wankers. The friend planted a drunken sloppy wet kiss on and in my mouth afterwards that hardly raised my spirits

[drummersaredeaf]

Controversial one maybe, but in terms of expectations and experience... Radiohead tonight.

I HATE outdoor gigs anyway, and a load of faff with the lads I went with meant I bought tickets in general when they were in the middle class bit. Some secondary ticket market magic, and I'm in the enclosure for another £25 or so - nearly a ton for a ticket.

But I'm happy, I've never seen Radiohead, I figure this might be my last chance, and the setlists look great in the build up.

But... It was too quiet. Not only was it too quiet, there was a right noisy pissed cunt behind me. And I was his lift there and back. He and I, it seems, have very different attitudes to how live music should be consumed, and he made it intolerable. Multiple instances of being told to fucking shut up weren't enough, and when he wanted to try to get me into some sort of Legend Gary embrace and a sing along, and my refusal meant I wasn't enjoying it correctly, I had to fuck off. That was halfway through Paranoid Android, but really I should have done it immediately, as the experience improved as soon as I wandered.

I could still hear him thirty feet away shouting during the quieter bits. Anyone about twenty feet in front of the sound desk, I am sorry if you were near him.

The band and set were great, but as far as gig experience goes, it's far and away the worst I've had, especially given my excitement beforehand.

[Shaky]

Meat Loaf at Home Park in 2008 was pretty shoddy. His voice was shot and it was all rather tragic. Very lacking in timbre and his backing singers carried him through the set. Surprisingly he sounds a little revitalised on his more recent material but he just cannot belt it out like he used to be able to.

You're not wrong!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XZdiaFXW2U8

[gloria]

... Radiohead tonight.

I could hear that gig from my house!


I know what you mean about Legend Gary types bawling out the words right in your ear'ole. This seems to happen quite a lot to me and they can really ruin the gig experience. The best thing to do is move if you can. It's really hard to 'shush' someone at a rock gig. 


Half Man Half Biscuit gigs have a tendency to bring out an Apergers-y side of some men who seem to think it's cool to sing along with everything just to show they know the words better than anyone else.


Worst gig I've been to was Ian MacNabb at Manchester Academy. There was some fairly amusing pissed banter at first ("Me mam doesn't come to my gigs any more because she can't smoke") but then it turned into unamusing pissed ruining of some once quite nice Icicle Works songs.

[Shit Good Nose]

I really don't get why people spend so much money on gigs, both music and comedy, and then proceed to talk and/or get pissed.  Just go to a fucking pub.  I've mentioned this before, but when I saw Louis CK at the O2 arena a few years ago, there was a middle aged couple who spent at least 40 minutes of his set (and bearing in mind he only did 70) at the bar.  And they weren't piping the audio through up there either, so all you could hear was a muffle.  My ticket was £55, so they spent at least £100 just to stand at a bar to wait to pay for and consume drinks which were being sold way over the odds.  And one time when I saw Dweezil Zappa, the two cunts sat in front of us who were already way gone before the gig even started, just shouted at each other throughout the whole first set despite numerous taps on the shoulder.  When the lights came up at the intermission I said to them "I've spent £40 to listen to the music, not you two shout at each other about football".  Cunts.  They did shut up during the second half (although, again, one of them disappeared for a good half hour to get more drinks).

Bewildering.

[Jockice]

Half Man Half Biscuit gigs have a tendency to bring out an Apergers-y side of some men who seem to think it's cool to sing along with everything just to show they know the words better than anyone else.

Tell me about it. I'm seeing them next month for the first time in a few years. Yes, we know you know the lyrics now just shut the fuck up and let Nigel Blackwell do them. I ended up next to his wife at one of their shows once you know. She didn't sing along.

[SteveDave]

Grandaddy in Bristol in 2002 and Spiritulized also in Bristol also in 2002. Just dull as arseholes both of them.

Also John Cale in Warwick University in 2001. We drove from Cardiff, got lost and ended up getting to there about 45 minutes after he started. We did get to sit in the front row though so that was OK. Then we got lost driving home and my then girlfriend panicked at driving through fog/mist, so we had the windows down and the radio turned up driving at about 10mph for some of the journey. Ended up getting back at about 4am.

[jobotic]

Been a couple I've ruined for myself by getting too pissed and passing out. Only one where I behaved like a wanker and annoyed other people I think. I hope.

Anyway for some reason, mates were going I suppose, I went to fucking Knebworth. Standing in a massive tent with a load of LGs waiting to be served lager in plastic cups while Ocean Colour Scene belt out the hits was just hideous. The sound was appalling but i was bored of Oasis by then anyway and the journey home horrible followed by not being able to sleep on a friend's floor because of the speed. Don't think I've had any speed since.

