Have you ever fainted?

[JoeyBananaduck]

I'm not sure I have. I mean, I lived alone for a couple of years and drank heavily so I suppose I might have done then and been none the wiser as waking up in some strange part of the flat was de rigeur. But publicly, definitely not. The only time I've seen someone do it was my first girlfriend, at a concert in Fibbers in York. It was really crowded, really hot and she just keeled and went. Took her outside for some air and some staff came out. They assumed she must be on drugs, which she certainly wasn't. Get some bloody air conditioning!

Nobody ever faints from being given surprising news like they do in sitcoms all the time, do they? I mean, you could tell me aliens had landed and my reaction would be "Fucking hell! That's a bit of a shocker. What are they like?" I wouldn't flop down like an ironing board and require smelling salts.

Anyway, fainting stories?

[Jockice]

Apparently I did at school when I was about six but I can't remember it. Not much of a story this one.

[chocolate teapot]

Once, properly, I was 'Kate Bushing', it was 'Shark Week', 'I Had Fallen to the Communists' I dunno and I knew I was going to faint because it happened slowly, my vision turned to a lost tv signal and I felt light headed like I was floating, I rushed out the shower to my bed, passed out and came to on the landing floor.

I've had other episodes like that where I haven't fully passed out because they come on slowly and I know I have to lie down and wait it out, they always happen in the shower too, something to do with loss of blood and standing for a long time? It hasn't happened to me for a few years now.

[Small Man Big Horse]

Nah, I've been knocked unconscious once, but I've never actually fainted as I am a manly man full of man power.

[madhair60]

Yes. I have fainted two times.

[QDRPHNC]

Yes, twice.

[checkoutgirl]

Nearly fainted on a train once. Standing up for ages, crowded, 3 quarter length wool coat, too hot, hungry. The perfect recipe for fainting. The train stopped at a station just as I started to lose consciousness. I got out just in time and sat on some steps at the station with my head between my legs.

Another time about 10 years about I had a smoke and then immediately went for a shower. Again I could feel my legs going so I walked straight out of the shower and sat on the couch until I could get it together.

So no, I've never fainted.

[Captain Poodle Basher]

Twice.

In secondary school during an interminable assembly. Like checkoutgirl I was too hot, hungry and standing for ages and ages. I sort of slumped into the boy next to me and landed in a heap on the floor. A teacher took me outside to get some air and muttered her thanks for allowing her to escape the assembly as well. I sat on the kerb to recover while she had a cigarette - neither of us in any hurry to go back inside. 

On a weekend break in Barcelona. I got a touch of sunstroke, despite it being a cloudy day, and was feeling rather unwell. I staggered back to the hotel, getting a disgusted look from the concierge of a "pissed as a fart no doubt" nature and just made it into my room before swooning onto the bed. Other than a splitting headache the next day, I was okay.

[Kishi the Bad Lampshade]

Yes, as a result of a medical phobia I've fainted several times after injections, detailed medical discussions etc. However, I've always recognised the signs early and lain down beforehand, so I haven't actually done a comedy keeling-over. It feels similar to the unrest and discomfort you get in the few minutes leading up to vomiting, except in your brain rather than your stomach.

[Bazooka]

Nah not me mate, that fainting nonsense can do one.

[MoonDust]

Yes, twice.

Once outside a chip shop. I vaguely remember becoming delirious beforehand and babbling like a maniac before passing out and whacking my right temple on the pavement. Went to hospital for checks, had blurry vision in my right eye for hours. Threw up from concussion after I'd been discharged.

Second time was in class. Cracked my head on the tile floor. Had to have head glued together in the hospital. Still got a bald patch from that.

All whilst I was a young teenager. Never happened since. Mystery.

[Mr Brightside]

Fainting is only for women and theatrical gays.

[Cuellar]

Yes.

[popcorn]

In year nine science we watched a video of a human ear grown on a mouse and Tamsin fainted. She's a girl though, girls faint all the time.

A few years ago I was in a Pizza Express with my mum and sister, chatting away, when suddenly they both looked at me with shock. "What?" I said. "You just sort of passed out and plunged forward for a second," they said. According to them I'd nodded off for a split-second and come round just in time to avoid getting a face full of American Hot. I had no memory of having done this whatsoever.

[spamwangler]

once when i was about 12

was watching the third indiana jones film with my parents, and when it finished, went into the kitchen, had a big stretch, which triggered a massive headrush which made me faint. i remember my vision went first, this curtain of gray descended, then i lost all sense of direction. i came two about a minute later, on the floor, my head in the dogs water bowl

[popcorn]

once when i was about 12

was watching the third indiana jones film with my parents, and when it finished, went into the kitchen, had a big stretch, which triggered a massive headrush which made me faint. i remember my vision went first, this curtain of gray descended, then i lost all sense of direction. i came two about a minute later, on the floor, my head in the dogs water bowl

https://youtu.be/AqlUki0EOV0

[BlodwynPig]

Collapsed. Sparked out. Gone. Wobbled and down.

