Talking during a film

[Billy]

I saw Blue Velvet tonight at the Prince Charles. Near the back of the auditorium were a couple of teenage girls, who chattered and giggled their way through the film loud enough for me in the middle row of the screen to hear them, mostly saying things like how they liked Laura Dern's dress. As I'm used to this after years of cinema-going it didn't bother me too much - in a way it was nice to know that a 30-year-old Lynch film was attracting a varied crowd agewise - but their chatter came to an abrupt end when someone in front of them hissed "Stop talking, for fuck's sake" during the last ten minutes of the film.

As the end credits rolled and people left the screen, the commotion began. The teens started shouting at those who'd (admittedly rudely) told them to quieten down, saying they had every right to "enjoy" the film in their own way. When they responded that they had been talking too loud, the teens resorted to just loudly calling them "dickheads" in a possible attempt to provoke them further, but they just ignored them and left the cinema instead. All this before the screen curtains had fully closed.

It reminded me of an experience I had seven years ago, seeing Part 1 of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows at one of the Vues, except this was with me and a friend. She was talking at me throughout the screening, telling me her favourite characters and who was going to die at the end of it (she'd read the book and I hadn't). When I finally, gently asked her to quieten down a tad, she totally lost it with me, started shouting at me saying she didn't even want to be there, and stormed out the screen. Although I considered following her, I'd paid a whopping £4.85 for the ticket and wasn't going to miss a second of it, so I just continued sitting there watching the film in peace - which turned out to be the right move, as five minutes later she walked back in and apologised, and we watched the rest of the film together with her being much more respectful noisewise.

What's your opinion of people talking during a film? Is there a limit to it, and would you tell/have you told anyone to shut it while it's been going on?

[zomgmouse]

Just don't talk in a cinema. You're not at home. Shut up and watch. I've never told anyone to be quiet but I've come close, one time when a group of middle-aged women were chattering through a film, but I decided I wasn't sitting near enough to them that I could do it without a commotion. I know people who have done, though. Kudos to them. Just be fucking quiet!

[Sin Agog]

Told a trio of affable looking geeks to 'cool it with the Mystery Science Theatre shit' at a screening of Valerian a couple of days ago, but then in retrospect I reckon it might have been improved if they'd talked even louder so I could hear them clearer and occupy the many braincells not being utilised by the film.  Felt a bit guilty actually, as they were clearly just trying to have a fun living room experience with the film, and everyone there could probably have fit quite comfortably into their living room.

I wonder if this hyper-sensitivity at cinemas is as much a problem as the squirrely, fidgety violators themselves.  I'm not usually the type to just glare at people for doing something as harmless as checking the time on their phone, but the cinema has a way of bringing out the nosy wanker in you.  I remember a screening of...I think Casino Royale, where some meathead started beating on a few fairly loud and boisterous teens to the whole audience's cheers (well, save for me and the person I was with). Makes me think that knuckling down and focusing harder yourself in some instances might be the thing to do, rather than be all precious about everything.  The police were called up after that and the boys were chucked out, while the meathead was treated like the coming saviour for the rest of the film.  We also all got given free vouchers by the manager.

[BritishHobo]

Someone answered their phone during a horror movie when I was an early teen, and I genuinely don't think I've ever been as angry in my life. I think my future wife could cheat on me and I still wouldn't be as angry.

I didn't say anything though. Scared, innit.

[hewantstolurkatad]

I feel like the Prince Charles is one of those places that's awkwardly ambiguous about exactly how it wants its audience to behave what with all the sing along type deals and whathaveyou. Realistically with Blue Velvet you were likely dealing with (1) a group where only one of them was especially interested in the film on hand and (2) people whose prior experience with the venue was one of those more noisy shows.

I'm gonna guess this is the same guy, you'd imagine most people would be shamed out of going to cinemas if they knew they done this, but on three different occasions over the past few months, I've been at daytime screenings in the prince charles where one of those monstrously loud snorers started into it. One time I was the nearest person to him, first time I managed to wake him up by making a big commotion to go outside, second time I just slammed the seat nearest him ...honestly not sure what you're supposed to do with someone like that.