[Beagle 2]

Manic Millennium. I was getting a lift down with a mate of a mate I didn't know in a minibus he was driving with a load of local scenesters. The morning we were due to travel down I got a phone call from my mate to say he had been shagging the bus driver's girlfriend and it had all come out, so he couldn't go any more. So I went with a bunch of people I didn't know, the only connection being I was the friend of the love rat. I also had terrible flu, and could barely stand up, so I ended up sat by myself up in the deserted stands of the Millennium stadium with my head in my hands wishing I was dead as the 20th Century pished its last.

I slept on a wheelarch as pissed passing Welshies banged on the minibus all night.

[Bazooka]

The Knife  at the Roundhouse Theatre 2014, arguably one one of the best electronic and pop acts of the last couple of decades, Shaking The Habitual tour, and they played nothing live, everything was played over a PA, with the focus being on some very average art dancers on the stage. What a let down.

[SteveDave]

Manic Millennium. I was getting a lift down with a mate of a mate I didn't know in a minibus he was driving with a load of local scenesters. The morning we were due to travel down I got a phone call from my mate to say he had been shagging the bus driver's girlfriend and it had all come out, so he couldn't go any more. So I went with a bunch of people I didn't know, the only connection being I was the friend of the love rat. I also had terrible flu, and could barely stand up, so I ended up sat by myself up in the deserted stands of the Millennium stadium with my head in my hands wishing I was dead as the 20th Century pished its last.

I slept on a wheelarch as pissed passing Welshies banged on the minibus all night.

ALL of my friends went to that and had a shit time. I instead saw Shakin' Stevens supporting the Bootleg Beatles for free outside Cardiff Town Hall. Happy birthday to me.

[Captain Poodle Basher]

Two really.

Prince: The Batman tour 1990. Bored me fucking senseless. Then again, I'm not a fan but a mate had a free ticket and nobody else was interested in it so I tagged along. I'd read rave reviews of the Batman section with the props, lighting etc so thought I'd be entertained at least and the tickets were for the VIP section. Unfortunately, the gig was in the bright sunshine and His Purpleness fancied doing nothing but guitar noodling for the day - he raced through the hits in a quick medley just to get them out of the way. To cap it all, the gig featured none of the batman set as it was being transported from the previous gig to the next one. The only VIPs were local radio DJs and a bunch of backroom nobodies from U2's entourage.

The Mission at The Marquee 1986. I don't recall much of the band but more that shower of cunts called The Eskimos who took personal offence that hardly anyone, other than them, had showed up. I was sitting on the floor, there being acres of room to do so and got an almighty kick into the small of my back. This shaggy biped shouted at me to "Show some fookin' respect and fookin' dance!" and tried to drag me to my feet. Then a woman came over, slapped me across the head and screamed more abuse at me for not worshipping the band as much as she did. I wandered up to the front of the stage where about three dozen cider-swigging cunts were lurching about bumping into one another, weaved my way through them and hid at the side of the stage. I could see the shaggy biped hassling other people throughout the gig and not getting much by way of converts going by how few people went up to the front.

[hard rocx and mettals]

I watched the sludge metal duo Jucifer at Manchester's Star and Garter last year. An absolute mind-blowing letdown. They're not freeform noise or anything like that - they're actually quite tuneful for sludge - but right from the start the drummer was going at full wack without any overarching rhythm, while the guitar was just a big mess of random tinny powerchords and feedback. After over half an hour of pointless, structureless dissonance, it became agonisingly clear that the whole gig was going to be like that. I'd been really looking forward to hearing their songs live an' all, nay idea what the fuck happened that night.

Also saw hardcore punk band Doom in the same venue earlier in the year, who between each song kept referring to the audience as cunts. This did not align with my delicate millennial sensibilities so I left.

[NoSleep]

Queueing up outside the Rainbow Theatre (Finsbury Park Astoria) 10th December 1971, when all the punters pouring out from the first performance of Frank Zappa & The Mothers are saying "somebody pushed him offstage, it's been cancelled."

[Viero_Berlotti]

The Stone Roses - Reading 1996

https://youtu.be/T9nAqD6Ffe4?t=3m15s

[BlodwynPig]

The only gig I've walked out on (apart from Dusty Springfield The Musical) was Kevin Ayers on The Renfrew Ferry in Glasgow. I didn't know his solo work but dragged a friend along to see this legend. She obviously hated it and I thought it was deadly dull although I was trying my best. Shivering we left, a full moon in June.

[Shit Good Nose]

a full moon in June.

Ah-HAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[pigamus]

ALL of my friends went to that and had a shit time. I instead saw Shakin' Stevens supporting the Bootleg Beatles for free outside Cardiff Town Hall. Happy birthday to me.

It was a bit dull. I think what you want on New Year's Eve is fun, and you don't really associate the Manics with that. If only we'd have known that Shaky was on the menu!