[spamwangler]

https://youtu.be/AqlUki0EOV0

[Sin Agog]

Only once when Charles visited me in Crownsworth Manor and told me that his affections lay with Emily instead of myself.  Would that I had died instead of merely suffered from a bout of women's nerves!

[JesusAndYourBush]

I've found myself blacking out a few times and had to sit down and stick my head down low to get some blood to my brain.

One time at school a girl fainted when we were shown a video of a woman giving birth.  The fainting didn't occur during the gory part but near the end of the video during a part that went "And then afterwards the happy couple have tea and biscuits"... WHOOMF!  Down like a sack of coal with her head hitting a gas tap.

[Sin Agog]

Horlicks girl, was she?

[Sebastian Cobb]

Do whiteys count? 'cos last year while smashed I nipped out for a zoot at a gig then came back in and felt my eyesight going and had nothing to sit on or grab hold of and ended up stacking like a prat.

[Mortimer]

Yeah, numerous times. I've had coughing syncope (Google it) but thankfully haven't experienced an episode for a while now.

After a few you learn the signs and find somewhere to sit or lie down - very quickly - but even after learning those signs sometimes you just can't find anywhere quickly enough.

I've suffered several painful but relatively minor injuries, the worst of which was some cracked ribs that took weeks to heal, but the potential remains for something more serious. I guess that a corner of a table into my eyeball won't be altogether pleasant. Fingers crossed, eh lads?

[weekender]

Apparently if you crouch down and repeatedly blow in and out towards an imaginary circle on the floor midway between your knees and hands, then stand up really quickly, you can cause yourself to faint.

As I found out when someone dared me to do it in the bushes near a park when I was about 14.  I just dropped like a stone between two branches of a tree, they thought I was dead.

Also, when it was really too hot at a Verve concert, Manchester Apollo I think.  I knew they were coming back for the encore, but I just knew I was going to pass out from the heat.  As I was really near the front, I decided that the best way to get out was to go over the front stand, head outside, and miss the encore.  I politely excused myself past a couple of people, explaining as I went, then calmly tried to get over the metal fence.

Fucking prick bouncer didn't need to rugby tackle me on the way down and shove me towards the exit, I already knew where it was and was trying to get there.  Even the people I'd just politely asked to move past were yelling at the bouncer to stop being a prick.

[Anagram of a Shit Name]

I cut my thumb on a band saw at school, was ok until I looked at it then promptly fainted.

Also nearly sliced 2 of my fingers off with an angle grinder. Drove myself to hospital and was ok until the nurse jabbed a needle into the bit in between the fingers where they join the hand in order to stitch them. Unfortunately she didn't wait long enough and started to stitch before the anesthetic had worked fully. Needless to say I went light headed, although I didn't faint.

I've also been knocked unconciouss when I was 18, hit from behind to the head and went down like a sack of shit, head hitting the pavement. lost my sense of smell for a long time after that.

All good fun.

[Serge]

I bypassed fainting and went straight to this fucker, and to this day, nobody has been able to tell me why it happened.

[neveragain]

I developed epilepsy in my last year of uni. Gone now thanks to meds. But the neurologist I saw had no idea what was causing it. Hope you're a bit better now.

[Glyn]

Loads of times and didnt think it was particularly rare ? My favourite was the time I passed out mid-service as an altar boy. I woke up being carried up the aisle on some helpful parishoner's shoulders. That's a headfuck at the best of times.

[Smeraldina Rima]

I fainted a few times when I was younger but it doesn't get that far anymore, partly because my body seemed more vulnerable through puberty and the late teens, partly because I don't have the same responsibility to be in warm crowded spaces and mostly because now I'll get a lot of nervous tics beforehand that would make me less likely to stick around in an uncomfortable place until I fell over. Never really got a clear idea of what was wrong. It has something to do with a combination of heat sensitivity and psychological weirdness. I can put up with longer spell of strangeness sitting down. The most entertaining triggers include: a prodded testicle in sex education; a dummy's heart being pumped in a first aid demonstration; a discussion of Jacques Lacan's theory of the mirror stage; reading D.H. Lawrence while having my tea. The least entertaining triggers are going from cold to warm environments and not eating or sleeping enough. I find that fleeing from the environment into fresh air or sitting down for a head rush and a chill does the trick. I also have rectal shooting pains more often than I'd like and those bring about a similar flooding feeling in the body and head.

[mrpupkin]

I done a faint after seeing a video in science class about how actual human blood apparently gushes through us 24/7 in some kind of unholy plumbing system from my subsequent nightmares. Full of veins it was, capillaries, the lot. No thanks pal I'm off for a lie down in the corridor followed by a complimentary Mars bar in the nurse's room which someone has presumably dragged my lifeless body to. A 28 year old science teacher I was.