Relatively speaking, asides from people doing shit like checking the time on their phone, I've rarely dealt with bad audiences. I usually sit near the front so that may be why?
One of the worst was a person who was a bit to eager to moderate everyone else before the trailers started and kept at it through the film.

[SteveDave]

Talking in the cinema should be punishable by death. I've not paid £15 to listen to someone who's not on the screen mutter.

[Wet Blanket]

When I saw Logan earlier this year pretty much everyone in the cinema talked through it. Not whispering either, just chatting away. There was that low hum of conversation you get in pubs, and it ruined the film. What were they doing there? Why pay the best part of a tenner (at least) to ignore a film?

I can't stand it and I wish cinemas would police it more strictly. I like the sound of those Alamo Drafthouse cinemas in America with their zero tolerance policy to inconsiderate behaviour (but then they spoil it by also apparently serving entire meals while the film is playing).

My local arthouse has special parent-and-baby, autism friendly and dementia friendly screenings; maybe a goer would be 'bad manners screenings'. Special screenings for people who like to talk and quip and generally perform about. Or alternatively, 'wanky screenings' where they ban food and kids and you get thrown out for talking. I'd happily pay a bit extra for that.

[Shaky]

Yeah, cinema talking is a huge no-no. People may have paid for it, yes, but it's hardly the same experience as watching a DVD in your own home so that comparison never holds up.

If it's an interative film then fine but for a standard night at the flicks talk about it afterwards. If ye don't like the movie, simply walk out. Or fall asleep. Quietly.

[Vodka Margarine]

I'm as good as gold with conversation and mobile phones in the cinema but I did get told off for trying to strategically eat some Maltesers. It wasn't the act of eating itself, more the means in which I was attempting to. There were probably two or three stragglers left rolling around at the bottom, so the situation required for me to push my hand into the packet juuuust a little further. Unfortunately this created a very mild rustling noise, lasting no longer than a second. A man sitting in the adjacent section of seats suddenly leaned over and hissed at me to be quiet, his face almost contorted with hatred and contempt. Being nice, I whispered my profuse apologies but I just remember sinking into my seat for the next fifteen minutes absolutely crimson and dumbfounded, staring ahead at the film but not really taking any of it in. Fucking hell, I've turned into one of THOSE people. Then a little later, lo and behold, several more people a lot closer to him started merrily rustling their big packets of stuff and the disingenuous prick didn't even bat an eyelid. I'll take that injustice to my grave and I no longer eat anything, anywhere, at all.

[madhair60]

I think it should be legal to kill people who talk or use their phones during a film. I'm serious. I mean really messily kill them, as sadistic and prolonged as possible. Then go to their home and do their families. I'm not even close to making a joke here, fuck them. Fuck them all, they deserve to die. Got your iPad out in the cinema, you're gonna lose your eyes. And then I'm gonna fucking chew through them in front of you and won't even see.

[Blinder Data]

People are so selfish and self-obsessed nowadays, merrily tweeting at home while watching exactly what they want on Netflix. The idea that sometimes you can't do exactly what you want desire at that moment because it would affect other people's enjoyment is somehow difficult to accept by many wankers. It's in this context that I understand the term "special snowflakes".

Just fucking shut up and keep your phone off for a couple of hours. It's not hard.

I've told people to keep quiet a few times. The best thing to do is not to let your frustrations build up until you reach your limit and hiss your admonishment, your puce face a beacon of indignation. If they're not too far behind you, just turn around and look at them for a second. No need to give them "evils", a simple acknowledgement of their behaviour usually shuts them up.

If you need to get closer, a very reasonable "excuse me, would you mind not talking during the film? We can hear you and it's quite distracting" is usually enough. Most of the time they're mortified into silence.

Teenagers are a different story though.

[SteveDave]

I've written about this here before but there were 3 teenage boys talking and taking photos of each other at the showing of Spiderman I went to see recently. At one point one of them was watching football on his phone. I threw popcorn and generally shushed the fucked out of them. My wife was terrified they'd stab me. Pfft.

[Dannyhood91]

I sushed an entire row of cinema talkers when I went to see Gravity. They were about 12 years old though but it still made me feel like a big tough lad.

[hewantstolurkatad]

I sushed an entire row of cinema talkers when I went to see Gravity. They were about 12 years old though but it still made me feel like a big tough lad.

