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Noel Edmonds is Unwell

Started by Ballad of Ballard Berkley, August 08, 2017, 07:23:47 PM

Previous topic - Next topic

petril

if he fucks off to New Zealand, can he take all the fruit machines with him please? Pubs would probably stop haemorrhaging punters if going to them stops involving having that cunt's smug face staring at you every time

Glebe

Quote from: biggytitbo on January 06, 2019, 06:27:07 PMNoel is VERY unhappy about that story - https://twitter.com/StevePenk/status/1081941805204164609

He had no such compunctions about selling Crinkley Bottom, however.

St_Eddie

Quote from: biggytitbo on January 06, 2019, 06:27:07 PM
Noel is VERY unhappy about that story - https://twitter.com/StevePenk/status/1081941805204164609

I never thought I'd hear a fuming man angrily make the statement "it's a matter of record; I had a fabulous time" and yet, here we are.



Jockice

Quote from: petrilTanaka on January 07, 2019, 10:59:18 AM
if he fucks off to New Zealand, can he take all the fruit machines with him please? Pubs would probably stop haemorrhaging punters if going to them stops involving having that cunt's smug face staring at you every time

I used to have an identical shirt to the one he's wearing on one of them. I don't anymore though.

Jerzy Bondov

"Noel I heard you were thinking of moving to New Zealand"

"These are absolutely disgusting lies"

The Bumlord

That looks like a very comfy jumper he's wearing.

jobotic

Quote from: petrilTanaka on January 07, 2019, 10:59:18 AM
if he fucks off to New Zealand, can he take all the fruit machines with him please? Pubs would probably stop haemorrhaging punters if going to them stops involving having that cunt's smug face staring at you every time

I do like the idea of him shipping out thousands of fruiters with his boat race on to be released into the wild in New Zealand.


Norton Canes


BlodwynPig

Quote from: marquis_de_sad on January 24, 2019, 04:51:54 PM
noel.world is down

DDOS or whatever they're called?

How do you know this? Regular visitor? Dedication!


PlanktonSideburns

noel looks through a bit of graham linehan's twitter

Cant top that, he thinks, better take that website down then

later in the bath, he actually feels a bit relieved

marquis_de_sad

Quote from: BlodwynPig on January 24, 2019, 05:02:28 PM
DDOS or whatever they're called?

How do you know this? Regular visitor? Dedication!

I love noel

petril

Quote from: BlodwynPig on January 24, 2019, 05:02:28 PM
DDOS or whatever they're called?

How do you know this? Regular visitor? Dedication!

so regular it's caused a DDOS, single-handedly. well worth applauding, that.

Glebe

I want Noel to get a weird facelift/botox job. Come on Noel, you know you want to.

buttgammon

Quote from: PlanktonSideburns on January 24, 2019, 06:15:55 PM
noel looks through a bit of graham linehan's twitter

Cant top that, he thinks, better take that website down then

later in the bath, he actually feels a bit relieved

The Irish conspiracy nut/racist scumbag/general arsehole Gemma O'Doherty is alleging Noel was censored from talking about the banking crisis on RTÉ as a part of a wider Jewish globalist conspiracy. There's someone else who puts Noel to shame; he really does need to step his game up.

PlanktonSideburns

He's brought a wacky knife to an insanity gunfight.
The engravers  guild of post whimsy,
a man out of time

darby o chill

Quote from: buttgammon on January 25, 2019, 03:19:02 PM
The Irish conspiracy nut/racist scumbag/general arsehole Gemma O'Doherty is alleging Noel was censored from talking about the banking crisis on RTÉ as a part of a wider Jewish globalist conspiracy. There's someone else who puts Noel to shame; he really does need to step his game up.

Well the bit where he talks about the banks has been edited out of the playback video.

