Because it simply wouldn't be Christmas without...

[JoeyBananaduck]

a peanut butter sandwich getting slowly pounded up your arsehole with a toffee hammer.

[BlodwynPig]

Season's Greetings to you all.

[Shit Good Nose]

[Sebastian Cobb]

One of them really sticky shits that you can't wipe properly and just end up smearing it all over your bumcheeks; like trying to wipe the top of a marmite pot.

[pancreas]

BlodwynPig dressed as Santa

[zomgmouse]

Caligula's Christmas Special

(It's a reindeer instead of a horse)

(Still lots of fucking)

[BlodwynPig]

BlodwynPig dressed as Santa

Get me one of those tawdry tight fitting Christmas hipster shirts.

[JoeyBananaduck]

Steady, we're heading into PHWOARR!! thread territory here.

[JoeyBananaduck]

getting the whole family round the TV, dusting off the VHS player and reliving that magic moment from Neighbours episode #PV4211 (18:34-18:39) when it kind of sounds like Mrs Mangle farted. Uproarious!

[Cuellar]

There's a lot of stuff getting pounded up anuses with hammers round here these days.

Not complaining necessarily, just noting.

[JoeyBananaduck]

Yeah but it's usually mallets or croquet bats. Toffee hammer is bringing something fresh and new to the table. I'm not going to say this is the Pet Sounds of 'hammering things up your arsehole' threads. But it might be the 'Carl and The Passions - So Tough'.

[willpurry]

Crap Santaland type attractions.

[Glebe]

Jonathan Frakes trying to open a tin of salmon chucks with a baby's spoon.

[JoeyBananaduck]

Going to Morecambe and being unwise.

[poo]

Spunkin on a xmas slut

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

File transfer protocol

[JoeyBananaduck]

That smell of baking salmon wafting gently ever upwards from your Aunty Gibby's clunge.

[canadagoose]

The Best of Chris Rea

[Glebe]

Eamonn Holmes roasting a huge pudding in broiling oil, and scoffing the lot!

[JoeyBananaduck]

Gathering the kids by the living room window to flick V's at the Postman on his way up the path, then chortle heartily at him as he fruitlessly attempts to shove a great wodge of bills and overdue notices through your letterbox. Nice try, Postie! It's Christmas day - no post today! We've duct-taped the bloody thing shut, you great 'nana! Away with you!

[JoeyBananaduck]

The customary 3 a.m. devouring of the peanut brittle in front of the festive edition of ITV's Nightscreen.

[Cloud]

At least one screaming match on Coro, one death on Eastenders and an angry looking Dingle wearing a paper hat on Emmerdale.

[Glebe]

Some goosefat clogging up a posh one's arteries.

[JoeyBananaduck]

Nigella flopping a tit out and giving a saucy wink to camera as she ascends the stairs having just shown the viewers how to make a delicious sage and onion trifle.

[Glebe]

Bradley Walsh roasting his chestnuts on an open fire, while Richard Osman pours another egg nog! Cheers!

[JoeyBananaduck]

Dad: Oh lord, not another pair of socks!
Kids: Tee-hee.
Mum: Ffs where am I going to put all these dildos

[Glebe]

A delicious, stuffed turkey, all the trimmins, traditional pork-puds, Yorkshires, lovely.