Reminds me of the absolute sight of horror I had at the screening of Gravity I went to, about 40 eight years olds in the theatre with about 5 adults between them, each holding onto gigantic multipacks of Walkers.

Were surprisingly quiet throughout, mind

[Dr Rock]

Cinemas should put up a message to be quiet during the screening of the films, and make sure mobile phones are turned off. And they should warn or eject anyone who doesn't abide by this, and it shouldn't be up to a customer to sort out the problem, you should be able to tell a member of staff. Unfortunately all of this is unlikely as teenagers make up a majority of their custom base, and they are the ones who like talking and using their mobile phones, and cinemas want their custom so will allow their behaviour to continue if it keeps them coming back. A lot of teenagers go to films they aren't even that interested in, with all their mates, because they have little else to do. And then they muck about, the little cunts.

[Claude the Racecar Driving Rockstar Super Sleuth]

I think it should be legal to kill people who talk or use their phones during a film. I'm serious. I mean really messily kill them, as sadistic and prolonged as possible. Then go to their home and do their families. I'm not even close to making a joke here, fuck them. Fuck them all, they deserve to die. Got your iPad out in the cinema, you're gonna lose your eyes. And then I'm gonna fucking chew through them in front of you and won't even see.

That's obviously taking things too far. I should think searing their mouths shut would suffice.

[Small Man Big Horse]

Cinemas should put up a message to be quiet during the screening of the films, and make sure mobile phones are turned off. And they should warn or eject anyone who doesn't abide by this, and it shouldn't be up to a customer to sort out the problem, you should be able to tell a member of staff.

Vue cinemas put up such a message but it is of course ignored by all and I've given up getting arsey with people if it's a big blockbuster as the cinemas always seem to be filled with cunts. If I'm in an arthouse cinema I'll ask them to be quiet though, and have yet to be punched. But I did ask someone recently only for them to utter "How rude!" which took the biscuit somewhat given that they were the cunts in the situation.

Or alternatively, 'wanky screenings' where they ban food and kids and you get thrown out for talking. I'd happily pay a bit extra for that.

I'd pay extra for that too, and I'm surprised in a way that no one's given it a shot, but I guess that might make people think it's fine to chat away in normal screenings...

[Sin Agog]

That's obviously taking things too far. I should think searing their mouths shut would suffice.

Yeah, but then they'd probably develop a method of communicating via grunting and squeaking.  You'd have to shred their vocal chords as well at the very least.  And because a couple of twunts doing sign language in the periphery of your vision would be distracting, of course you'd need to chop off their hands 'n' all.  Maybe gouge out their eyes in case they interact via some irksome method of goggly blinking.  And, while we've still got them on the operating table, let's take a kidney because.

[Sin Agog]

What's the etiquette on talking during the trailers/adverts?  I remember getting barked at during a car advert for Let The Right One In.  Car adverts are important business.

[Goldentony]

With madhair on this, if you talk during the film - shot, instant. Place a fucking sharpshooter above the screen with night vision and Diazepam. Any cunt so much as coughs - boom. Get the word out it's happening and see if any of these pricks test it. Bang, fucking big hollow point through the eye. Did you and wee Barry enjoy the film? well see the thing is I did but then Barry's head blew the fuck up when he wouldn't stop talking about Funko figures or cracking jokes loud enough for the next city to hear, sorry you mean his entire head just? aye, no aye one of those fucking sniper cinemas isn't oh well aye fair enough then own fault. Aye, good film though.

[Goldentony]

What's the etiquette on talking during the trailers/adverts?  I remember getting barked at during a car advert for Let The Right One In.  Car adverts are important business.

If somebody has a go at you for talking during a fucking advert it is within society's best interest to turn around and tell them if they do that again you will fist fuck them until you both stop enjoying it

[Shit Good Nose]

What's the etiquette on talking during the trailers/adverts?  I remember getting barked at during a car advert for Let The Right One In.  Car adverts are important business.

I think talking during ads is fine (some cinemas still have the lights up during the ads), but in my opinion talking should stop when the trailers come on.


