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Noel Edmonds is Unwell

Started by Ballad of Ballard Berkley, August 08, 2017, 07:23:47 PM

Previous topic - Next topic

weaseldust

just been checking out the youtube channel. seems like he must be paying for fake youtube views.

how does this have zero comments and almost 700,000 views?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ETRdY7BJTf4

almost 100,000 views, no comments
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ulEwvDsO9zQ

Lemming

What the fuck is this? Broadcast from a different dimension or something.

Victims by Culture Club on now.

Ferris

Quote from: Shaky on January 18, 2018, 01:04:29 AM
On a more serious note, why are devotees of alternative therapies always, ALWAYS such fucking basket cases?

Yes, it's a mystery alright!

Ferris

If there's a live phone in, someone request Stealer's Wheel please. Thanks.

Lemming

"As his fight for justice from Lloyd's Banking Group continues..."

Who's the host? Who is this man? Is it just Noel putting on a voice? "POSITIVITY RADIO: NEWS FREE, AD FREE, LISTEN FREE". I'm so confused and scared.

Still - Culture Club, Fleetwood Mac, ABBA, The Pretenders - awesome. Beats the shit out of Absolute Radio, I'm staying tuned in.

EDIT: Honesty by Billy Joel on now. I hope he releases a track list.

Ferris

Quote from: Lemming on January 18, 2018, 01:57:57 AM
"As his fight for justice from Lloyd's Banking Group continues..."

Who's the host? Who is this man? Is it just Noel putting on a voice? "POSITIVITY RADIO: NEWS FREE, AD FREE, LISTEN FREE". I'm so confused and scared.

Still - Culture Club, Fleetwood Mac, ABBA, The Pretenders - awesome. Beats the shit out of Absolute Radio, I'm staying tuned in.

EDIT: Honesty by Billy Joel on now. I hope he releases a track list.

I'm listening along intently. He (presumably) wrote these interviews, so it makes stonewalling answers like "I can't tell you the answer to that" and jabbering on about how many hundreds of trillions the bank owes takes on an even more bizarre spin.

This is mental. Is this actually live? It's 2am in the UK, surely he's not still up

Lemming

Is this a fake anecdote? Is this a completely fake email from a fake person that Noel's just invented and prefaced with a fake anecdote?

"My mouth must have been open, because we don't get many TV stars in our building! I was going to ask for a selfie for my mum who's loved you for years."

Is the announcer being held hostage somewhere? Listening to this feels like doing something forbidden. Maybe it really is live and he's up at 2 AM tearing into Lloyds.

Ooh, Depeche Mode.

Ballad of Ballard Berkley

Mr Blobby at the desk, pushing the faders and changing carts at 2am. A broken jelly mould.

Ferris

Quote from: Lemming on January 18, 2018, 02:09:46 AM
Is this a fake anecdote? Is this a completely fake email from a fake person that Noel's just invented and prefaced with a fake anecdote?

"My mouth must have been open, because we don't get many TV stars in our building! I was going to ask for a selfie for my mum who's loved you for years."

Is the announcer being held hostage somewhere? Listening to this feels like doing something forbidden. Maybe it really is live and he's up at 2 AM tearing into Lloyds.

Sounded entirely plausible to me. Evil bankers are often fans of faded TV presenters (or at least, their mums are).

Did you hear the '60s link where Noel started the line with an American accent and it just abruptly stopped halfway through. Was this prerecorded and they thought "yeah fuck it that'll do".

I can't stop listening. This is as close as I'll ever get to listening to Norfolk Nights live.

Twed

I just tuned in and hear Depeche Mode - Everything Counts. "The grabbing hands grab all they can". This is an absolute masterpiece in bitterness.

Wow wow wow. I think this needs to be archived.

Lemming

Quote from: FerriswheelBueller on January 18, 2018, 02:14:16 AM
Did you hear the '60s link where Noel started the line with an American accent and it just abruptly stopped halfway through. Was this prerecorded and they thought "yeah fuck it that'll do".

