Author Topic: Noel Edmonds is Unwell  (Read 50969 times)

petrilTanaka

  • Are we counting shites?
Re: Noel Edmonds is Unwell
« Reply #840 on: January 07, 2019, 10:59:18 AM »
if he fucks off to New Zealand, can he take all the fruit machines with him please? Pubs would probably stop haemorrhaging punters if going to them stops involving having that cunt's smug face staring at you every time

Glebe

  • So here we are, then.
Re: Noel Edmonds is Unwell
« Reply #841 on: January 07, 2019, 03:50:05 PM »
Noel is VERY unhappy about that story - https://twitter.com/StevePenk/status/1081941805204164609

He had no such compunctions about selling Crinkley Bottom, however.

St_Eddie

  • LIKES: Deviled eggs DISLIKES: The Devil & bad eggs
Re: Noel Edmonds is Unwell
« Reply #842 on: January 07, 2019, 05:12:10 PM »
Noel is VERY unhappy about that story - https://twitter.com/StevePenk/status/1081941805204164609

I never thought I'd hear a fuming man angrily make the statement "it's a matter of record; I had a fabulous time" and yet, here we are.


BlodwynPig

  • Throwing two dogs at a goblin

Jockice

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Re: Noel Edmonds is Unwell
« Reply #845 on: January 09, 2019, 04:46:51 AM »
if he fucks off to New Zealand, can he take all the fruit machines with him please? Pubs would probably stop haemorrhaging punters if going to them stops involving having that cunt's smug face staring at you every time

I used to have an identical shirt to the one he's wearing on one of them. I don't anymore though.

Jerzy Bondov

  • get sum!!
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Re: Noel Edmonds is Unwell
« Reply #846 on: January 09, 2019, 09:23:00 AM »
"Noel I heard you were thinking of moving to New Zealand"

"These are absolutely disgusting lies"

Re: Noel Edmonds is Unwell
« Reply #847 on: January 13, 2019, 09:00:12 AM »
That looks like a very comfy jumper he's wearing.

Re: Noel Edmonds is Unwell
« Reply #848 on: January 13, 2019, 10:25:07 AM »
if he fucks off to New Zealand, can he take all the fruit machines with him please? Pubs would probably stop haemorrhaging punters if going to them stops involving having that cunt's smug face staring at you every time

I do like the idea of him shipping out thousands of fruiters with his boat race on to be released into the wild in New Zealand.

Re: Noel Edmonds is Unwell
« Reply #849 on: January 24, 2019, 04:51:54 PM »
noel.world is down

Norton Canes

  • The leper heart will see you for what you are
Re: Noel Edmonds is Unwell
« Reply #850 on: January 24, 2019, 04:53:39 PM »
Aw. How can we cheer it up?

BlodwynPig

  • Throwing two dogs at a goblin
Re: Noel Edmonds is Unwell
« Reply #851 on: January 24, 2019, 05:02:28 PM »
noel.world is down

DDOS or whatever they’re called?

How do you know this? Regular visitor? Dedication!

Captain Z

  • Oh yeah my cholesterol's going down
Re: Noel Edmonds is Unwell
« Reply #852 on: January 24, 2019, 05:08:40 PM »
Aw. How can we cheer it up?

With our collective positive energy.

PlanktonSideburns

  • Our love can destroy this whole fucking world
Re: Noel Edmonds is Unwell
« Reply #853 on: January 24, 2019, 06:15:55 PM »
noel looks through a bit of graham linehan's twitter

Cant top that, he thinks, better take that website down then

later in the bath, he actually feels a bit relieved

Re: Noel Edmonds is Unwell
« Reply #854 on: January 24, 2019, 06:20:37 PM »
DDOS or whatever they’re called?

How do you know this? Regular visitor? Dedication!

I love noel

petrilTanaka

  • Are we counting shites?
Re: Noel Edmonds is Unwell
« Reply #855 on: January 25, 2019, 12:25:03 PM »
DDOS or whatever they’re called?

How do you know this? Regular visitor? Dedication!

so regular it's caused a DDOS, single-handedly. well worth applauding, that.

Glebe

  • So here we are, then.
Re: Noel Edmonds is Unwell
« Reply #856 on: January 25, 2019, 12:27:26 PM »
I want Noel to get a weird facelift/botox job. Come on Noel, you know you want to.

buttgammon

  • You can't trust a man what's made of gas
Re: Noel Edmonds is Unwell
« Reply #857 on: January 25, 2019, 03:19:02 PM »
noel looks through a bit of graham linehan's twitter

Cant top that, he thinks, better take that website down then

later in the bath, he actually feels a bit relieved

The Irish conspiracy nut/racist scumbag/general arsehole Gemma O'Doherty is alleging Noel was censored from talking about the banking crisis on RTÉ as a part of a wider Jewish globalist conspiracy. There's someone else who puts Noel to shame; he really does need to step his game up.

PlanktonSideburns

  • Our love can destroy this whole fucking world
Re: Noel Edmonds is Unwell
« Reply #858 on: January 25, 2019, 05:12:56 PM »
He's brought a wacky knife to an insanity gunfight.
The engravers  guild of post whimsy,
a man out of time

Re: Noel Edmonds is Unwell
« Reply #859 on: January 25, 2019, 05:36:25 PM »
The Irish conspiracy nut/racist scumbag/general arsehole Gemma O'Doherty is alleging Noel was censored from talking about the banking crisis on RTÉ as a part of a wider Jewish globalist conspiracy. There's someone else who puts Noel to shame; he really does need to step his game up.

