Author Topic: Bollocks that scared you when you were a sprog  (Read 1509 times)

Jockice

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Bollocks that scared you when you were a sprog
« on: August 10, 2017, 12:53:13 PM »
As I was answering the bollocks that you believed when you were a sprog thread I had a flashback to something that really scared me as a child. It was from a Sparky annual I think and was a double-page artistic representation of Christopher Columbus landing somewhere, about to be met by dark natives with spears. I'd probably think it was really racist nowadays, but my hometown had the grand total of one black person in it at the time and I was kept awake at night by the fear of what could have happened to poor innocent Columbus.

Before that I was scared of the world. The globe on BBC1 TV to be precise. I can't remember this at all but apparently every time I saw it during my infancy I'd scream and cry. And apparently my sister wanted to watch Dr Who so tried stuffing paper into the dial so nobody could change channels and caused the telly to blow up. Or something along those lines anyway. Maybe I was the one who destroyed the dial to stop her watching it. I'll have to ask her about it if we ever speak again.

Dr Who however, never frightened me in the slightest. I'd laugh at other children who cowered behind the couch. It was only a kids' show for god's sake.

WesterlyWinds

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Re: Bollocks that scared you when you were a sprog
« Reply #1 on: August 10, 2017, 12:59:24 PM »
Saw my dad naked once

Kane Jones

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Re: Bollocks that scared you when you were a sprog
« Reply #2 on: August 10, 2017, 01:01:06 PM »
Dr Who however, never frightened me in the slightest. I'd laugh at other children who cowered behind the couch. It was only a kids' show for god's sake.


thenoise

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Re: Bollocks that scared you when you were a sprog
« Reply #3 on: August 10, 2017, 01:13:41 PM »
Church, in particular the strange carvings of strange creatures on the choir stalls and above the door arches etc.  And the strange chill in the air inside, even when it was a summer day outside.

Wasn't bothered by the people or what anybody said (can't really remember).  But the building itself was very haunting and peculiar.

Cerys

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Re: Bollocks that scared you when you were a sprog
« Reply #4 on: August 10, 2017, 01:22:05 PM »
According to my mum, I wasn't scared of anything.  She's wrong.  I was scared of wasps and Uncle Deadly.

Phoenix Lazarus

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Re: Bollocks that scared you when you were a sprog
« Reply #5 on: August 10, 2017, 01:24:02 PM »
Teenage punks and skinheads both scared me as a pre-teen in the 70s-as did the hard-hitting public information films that marked that decade.  Also, I had to have the landing light on outside my bedroom till I was about ten, due to being scared of the dark. I also found the theme tunes to Panorama and I Claudius really creepy.

grassbath

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Re: Bollocks that scared you when you were a sprog
« Reply #6 on: August 10, 2017, 01:36:35 PM »
The Football Italia Channel 4 ident -

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kHXfHFNlJ_w




Glebe

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Re: Bollocks that scared you when you were a sprog
« Reply #7 on: August 10, 2017, 01:41:16 PM »

Shoulders?-Stomach!

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Re: Bollocks that scared you when you were a sprog
« Reply #8 on: August 10, 2017, 01:50:00 PM »
Nah never been afraid of bollocks m888 what's wrong with you, been nonced

?

Re: Bollocks that scared you when you were a sprog
« Reply #9 on: August 10, 2017, 01:52:16 PM »
The Never Ending Story and Labyrinth.

Think it was the vague sense of peril (as it came to be called on the back cover of DVDs) rather than a talking fox or wall.

billtheburger

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Re: Bollocks that scared you when you were a sprog
« Reply #10 on: August 10, 2017, 02:09:49 PM »
AIDS obelisk of doom.

Phoenix Lazarus

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Re: Bollocks that scared you when you were a sprog
« Reply #11 on: August 10, 2017, 02:20:10 PM »
Always found this oddly creepy when I caught it as a child watching TV alone in the 70s, with Mum out shopping and Dad in bed after the night shift.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RyqX4tZ6d8Q

icehaven

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Re: Bollocks that scared you when you were a sprog
« Reply #12 on: August 10, 2017, 02:24:02 PM »
When I was probably about 5 or 6, my Aunty took me and a similarly aged cousin to the row of shops nearby, and we waited outside while she went in (imagine that now! Ah, the 80s, when there were no paedos.) Anyway there was a field opposite the shop with a fence at the far end, and there was a person, probably still a child but bigger than us, walking around at the far end near the fence with a cardboard box on their head, and they kept changing direction and occasionally banging into the fence. It was absolutely terrifying, we were both completely creeped out and burst into tears, but for some reason we didn't run into the shop (think we didn't know which one she was in) we just stayed there staring at this weird sight and crying in fear. My Aunty thought it was hilarious when she found us but we were absolutely traumatised. To this day I can't quite put my finger on why it was so scary but I can clearly remember being petrified by it. I think maybe we thought the box was their head, or they had no head, or a monster's head, or maybe it was a combination of that and the strangeness, the illogic of it, the fact they were alone so it wasn't part of some game, why were they doing that? It was probably just some 10 year old simpleton amusing themselves but at the time it felt like being in a Lynchian dream sequence, if I'd had any concept of what that was when I was 6.