I heard that, it was utterly bewildering but I was still reeling from the fake Lloyd's ad a few minutes prior which concluded with "Here at Lloyd's, we don't care about the customer" (or something to that effect).

Bananarama now! This is fucking insane.

EDIT: Nancy Sinatra on now, with These Boots Are Made For Walking. "You keep lyin' when you ought to be truthin'". I feel a responsibility to catalogue the music for as long as I'm listening, so future readers can look back at Noel's array of song choices.

Ballad of Ballard Berkley

Noel is probably enjoying a sound sleep right now. He really has had the last laugh.

Ballad of Ballard Berkley

If Noel plays Kick Out the Jams with an awkwardly edited "Kick out the BANKS, Motherfuckers!" intro, he'll be my hero forever.

Ferris

How can this be recorded and saved for future generations/me to listen to at work tomorrow? Is it on indefinitely?

Ballad of Ballard Berkley

Noel, you're minted. Penniless people are starving on the streets. Still, here's The Beatles with You Never Give Me Your Money...

Lemming

Sorry Noel song fans, missed the last couple of songs because they were both a little out of my favoured genres and time periods, but I looked up the lyrics and the songs were:
Jason Mraz - Be Honest
Aloe Blacc - I Need A Dollar

I'm thinking now that this probably isn't live - he must have recorded a massive fuck-off interview and we're getting snippets of it between music and chilling "POSITIVITEH RADIO - THE ONLY POSETEHV RADIO" bumpers.

EDIT: Cover of U2 - I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For. Not sure who the artist is on this one.

EDIT 2: Dire Straits - Money For Nothing

Ballad of Ballard Berkley

Aloe Blacc's I Need a Dollar is a TUNE. Hats off to Noel's music programmers there.

Twed

I am spinning up a cloud instance to start archiving this. It's too good.

darby o chill

Quote from: Lemming on January 18, 2018, 02:35:46 AM
I'm thinking now that this probably isn't live

Nah it's not live. Gigantic playlist pre-programmed with advert, jingle & interview inserts at specified times.
Someone please record the '19' remake when it comes back around.

*Dire Straits Money for nothing :)

Ballad of Ballard Berkley

Noel now air-riffing to Money For Nothing under a perfumed silk duvet.

Lemming

"At Lloyd's bank, we use the noble horse to mask our true character... We are Lloyd's bank. We mistreat our staff, betray our customers, and lie to victims. We make promises we don't keep!"

The police and psychiatric professionals need to get the fuck over to Noel's place right now, this isn't normal behaviour.

Following that deeply distressing fake Lloyd's ad is Bobby Vee - The Night Has A Thousand Eyes

EDIT: Lady Gaga - Money Honey

EDIT 2: Pink Floyd - Money

Twed

Alright, I've got an archive process running for this now. This is history.


marquis_de_sad

Of course he's playing 'Money'.

Lemming

KT Turnstall - Black Horse And The Cherry Tree

Took me a moment to get the joke there.

Queen - We Will Rock You

So... that's like, Noel's message to Lloyds?

darby o chill

Penny Lover! oh my god. he should be sectioned.

marquis_de_sad

Quote from: Lemming on January 18, 2018, 03:01:37 AM
Queen - We Will Rock You

So... that's like, Noel's message to Lloyds?

Northern Rock reference?

marquis_de_sad

It's important to get a Japanese woman to do some station idents. Noel's a pro, he knows that.

Lemming

Noel's lawyers have sprung into action! (so claims the host) Also, I swear to god the host's voice just ended up merging into Noel's own voice. It's just him putting a voice on. He's just reading out a shitlist of random people's names who he thinks are going to jail.

I'm going to have to drop out of this now because it feels like every second I'm listening is draining my willpower and revealing things about light entertainment legend Noel Edmonds that I'd rather leave un-revealed. As long as we're recording it for historical preservation, it's all good.

ProvanFan

Very happy to have tuned in just in time for All About the Money by Meja