Aside from the cost, it's one of the main reasons I don't go to the cinema anywhere near as much as I used to - 2 or 3 times a week, compared to 2 or 3 times a year now.  SO many cunts in the audience now, even at indie cinemas.  I can't remember the last time I sat through a film where no one spoke, or answered their phone, or was messaging for the duration.  Unfortunately, it's so much the norm now that you're the one that ends up being the cunt for saying something.

I'd pay extra for that too, and I'm surprised in a way that no one's given it a shot, but I guess that might make people think it's fine to chat away in normal screenings...

One of our local 'plexes (can't remember which one, but I think it was Showcase) did introduce adult only screenings some years ago, and every film on release, regardless of certificate, would get at least one showing where people under 18 were not allowed.  I thought it was a really good idea, and it didn't cost any extra (although the caveat was generally odd times - first showing of the morning during the week, or last one at night), but unfortunately it only lasted about 9 months before they pulled it.  Not exactly sure why, but I'm guessing they just weren't getting as many peeps through the door as a normal screening, and given cinemas make fuck-all on ticket sales I can understand it.

[biggytitbo]

I cant stand this either, I have to insist that everyone is quiet during the film, even the actors in it.

[Glebe]

Drives me up the fucking wall. Several films I've been to in the last while have been marred to some extent by people chatting away and using their phones. Seems to be less and less Public Service Announcements telling people to respect their fellow cinemagoers now, too.

I think talking during ads is fine (some cinemas still have the lights up during the ads), but in my opinion talking should stop when the trailers come on.

Yeah, not even too bothered by people chatting during the trailers, to be fair.

[Paaaaul]

I have recently worked out a sweet spot on Friday afternoons when I can get a cheap ticket to a new film with few idiots in the cinema.
Until I went to see Dunkirk. The theatre was unusually full with old folks who yakked their ways through the majority of it. I would've shouted at them if I thought I might not get get involved in heart-related manslaughter.

[Harpo Speaks]

Went to see a film earlier in the year, and before it started a girl in the audience walked right down to the front and plugged her fucking phone in to one of the sockets in the corner of the room to charge it. Cue said phone vibrating and flashing throughout as she received a deluge of calls and texts during the film. This is the sort of entitled wanker we're dealing with here.

[colacentral]

Recently I had three kids run into our screen halfway through the film and start chasing each other across the front rows. They then got tired and stood having a conversation at normal speaking volume about what they would do next. I was sat near the bark and I could hear them. I couldn't say anything because of how far back I was, and the dozens of people sat right next to them should have lynched them ten minutes before they finally got told to fuck off. I believe the person who shouted at them said "we're watching a film!" Castrate those kids so they don't have children of their own.

In "War of the Apes" I was sat near two teenage / studenty boys, like the video shop teenagers in The League of Gentlemen ("How many killings?"). Someone sat in the row in front checked their phone while the message about turning phones off came up, and one of the teenagers sarcastically and loudly said "or don't turn off your phone, whatever," being a proper bell. Then, during the actual film, the same teenager loudly opened all his sweet packets during quiet scenes (you know: the boring dialogue that no one wants to hear. Heaven forbid you open your packets during one of the explosions.)

Vue cinema especially, or at least the one by me, don't ever have people on the doors checking tickets, and no guards ever come in to check. It's a disgrace, cost cutting bastards.

[studpuppet]

I took my parents to see Gosford Park when it came out, along with my (then) fairly new girlfriend. My mum proceeded to do what she does at home and fall asleep in the quiet bits (basically the entire film). Then she started snoring. Then she snored so loudly that she woke herself up with the noise, so in the middle of quiet on-screen and off, there was a noise like: SNNNNOOOORRREEE-[JOLT]-WHOOOOOOAAAAA!!

Now I only take her to films when I know they'll be noisy enough to either keep her awake or drown her out.

[Twit 2]

Threaten to take them outside and 'show them what it's like'.

[Dr Rock]

Went to see a film earlier in the year, and before it started a girl in the audience walked right down to the front and plugged her fucking phone in to one of the sockets in the corner of the room to charge it. Cue said phone vibrating and flashing throughout as she received a deluge of calls and texts during the film. This is the sort of entitled wanker we're dealing with here.

Why didn't you complain to the staff? This is what we have to do. You will miss three minutes of the film though.