Re: Bollocks that scared you when you were a sprog
« Reply #13 on: August 10, 2017, 02:41:47 PM »
Fuck me. I used to be scared of everything when I was a kid (probably as a result of my parents letting me watch Nightmare On Elm Street, Poltergeist and Halloween at the age of five). Here's a small sample:

Worzel Gummidge falling forwards into the camera at the end of the show
The Incredible Hulk
The Esso Tiger
Dinosaur skeletons (although not the fully-fleshed ones)
Sale signs
ELS furniture store (in retrospect, it must have been a fear of the letters E, L or S...or the fact ELS always had sales on)

I was a deeply weird kid.

Re: Bollocks that scared you when you were a sprog
« Reply #14 on: August 10, 2017, 03:27:23 PM »
I asked my mum if I could go in games workshop thinking I'd be able to get some games for my megadrive. Looked confused and one of the people in there tried explaining the game to me.

My mum found the fact I quite obviously wanted to leave hilarious.

Re: Bollocks that scared you when you were a sprog
« Reply #15 on: August 10, 2017, 03:28:07 PM »
Oh and apparently I was shit scared of Stopit and Tidyup and burst into tears when I heard the theme.

Eight Taiwanese Teenagers

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Re: Bollocks that scared you when you were a sprog
« Reply #16 on: August 10, 2017, 03:48:46 PM »
For years I wouldn't touch the floor near the edge of my bed after watching the episode City at the Edge of Midnight of the cartoon Dungeons and Dragons.

"On Earth Jimmy Whittaker is sleeping when midnight arrives. A red light glows from under his bed and he is dragged under it by the unseen Nightwalker, calling frantically for his father who arrives and witnesses the whole thing but cannot save his son as he disappears under the bed. Throwing the bed up he finds that both the red livht and Jimmy have mysteriously gone."

Serge

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Re: Bollocks that scared you when you were a sprog
« Reply #17 on: August 10, 2017, 04:09:31 PM »
I'd laugh at other children who cowered behind the couch.

Literally nobody in the entire history of humanity has hidden behind a couch because they were scared of 'Doctor Who' or any other television programme or film. Whenever a journalist uses the phrase, I want to crush their heads with a massive concrete couch, while I sit on it watching a Dalek on TV.

As for me, my childhood fears were quite simple:

1. The Crooked Spire Of Chesterfield.
2. Egyptian Mummified Cats.
3. The Aliens In Close Encounters.
 
But I never hid behind a couch to get away from any of these things.


Re: Bollocks that scared you when you were a sprog
« Reply #18 on: August 10, 2017, 04:19:38 PM »
The 'hiding behind the sofa when Dr Who is on' journalistic cliché goes all the way back to the early 1970s, which surprised me somewhat (I'd expected early-to-mid-80s).

Back on topic, I was particularly scared of marionettes, and any inanimate object that spoke (e.g. tannoys). I'm still not fond of either.

non capisco

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Re: Bollocks that scared you when you were a sprog
« Reply #19 on: August 10, 2017, 09:35:13 PM »
When I was probably about 5 or 6, my Aunty took me and a similarly aged cousin to the row of shops nearby, and we waited outside while she went in (imagine that now! Ah, the 80s, when there were no paedos.) Anyway there was a field opposite the shop with a fence at the far end, and there was a person, probably still a child but bigger than us, walking around at the far end near the fence with a cardboard box on their head, and they kept changing direction and occasionally banging into the fence. It was absolutely terrifying, we were both completely creeped out and burst into tears, but for some reason we didn't run into the shop (think we didn't know which one she was in) we just stayed there staring at this weird sight and crying in fear. My Aunty thought it was hilarious when she found us but we were absolutely traumatised. To this day I can't quite put my finger on why it was so scary but I can clearly remember being petrified by it. I think maybe we thought the box was their head, or they had no head, or a monster's head, or maybe it was a combination of that and the strangeness, the illogic of it, the fact they were alone so it wasn't part of some game, why were they doing that? It was probably just some 10 year old simpleton amusing themselves but at the time it felt like being in a Lynchian dream sequence, if I'd had any concept of what that was when I was 6.

I love this post! Fantastic stuff.

