Cock-Fart

[Mr Brightside]

One week when my wife was away on a trip,
I was hanging some clothes when I suffered a slip.
As my arse landed hard on the damp ground below,
I heard a faint sound, but the sound was too low.
Then the soft sound got lounder - it started to grow.

The sound was a fart, but my arse was unrippled.
My cock was vibrating! The trembling trippled!
I was farting for sure, but not from my arse.
It came from my cock! What a frivolous farce!

I scarce could believe this new talent of mine.
If the police heard the fart would I incur a fine?
Was a fart from a phallus a felonous feat?
Of course not, I reasoned; I can trump from my meat!

I had fun for hours with all my new powers.
I'd go to the gym and cock-fart in the showers.
The lads would all laugh and to the tune of their howls
They'd whip my red arse cheeks with soaking wet towels.

I'd dry my kids hair with the wind from my knob,
and I'd cock-fart hot soup 'fore it went in my gob.
If I squeezed on my shaft, I could trump out a tune,
So I'd cock-fart out songs from the morning till noon.

I would play some blow football, but no straws for me!
I'd just whip out my cock and then cock-fart with glee!
What a wanton and wonderous cock-farting spree!

When my wife arrived home, I said, 'Love, look at this-
I can fart from my cock; I'm not taking the piss.'
And I let one out slowly. It made a soft hiss.
My wife was left speechless. She gave me a kiss.

We ran up the stairs and we leapt on the bed.
I leapt much too far and cracked open my head.
A hospital trip and some stiches later,
We were back in the bedroom, our urges much greater.

I parted her legs and my cock made the pluge,
And I fucked and cock-farted her warm and moist clunge,
But with each thrust and fart she was being inflated;
Like a blow-up sex doll her whole body dilated.

I pounded away and began to perspire
As I pumped up my wife like a Dunlop car tyre.
She ballooned like a beach ball and flew to the ceiling,
And what happend next left me thoroughly reeling.

Like Dr. Kananga in Live and Let Die
Her body exploded. I caught her right eye.
A tit hit the wall and her cute little chin
Flew right past my head and then dropped in the bin.

My children walked in, their feet in the blood.
Then my wife's severed head landed down with a thud
At the feet of my son, who screamed like a girl,
And my daughter was gagging; she wanted to hurl.

Bits of my wife were all over the room-
Her arse in the corner, and so was her womb.
My kids were now orphans and I had no wife.
My great farting cock had just taken a life.

[DukeDeMondo]

Well let me tell you right now that that is a masterpiece.

[thraxx]

This is my pick of the songs from Enya's new record.

[pancreas]

It's like Roald Dahl's Revolting Rhymes, but actually revolting.

[JoeyBananaduck]

Excellent stuff.

And also: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I1Wfl0IKdSw

[poo]

It's a yes from me.

[poo]

exploding Dr Kananga fave Bond moment btw

[poo]

maybe even fave movie moment

[Blinder Data]

You'd expect to find doggerel on CaB, not wondrous rhythmic verse like this.

A glorious poetic achievement.

Chapeau!

[poo]

[poo]

[poo]

[poo]

[poo]

you're gonna regret that mate

[poo]

Seriously Butt, don't wind Bond up

[poo]

Told you!

Fuuuuuuuccckkkkk!

[Neville Chamberlain]

Extraordinary.

[poo]

0:15 the look from Bond that says "this is only going one way mate"



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CBncb56Z_xI