Well the bit where he talks about the banks has been edited out of the playback video.

NeOL himself has addressed it.
https://www.facebook.com/lloydsliars/videos/329521594325316/

Re: Noel Edmonds is Unwell
« Reply #860 on: January 26, 2019, 06:34:58 PM »
CRUSH EDMONDS

im barry bethel

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Re: Noel Edmonds is Unwell
« Reply #861 on: January 26, 2019, 06:58:04 PM »
Whatever else he's got on his plate Neol still knows how to pull a dollar while he sleeps


Small Man Big Horse

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Re: Noel Edmonds is Unwell
« Reply #862 on: January 27, 2019, 11:15:21 AM »
That advert really annoys me as they're only rolling back the prices 27 years despite celebrating their 100th birthday, it makes no sense at all, they should be charging 16p for some bacon and 2p for a loaf of bread, the fuckers could afford it for one day at least.

H-O-W-L

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Re: Noel Edmonds is Unwell
« Reply #863 on: January 27, 2019, 11:35:12 AM »
Reposting my old HS Art piece:
Noel stubs a cigarette out in the empty glass of Scotch, staring morosely at his own reflection in the rain-slick window. His eyes are blackened by the shadow cast over his face, making his bearded guise look more like a skull than a human face. Fitting, he thinks, as he reaches over for another dirty, fingerprinted tumbler. He pulls the bottle off his desk and unscrews it. He keeps two magnums in his desk now. One's a revolver that he keeps loaded, and the other's a bottle that keeps HIM loaded. He shudders as he downs the caustic bourbon. Twenty bucks for a liter. Couldn't pass it up.

Staring down at the silent freeway that runs beneath his new apartment, he pulls on his shoulder-holster and sighs. Things used to be different, here. There used to be a world of fun and laughter. There was more than black and white. A world where men were capable of great fun, and where the darkest pits of mankind's evil couldn't be further from memory. That all changed that day. He came home, like he always did, from the office, to find a trail of slick blood running from the draught excluder all the way to the kitchen. Crucified on the table was Blobby, his carcass split from sternum to perineum by a butcher's knife. Dangling from the ceiling fan, filling the air with a potent stench, was the creature's own head. The message was clear. There was no place for heroes here. No greater cause. Trying to do the right thing, by entertaining people on a Saturday night, would lead to nothing but this.

No easy way out. No laughter. No applause.

Just the cold, remorseless grip of the gun.

He shuddered the memory off his shoulders, and stands from his bed. He hears nothing but sirens now. Before it was the jaunty laugh-a-minute honky-tonk of House of Fun by Madness. But now? Nothing but a crescendo of sirens. Wailing into a chorus of screams. The screaming of those he's failed, the cold touch of fingers he failed to hold onto as they slipped to the rain-slick pavement below. His hands fall upon the battered tweed jacket and shrug it over his shoulders. A glance in the window's reflection shows him his face. Tattered and ragged, with an overgrown greying beard and sallow skin. Sunken eyes that, while just as glassy and reflective as the window he looks into, hold no light. No humor. No more laughs.

His hand falls upon the gun under his armpit, and holds the grip tight. Yes. Nothing now. Nothing but this to dictate the future.

Nothing now but the way of the gun.

Re: Noel Edmonds is Unwell
« Reply #864 on: February 01, 2019, 01:55:54 PM »
Quote
LLOYDS BANK have tried in the last few hours to buy NOEL EDMONDS’ silence.
LLOYDS CEO-ANTONIO HORTY NOSORIO- has attempted to silence NOEL EDMONDS with an astonishing bribe.
HORTY NOSORIO needs to silence EDMONDS’, whose team has compiled an explosive report into the criminality in LLOYDS BANK and clearly he’s getting desperate.
LLOYDS BANK, in the last few hours, have offered a multi-million pound bribe to NOEL EDMONDS in return for him signing a “Gagging Order” and they wish to also impose it on Noel’s wife Liz!



Quote
NOEL AND LIZ SAY- NO DEAL!

Captain Z

  • Oh yeah my cholesterol's going down
Re: Noel Edmonds is Unwell
« Reply #865 on: February 01, 2019, 02:06:28 PM »
On this particular issue, I have to say, I do quite admire him.

Re: Noel Edmonds is Unwell
« Reply #866 on: February 01, 2019, 02:14:50 PM »
Reposting my old HS Art piece:

God, those threads were good. I'd drafted a new one for his time in the jungle but he was gone so quickly I never got a chance to post it.

Cuellar

  • Push off my wire
Re: Noel Edmonds is Unwell
« Reply #867 on: February 01, 2019, 02:18:58 PM »
I saw him at Heathrow the other week. He looked determined.

Re: Noel Edmonds is Unwell
« Reply #868 on: February 01, 2019, 04:47:57 PM »
Looking pretty damn good for a pensioner. #TeamNoel

imitationleather

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Re: Noel Edmonds is Unwell
« Reply #869 on: February 01, 2019, 05:37:54 PM »
Does anyone have copies of his notorious Sky One TV series Noel's HQ? It's for a project. <spliff>

Blowjobs or whatever offered in return.

This is serious, by the way. I am seriously trying to hunt this out. Damn you, UKNova. Why did you have to leave us?