NeOL himself has addressed it.
https://www.facebook.com/lloydsliars/videos/329521594325316/

The Bumlord


im barry bethel

Whatever else he's got on his plate Neol still knows how to pull a dollar while he sleeps


Small Man Big Horse

That advert really annoys me as they're only rolling back the prices 27 years despite celebrating their 100th birthday, it makes no sense at all, they should be charging 16p for some bacon and 2p for a loaf of bread, the fuckers could afford it for one day at least.

H-O-W-L

Reposting my old HS Art piece:
Quote from: H-O-W-L on March 09, 2018, 05:19:56 PM
Noel stubs a cigarette out in the empty glass of Scotch, staring morosely at his own reflection in the rain-slick window. His eyes are blackened by the shadow cast over his face, making his bearded guise look more like a skull than a human face. Fitting, he thinks, as he reaches over for another dirty, fingerprinted tumbler. He pulls the bottle off his desk and unscrews it. He keeps two magnums in his desk now. One's a revolver that he keeps loaded, and the other's a bottle that keeps HIM loaded. He shudders as he downs the caustic bourbon. Twenty bucks for a liter. Couldn't pass it up.

Staring down at the silent freeway that runs beneath his new apartment, he pulls on his shoulder-holster and sighs. Things used to be different, here. There used to be a world of fun and laughter. There was more than black and white. A world where men were capable of great fun, and where the darkest pits of mankind's evil couldn't be further from memory. That all changed that day. He came home, like he always did, from the office, to find a trail of slick blood running from the draught excluder all the way to the kitchen. Crucified on the table was Blobby, his carcass split from sternum to perineum by a butcher's knife. Dangling from the ceiling fan, filling the air with a potent stench, was the creature's own head. The message was clear. There was no place for heroes here. No greater cause. Trying to do the right thing, by entertaining people on a Saturday night, would lead to nothing but this.

No easy way out. No laughter. No applause.

Just the cold, remorseless grip of the gun.

He shuddered the memory off his shoulders, and stands from his bed. He hears nothing but sirens now. Before it was the jaunty laugh-a-minute honky-tonk of House of Fun by Madness. But now? Nothing but a crescendo of sirens. Wailing into a chorus of screams. The screaming of those he's failed, the cold touch of fingers he failed to hold onto as they slipped to the rain-slick pavement below. His hands fall upon the battered tweed jacket and shrug it over his shoulders. A glance in the window's reflection shows him his face. Tattered and ragged, with an overgrown greying beard and sallow skin. Sunken eyes that, while just as glassy and reflective as the window he looks into, hold no light. No humor. No more laughs.

His hand falls upon the gun under his armpit, and holds the grip tight. Yes. Nothing now. Nothing but this to dictate the future.

Nothing now but the way of the gun.

darby o chill

QuoteLLOYDS BANK have tried in the last few hours to buy NOEL EDMONDS' silence.
LLOYDS CEO-ANTONIO HORTY NOSORIO- has attempted to silence NOEL EDMONDS with an astonishing bribe.
HORTY NOSORIO needs to silence EDMONDS', whose team has compiled an explosive report into the criminality in LLOYDS BANK and clearly he's getting desperate.
LLOYDS BANK, in the last few hours, have offered a multi-million pound bribe to NOEL EDMONDS in return for him signing a "Gagging Order" and they wish to also impose it on Noel's wife Liz!



QuoteNOEL AND LIZ SAY- NO DEAL!

Captain Z

On this particular issue, I have to say, I do quite admire him.

Quote from: H-O-W-L on January 27, 2019, 11:35:12 AM
Reposting my old HS Art piece:

God, those threads were good. I'd drafted a new one for his time in the jungle but he was gone so quickly I never got a chance to post it.

Cuellar

I saw him at Heathrow the other week. He looked determined.

The Bumlord

Looking pretty damn good for a pensioner. #TeamNoel

imitationleather

Does anyone have copies of his notorious Sky One TV series Noel's HQ? It's for a project. <spliff>

Blowjobs or whatever offered in return.

This is serious, by the way. I am seriously trying to hunt this out. Damn you, UKNova. Why did you have to leave us?