The 100 epic tasks of Paul Joseph Watson

[Glebe]

28. Emails Alex Jones to check that there's no gay chemicals used in his protein shakes. Jones replies that he cannot be 100% sure, but he'll throw in a packet of Oreos if he orders NOW!

[Here Comes Mongo]

29. PJW attempts to pronounce words in his native Sheffield accent rather than saying 'Youtoob' and 'An-tie Trump' in an attempt to appeal to an American audience.

[mothman]

30. Quite forcefully attempts to insist via his YouTube channel that living in the box room of his mum's semi-detached is NOT the UK equivalent of living in one's mom's basement.

[Vodka Margarine]

31. With shaking hands, PJW barely manages to type up his account of seeing a young, attractive woman with blue and pink hair breastfeed her baby in the town centre. The baby was a different colour to the mum and fucking hell he just had to get out of there.

[Glebe]

32. Wakes, up, stretches and yells "Morning, snowflakes!" out the window.

[Sebastian Cobb]

33. Mows down a load of prostitutes on GTA then has a 10 minute wank. He loves busy days like this!

[Glebe]

33. Mows down a load of prostitutes on GTA then has a 10 minute wank. He loves busy days like this!

34. Does it for real.

[Sebastian Cobb]

34. Does it for real.

+1 karma

[drummersaredeaf]

35. Attempts to mimic Katie Hopkins' attention seeking TV show about weight gain by beginning the sex change process to make a point how TS women make more sense than real ones.

[Lemming]

36. Voids his bowels upon attempting to access his own Twitter page and being sent to a dead link. Believing that he has been banned, he records an unscripted 29 minute video about how Twitter is censoring free speech and no-platforming him because they're scared of his radical ideas. This video file is sheepishly deleted when he realises he just made a typo when entering his own username in the URL bar

[Lemming]

37. As the effects of three consecutive sleepless days of being barricaded in his room and arguing with people on Twitter begin to chip away at his sanity, Paul fears that his pet dog may be secretly harbouring antifa sympathies

[drummersaredeaf]

38. Tries to crack on to Milo. "Dahling, I wouldn't be seen dead with a northern cock".

[Glebe]

+1 karma

Only 1?! DESOLATION.

[mothman]

39. Following a complaint that his bellowing "WAKE UP SHEEPLE!" during the late-night recording of a video blog caused offence and disturbance of sleep, PJW has to write an abashed letter of apology to his next-door neighbour, a Mr. Gordon Sheeple.

[Lemming]

40. Inadvertently embarks on an impromptu vision quest when his InfoWars Alex Jones DNA Force Pills are replaced with pure MDMA due to a fuck-up at the bottling factory. He hallucinates a transgender Muslim Marxist hacking into his Xbox One camera to look at his penis and screams

[Vodka Margarine]

^ Fucking ace.

[Monsieur Verdoux]

Lemming is really bringing it in this thread.

[drummersaredeaf]

41. Repeatedly updates Gary Lineker's Wikipedia article to say he learned to admire Japanese attitudes towards racial purity while playing for Grampus 8.

[Lemming]

42. Puts his reputation in jeopardy when a Freudian slip causes him to accidentally refer to Alex Jones as "daddy", live on air. He successfully executes damage control and saves his reputation by spending one full week tweeting about how it was a joke to trigger feminists, and only idiots would take it seriously

43. Opens his drawer and sees the pack of cigarettes he bought months ago and took a single unlit cigarette from to pose with for his Twitter profile picture. He briefly flirts with the idea of actually trying a cigarette for real, but ultimately closes the drawer again after a moment of consideration

[Sebastian Cobb]

44. Massively misunderstands what Orwell was all about.
https://twitter.com/PrisonPlanet/status/902129889339469824

[drummersaredeaf]

45. Starts a change.org petition to end the leftist toilet paper conspiracy. It's a symbol of whites' inability to preserve their own culture. Why is no one smearing black or brown tissue with shit?

[JoeyBananaduck]

46. Dramatically quit YouTube

47. Upload a YouTube video

[slapasoldier]

48. Leave his bedroom

49. RedPill an entire generation

[Sebastian Cobb]

49. RedPill an entire generation

50. Get angry because in this new hellish world everyone is a better pua than him.

[Lemming]

51. Attempts to negotiate with Alex Jones to have his own name added to the PrisonPlanet logo , so that it reads "ALEX JONES' PRISON PLANET, IN COLLABORATION WITH PAUL JOSEPH WATSON". He instantly retracts this request when Alex Jones raises his voice at him

[slapasoldier]

52. Finally make that anti-islam vlog he's been meaning to make but putting off for ages. He won't be bullied by the PC Police anymore. He's finally going to stop biting his tongue on this. 

[Lemming]

On an extremely slow news day, Paul forces out a completely nonsensical, half-hearted and inexplicable rant about Sonic Mania being a tool of the alt-left to further Islamic extremism, so that he may keep the YouTube ad revenue rolling in

[Terryfuckwit]

53. Be somewhat liked by me even though I do find his cadence to sometimes be a bit corny, his social media to be not much worse than any other political commentators is and his photos trying to look like Hicks/Hitchens to be totally cringeworthy

[zomgmouse]

54. Mutual masturbation with Ian Miles Cheong

[Monsieur Verdoux]

54. Mutual masturbation with Ian Miles Cheong

55. At the point of climax one of them inexplicably shouts out the N-word, and they spend days on twitter explaining why this was entirely forgivable because it occurred within 'a heated wanking moment'.