I'm not going to bring up the old woman at the end of the 1980 advert for Soda Stream again for fear of checkoutgirl and his merciless mocking. Oh hang on I just did. Come on, a dead eyed old bat flapping her mouth open and shut while someone else's voice screeches "THAAAAAAAT'S FIZZY!".

https://youtu.be/oFeV0CbvHG8?t=27s

Actually, you're right, it's not frightening in the slightest.

non capisco

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Re: Bollocks that scared you when you were a sprog
« Reply #20 on: August 10, 2017, 09:39:12 PM »
Always found this oddly creepy when I caught it as a child watching TV alone in the 70s, with Mum out shopping and Dad in bed after the night shift.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RyqX4tZ6d8Q


Now you're talking! I have a faint memory of long periods in-between programmes when the logo would shrink and sort of bounce around within the yellow background but then occasionally the trumpet jingle would burst in out of nowhere, making the whole affair a sickening game of tension. That might be bollocks though.

Jockice

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Re: Bollocks that scared you when you were a sprog
« Reply #21 on: August 10, 2017, 09:48:38 PM »
Literally nobody in the entire history of humanity has hidden behind a couch because they were scared of 'Doctor Who' or any other television programme or film. Whenever a journalist uses the phrase, I want to crush their heads with a massive concrete couch, while I sit on it watching a Dalek on TV.

As for me, my childhood fears were quite simple:

1. The Crooked Spire Of Chesterfield.
2. Egyptian Mummified Cats.
3. The Aliens In Close Encounters.
 
But I never hid behind a couch to get away from any of these things.

Well I was a journalist! I live in a world of untrue cliches.

I drive (almost) past the crooked spire at least twice a week on my trips to Long Eaton. And everytime I do I think to myself: "There's yer crooked spire." I don't use the word 'yer' in any other context but it seems to fit.

I'm not scared of it though. No siree.

Serge

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Re: Bollocks that scared you when you were a sprog
« Reply #22 on: August 10, 2017, 09:50:07 PM »
I'm not any more, which is handy, as I was working in Chesterfield for a few weeks earlier in the year.

Jockice

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Re: Bollocks that scared you when you were a sprog
« Reply #23 on: August 10, 2017, 09:51:22 PM »
I'm not any more, which is handy, as I was working in Chesterfield for a few weeks earlier in the year.

Ever heard of having a false sense of security? It'll get you someday.

non capisco

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Re: Bollocks that scared you when you were a sprog
« Reply #24 on: August 10, 2017, 09:53:30 PM »
You know that short film where the guy starts seeing that black tower on the horizon everywhere he goes and ends up having a breakdown? That but with the Crooked Spire of Chesterfield. Brrrrrrr!

Paul Calf

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Re: Bollocks that scared you when you were a sprog
« Reply #25 on: August 10, 2017, 09:59:02 PM »
I used to be terrified of Yagi antennae on the tops of houses



Just this type. No other. I have no idea why. And loud motorbikes: I know no-one finds them relaxing, but if I heard one in the distance I'd feel a rising panic that left me literally gibbering and speechless for a few seconds as it passed. If it happened in the night, I'd sometimes actually vomit from fear and panic.

And I know what you mean about the OU ident, Phoenix. Something about the early hour and strident burst through the dawn silence.

Cerys

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Re: Bollocks that scared you when you were a sprog
« Reply #26 on: August 10, 2017, 10:05:05 PM »
Literally nobody in the entire history of humanity has hidden behind a couch because they were scared of 'Doctor Who' or any other television programme or film.

I once hid behind the couch while watching an episode of Watch because one of the presenters fell into a vat of water in the studio and six-year-old me found it incredibly contrived and cringeworthy.  I'm not even joking.  It was a repeat, and I'd seen it before so I knew what was about to happen and I didn't want my mum to think I was enjoying watching this patronising tripe.

the ouch cube

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Re: Bollocks that scared you when you were a sprog
« Reply #27 on: August 10, 2017, 10:08:48 PM »
The melting faces/exploding heads at the end of 'Raiders Of The Lost Ark'.

The fuck was that shit doing in a PG? Was David Cronenberg an uncredited screenwriter?

I also hated the concrete spheres on the pillars at the entracne to the driveway of the local spooky house. The house itself didn't bother me. But walking back from school in the winter twilight, the spheres looked like looming blank faced figures of doom

Re: Bollocks that scared you when you were a sprog
« Reply #28 on: August 10, 2017, 10:12:46 PM »
That safety advert where the iron fell and branded the baby (doll) from the 80s. The start of Thriller. The face changing in the mirror from twin peaks.

non capisco

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Re: Bollocks that scared you when you were a sprog
« Reply #29 on: August 10, 2017, 10:31:40 PM »
The melting faces/exploding heads at the end of 'Raiders Of The Lost Ark'.
The fuck was that shit doing in a PG? Was David Cronenberg an uncredited screenwriter?

Temple Of Doom upped the ante by having a terrified chained up bloke having his heart ripped out of his chest and then burned (inexplicably still) alive during a ritual sacrifice with all scary chanting going on. Saw that in the cinema in 1984, wasn't remotely troubled by it. Perhaps if the Thuggee Cult have been chanting the Open University music or Spielberg had cast the old Soda Stream woman as Molar Ram.